About Unveiled Wife

My name is Jennifer Smith and Unveiled Wife is my personal blog.  I am a Christian, a wife and a mother of one.  These are my three most important priorities in life, in that order.

Unveiled Wife launched in March of 2011.  I first began this blog to share with other wives the struggles and the healing I encountered in my first few years of marriage.  By God’s grace it has grown into much more than I could ever have imagined, reaching women from all around the world joined together in our community of  .

I believe that if you want a thriving marriage, you must be intentional about it.  

My passion motivating every post is to encourage other women in their role as a wife, focusing on the foundational principles about marriage revealed throughout the Bible.  I write on faith, marriage and motherhood… and the occasional random post that may not fit perfectly into one of those categories.

My goal is to create an atmosphere where women feel safe to share their marriage experiences, find encouragement and affirm each other.

There are great features within the Unveiled Wife Community including:

- Prayer Of The Day:

Prayer is vital.  These prayers will provide you with a daily reminder and specific topic to pray for over your marriage and family.

- To My Husband:

Love letters written by wives for their husbands.  You can submit a sweet love letter to your husband. These are very inspiring to read!

- Facebook: 

Community is a sought after treasure.  Consider joining this UW group of women, receive daily encouragements and share these great posts with others!

There is also an open invitation to write for Unveiled Wife where you can submit your own article!  Please Click link below to review guidlines.

Write For Unveiled Wife

I try to post at least four times a week, so make sure you do not miss anything by subscribing via RSS or e-mail.

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Sign up to receive weekly News Updates, encouragements and the daily prayer completely FREE. I will never share your e-mail address with anyone else.

 

My Statement of Faith

  • I believe the Bible is the inspired Word of God and is authoritative and infallible in the original writings.
  • I believe in one God, eternally existent in three persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
  • I believe in the deity of our Lord Jesus Christ, in His virgin birth, in His sinless life, in His miracles, in His vicarious and atoning death through His shed blood, in His bodily resurrection, in His ascension to the right hand of God the Father, and in His personal return in power and glory.
  • I believe that faith in our Lord Jesus Christ is essential for the salvation of lost and sinful people.
  • I believe in the present ministry of the Holy Spirit, by whose indwelling the Christian is enabled to live a godly life.
  • I believe in the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and eternal life.
  • I believe in the spiritual unity of believers in Jesus Christ.

Biography:

In January 2007, I said “I Do” in front of 300 of our closest family and friends. The commitment didn’t seem absurd or difficult at the time, I was head over heels in love… and we were both eager virgins:) Our excitement and anxiousness to get married fed our courage to say those two little words! We were invincible and the center of attention for a few short hours. After the party dissolved and we made our getaway, the reality of our responsibilities as husband and wife sank in, as well as the truth about sex!

The first four years were wearisome, trying, heartbreaking and even devastating… as far as our sex life goes. Most of the other aspects of marriage came easy to us. However, marriage was not designed to exemplify how to be a best friend or even perfect roommates, it’s a depiction of the INTIMATE relationship between Christ and the church.

Our intimate moments of sex consisted of mostly foreplay and self-stimulation. The act of intercourse was nearly impossible for me, as excruciating pain inflamed my lower regions. When I say we tried everything, we pretty much tried everything! We both had desires to be fulfilled sexually and we sought out many different ways to try and make it happen. However, disappointment set in as time began passing us by and our situation did not progress. Hopelessness incurred daily, as our lack of intimacy forced us into isolation. We researched what we could on the Internet, I begged my doctor to give me bad news, and we even compromised boundaries during our pursuit. We knew that something was keeping us from experiencing sex, but we struggled to find even a clue.

Despite the doctors telling me I am as healthy as can be, pain seized my body during almost every sexual encounter. I began avoiding intimacy with my husband and eventually he stopped pursuing me, injured by the blow of my rejections. There were a handful of times over the course of 4 years that sex didn’t hurt as bad, but it was definitely far less than satisfying.

During the first few years of marriage I didn’t want to talk about my issue too much with others. I had insecurities welling up inside that I was an inadequate wife, unable to please my husband. I convinced myself that others would judge me negatively. We were also traveling missionaries and most of our relationships were short-lived. I didn’t feel like there was enough trust within the relationships to share such intimate details. Although I felt as if I shouldn’t share with others the struggle we were facing, there were a few divine appointments that came up where my husband encouraged me to seek guidance, advice and prayer. I did find enough courage to briefly share with a few people, but it never served as a solution.

I was threatened by the thought of my marriage coming to an end.

In the middle of 2010, God captured my heart. He pursued me and revealed Himself to me in ways that were very personal. I responded by surrendering all of myself at the foot of His throne. He forced me to dig through my heart and take care of things that I had hidden away for years. He brought me through a process of transformation. It wasn’t an easy or quick process, but I am so thankful, because where I stand today is a much better place, both in my heart and in my marriage.

The biggest breakthrough my husband and I experienced happened in November of 2010. We firmly believe that God heard our cries to experience a fulfilling marriage and He responded in a miraculous way. He brought my husband’s attention to a facial cleanser product that I had been applying daily for nearly 8 years.  After researching the ingredients in my face wash, we discovered that there were a handful of harmful chemicals in the product, including parabens. I immediately stopped using anything and everything that contained parabens and within 3 days I noticed a difference. Within a week, my husband and I experienced an easier time during intercourse and within a month we were able to enjoy sex, pain free!

We do not know enough about parabens to determine if they really were the root cause of my body’s discomfort, but the noticeable difference it made after I switched my products was enough to convince us.  So if your wondering if parabens might be affecting your body, please do some research for yourself about parabens so you can make your own conclusions.  Also, despite the change in my body, there was a ton of mental and emotional walls that I still face when it comes to sex.  After four years of associating sex with pain, I still have some anxiety that hinders our ability to have satisfying sex every time we initiate.  So even if you decide to switch your products and notice a change, be aware of your mental and emotional state towards sex and understand that healing takes time.

I began this blog to share my journey as a wife, unveiled, uncovered and wide open, to purge my heart of the pain I have encountered AND to encourage other women in the world who are, have been, or will soon be wives. Marriage is an interesting and complicated relationship and no one should feel like they are going through it thinking they are the only ones with their problems. I want this to be an open forum where women can ask questions and share experiences in an effort to be heard and get advice from each other. So please join me as I dive head first into my life as a wife and the lessons I am learning.

 - Jennifer Smith (Unveiled Wife)

DISCLAIMER

This is my personal blog. The information I provide is on an as-is basis. I make no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information on this blog and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, or delays in this information or any losses, injuries, or damages arising from its use.

Now it’s your turn! Please tell me a little of your story in the comments below.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Wow! I hope you receive healing and hope along the way! So glad you found UW and I pray for you and your husband!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I LOVE this perspective! THank you for sharing especially that second part! So good!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I am praying God guides you in this Kaitlyn! If you have a chance check out the devotional I wrote Wife After God! I am praying for you friend! http://wifeaftergod.com

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I appreciate you responding with your convictions, however this is the order of my priorities! For if I truly loved my child, I would make my marriage above parenting and God absolute number 1, because both have such a great impact on my child. So I stand firm in this. I hope you understand.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife
  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    So sorry to hear that! I would recommend checking your environment and make sure there is nothing else affecting you! http://unveiledwife.com/why-i-chose-to-get-rid-of-parabens-what-i-use-instead/

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I am so sorry to hear all that you are experiencing. A situation like that is never easy to navigate, especially alone. I encourage you to reach out for advice and encouragement from a trustworthy Christian woman who can help you with this and pray for you consistently. I am praying for you and your husband right now!

  • tanya

    I have been with my husband for 14 years and we got married December last year.
    I recently found out he has a 1year old child with his secretary, and now its driving a wedge between us, she want him to get me out of the house so she can move in, we signed a pre- nup before the wedding and its after it was signed i knew that it was her idea.

  • Lisa Wykes

    I too have issues with parabens – after years of horrible periods, several miscarriages followed by 3 years of infertility we finally discovered that I was estrogen dominate and one of the culprits was parabens. We now have 2 beautiful daughters and I check labels on all products that come into my house. I am determined to teach my girls the effects that chemicals can have on your body. We also struggled in our marriage during that time but God saw us through that season and we are getting ready to celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary this month. Thank you for your website – a lot of people have thought I was crazy when I would talk about parabens. God Bless You!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I am so sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch with sex. Please let me know if anything changes as yo switch products. Praying for you right now!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I am praying for you right now friend!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I am so sorry to hear that Dianna! I totally undestand! You can try http://joyforney.org/ her husband is a missionary pilot, but I believe she is with him not distant. If I think of any more I will send them your way!

  • Dianna

    Jennifer, I love reading all of your encouraging quotes and blogs. I have taken so much that you have said and put in place in my marriage and watch the blessings come. I have been married to my husband for almost 2 years now. I have 3 children from a previous marriage. We have a pretty decent relationship, however we do have a few small issues that stem from a bigger issue. My husband is a pilot and works out of town a lot and for usually 2-3 weeks at a time. (Sometimes longer; as of today I have seen my husband only 19 days this year) With children in school it makes traveling to visit him impossible. I said all of that to say I don’t see any posts really that are helpful for dealing with the loneliness and resentment that I sometimes feel. I know that your blog is personal experience and you may not ever have this issue, but maybe you have a recommendation for a blog or book that might.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I think what you are doing is commendable! Continue to press into God while serving your husband. Remember that the enemy will do everything in his power to separate and severe you two because he hates what God loves. Hang in there friend and fight for your marriage with prayer!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    You are so blessed to have a patient husband! I too have a patient husband! Please know there is hope and you can be healed. God has healed me from that same kind of pain and we have a 1 year old now! Hang in their friend, don’t give up hope! I am praying for you right now!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    So sorry but I am not sure what you mean! All of the articles on UW are free. If you would like a free copy of the devotional to giveaway during the camp please message me through the contact form on my site!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I am praying for you right now!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Don’t give up! Have you ever considered attending Weekend To Remember through family life? It may spark something and set change in your marriage! Check it out at http://familylife.com/weekend

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I advise you to connect with my husband through his site http://husbandrevolution.com

    Also, boundaries are good in marriage to avoid situations like this. My husband and I are very careful when corresponding with others. I hope you and your wife reconcile soon!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I definitely think there is hope! Start praying and ask God to give you a strong desire for your husband! And remember our minds are powerful! If you think about your husband and your desire for him, your body will follow!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I would never think you are stupid. I believe love is a strong force that has the power to reconcile… Jesus did it for us. I am praying for you and trusting God to guide you through this!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    You can always start a group on Facebook?

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Awe I am so glad I had the opportunity! Thanks for connecting!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    You are welcome Tabitha! I could not have done it without God’s help! I am praying for you!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I totally understand! Keep praying and building intimacy with God and it will overflow into your marriage! God is faithful and He will help you!!!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I appreciate your comment and to clarify I am NOT mormon. I am a Christian! My church calls those who are a part of the pastoral staff “elders” I always it was a title of maturity in faith.

    1 Timothy 5:17 ESV
    “Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching.” And the laying on of hands is also something that I believe. James 5:14 ESV
    “Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.”

    Thank you for your concerns and voicing them. I hope this clarifies things for you!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    You can add it to any social media platform!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Awesome! I hope it encourages you!!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    This is a very serious situation and I am so sorry you have endured so much. I recommend seeking profession help from a Christian counselor who can advise you and help you through the affects of all you have endured. I am praying for you!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I am so so sorry to hear all that you are enduring! Do not contemplate the end! You are worthy and you have purpose! I am praying for you right now … Hang in their friend! Trust in God!!!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    That is awesome! What couples study are you doing?

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    My heart feels your anguish. I feel speechless, but I do hope to encourage you by praying for you! May God guide you through this issue and may He heal your heart. I pray for reconciliation and trust to be rebuilt in Jesus name Amen!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Lord, I pray for this wife that you would give her the endurance to remain faithful and hopeful for her husband. I pray that you would save him from drugs and restore this life in Jesus name Amen!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I don’t know how it feels to lose a child, I can fathom the ripple affect it would have. I am praying for you and your family. May God comfort you and fill you with peace!

  • aurora

    I’ve been married for 10 yrs. My husband abandoned me and my kids for drugs. God spoke to me on not giving up on my marriage. It’s been 9 months. Need prayers to not give up. I am at the end of my rope.

  • JS

    Just made 9yrs of marriage in Aug. Oct 1 I found out my husband was cheating on me. Not only did he have sex with her, but the emails I read they were saying I love you to each other. When I caught him up he told me everything I wanted to know. I put pieces together and see where the enemy came in. He was working 2 jobs and we barely seen each other and the girl gave him the attention I should have given him. We talked about things and I chose to forgive and want to work on this cause I have 2 kids and I really don’t want them to grow up in a broken home. Plus I know his family will disown him and it will hurt are daughter. I have love for him, but a part of me is so hurt that it’s really messing me up in the head. The trust is not there and I don’t know how long it would take for trust to even come around. How do you trust someone that betrays you so bad? I think I forgave him to fast. I just didn’t want him to run off and start a new life with this girl.

  • Cathy

    Thank you for your blog. Just found it today and read through some of it and am planning to read more over the next time. My husband and I have been married for just about 2 1/2 years and have beautiful baby girl that just turned one in November. Being a parent to a busy toddler, it is hard sometimes to keep in mind not to get too distracted from your spouse. We are very blessed that we don’t have any major problems in our relationship right now, just the regular everyday stuff and occasional discussions that come up because of everyday life and our personalities sometimes. But I am always on the lookout for devotionals or articles that encourage me to be a godly wife. We have also started a new couples bible study this fall and are always on the lookout for more quality material.
    So again, Thank you and God bless you for the encouragement you have been to so many!

  • KDW

    We have fought through depression and grief. I found out my husband was using a form of self medication (not drugs) and we had a huge fight. The next day I was on shift and my husband put our baby boy to sleep with a blanket because it was cold. I received a call from my husband on the way home that my son was cold, but he was almost unintelligible. My son had passed in the night.Since then we’ve had numerous episodes that can only be described as spiritual attacks. We also face unrealistic expectations from extended family members that have cause rifts between us at times. I know someday all will be made whole, just not on this earth. We somehow keep fighting for our marriage. So many things that seemed huge before losing my son really weren’t important or were things that you could work at and ‘fix’. I recognize that I have had both huge blessings and huge loss. Hoping we will strengthen our marriage.

  • Mindy

    I do have a trusted friend that is in my Sunday School class. We go up to the alter almost every Sunday to pray and give it to God. We pray for my husband and we pray for God to give me some sort of direction… I am at my wits end and feel like giving up. All I wanted was my husband to do the right things, and be the Godly man I know he can be. But my husband simply refuses to. I know we are going through spiritual warfare. That is what my friend has said several times. Is it possible, I wonder? Thanks for your prayers. I appreciate them.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Start with prayer. Ask God to move in your husband’s life. Also are there any positive couples in your life to encourage both of you? That is what saved our marriage! Praying for you both!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    What have you gone through?

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I am so sorry to hear that. Is there a pastor or trusted friend you can talk to about this. For such a serious issue such as abuse I recommend professional help. I am praying for you right now!

  • Mandee Lee

    I wish I could find a blogger that has gone through the things I have in my marriage. I feel alone with this blog.

  • Mindy

    I need some much needed advice or prayer. Or both. I am seriously on my breaking point. I am looking for another place to live. I love my husband. BUT I am not sure if I should continue to fight for my marriage, or give up and take my kids and leave. I feel like he doesn’t love me like Jesus loves the church. He never goes to church. Sad thing is he knows whats expected of him. He knows what Jesus wants him to do. But he isn’t doing anything he’s supposed to. I am very sad, and frustrated. He continues to mentally abuses me. And emotional and verbal too. He used to hit me. He went to jail for that back in 09. He continues to drink even though he knows it’s not what God wants… I am trying to hold on, but not sure if I want to anymore.. Please any advice would help. Thanks.

  • anj

    i will, and i’ll be waiting for that time. thank you thank you. :-)

  • Michelle carter

    I have been married 7 years. My husband is very loving and kind. Everyone thinks he is the ideal husband because of his calm demeanor, I love him and he loves me too . Our problem is intimacy. He does not initiate it at all. I’ve notice for years that something is wrong trying to get him to go to the doctor. Finally he went and the doctor said he has a low libido which I knew but wanted a doctors diagnosis. It seems as he has give up because now he avoids coming to bed early. He constantly eats cookies and ice cream late night which makes things worse. His stomach is as if he is 7 months pregnant and when I comment he gets defensive. I’m trying to be a good wife but his actions is causing me to become depressed and lonely . Many nights I cry myself to sleep. I want to save my marriage what can I do ?

  • Daniel

    To continue on as this Ipad has issues on here,
    You need to be your husband’s number one fan. That is what one of my lovely Pastors said and they truly have a great marriage.
    Yes the husband should treat their wife as there is no other woman on the planet like Dave Meyer does, Joyce Meyer’s husband. He doesn’t even comment on other women and I must take note! But men normally will notice other women but if the marriage and love is alive they will feel no need to go there chasing others when they have been cherished.
    Mark Grungor’s video and book on Laughing your way to a better marriage has helped me and The Five Love Languages is a great book as it shows men and women have completely different languages when it comes to showing their love for one another. Grungor does go into this a little bit with point scoring and how to slam dunk and win the girls heart (wife). Xxxchurch.com has porn family filter software and the pure intimacy site is good too. If your husband likes a particular ministry, for example Kenneth Copeland who has a massive interest in praying for the troops on duty esp war zones, try to get magazines and videos posted to him.
    Share scriptures daily with one another. I know for the females it is so hard when husbands withdraw and there is little you can do. Seek Him, The Lord will give you your husband back, but you must first give him to the Lord. It doesn’t mean hands off, not at all! It means committing your marriage to God and not worrying about it and staying in faith. Actually the biggest problem man has is faith, and that is why we fall. Eve believed the devils lies which when believed show that they don’t have faith in God’sresence Word anymore.

  • Daniel

    You need to pray that God convicts him to spill the beans and confess to his sinful lifestyle. I believe he will by faith and all you need to do is love him, but to set new rules and schedule some time together as a date.
    I know this because I had many affairs and the devices satan uses are many are crafty. You need to pray for your husband to flee things like these strip clubs. God works truly amazing things and will do amazing things in your marriage, only believe! Like Smith Wigglesworth said. “Only believe!”
    One of the things that I still struggle with is my ego. Other women easily gain my heart because they look at me with a lust or yearning and say compliments to me. It’s hard to admit that your ego needs stroking but that is how God designed men. And I believe that God will only work if I lend my mouth and my heart, speaking and believing. Mark 11:23
    I have been seeking why I have been feeling like the way I have as satan used a variety of sneaky ways to trap me.
    One of the ways was I was seeking more intimate contact from my wife who doesn’t like kissing but I love it.
    And I also had the feeling that she was in discomfort when we had sex so it really caused me to struggle as I want her to enjoy it as much as I do or more. I am a giver and a servant heart.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Hang in there and pray that your husband becomes a believer! It would transform your mArriage!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    My heart is heavy for you. I am praying for you both right now. I am praying that a new season comes for your marriage !

  • anj

    hi im new here been searching the net for answers or advice…. i always believe that in each couple they should see their partners as their betterhalfs and i see my husband as my betterhalf but i feel my husband see’s me differently …like im the enemy… my words are poison to him…. what hurts more when i say , suggest or advice something he takes it negatively, he rarely listens and when other people will share suggest give advice( w/c is the same with mine) he listens he considers and respect….. he gives his attention to me when his moments are hard, he sees the littles mistakes i make and fumes…. but when everythings doing fine in his life, he rarely talk to me unless i make the first move as i always do…he would rather spend time facing the ipad than have a small chat with me…. last night we had another bad conversation…i was trying to tell him that what i did is actually a help to him in preparation for christmas so we wouldnt be hasseld with the christmas rush but as expected he fumed again….and telling me that i dont understand him w/c i answered back that he’s the one who doesnt…and again i told him that the problem is when ever i talk he doesn’thear me out,he finds everthing i say as harm, my insights as a negative attact to him, w/c he replied with ” because you always oppose or do not agree to my decissions”, yes i am guilty of that but i have reasons to not agree with my husband…so to end the fight my last words were …in those decissions you made that turnedout pretty badly….i was there … it was because of my help that made it possible for him to get out off the mess he put the family into and sadly he doesn’t see that….well im a born again but my faith is not that mature…but i ‘m not proud of that and i’m actually trying now to carry my cross, my husband is a non believer …i hope that in anyway i can find a way to let my husband know that im not the enemy….that my words are not uttered to harm him,…. thanks for the time….

  • Kim

    Yes and no. I’m willing to speak with someone from our church but my husband refuses to let anyone know that we’re having problems. He says it’s nobody’s business of what goes on in our marriage or our household. All I know is that I can’t keep on doing this for much longer. Today was a really bad day. He became violent and broke an end table by flipping it over causing everything that was on the table to go flying in the air. I’m no longer afraid of him. I just feel numb. He hasn’t physically harmed me. But emotionally, mentally, verbally…yes. I almost feel as if God just stopped listening to me. I’m just so tired and exhausted all the time.

  • Maria

    Hi Vanessa. I want to love you and encourage you in the area you are now in in your marriage. I have been married for 16 years and I have two sons. My husband had an affair this year and it devastated me. My heart, my emotions, my trust. The pain was more than I could take. It took several months for God to convict my husband of his sinful behavior, including adultery, lust, pornography, alcoholism. But God worked in my husband’s life to convict him of his wrongdoing. My trust became shattered, and I came to understand that God is in whom I can trust. God is whom I should be reconciled to. God loves me as His beautiful daughter in whom He delights. And God loves you Vanessa as His beautiful daughter in whom He delights. When the painful thoughts come to you, with thanksgiving, lift these thoughts up to God. When you feel unworthy or unattractive, remind yourself that you are God’s beautiful beloved daughter and that He loves you and He has never forsaken you.You are perfect in His eyes. You are beautiful and you are loved by Him.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Having a group of married friends really helped us grow in areas like this. God showed us where we needed to improve and how. Is this a possibility for you?

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I have never experienced that before but I know people who have and they seemed to have healed from it! So I believe you can too. Is there a small group of married couples who can walk beside you and encourage you or maybe a Christian counselor who can guide you? Continue to pray and ask God for healing! I’m praying for you now!

  • Jessica

    Kat, I will make sure to say a prayer for you!

  • Kim

    I’ve been married for almost 2 yrs. This is my 2nd marriage. I was widowed after almost 20 yrs w/ my first marriage. Lately I’ve been struggling w/ reasons to either stay married or ending it. Constant arguing over the most absurd things is almost like an everyday occurrence. We both work and are always so tired when we get home. I understand and acknowledge that he has a difficult and stressful job, but I feel like he doesn’t think the same of mine. So, when I get home after work, I’m so exhausted that I feel as though I can’t move. But since I get home before he does, I straighten up the house, do the laundry, cook dinner and do other household chores. When he gets home, he’s usually frustrated because of how his workday went or who he had to work with. I always listen to him and willingly give him a sympathetic ear. After his rant, he’ll ask me how my day went. If I mention that something didn’t go right, he gripes and says I always complain about everything. It’s getting to where I’m afraid to say anything because I’m tired of getting yelled at. Having to deal with stress at work is something that is expected. I shouldn’t have to be stressed over coming home and worrying if we’re going to have a quiet night or a yelling match. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

  • Vanessa

    Hi I’m 31 married for 13 yrs. and a mother of 3. As you probably can see my husband and I got married really young. We have always struggled in our marriage, but in the last two years I notice my husband way more distant and never complimented me, he did not make me feel sexy anymore and was easily agitated. In May of this year I found out he had been having an affair and it just devastated me. We decided to try and work things out we even got closer to church and God, but I just can’t seem to move on. The betrayal just doesn’t let me live. Sexual intimacy is suppose to be just between a husband and wife. I am sad and depressed and I want to learn how to forgive, so I can smile again and my kids can have a second chance at a complete family.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Marriage is vulnerable to weakness…you must fight for it! You must protect it at all cost! Get my devotional or one like it and start going through it! WifeAfterGod.com

  • Christina

    Hi I’ve been married for almost a year and a half. My husband and I had a beautiful baby boy six months ago. Ever since my pregnancy I feel like we have been drifting apart. When our baby came into the world we became solely parents , I cant even remember what it feels like to be a couple anymore. He doesn’t pursue me, and in regards to sex the pleasure is completely one sided, him being the receiver. I dont feel beautiful or wanted, and now I’m dealing with temptation because I have other people from my past giving me that validation that I so crave from him. I miss him and yet I’m growing further away from him. I love him but I’m falling out of love with him romantically. Please help.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Don’t have an affair! Draw near to God in prayer and fight for your marriage!

  • skylang

    hi i have been married four years and i an not sure what is going on with me i have a great husband but i am not please with our sex life i dont enjoy it and i have had a thought of having affair many times but i no god will never be please with that please tell me what do i do from here

  • Sarah Sabihuddin

    I think you should speak with him openly about why you are interested in knowing what the proceedings are. Tell him you are supportive of him and love him but you cannot continue to support him through this difficult time without knowing the details. A marriage is a partnership and without two partners it just isn`t going to work. You have a right to know, to make your own decision based on the evidence provided and he has the responsibility to tell you what is happening. Best of luck. Be strong and do what is best for you and your marriage.

  • Sarah Sabihuddin

    Kat – I wish for you the very best. Getting through this will be a difficult task but you are correct when you say you cannot fix his problems. However, you are able to be strong and work through this. Praying for you.

  • Kat

    Hi i haven’t been married long, only for 1yr and 1/2 but we have been together for over 2 years. I got married at 18, and am now 20 and he is 21. I found this site a few days ago and it has really helped. He is military and our first duty station is very far from home. me leaving my family at a very young age and going somewhere where all you have is your husband is difficult, especially when at times you can’t even lean on him for support. We did not have the wedding i always wanted, we just signed papers with plans of a vow renewal later which would be like the wedding i always wanted. 2 days before i would be with him living together for the first time, i had found that he was on a dating website and was talking to 7 different women…he claimed his single friend created the profile because he wanted my husband to be single as well…throughout our marriage he learned to drop the single people. and that has helped. I’ve found porn countless times, even live chats…he has only owned up to actually going to it once and that all the rest it was from other people looking it up or it just “popped up”. A few weeks before my birthday this year he was out all night and didn’t come home until 7:30am and 360 dollars was spent at a strip club (9 private lap dances is what it added to). he claims that he gave his credit card to his friend who was with him and he withdrew the money from the atm that my husband didn’t set foot in there…its hard for me to fully let go of these hurtful pieces of our past because i don’t feel like i know the truth or what else i might not know about. I recently went home and am still here in a different state hoping that he can work on himself because i cant fix his problems i can only pray for him. I just could really use some prayers because i want so much for this to work because i love him so deeply an truly. and we have had very passionate times and were very happy but somehow it all changed 180 degrees and it seem like the man i married isn’t there anymore. I know he loves me I just don’t know how to reach that level of happiness and romance we once shared.

  • Kathryn

    Hi Kristina
    Thinking of you today…how are things going for you? Sending love and blessings your way xo

  • Sarah

    Been married for 13 yrs I have a 18 yr old from a previous relationship and we have two kids together ages 12 and 8. I hold resentment for my husband from when we where first together to now for his continued bad behaviour towards the kids and I. from being jealous of my son because I would serve him and not my husband because my son was 5 at the time and I didnt want more of a mess. To calling our son stupid for spilling milk, to getting mad and hateful at me sharing a drink with a neighbor guy. bet yet its ok for him to grind dance at a work party with strange women and look at porn threw out the years on the computer at night while we are all asleep. I have brought up all this and he will be good for a while but always goes back to the same bad behavior everytime. I am so tried of 13 yrs of unanswered prayers I want to give up. With him looking at porn I feel bibicaly I have every right to leave him. But I would rather have him change his way but after all these yrs and no sign of him wanting to change for good, I think its hopeless. God help us!

  • veronica berry

    Thank you for all you do and opening up your story. Ty and I just recently married. We separated month later due to him lying and started to participate in acts that were not Godly. I was broken I really am passionate about him and want us to work out. So I came back to try but since I brought up these issues with family and legal authorities. I told him that past is gone we got move forward but he doesn’t. He says he loves us but he won’t be intimate with me and I’m concerned. He did say a prayer for our relationship this morning but He likes to act like he never did wrong. Help me please I’m feeling real lonely and afriad that he will revert to his old ways he’s very controlling. Thank you

  • Katie

    Thanks so very much, I so much wanted to give up today as my husband had blocked me on facebook and then messaged our 13 year old daughter to tell me that he never wanted to see me again and that he has moved on. he said he will never never leave her and that she can go and live with him if she wants. He has not spoken to me in 13 days and yet do I still pray for restoration or just give up. :’(

  • Kathryn

    Sorry, computer glitch…
    Come before the throne of Grace with confidence (Hebrews 4:14-16) and pour your heart out. Yell, scream, do whatever you have to do to get it out. God always takes you where you are at. Ask him to search you and know your anxious thoughts (Psalm 139:23-24). Ask him to help you through this and to give you patience, wisdom and understanding. This is a process, dear Katie. My first weeks were just crying and asking The Lord to help me through each day. But I still prayed for a forgiving and loving heart towards my husband, no matter how much I hurt. I still do. I am still praying for reconciliation for us, but I can see this will take some time as my husband works through his “stuff”.
    I pray for you and your husband, that whatever has happened here is resolvable. I pray he is open to The Lord and to possibly having some joint counselling. It can be very helpful especially when feelings are running high and you are both hurt and/or angry.
    I am blessed that even though my husband “doesn’t want to be with me” at this stage, he is still coming to joint counselling.
    Bless you beloved daughter of the King. I pray you would not give up you faith over this devastating circumstance.

  • Kathryn

    Dear Katie
    My Heart breaks for you. Please don’t give up praying, dear sister. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you (James 4:8). I hope you have heard from your husband by now, but either way keep praying. Our Lord does perform miracles – in his own time. 5 Days is very fresh and your feelings are raw. you are in pain. You will be feeling hurt and angry. Maybe even angry with God – and that’s all ok. These are all normal feelings under your circumstances, so allow yourself to feel them. You do have a choice other than “sorry and goodbye”. You can choose to continue to pray and to believe your almighty Father! It is extremely hard at times like this, but these are the times we need our Lord the most.
    I can relate to how you are feeling. My husband left me 3 months ago and I had no idea it was coming. Since that day I have prayed everyday for a forgiving and loving heart towards him, even though I had no idea what was going on. The Lord has answered that prayer for me – which under the circumstances is a miracle in itself! I don’t know your circumstances, maybe you still do not know your circumstances, but pray, pray, pray, dear sister. Your God will never leave you or forsake you, so draw near to Him. He will get you through this one way or another.
    Come before the throne of Grace

  • sally vasquez

    Above was meant for confused

  • Guest

    My name is Sally and I’m a 42yr old Christian women. I am married with 2 kids. I grew up attending church with my mom and brothers My dad never went to church and I married to a loving my that doesn’t attend church with me. It’s very hard as I grow closer to God. My husband and I do not see things in the same light thus we are unequally yoked. Please pray about this relationship. I’ll be praying for you. Blessings

  • Kathryn

    My husband’s name is Tim. He is a beautiful man, but he has put a wall around his heart to protect himself from hurt and pain. I pray everyday that The Lord will chip away at that wall so that light, love and hope would seep in. We have two boys 9 and a half and 11 and a half. Your prayers are greatly appreciated. Remember, the prayers of the righteous avail much (James 5:16)

  • Kathryn

    Kristina. Bless you beloved daughter of God!
    I am deeply encouraged and blessed by your response to my reply and am absolutely elated that it has helped your relationship. There is a scripture that has prompted me to pray in amongst my difficult circumstances right now, that has prompted me to pray to be a blessing to others, despite my circumstances:
    2 Corinthians 1:3-4
    “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all Comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
    That is what prompted me to reply to your call for help. I was worried you would perhaps feel judged or criticised, but sister, that response was Spirit-led and I have that confirmed now through your response. You are a wise woman and clearly the Holy Spirit is at work in you, for you to respond in such a positive way shows that you are open to Him and open to The Lord changing your heart. Be blessed and encouraged by that!
    I appreciate your willingness to help me to. I appreciate deeply your willingness to pray into my situation and your request to be a prayer partner is gratefully accepted.
    Continue to pray for The Lord to work in your heart, to change you and the way you see your husband. If already you are seeing a difference, just imagine how it will be as you persist!

  • Kristina Taylor

    Kathryn,
    Thank you so much for your encouragement to me and your prayers. This weekend has been much better for us. I have really thought about what you have said and asked God to change my heart. I am actually seeing my husband differently. I am being more patient and not blowing up at every little thing that bothers me. I can not tell you how much this has helped me. I will also pray for you and your husband and that your husband will see your new light. If you would like we can be prayer partners. I have never had a prayer partner before. I will continue to pray for you and your husband. My husbands name is Jim he goes by JT. I am so glad to have your response to me! It is helping me, and I would like to help you and encourage you as well. I hope that you and your husband can reconnect soon. Thanks again and please keep in touch.
    Kristina

  • Kathryn

    Oh Jessica! You can’t marry a man you feel this way about. Marriage is ’til death do you part, so you will hurt him less by not marrying him, than marrying him and divorcing later. You are both so very young, and you have been together for 3 years from a very young age.
    Are you Christians? If so pray about this, but really I think you know what to do, you just don’t want to hurt him.
    Bless you and may God give you the strength to do what you have to do. Be honest with him as you were here and tell him you don’t want to hurt him, but you will hurt him more by continuing a relationship in which you don’t feel the way he does….

  • Kathryn

    Kristina, remember there is a difference between being ‘in love’ and the deep committed love of marriage. Your marriage will go through cycles of being ‘in love’ and not feeling ‘in love’. Don’t confuse those not ‘in love’ times with not loving your husband at all. The deep committed marriage love is a choice, beloved daughter of God and He can help you remember your love for your husband. I think you will find if you ask God to change your heart, that your husband will see that and his love for you will grow too.
    Bless you, and I pray this will encourage you greatly

  • Kathryn

    Dear Kristina. Reach out to your Lord! But don’t just pray for your husband, pray for you (and your little boy). Pray for The Lord to change your heart. I am going through a terribly tough time right now, with my husband leaving me 3 months ago, but he hid from me that he was even thinking it. He hid from me that he was unhappy in our marriage. He says ‘He just doesn’t want to be with me’ and has turned his back on God to do this. I am praying everyday for The Lord gives ME a forgiving and loving heart towards my husband, regardless of what he has done. That The Lord would change me and my heart, because I am the only one I can work on. I cannot change my husband, only me. I pray through that, that my husband will see who I am now and who I can be, rather than who I was in the past, now that certain behaviours have been brought to my attention.
    Your Lord can give you each back your deep love for each other, with Him what seems impossible for man, is possible in Him! If your husband is a Christian too, ask him to pray the same type of pray – for a forgiving and loving heart towards each other. These things are in God’s will. Our God is not a God of divorce, but a God of reconciliation. Resentment is a weed of anger, ask The Lord to pull it out!!!
    Remember material things are just that – temporal and material and envy of what others have will undo you. I am not belittling your situation in anyway, but if there is anything I have learnt through what I am going through right now, it is that people and how you make them feel matter more than things and how things are done.

  • Kathryn

    Hi. I have been Married for 14 and a half years, and my husband left me a bit over 3 months ago. We are both christians, but in doing this he has hardened his heart to The Lord and to me. It was a complete shock to me, I had no inkling that he was even considering leaving me. We have two boys 9 and a half and 11 and a half. Basically my husband has apparently been unhappy in our marriage for a long time but never told me. Even when I noticed he wasn’t happy and I would ask what was wrong, he made up a cover story. He actually lied to me, even when I asked if I had done anything wrong. I am so devastated and would never have thought he would do this to us and our family. He is very confused, although he says he doesn’t love me and just doesn’t want to be with me. Would you please pray for our marriage. For each of us individually. For my husband to come to his knees before our Lord, because that is where healing can begin. He has resentment and anger against me, and deep down I am sure he does love me, he just can’t let it out through the unforgiveness he is harbouring. I am working on myself, with the Lord’s help, now that certain behaviours have been brought to my attention. However my husband is punishing me for things I didn’t even know I was doing that hurt him. He put me and our marriage on probation without even telling me and I failed. I love him so much, and I am praying everyday for a heart of forgiveness and love in me towards him. Please pray for a softening of his heart to God and to me. Now that he has left, he thinks the hard part is done, that coming back would be even harder…but I believe we are so worth fighting for and so is our beautiful family. The man that he is, I truly believe would really struggle to come to terms with a permanent separation, as it is he has had to turn from God to do this, and it goes against his character and grain anyway.
    I just cant believe he has broken our marriage covenant, and words just cannot express the pain I am in. Please, please pray.
    K

  • Cristina

    I have been married for 6 years and seperated from my husbad for 6 months, yesterday he informed me that he would be filing for divorce and that he was done giving anything to our marriage. He stated that my life would be much happier with out him and that God that better things for me but without him in my life. The reason for our split is his miserable attitude about everything in life and my lack of communication and the way I handled those issues were horrible.I was a nightmare to him and pushed him away,I accepted my faults, started going to church,praying , we even tried counseling but he never stopped blaming me and now states he is divorcing me. I have faith in almighty God that he is directing my steps as well as my husbands like a watercourse wherever he sees fit and that his word does not come back empty. I know the final outcome will be for our good and not for evil, and my heart and soul hurt and are filled with guilt and regret but I know throught Christ anything is possible, he moves mountains and everything is in his timing! Hallelujah to him! Glory be to GOD!

  • Samantha

    Thank you for this blog-I came across it while “Googling” a prayer for our marriage. My husband and I are both children of God, but the Enemy is always trying to attack us through other people(he has constant contact with his old girlfriend and watches images online and so do I)Please pray with me for our marriage!

  • Katie

    How can I ever believe in my faith as for the past 5 days being praying for my husbands return . No goodbyes just left. I have been praying day and night and no answered prayers. I have only one choice now and that’s to say sorry and goodbye. I know God performs miracles not just mine. Everyone will be happy :’(

  • Luzmy Garcia

    I’ve been married for almost 2 years now. Sure, me and my husband have had some bumps in the road; but the one we are having now is the worst. I believe my husband is having an affair. He still denies it, but comes home with marks on his body. He claims they are bruises but does not recall how he’s got them. Our bank statements show he’s been out to restaurants with another person. But what hurt me the most is that he was taking my one yr old daughter with him. Now, he struggles with telling the truth. No one in his family believes him. We never know when he’s beeing truthful and when he started coming home late I lost it. I want to believe him, but it’s very difficult. He mentioned he wanted to separate and I broke down. I begged him to give our marriage another try, he agreed. He’s been acting like his normal self but for some reason he’s very secretive with his phone. And then there’s the marks… I need healing, I want to get through this& I forgave him. But I can’t get closure, I pray and I read The Bible every day. But I can’t get this infidelity out of my head. It angers me sometimes, and other days it hurts me. I want to put this behind us and save my marriage. Pray for me, for us, Mrs. Smith.

  • Jessica

    I’m desperate for advice, and found this blog on pinterest. I’m not yet married, but I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years. We’re both 18. The first 2 years we dated things felt fine and I felt like he was the one I was to marry, but this year I’ve felt so unsure. He’s a good friend, but I don’t feel for him romantically. I don’t like it when he touches me. He still feels in love with me and I don’t want to leave him because I know it would hurt him. I feel stuck.

  • Dubravka Urumova

    Hello Tulessa, first of all, I am really sorry for your situation. The best advice I can give you is that you should start praying for your husband’s conversion. He doesn’t seem like a Christian to me (from the things you’ve told about him). If someone is already converted and really believes in Christ alone, there would be visible fruits: in time everything changes – they way of living, speaking, behaving.. Fruits of the Spirit – Galatians 5:22.
    He needs to repent and turn away from the sin! And you, I can’t even imagine how hard this must be, the best for you to do is – look at the cross – look at Jesus! Remember what He has done there for us – sinners. Don’t you think that His sacrifice is bigger than any problem we face in this world full of evil and all kinds of things.. Don’t stop praying (1 Thessalonians 5:17), remember about humility, meekness of spirit, ask for forgiveness, read the Bible, you will find everything you need in that book, if you read it properly. If there is church nearby the place you live, go, if you have sisters in Christ who can help you go through this and pray for you, call them. If things are done acording to Scripture, the Lord will bless that. I know for myself that when bad times came, the Lord always turned things for good! I was disciplined, I was thought many many things, and I am gratefull for them because if they did not happen, I wouldn’t think the way I am thinking now, or behave, or live. “We need nightmare to appreciate not being in it!” When you realise that we need bad things to happen in our lives so we can be shaped the way God wants, it will be easier for you to accept everything that happens to you.
    I am sure you will agree with me on this one: people turn to God when something really bad happens to them. I was doing that, untill i learned that God is not Santa Clause and that I can’t go to Him only when i face hard times. Spend more time with God, and you will see that things will get better. We must be obedient to Him and to what He has said in His Word. I hope this will help you somehow, I will be praying for you! May the Lord bless you and be with you.
    P.S. Read the Epistle to the Ephesians.

  • Gabby Glez de Rosales

    I’ve been following you for about 10 days and every time I get your daily prayer (even if I read it a few days later) it’s exactly what I need! It surprises me how God works and I give thanks for your life every day because you have been a blessing and since I started praying and following your advice good things have been happening in my marriage. I’ve been married for 5 years (2 little boys) and we haven’t had “hard” times but it has been so much better since I started praying with your prayers.
    I just want to say thanks, I give thanks for your life and I hope you keep blessing marriages like you’ve blessed mine!

  • Kristina Taylor

    I have been married 5 years, and known my husband for 9 years. We have one child together he is 3. My husband has 3 boys from a previous marriage. Before we met he had been alienated from his 3 boys and I was by his side as he was fighting in the courts for some custody rights, and my heart broke for him bc I knew how much he loved those boys. We were married and now have our son who is 3. My husband has been through so much and missed so many years of his other 3 sons lives, ironically when they became teenagers, and when I was pregnant his x wife started letting him see his boys. He and h is x wife “hate” each other and some of the things that she has done to him over the years, are horrible.. Long story short these now teenage boys had a lot of issues and it was hard on our marriage and the fact that he started seeing them right when I became a new mom when our son was born. I have a lot of resentment towards my husband. We are currently living in a tiny house, as we have not been able to build on our land as we had planed after we got married. We have no space and I have no room to breathe, epically with a 3 year old and his toys. I blame my husband and he blames me. We argue almost every day now, because I want another home and we are stuck where we are until we build as we are not even able to sell the house we are in because of its condition. It is not horrible just no space and 1 bathroom. All of my friends have beautiful homes and I feel like I cannot even entertain in mine and I am embarrassed to have anyone new over. . I do not want to be intimate, and have no desire for intimacy with my husband and have so much resentment that I do not like him. I don’t know what to do. I pray for him, and that things will get better with my attitude towards him. I never expected to be in a house like this, knowing that we can afford much more, just our situation right now we are stuck. I love my son so much and do not want to divorce and want him to grow up in a home where he sees his parents in love. I don’t know where to start to even feel love for my husband anymore. We have both said horrible things to each other. I am also always cleaning and straightning constantly because I feel so cluttered and the small space. I feel I am missing life and spending the time with my little boy bc of my urge to always clean..I want my son to grow up in a loving home where he sees his parents love each other and I do not know where to start. Any advice is welcomed.

  • Katie Hart

    The mental aspect can be tough sometimes.

    Ask your husband for 15 min — with a *twinkle* in your eye/enthusiasm. Seriously. Then, go take a few minutes to RELAX and prepare your mind.

    I enjoy a good bath, some yummy-smelling perfume, and putting something on that makes me feel great. Add in some great (let’s get real) wet/sloppy kissing and you might have a recipe for success!!!

    Good luck!!!

  • Tulessa

    I have been married for 14 months now and it has been an ongoing struggle. We fell in love almost instantly and married 2 years later. We met at work then the rest was history. We both came from previous bad relationships. He has 3 children from previous relationships. I accepted him as he was because he was very mature and knew what he wanted. Well things began to go downhill after the first year…my husband is very outgoing and is always the center of attention. He craves it! We continued to argue and to the point that things would get really heated. We would get over it and move on never resolving the issue. I am an avoided by nature until I am pushed to my limit and I snap. When he is pushed to his, he threatens divorce (cannot name how many times now) and he has even committed adultery with a women that works with us. We just recently worked through that issue after much hate in my heart for him. I asked God for forgiveness and him as well and told him why I had hated him. So fast forward…we had the greatest 2 weeks recently then last Friday the arguments began again and then Saturday it still was not resolved but we left to go to my parents. Things ended really bad at my parents to a lot of arguing, parents upset and him leaving me with them to return home 2 hours away. Now he is saying he cannot be with me and that he wants a divorce because I crossed the line and tried to turn his daughter against him. Last night, he said he hated me, hated all women because they are evil, wished I were dead and he is mad because I am still breathing. He even asked me not to call his job or his cell phone. I apologized for my part and he responded with he could care less. I am lost, hurt, torn, confused…I do not know what to do or where to start. I began praying more specifically for him and for myself. I do not want a divorce but neither do I want ny husband to ignore me. Help!

  • Jessica

    Hello, I have been married for almost 5 years, I am very ready to have children, unfortunately I have not been able to have children due to some health issues. It has in the past been a source of much argument and guilt, I know my husband wants children, and I struggle deeply with knowing I may never be able to give them to him. My husband although he wants children, says he would be happy even if we never have them and is not willing to go through any medical procedures to have them, this is what has caused the arguments, because I want to do whatever it takes to have children. Talk to your husband, find out his reasoning for not wanting anymore, it could be that he is content with the life and children God has already blessed you with. Together you already have 5 children, there are many couples like myself who would feel overjoyed to just have 1. Maybe instead of trying to convince your husband to have more you should pray to God that He would help you feel fully satisfied with the life He has already blessed you with. And only God can decide when you’re done having children, so who knows, your husband might come around or God might bless you despite your husband not being fully on board!

  • Megan

    I’ve been married a little over two years. We both went in to the marriage with previous children. I have one and he has 4. When we first got married, I was open about not being ready to have any more children at that time. He very badly wanted another. I am now ready and he no longer wants more. Ever since then I feel like a huge part of me is gone. I know if I walk away I may OR may not have more children. I know if I stay, I definitely will not have any more children. That alone, kills me inside. I believe I’m to the point of being okay with walking away. However, there’s a guilt that consumes me to know I vowed myself to this man–and yet I’m not content with the possibility of never carrying another child. What direction do I go in? I’ve prayed about it inside and out…and yet I’m still at a loss.

  • Kathleen

    Hello everyone. Maybe someone could help me with a situation. I am very Christian and have 4 wonderful children and I have been married for 20 years and still young at 39. I thought all was great in my marriage until March 26 of this year. My husband was arrested for soliciting prostitution. He lied to me for a month before i got the report from the sheriffs office to get the truth. I had initially asked him to leave our home, but he begged me for another chance. So i did and we have been talking and trying to work through things. He will not share with me what goes on at court and if i ask or get upset with the situation he gets upset with me. I try to pray and make sense of this situation but it seems to cause more problems. He also makes the comment of “it isnt like i did anything” but he did and i am sure it wasnt the first time. So here in the last few months i have tried to not mention it and keep to myself. I have no family i speak to and I quit going to my church and i watch services online. I have now gotten to the point I cry during the day trying to find answers. He seems to be in his own world still. I just would like for someone to throw a little advice my way to help me.
    thank you

  • Jessica

    Dear Mother in waiting
    I’m very sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I have been married for almost 5 years and have been trying for a baby for 3 years. It is very difficult for me to feel happiness for my friends that are expecting and even harder to listen to the problems of my friends that have children. I will be praying for you and your husband that you stay close and loving towards one another. And I will pray for you and your husband to become parents. I truly believe that going through infertility and miscarriages will have us appreciate the children God will bless us with.

  • Bored

    HI Darlene. I’m not sure how friendly a divorce can be (I’ve heard of a few, but no children were involved) but have you thought of separation? Maybe just living separately for a little while, and dating him again, having him woo you, would help to put the fire back? My husband and I have had a few breaks in our 10 years (no more than a week for us), but we always miss each other, and the distance is enough to remind us how important we are to each other. Not sure if that helps, but it may be a compromise to keep you from an ugly divorce. If the distance doesn’t help, it may better prepare him for the possibility of divorce. =/

  • Kate

    Ashle, I have been in a similar situation and can understand the pain and frustration you might be feeling. My relationship with my husband would be fine one minute and out of control the next and he would be packing his things to leave. I was talking with my cousin one night about my marriage being on the brink of divorce (after only a few short months) when he said something to me that just stuck. He said, you’re doing something, intentional or not, and he’s responding to it like a guy would. And after first I was mad, thinking that he meant it was all my fault. But that wasn’t the case at all. What I realized at that moment was that I had two choices: I could run and probably deal with the same issues over an over again in future relationships, or I could stay and figure out what the heck I was doing that CONTRIBUTED to our problems. And that’s what I did. I started going to counseling by myself but it wasn’t long before my husband noticed some of the changes in me and started going by himself too. We ended up going in as couples and as individuals because each of us has issues that stem from our pasts that we still need to deal with. The one thing I learned was that if you start changing yourself, then your partner has no choice but to change too. He and I also go to church, but even if your husband is not interested in going, then go by yourself. Join a small group too- fellowship!! They will help you walk with Christ until your husband stands up and walks with you too. Start with yourself! You deserve it and so does your marriage. My marriage has benefitted a lot from counseling and church but it’s not perfect! When things aren’t going as well as they could, I try to use the tools that I’ve learned in counseling to help turn it around and then I pray. You can’t change your husband, you can’t control him, or fix him either. But you can model the behavior that you’d like to see in him. There are days that I walk into a counseling session and think, what the heck do I do now, and I leave with my head held a little higher because it has given me a sense of hope- a sense of hope that things CAN change! And remember, there is no shame in asking for help. It’s the first step to a better marriage. I wish you the best.

  • Jo

    Hello everyone! I am a newlywed for the second time. I specifically browsed the internet for a encouraging blog for wives and ran across several pages. I believe this blog would be the most helpful so I’m here posting a little about myself. I remarried in June to my best friend. I have to daughters and my husband has a son that he takes care of after finding out three years later he wasn’t biologically his. To say the least, blending our family hasn’t been too much of a challenge so far, but remarrying a second time has for me. I was married before for 6 years separated for a yr in a half. Today things were better for us because I purposely adjusted my attitude and emotions. My husband and I are expecting our first son together and I’m now a stay at home wife, mom, and student. Being a “stay at home” wife and mother is something that wasn’t in my plans at all, but at this moment God has said different and I have to accept His plan for now. Any who, I don’t really have too much to say right now maybe because this is my first time posting and I’m still observing everything. One thing for sure that I’m proud of is that I refused to give the enemy a place in my home and in my marriage today. I took a step towards being loving and positive to my husband rather that mean and negative. He is an awesome loving husband and father and with all the changes in my life over the past few years I sometimes forget it all worked out for my good and lose my grateful attitude. I’m sure you ladies understand. I’m thankful I found this wonderful encouraging blog and I look forward to meeting new people to encourage and also to be encouraged. :)

  • sisterinChrist

    Dear Confused,
    God tells us in 2 Corinthians 6:14 that we are not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. God has chosen to place this in His word for several reasons. I strongly encourage you to research this before you go any farther.
    What is more important to you? Obedience to God who has your best interest at heart or following your heart.( Remember the Bible says that the heart is deceitful in Jeremiah 17:9.)
    Pray for this man that you are in love with. I will pray for him too. Pray that he comes to know Jesus Christ as his lord but do not yoke yourself in marriage to him until then. God may use you to bring him to Christ through this. If He does not you must choose to be willing to let Jesus hold your heart whatever happens.
    Muslims say that Jesus was a good teacher but not the son of God. Why would you marry someone who would not encourage and point you to Christ? Someone who doesn’t even believe that He is the Christ?
    God is faithful. Submit to His will for your life. Wait for His timing. Wait for the man of God He has for you. Godly men are out there. Wait. Psalm 37:3-7.
    John 14:6 Jesus says that He is the only way to heaven. Do you believe that?
    Islam is a false religion. Have you researched it? Do you know what he believes? Do you know what you believe? Have you read the Quran?
    What kind of environment do you want your children to grow up in? Think of how confused they would be having parents that follow two very different religions.
    I am 23 and have been married for 5 months. My husband and I have known each other for 2 years. We are serving Christ together and I am confident that our marriage would not work with out Christ at the center of our lives. My husband and I read the Bible together. We go to church together. We serve others together. He prays over me. He points me to Jesus and he encourages me to love Christ and others more than myself. I can’t imagine what our marriage would be like without his godly involvement and leadership in it. We have the same spiritual goals. Our marriage works only because of Christ. We are two fallen sinful selfish people who are incapable of loving anyone without Christ in our lives. Marriage isn’t all about romance and being a perfect soulmate. The Bible never promises us a soulmate other than the Holy Spirit. A romantic soulmate isn’t reality.
    Marriage is about dying to yourself and your wants and your needs and putting the other person first. Could you truly die to yourself to serve someone who is not a Christian? Would you really be willing to submit to the leadership and authority of a person that can’t and won’t be able to direct you towards Christ? It’s painful and hard work to die to yourself but so worth it when you’re in it together. I’m not saying there isn’t romance or joy because there is. It’s just so much more worth it with Christ at the head of your family.

  • Nicole

    I think it is hard for us as people to remember and even more so to understand that all sins are equal in the eyes of the Lord. I honestly do not know what I would do if my husband cheated on me, other than cry and go to God. I do know that I will not tolerate physical or sexual abuse. My husband and I are in counseling so that we learn to work better together, treat each other with more kindness, and rid our marraige of emotional abuse. I pray that anyone who comes to the decision of divorce has put everything she could into her marriage, and that she understands God will forgive the sins that lead her there, even if they were beyond her control. Seek Him, forgive yourself, and find peace in your decision. He loves us all and we are worthy of His love and forgiveness.

  • heather

    This year should have been one of the joyous yet. I had a beautiful sweet baby girl in August and have been with my husband since highschool. I found my out he had been straying from our marriage. I am so thankful to this site because most days it is the daily prayers and testimonies from other women that keep me standing for my marriage.

  • Laverne Cheeseboro

    Hi Ashle have you guys considered counseling?

  • Laverne Cheeseboro

    Pray for your husband. Speaking to him about it a lot can make him feel pressured. Sometimes you may have to go to church by yourself and just pray. Letting your husband see you by example will draw him to God. Read 1st Peter 3:1-6. I think devotion you two can do together at home if he is interested is a great start!

  • Laverne Cheeseboro

    Hi Sherry
    There is a difference between true repentance forgiveness and just I’m sorry. Hopefully your husband has truly apologized to you. When my husband and I go through it and i pray to God I always end up getting one thing! “Laverne How many times do I forgive you?” I think about if what my husband did is worth me not forgiving him when I love him so much. I’m not perfect and I know he’s not perfect and God knows we aren’t perfect so who am I not to forgive him. Understanding that it was like your husband cut the scab off a wound that did not heal yet. Knowing how much you love yourself and who God says you are matters more than anything. Your husband understanding what is totally unacceptable and honoring and respecting and protecting your heart is just as important. I pray you have healing from this hurt and that you guys sincerely overcome this.

  • Love of my life

    Thank you, I have put my trust in god and I continue to learn and draw closer. The Lord has brought my husband home a month ago and I continue to pray and ask for guidance. I still know we are in a spiritual battle and pray for the armor of god and for my husbands salvation. I am learning and continue to be the praying wife that I have been called to and like the changes that the Lord is making in me. I still struggle with being impatient, zipping the lips and insecurities, but I know I have been blessed. I am praying for my husband daily and our marriage. I know that in god’s timing we will fully be restored. I pray that all prodigals
    to look to the Lord and come home. I am learning to lift my marriage and burdens to the Lord. I put my trust in the Lord and believe he is moving our mountains of circumstances. I have been reading the unveiled wife devotional and I am learning so much, thank you your prayers and info have helped me. Praying for all marriages.

  • WaitingonGod

    Hi Love of my life!! I would like to discuss a few things with you. We actually are going through a similar situation and I can tell you that it never gets easier but by trusting God, waiting to hear His voice, and persistent prayer, it will surely get easier. My husband and I have been separated for almost a year now and there isn’t anything that I wouldn’t do to have my husband home right now. But, we have to understand that it’s all in God’s timing and we have to keep professing His word and thanking Him for the restoration of our marriages. The one mistake that I failed to do was to allow God to work fully. I tried to do it in the beginning and I figured out that I couldn’t. It takes God to open those doors and change someone. We CANNOT do it by ourselves!!! We don’t have the strength, power, or might. I’ve cried more tears than a person should be allowed to cry. Then I started praying and I put in in God’s hands, then and only then I felt peace from within. I prayed for it and I received it from God. Yes, there are times that I get lonely but then I think that I’m expecting a miracle from God so I can’t go outside my marriage. I just pray and ask God for comfort. You just continue to thank God for watching over His word for it to perform. Keep chasing after God and you will see that miracle come to pass.

  • Cindy Morgan

    God does not want us to live in an abusive situation. I stayed in one for years (verbal and emotional abuse), thinking I was doing the right thing to stay and keep hoping. One day a pastor told me that God does not want us to live like that, and that my husband was sinning. The pastor also told me that if my husband said we were getting divorced again (after saying it practically every week since we married), and I continued to stay, I deserved to keep hearing it. I was worried about providing my for my children, as I had been a SAHM, but I didn’t need to be worried. God provided abundantly over the 12 years since we separated. I can proudly say that I am very happily divorced and no one is abusing me, or my children, anymore. I am closer to God than ever and am much ‘braver’ about speaking up to others about the gifts God continues to give me. I have no doubt getting out of that marriage was the best thing I ever did!

  • Melissa

    Hi! I have been married for twelve years come Nov. When my husband and I started attending church he didn’t always go or even want to go. I continued to go and would ask him to go every time. I let let him know that it made me feel self conscious that I was there by myself. Now he feels as strongly about going and about being more Christ like in our lives. Just be patient and take it to Jesus. As for finding the right church keep an eye out for church events in your community and attend til you find the one to be at. Read the devotionals while he is near and just read them out loud. I hope this helps.

  • Karen Aaman

    Mt 6.33
    “Confused,” I am praying for you. And I implore you to
    seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. Ps 37.4 Delight yourself in Him, and He will give you the desires of your heart. I am in my 50′s, married for the first time just a few years ago. Speaking from experience (because this doesn’t get easier with age), please remain obedient to God and His Word. I did not, (even as a firm Christian), sadly; however, my disobedience and consequent heart-rending despair taught me well, and gave me a voice to share with others of God’s great redeeming power and love for me, once I came to my senses and followed Him. Fall on your knees, “Confused,” and pledge (and live) obedience to God through Jesus Christ. He knows how to bless your socks off, and He will.

  • Sherry Lynn Patterson

    I am praying for you. That is a tough situation to be in…. I bought a ton of resources during my seperation such as Hope for the separated by Gary Chapman and Winning your husband back before it is too late by Gary Smalley…. They both give great advice…. prayer going up for you and your family.

  • Sherry Lynn Patterson

    I have been married almost a year and a half…. I was previously married for 18 years but divorced due to constant unfaithfulness. My husand hurt my heart tonight by calling me a name. We usually have a pretty good marriage. I know the reason it hurts so much is because it is something my ex used to call me…. He has apologized profusely but I still cant stop the hurt…. How do any others deal with this type situation? I know he loves me and says this without thinking…. but it seems to be his default phrase..

  • Katiemesser95

    I am a very young wife. I am now 18, I got married at 16. But we’ve were “dating” for five years before we even married. Of course there was a lot of talk about the only reason we were getting married was because I was pregnant, which I wasn’t. It was just a rumor because people, sadly, believe the only reason people get married at 16 is because they are pregnant. I would really like for us to get closer to God together, but I feel like he doesn’t really want too. Although, he says he does. How can I encourage him to find a church we like? Maybe start with reading devotionals together? Someone please give me some advice. I know he will go to church with me but going to church and having a relationship with God outside of church is completely different.

  • confusedinlove

    Thank you for your reply. I keep having these constant conversations with my self debating about the right thing to do and it’s made me an emotional wreck. It’s just so difficult to push away the person who you imagined spending the rest of your life with. Please pray for me through this tough phase of my life so that I make the right decision. Thanks again for your advice.

  • Chastyti Ellsworth

    The Bible tells us that we should not be unequally yoked, and marrying someone of a different faith would be doing that to yourself. God wants our husbands to be our faith leaders for us and our family, so if you have a husband of a different faith, you will not be lead in your faith like God desires. I believe your doubts are the Holy Spirit working in you to help you see that this is not what God has planned for you

  • confusedinlove

    I’m a 27 year old Christian woman deeply in love with a Muslim man. We have been dating for a little over a year and I do sincerely believe that he is my soulmate. More recently though, I have started having doubts about our future after marriage like how we will raise our kids, will I have to compromise on my faith, etc. Although he is extremely supportive of me following my religion, I fear that I will be going against the will of God. Can anybody in an interfaith marriage please shed light on this and guide me?

  • Samantha

    If the marriage was not ordained by God to begin with, then it wasn’t valid any way. Just because to people want to get married doesn’t mean that it was God’s plan. The couple must seek the Lord and know that entering into this scared union together is right for them and his plan.

  • Darlene

    Hello I’ve been married for 20 years now and have 3 children. Sadly though I want a divorce. I have lived through 20 years of infidelity, physical, verbal and emotional abuse. I have lived afraid scared and sad for a long time. He does not want the divorce and has worked to change. I have seen some change but I still want out. I have forgiven him but I can’t forget. If he has changed I want the change to go into us being friends and the best we can be for our kids. Before I found your blogs I read Fireproof. It changed him and I both, only again–I want to be alone. I have been with him since I was 17. I don’t want to date, I just want peace. How I do began to search for that? How can I convince him it is better to be apart and friends. With him it’s all or nothing. I hate the fact he makes me feel as I have to be part of the deal in order for him to be in my kids life b/c he says he can’t handle being around me if we are not together. I don’t want my kids to grow up and resent me cause they think I pushed him out of our lives. The abuse was never directed towards them and I tried to keep them shielded b/c I want them to love their dad. I’m just feel so stuck. When do you know if its worth staying? I’ve made a thousand reasons for staying over the years but the main one was cause I wanted to say “look at all we have been through…but we made it”. I do love him and would do anything for him, I’m just not in love with him anymore. The infidelity and abuse has just taken it’s toll and sometimes I feel older that what I am and my soul is tired. Is there such a thing as a friendly divorce? How long does it take to get to the “friends” stage? What can I do to get us pointed in that direction? This is my first ever blog post so I hope I’m doing it right and welcome any advice I can get. Thanks!!

  • ashle

    I am a new wife. And I feel like a lost soul, I dont want to give up on my marriage but I have no idea where I should turn now. I catch myself praying all the time for things to change and for things to get better and I feel that it isnt and that my husband and I are just going to end up coming to an end. We fight everyday in and out of times. He’s always packing up our things and is always so fast to take everything he has every got me. I dont know what to do anymore and I feel that my heart is being breaking. Please someone anyone answer my call out. Im opening to anything.

  • heather

    I came across this page looking for encouragement to save my marriage. I want to personally thank all the women who have shared their testimonies here and to Jennifer herself for realizing the need for support durring troubling times in our lives and marriages. Some days my daily prayer emails have hit the nail right on the head and gave me the strength to get through the day. I have been married almost 4 years, in a relationship with my husband for almost 12, and a mother of a precious 1 year old girl. My husband and I have been through some rocky times in our 12 year relationship, but nothing would compare to what we have been through in the past year. I found out my husband strayed twice this year. Durring this time I felt alone, no sense of self worth, and lost. I did not know whether God wished for me to fight for my marriage or just move on. I became very impatient thinking I could fix all the problems in our marriage by keeping close tabs on him, knowing everywhere he would go, checking phone logs, and bank statements. That appearantly didn’t work as he strayed for the second time. I know it would be easy for one to just leave after all God would allow it due to his infidelity, but the vows I took in my eyes are more powerful than the sins of my husband. I finally woke up and realized I could not control the situation. That is when I gave it to God. I dove deep into my Bible and asked God to direct my paths. It has been a bumpy road, but for whatever reason I feel I am doing the right thing in God’s eyes by staying and fighting. In a sense the I have been unveiled and now I see clearly thanks to scripture and good Christian counsel. I’ve learned I can only change me and there was alot I needed to change myself. I was not submitting to my husband or God for that matter, I did not allow him to be the head of our household beacause of my need to control, I often did not say things in a kind way when I was upset, etc. I pray that becoming the wife and mother God wants me to be and setting an example for how a Christian wife should live, my husband will see the change and desire to seek help from God himself. I will be praying for all those who are hurting in their marriages that they find the strength that only God and his word can provide.

  • DeJanae Jennings Price

    Hi Deb

    I can understand where you are coming from in regards to do the research in trying to work on the marriage and it seems like unfortunately its a waste of time. However, GOD blesses us with the knowledge and wisdom to get through these storms of life so that we can put it into action and glorify HIM. Even though I have only been married for almost eleven months, I’ve come to realize that I can not allow anything even my marriage to jeopardize my relationship my GOD. GOD has gotten me through too much prior to getting married, so I should not feel like HE can not do the same in regards to my marriage. This goes the same for you too!! :-) You know that GOD loves you so much and desires you to come home into HIS Kingdom; so why would HE want you to feel a lone? Especially after giving up HIS only SON for your salvation? I pray that your confidence as a woman of GOD swell up inside of you and that you humbly follow the LORD our GOD each step of the way so that HIS light may shine through you and you will be able to go HOME (with HIM)!!!! GOD bless you Deb and I pray your strength in the LORD our GOD.

  • Mizzlemom

    Jennifer, Thank you so much for your honesty! I have been married for almost 8 years this November. I have a husband that surpasses every single dream I could’ve imagined. He is incredible, and yet I still “gag” through the sexual aspects. (mentally, not physically) Bless his heart, he is still encouraging and often claims, “Wow, you rock my world.” I know it’s my selfish heart that is keeping me from feeling the same about him in this area and want to change! Your blog has shined a bright light on my selfishness and how I have been putting me before him. It makes me want to cry because he deserves so much more than what I’ve offered the past 14 months. We have 2 very high energy kids so I often make him feel like he needs to have it all just so – the timing, the energy etc and sometimes he’ll show interest and I’ll snub it off and then say – oh let’s just do it. And I know that is 100 times worse to his psyche. I am excited to change! I am hopeful about what is to come and to reignite the passion in our relationship so that he needs not look anywhere else but right here. He never has and I need to, want to and must get some passion back in our lives and claim the “wonderfulness” sex God designed us to have in our marriages.

  • Glenda R Huntoon

    We have had similar issues with our teens. It is natural in the teen years for the kids to start their own journey of faith, stepping outside of their parents faith. We have found that if we stand firm in our faith, the kids will eventually follow. We don’t push our faith on them. We talk with them as often as possible and we stand firm on our faith and advise them accordingly, But we also try to advise them in a way that allows them to make that choice of faith themselves. This is a trying time for parents. Of course we want them all to choose Christ, but asa God has extended us the choice, we must give our children that same option as they venture in to adulthood. Keep loving!!!!!

  • Glenda R Huntoon

    Marriage and famiily has become the enemies largest playground. That being said, it is without a doubt, the reason I pray without ceasing and fast often for my husband and my children. I am 2 years into what I feel is my first marriage according to God’s will. I married a non-believer back in 1988. We had 5 children together. We were so miserable with eachother that he spent most of his time working, He joined the Navy and later become a truck driver. He was a very small part of our family. We have all suffered great consequences for the choices that we made. After 15 years of marriage and throwing around the idea of divorce. We divorced! No God did not give me the ok to file for divorce. My husband had been unfaithful several times. I had become emotionally unfaithful to him. We had lost every foundation that keeps a marriage together. The fact that we did not have the Lord to share and turn to in our marriage basically made it impossible. With God all things are possible! Note: it says “with God” We did not have God in our marriage. He researched vampire sites and pornography, while I was joining prayer chains and building praise websites. I became so lonely that I started spending more time talking with men on the internet and when my husband came home off the road I no longer wanted to spend time with him. I at one point had an intimate emotiional affiar over the internet, it was nothing sexual, but I consider it an affair just the same. At this point I came to the realization that we were at a cross roads. I tried one more time to devote myself to my husband. 3 years later we divorced! Divorce is not what God wants, but He did give word to Moses that if a man finds his wife displeasing to give her a certificate of divorce.

    Now for the good news! In Christ there is always hope. I stayed single for 10 years. Due to a great deal of emotional abuse in my first relationship, my vow was to get totally submerged in the Lord. The Holy Spirit would be my everything. I went and bought a convenant ring. No man would be my spouse apart from going through the Lord first. After 7 years of being single some things began to happen that opened my eyes to the reality that He was preparing me for a new relationship. I was not very co-operative! I fought it in a big way. I dated a couple men and the outcomes were really bad. So see, I am not meant to be in a relationship. Yet the Lord kept leading me to different studies and devotionals on marriage and what he meant marriage to be. I began witnessing to other woman about marriage and relationships. I also began applying the concepts in to my relationships with my kids. I raised my girls from more of a love perspective and the boys from a respect perspective. I did this with great results.

    Then I met him! Funny thing was, he started dating someone else not long after we met. I figured, oh well, it is not meant to be. We worked at the same place and ran into eachother often at work. He talked about his girlfriend much of the time. We both played farmville on facebook and chatted occasionally there. It was always appropriate conversation and brief. When the relationship became stormy he began asking my input and advice on some things. During that time I refrained from showing or expressing any feelings for him. I kept my distance and remained respectful to his relationship with her. I counseled him to make every effort to work through things if he truly felt that this woman was God’s plan for him. Then one day he told me that the relationship with her was over.

    It was not long after that he asked me out. From day one there was a peace in our friendship that out matched any friendship I had ever had with a man. I felt things that I truly believed I would never be able to feel again. We spent most of our time biulding a foundation in the Lord. We both knew that HE had to be first. We had both been in marriages that were not Spiritually anchored. We were married in 2011. I brought 5 kids with me and he brought 1. Between the 6 kids I can tell you we have hit some very tall hurtles. All 6 kids and some of their friends have endured difficult childhoods and as teenagers have been more than a challenge. The grace that we have found, we extend to the kids. Steve and I sought much counseling before we got married. We sought the blessings of all of our kids and family members. The blessings we recieved before marriage, took a drastic turn for the worst after we got married. I thank the Lord that we had gotten the couseling we needed before the fact. The Love and Respect program, LifeChurches From this day forward and many others taught us how to head off the struggles that we would face. Many of those struggles I can’t even mention here out of respect for family members who desire great descretion. Every struggle, has brought us closer to the Lord and closer to each other. This does not happen on accident or naturally. We have had to make that valiant effort to seek the Lord in all things. We have had melt downs, but not fights! We have had disagreements, but not fights! We always take the time to consider all the tools we were given in counseling to address each other with Love and Respect. For all the trials we have faced, it has been a blessing to face them with my husband. There are now grandchildren in the mix. I have recently become disabled and we are unable to do many things we use to. So we work very hard at keeping the passions and true love alive. The Lord is LOVE! That foundation is the rock solid cornerstone that keeps our marriage on top.

    http://www.lifechurch.tv/watch/from-this-day-forward/1

    http://loveandrespect.com/

  • brittany1991

    Can parabens affect sexual arousal as well? I have been having problems for about a month or so with getting aroused. We’ve tried everything. And most times, its not that I just don’t feel “good” its that it is irritating and annoying to be touched in any way. I am SO frustrated and worried that I’m all burnt out and that my nerves down there are ruined or something…I have no idea. I seriously need a miracle. Your testimony with the parabens made me wonder if they could affect your arousal as well..

  • jen

    Is he bi polar? and when the time is right see support, sometimes God uses non Christians as well… I went through this as well and it killed my soul….But 3 years later I have made that climb back and am alive again…do not do this alone, I did and thought with God I would get through it and did not want ppl to know my business…but it does more damage then GOOD. Speak the truth in love and get help.

  • jen

    Hi Hunny, I have to tell you that even though I did not go through half of what you went through…I was emotionally abused and there was no intimacy, emotionally or otherwise… I endured this for 8 years of marriage, and total of 14 years together… I would of hung the moon on him….but truthfully…I had to let go… I fought for years, prayed, cried out to God, complained, prayed over him ect… you deserve better…I did not want to be divorce and stayed 4 years too long. Bottom line Is if your husband does not want to change then you shld not have him back. Seek support… and hold on to Jesus…

  • nicole maxwell

    I married in 2008, I didn’t kno how to love or be loved, God allowed some changes to go on early in the marriage…the loss of my husbands employment, we found that to be a very difficult time, we weren’t sure we were going to make it but we did, to God be the glory. But I can appreciate the test that God sent because it bonded us together mentally, spiritually and physically. I love my husband :)

  • Randa Waters

    I am also a new wife of almost 2 years and me and my Husband have a 9 month old daughter and we have had it rough a lot of arguing and disagreements and a lot has been over financial issues I just got a job in the almost 2 years we have been together and it is a struggle for me to leave my children to work and is a struggle for my husband to have it all on him and I am struggling with my faith in god and I do not believe in submitting to anyone but god and I have a hard time doing that I just don’t know what to do my marriage is falling apart and I’m losing my faith….

  • Jenny

    Hi Jennifer!
    I just wanted to stop by and say thank you! A friend guided me to your facebook page a while ago, and a few months back I came here to check out your website. I read your story of sexual intimacy with your husband- which rang close to mine; I have only been married a year, but pain has kept me from desiring intercourse with my husband. I did do a little research on parabens that day, a few months ago now, and decided to give it a try. Before I put on any product I read the label (almost none of my beauty products passed, the lube we had been using to try and help the pain, yup, that had parabens too – most baby wipes even have parabens!) Instead of going crazy replacing everything on a trial, I just simply didn’t use them. One month later – it was better. I am not sure if this was the cure-all answer, but I thank you, thank you, thank you for your bravery in sharing this intimate story and helping bring it to light for others of us with the same problem!
    -Jenny

  • Gherkin Rose

    So excited to find this blog and to know that I am not alone. I struggle with intimacy with my husband due to depression. I honestly just have no desire. Since we got married, my depression has been overwhelming due to my anxiety, OCD, and quite honestly my obesity. Please pray for my husband and I, also, please pray for my relationship with Jesus too. I am saved, but my depression hinders our relationship frequently. Thanks so much for creating this blog!!!!

  • Heather Taylor

    I stated this above, but.. its my personal belief that God hates adultery more than he hates divorce. I also do not understand how being divorced is more painful than being in a loveless marriage. But Ive never been divorced, so maybe my opinion on that isn’t valid. However, I can say that I personally could not stay with someone who cheated on me, I just wouldn’t be able to trust them again. And i honestly don’t believe my God, who sees me as his daughter, would want me to stay with a man, who not only broke our marriage vows, but shattered my heart and completely ruined my trust in him.

  • Heather Taylor

    You know what i think God hates more than divorce? All he things that lead up to it. Divorce is just a legal separation. I think anyone who has been divorce knows that the spritual/emotional/physical separation came long before the papers were finalized. Saying God doesn’t allow anyone to get divorced is like saying he demands everyone get married. Yes, marriage is a wonderful thing, but it is not wonderful if you are marrying the wrong person, or if you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Marriage in itself is not whats beautiful, it is the commitment and love put into it. I think by saying God hates divorce is saying he yearns for people to treat marriage(and the person they marry) with love, honor, and respect. I DO NOT think that he wants someone whose partner is no longer willing to display these things to stay in that marriage, because at that point, their marriage no longer exists, regardless of legal matters. I’m sorry if this post is not clear, I’m trying my best to say what I mean. Simply put, yes i do believe God would tell some people to walk away, because he wants what is best for us, despite our own mistakes. And sometimes, it is not even our own mistakes that break a marriage, such as in cases of abuse. I think he wants people to put as much effort into a marriage as they can, but once its broken, it sometimes cannot be repaired, and it is then that he wants us to walk away. I do not think God wants us to stay in broken relationships. We should either fix them, and if they cannot be fixed then we should have the strength and grace to walk away.

  • Heather Taylor

    So.. he abused you and cheated on you, and you still want him? Yes, “I do” is serious and forever, but as soon as abuse comes into the picture, that “I do” should be null and void. That’s pretty much the sum of it right there. Nothing else really matters after that point. Treat yourself with some dignity and respect and you will find the man you deserve. Because this man you call a husband, who is supposedly LIVING(?) with some other woman, is obviously not a man you should be with.

  • Astrilite

    Hi. I’m so grateful I found this fantastic blog. We suppose to be married 4years in Dec but I decided to go for a divorce last year Jan. It is still not finalize and in this time my husband made a baby at another young girl. I dont know her at all and some how with in my spirit I am calm. God changed me and i accpeted the Lord in Dec last year. I never wanted to reconcile because what I’ve through since the beginning of my marriage. I went through all kind of abuse and we have a daughter 22months which he only starting to visit now. Please intercede for reconciliation and that God will change my husband. That my husband will also accept God in hid life. Now i know what it means when people say pray for your husband, marriage, yourself and let God be your foundation in your marriage, If only I knew back then. Thank you Jennifer for this blog.

  • Macie Merritt

    I am a fairly new and young wife. Me and my husband have been through a lot in the 2 years we have been together and struggles as a married couple for the 6 months. Honestly I am grateful to have found this blog, I have found a church but since I am not from the state I live in I find it hard to be able to open about my maritial problems. I feel like since we haven’t been married that long we should still be in that honeymoon phase. I just like knowing that there is a Christian guidance that can help me work through my problems and not feel like I am the only one who is going through these things. marriage is difficult but I believe that it is forever and should imulate christs love for the church.

  • Dawn

    I have been married a little over 5 years, to a man that I have loved more than half my life. Our entire life together has been a struggle and though as far as I know he has never physically cheated on me he has had many inappropriate conversations, pictures and sexting bouts that I have caught…. Most recently he has been having an emotional affair for lack of a better definition with sentence I thought was a friend, I found emails between them months after they were supposedly no longer talks bing because I had found some very inappropriate Facebook and text messages between them. In these emails they were basically planning a life together. Have been in counseling for sometimes because of all of this and specifically we entered counseling right after I found the texts and Facebook messages between them. I want so much to trust in him and to trust our love but honestly I just don’t know if I can. Recently in trying to find someway to save our life together and restore my faith in him I came across your Facebook page and subsequently your website. I am so hurt and confused and lost, I want to believe he is sorry but I don’t see it and I really just don’t know what to do to save us, the joy thing I can think to do is pray. I have read several people’s stories on here and they give me hope. I still don’t know how I can get through this or move in. I am still devastated, confused and angry, but I don’t feel nearly as alone as I did before coming to this website today.

  • Amber Khan

    Saundra,
    I understand waiting for that miracle. I am in a similar situation.
    My husband and I married in nov 2006. Had our beautiful son in sept 2007. in Feb 2011 he was given voluntary deportation after a mishap with a lawyer not handling his citizenship paperwork properly. Our son is about to be six in four weeks and we haven’t seen his daddy, my husband, since that day at the airport. We email, Facebook, and talk often.. We miss him dearly and love him. We r praying for our end to this madness as well.

  • Paulette Dailey

    My husband of 30 yrs has filed for a legal separation. Though we differ on why, it is still very hard issue to deal with. This is the 2nd time he’s done the same thing. Last time he left me (moved out of the house) but this time he says he’s staying – makes for a most tense, difficult situation when we’re both here at the same time. Worst thing? We are both Christians. What a poor example we’ve set for our girls, our neighbours! I am heart-broken but it seems as if he can’t get rid of me fast enough. I ask for prayers that God’s will be done & that He’ll give me the strength, grace & patience I need to get through this. I feel like a failure when this is the 2nd time, (6 yrs after the first time) even though I never initiated it. Please pray …

  • Jessica McKay

    I am so sorry to hear this. I can relate to the pain. I am fully aware of the damage that this can cause. I know you are a christian and so is your husband but let me tell you this. your husband is sinning. point blank period. The bible says in black and white that is is not ok to withhold sex from your spouse unless both have agreed for a time of fasting and praying to seek the lord,but then to come together again lest the other gets tempted. Depression, unworthiness, insecurity,sadness are all fruits of sin in marriage. I myself go through this. I Have only been married four and a half months and i’ve had sex twice. Not ok. Yes me and my husband had sex before marriage and I got pregnant. Not ok. I experienced alot of shame and guilt but my husband didnt seem to mind while we weren’t married and now he says I am nagging him,we dont connect spiritually and a list that goes on. it’s excuses. My advise is pray with all your heart. Fast, seek counsel no matter how hard or embarassing it may be. Seek God on who to talk to. At the end of the day God does not allow abuse and he would never allow his daughter to be abused and neglected and say “deal with it” “you married him”. Yes it is a covenant, yes it is extremely important and honoring to commit but if you follow that and in the process become shambled to a million pieces what good are to your kids anyways? Sorry to be brutally honest but Im not saying to leave or to divorce, but separating yourself for a time may be a beneficial thing to get self confidence,strengthen yourself in the Lord and just learn to be honest. You are not alone. And yes it is embarrassing, but if being vulnerable can put you in a position to open up and get a different perspective and counsel from the church on this why not try it. God is on your side with this. So talk to Him and eagerly pray, petition God to do a miracle in your marriage. The Holy Spirit will guide you, but personally if you are becoming emotionally beaten and neglected I would advise you to get a close friend to help you through this, and your kids should be the reason to put yourself in a healthy situation. If you are extremely unhappy what good is it to let your kids experience that. Divorce is not a good thing please dont get me wrong. But me goiung through this myself I get angry, resentful, insecure. I can’t be like that with a child around. How will that affect them? It’s just not ok. It’s written… God is on our side.

  • Michelle

    I’m really excited to be a part of this community. My husband and I have been married for 5 years and have been blessed with two amazing children – 2 1/2 and 11 months old. As amazing as our kids are, they often take all of our attention and effort and we’ve had a particularly stressful Spring/Summer, so finding this blog is perfect timing for me to re-connect with God and my husband. I want to be the best mother possible and that will come by providing an excellent example through my faith in God and Jesus and my marriage. Looking forward to relying on you for guidance on this journey!

  • gg hh

    Right now me and my husband are seprated I don’t know what to do how do I win my husband back how do I make him love me again

  • Krystie Scamehorn

    So thankful that you were willing to share about this struggle. There is a great distance between being committed to a loving husband in a marriage and truly enjoying the intimate gift of this husband in the fullest way God intended – your willingness to share helps bridge that distance for many of us as we remember that we are not alone.

  • Valerie Harrell

    I am 31 and my husband will soon be 25. Sadly we have been separated for 14 months and its been no walk in the park. He’s in the United States Army and I am a stay at home wife, well I was. On March 18, 2013 our entire marriage and lives were turned upside down. Domestic violence hit home and it was EXTREMELY devastating. He got arrested and it wasn’t the same afterwards. When they released him to come back home I was furious bc he didn’t want to talk about what happened he just wanted to act as though it didn’t. I begin to distance myself from him and then bam I find out he’s been cheating. So not only abuse but adultery. We did ok for a while but we constantly argued. One day I met a gentleman and well yes I did the ultimate. I felt so terrible and went home and tried to wash it off but it is still in my mind. No he don’t know but I do and its been eating me alive every since.
    Time went on and resentment set in hatred jealousy you name it it was there.on April 26, 2012 I received a call from my sister saying my dad was in a coma and the doctors had given up on him. I informed my husband about this and he said wait till May 1 I was furious and said no I won’t I’m lesving Friday a few days from the first. I called ppl I knew and got a one way ticket to Alabama. While at the airport 3 different times yhey called me to come down stairs to say something was wrong with the plane instead of paying attention to the chance God was trying to give me to go back I didn’t bc I was already upset with him. So I sat there and waited. I got home and the next day he was acting weird. I found out he found my journal and OMG the stuff I had written in there about him you wouldn’t believe. That made him extremely upset and then the ultimate happened. He brought a female into our home and had sex with her for the time frame I was gone. Sadly my dad died and I sent for him but he NEVER showed up to where I was he went to his grandmom house who btw DON’T like me and has been trying to break our marriage aparrt since it started.
    To cut the story down the funeral came and he stood in the back NEVER acknowledging me one time. On may 12 he was suppose to take me home back to Tx and he never showed up. I had to get up $700 to fly back I did and although he left me wasn’t supportative nothing I still wanted my marriage to work.
    I arrived at the house before him and waited. He had taken all the wedding pictures down put ALL my stuff in 1 room and closed the door. It was almost like a bachelor pad. The crazy part I couldn’t get mad. I smiled and said thank you Lord and hung our wedding pics back up took a shower and put on something nice.
    Well 2 hours later a knock was at the door and when I opened it itvwas his superiors. I was confused. They took him on postcsnd that was the last time we were together. I have begged plead cried etc for him to come home but nothing. Here it is 14 months later and I still want my marriage back. He’s changed his number lied saying he’s been discharged which is a lie but although he lie to me I believe in my heart ppl can change and I try my best to see the good in everyone.
    I know its there we just was not willing to humble ourselves and be submissive and most of all God was not the head cebter or the end and we allowed so many people to come into our marriage which made it worse. Since we’ve been separated I’ve dhed a lot of tears and learned a lot. So many people have said divorce divorce divorce but that’s NOT what I want. He’s said it so many times and every time he do I get sick. Now he won’t talk to me he’s change his number and I think he’s blocked my email oh and I think his girlfriend lives with him. Idk for sure. I don’t know what to do but I want my husband back snd I’m waiting to move back to Tx and try to get him back. I’m terrified to do this but I feel thats my husband and I’m his wife and marriage is HARD AS EVER. Plus when I said I do I will I meant it even though I messed up but noone is perfect and we ALL make mistakes it what you learn when you make a mistake. I forgive him and want to move forward in our marriage and lives. If ANYONE have advice PLEASEPPLEASE PLEASE don’t hesitate. And don’t put NO sugar on it I’m a big girl and although the truth hurts like HELL give it to me NO CHASER. Thanks in advance and hopefully I’ll be back to update later on and it be good news.

  • Deb

    I am thankful I found this blog, maybe it was God. I am a Christian and so is my husband. We have been married for 11 years this next week. We have two children, 7 and 4 and we love them very much. But we have lived as roomates/best friends for most/all of our marriage. Having kids wasn’t easy, I had to beg to be impregnated. My husband stopped being interested in me on our honeymoon. Since then, we have read ALL the books, been to numerous counselors/pastors…each time he gives a different reason. He finally admitted he is not attracted to me and does not see any way to change this, but claims he loves me and is faithful to me. I believe him, but I am so lonely. I do everything for the household: pay the bills, mow the lawn, take care of the kids, work, on the PTA, you name it….he has hardly held a job for more than a year. While he admits we have problems and says he wants them to get better, he NEVER does anything about it. I feel like he must have some deep emotional issues and I am convinced he needs guidance. But how could I share this with people at church – they would just gossip. We’ve tried Christian counselors and pastors – none seem to be able to understand or help us move even an inch. I always try to bend and change to meet his needs, he never does anything. I feel like I must do something drastic to make him see – like take the kids and leave. But I would never want to do that for my children – they love their father so much. And stability is so important. So instead, I just wither inside more and more. I am so angry at God that I am afraid. He took my mother ten years ago, and so there is no one I could even talk to….

  • http://charminlindholm.wordpress.com/ Charmin Lindholm

    The best four resources I have valued:
    1. The Five Love Languages (Gary Chapman)
    2. Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs
    3. His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage (Harley)
    4. (movie) Fireproof and book companion Love Dare.

  • http://charminlindholm.wordpress.com/ Charmin Lindholm

    Couples have been where you are and survived. I pray you will stay hopeful and do whatever work is yours to do in healing your marriage.

    The best four resources I have valued:

    1. The Five Love Languages (Gary Chapman)

    2. Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

    3. His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage (Harley)

    4. (movie) Fireproof and book companion Love Dare.

  • http://charminlindholm.wordpress.com/ Charmin Lindholm

    A resource I really appreciated is the book “Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs” and the movie “Fireproof”.

  • http://charminlindholm.wordpress.com/ Charmin Lindholm

    A great book that you might find value in, “Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs.” A man who feels disrespected at home is a red flag of seething anger in is heart.

  • http://charminlindholm.wordpress.com/ Charmin Lindholm

    I am a huge raving fan of the book, The Five Love Languages (Gary Chapman). It has helped couples save their marriage. You can go to the website, take an online quiz, and start looking into what you both need to feel loved. Also, “His Needs, Her Needs” (Harvey).

  • http://charminlindholm.wordpress.com/ Charmin Lindholm

    A book I found value in is: “His Needs, Her Needs: how to affair-proof your marriage.” Change (empty-nest) is time to renegotiate needs and come up with a new plan. You and your husband have to date all over again now that it is just the two of you at home.

  • Tammy Rauth

    I have been married for 10 years almost 11. We started off great, this was my second marriage, and I had a daughter 9 years old. I had also had a hysterectomy 6 months before I met him. We dated for 2 years, before we did get married. I thought He was the prince charming I had waited longed for my whole life. Slowly we began to struggle over first small things then larger. However I always thought we were fine.
    My daughter became pregnant at 16 and this was the beginning of the reason problem. I decided to allow them to get married. He disagreed. He slowly turned away from me. Still He told me we were going to be fine. We went for assistance from our Pastor. He told him he wanted our marriage to work. But the whole time he had been seeing another woman. Dating her and spending time he was suppose to be working out of town. I finally found out when she left a note on our door. He promised it was over. However it went on. The final straw was when this person called my house, and told me he was sleeping in her bed and had been for some time. He called me and threw me out of our house. I started over, and was making the best of things.
    He contacted me several times to talk as friends, and 7 months later he left her to come home. That was 6 years ago and we have been working on our marriage ever since to regain where we should be. The trust is good, but the intimacy is a struggle.
    We are getting help for our current pastor and his wife. We both are very active with our church family. We are both working on our walk with God. Please pray for us. I was told about your website by a friend. I thank he so much for it. God bless you, your work, and this site.

  • Judy

    Keep your eyes fixed on God. Ask God For His SupernaturalLove. For The Same Love He Has ForYour husband And The Baby. All Things Are Possible. Keep The Faith. position Yourself In The Presence OfGod. This seems almost too big to forgive but you can. keep in mind the bigness of what Christ did in forgiving all sins of humankind. Try to learn about what it means to be in the spirit and not in the flesh. Blessings

  • Teresa

    I’ve been married 26 years and geographically for two years because of the military. My husband told me in February of this year that he wasnt sure if he wanted to continue working on our marriage. My husband and I are both Christians so I suggested doing daily devotionals long distance to try and bond. He finally arrived home for good on this weekend and announced that he is done with the marriage and wants a divorce. I am stunned. I have been asking God for restoratation but starting to feel that I need to start moving forward. My husband is certain that divorce is his only answer even as a man of God. I know that God is able to do all things but I feel like it truely over and I just need to accept the facts.

  • VM

    No it isn’t ok to keep chatting with the ex, you admit the temptation.. Let the ex go, it’s time he gets on with his own life. What character of a man does he have if he is telling a happily married woman that he loves her still? The enemy will use this to raise doubts in your mind as to how happy are you really… temptation from the enemy comes in many forms. Don’t risk a good marriage for momentary titillation. It’s not worth it.

  • J. D

    Please keep praying for your husband, marriage, and the ministry you both have. the enemey wants to destroy marriages and families, and often time neglect or lonliness is the perfect in for him to kill, steal, and destroy. try to rekindle the flame with your husband, and continue to seek God.

  • Jennifer

    Erin- I’m actually experiencing the same exact thing you are. I always tell my husband what has happened to us, when did we become strangers, more so roommates.. my hearts hurts :( how’s your marriage doing these days?

  • Jennifer

    I’m a newlywed. It will be two years this August. We were in a long distance relationship for about a year before we decided to get married. We only lived about 4 hours apart and visited each other quite frequent. The first 6 months were divine. The last year has been, well, let’s just say NOT good. It first started with him being extremely distant with me. Then it slowly progressed to financial arguments, which resulted in lots of NASTY verbal fights. Then it slowly turned into direct insults out of nothingness, small insignificant fights. Now it has escalated to me lashing out at him in complete anger for all the emotional pain he has caused me. We both need prayer. I need it more than ever. I need God to heal my heart and let me be the wife he needs to be a better man and husband. I’m not going to give up on our marriage that easy. I believe that God brought us together for a reason. I want us to work. I realize that we are both in the wrong and need Jesus Christ, our savior.

  • Saundra Williams

    hi wives, my story is so complicated, my husband and I are expecting a miracle, my husband has been deported back to his country, during this time in our marriage we have learned to pray and seek the help of God, we have always seek Christ together, because of miracles we have already inherited, asking for your prayers in Jesus name. For with God, nothing shall be impossible . Luke 1:37

  • Mother in waiting

    Hello, Thank you so much for sharing your story. A few months ago, my husband and I lost our first child. It still bothers me today and sometimes the only person I can go to is Christ. I want to be there for my friends and family members who are expecting but it often leaves me broken. I know that one day our little baby will come and I am doing my best to stay positive and keep my hopes high but when the doctor reports come back its hard to see past what they see. My faith in Christ and the love of my husband who sticks right by me seems to be all I have to hold on to right now. Im just praying for a change and to be able to overcoming this pain deep down in my heart.

  • faith4u

    I will pray for you Hope & your marriage.

  • faith4u

    Thank you for prayers. It has been an ongoing struggle for past 3 yrs. This year has been the worst. I don’t go out at all. I used to go to night clubs before I met my husband but stopped when we started dating. If I go out it’s only lunch with coworkers or friends. My husband says I should go out but to be honest I think he would really hate if I did what he did. It would cause a lot more problems. I will continue to pray for my hubby & our marriage. I don’t believe in divorce but I can only take so much. Hubby said God spoke to him a couple weeks ago & told him to stop going out. I pray he listens. I pray my husband is renewed & transformed. He has way too many negative influences in his life.

  • faith4u

    Thank you so much for sharing this amazing story. I appreciate it. I have been praying for my husband every single day. The past 2 weekends he has been coming home early. 2 weeks ago he said God spoke to him & told him he needed to stop going out & quit comparing me to other women. I was surprised to hear this.This is a good start. I pray God will continue to speak to my husband & that my husband will stop his drinking & staying out late. Thank you &, God bless!

  • Sue

    Grieved for your situation and your husband being lost in his drinking and neglect and dishonoring you, your marriage and God. I join Maritza in praying over you. I read a testimony once of a mother whose son was stopping off at a bar daily after work, on the bus route home. His marriage, family and his job his life was neglected and falling apart because of his drinking. This mother decided to spend time in prayer over her son while he was on the bus that should take hime home each day. She contined in prayer daily at this same time. He quit drinking, his married was reconciled, his family, life and job renewed as well as his life in Christ. Years later he shared his testimony of how he began to miss that bar stop because he would be reading or listening to God’s Word and forget to get off at the bar and how his desire for alcohol diminished. he didn’t have an explanation as to why he began to do this. Then his mother shared her testimony of prayer over him. I encourage you and gather others to, to pray over you husband when he should be headed home from work or where ever and whenever he drinks. Don’t give up hope. Know that this is his struggle and keep focused on the truth so you don’t loose hope. Let God be your husband, strength and provider.

  • Esther Bautista

    i don’t know. i think in the case of adultry. i choose not to walk…out of sheer obedience. and its really difficult. i do know He does hate divorce. i have been divorced and its painful maybe even more painful than being in a loveless marriage.

  • Verni Johns

    Good Day. This is only my opinion, and it does not have to be anyone else’s. The bible does say its not right to go for a divorce as the word says ‘who God put together, let no one seperate it’. And it also speaks of being unequaly quoked. I went through a divorce, got married at the age of 21, it was more a forced marraige, this guy wanted to own me, which he got it right for many years, we got married in court, nothing fancy, no celebration, no nothing. Just me fearing for my life, as he physically abused me for very long, and everything i did at the time, was just to please him so that he does not beat me up. After turning around deaths door few times, I finally walked out without turning back. This was not easy, as I was beated up for walking out to, but it was on beating i did not mind taking. I filled for a divorce and the day on our divorce, I was alone, but the best (at the time) day of my life. After making peace that I will never meet up with another guy, its just me and my son Joshua, I met this awesome guy that had a crush on me when I was 12 years old, and after all the years he finally bumped into me and he could share his feelings he had towards me many years ago. Today, we married, Im happy, I have never been this happy and blessed in my life. We minister together, we are ment for each other. He accepts my son as his own, Joshua has never been in contact with his dad since the break up, and I have never received a cent from him, which I never minded. Today I’m more than just blessed with my husband, we dont see our marriage as a second marriage, we see it as our very first, as this is my very first marriage. What I had before is no comparrison at all. If I had to choose to stay, I would be murded by now. But I praise God that I could get out of it before it was too late.

  • Love of my life

    Sorry, I submitted before reading it back , I just started typing and got out of control. No we have not worked things out. He does not contact me, and to tell you the truth he cut his cell phone off so that I can only contact him at work when he is there. Most of the time he tells me he cannot talk and he will call me back but he does not. It has now been two months and I am scared the longer he is with this woman that he may not come back. I can tell you that he finally talked with his family and said that he had an issue with breathing and that maybe a heart attack was going on and it scared him. So at this time he is not smoking, but has gained a lot of weight. I have prayed to God and feel at times I am led to ready certain scripture to ease me. I wrote him a letter in a card, but each time I try to deliver it, he is not working. SO do I keep trying or God is working on him and I need to back off and continue to give space. I have told him many times I want to work on the marriage. Your thoughts???

  • Melissa

    I was trying to read your story, but I really had a hard time following it :( I think maybe it was just some run-on sentences that made it hard for me. So did you two work things out?

  • Christiana Olayioye

    The heart of a man is in the hand of the Lord,keep on praying for ur kids they will have a change of heart in Jesus name

  • Christiana Olayioye

    I think you have the clue to ur problem,You need to surrender your life to Jesus and take as the love of ur life then ur marriage will be restored.

  • Daniele Luciano Moskal

    Can GOD who hates divorce tell a Christian to walk away from their marriage? The reason I ask this question is many Christians who I have met who are divorced and I have spoken to always seem to say that God told them to walk away? So I ask again can GOD tell a born-again believer to walk away from their marriage regardless of how many years they have been together?

  • Blessed

    After reading some of these stories I have to tell you that my Husband and I were in the same situations. Our church puts on a class called the Genesis Process and it has made a tramendous difference in our lives. I mean a complete 180 degree change. It saved us individually and our marriage. I tell everyone about this class. My Husband took the class first and I saw such a change that I took it as well.

  • judith torres

    Me and my husband just cannot get along. We are currently seperated. We have two children. We argue for every single little thing that we find. I personally have not enjoyed intercourse with him for a while now I dont know it is just so hard to give in. I want us both to have a little change in our hearts. I want us to have that strong love ro be able to be happy and love one another like we are aupposed to. This anger that I have inside me os tearing us apart. Please help us in prayer. We need all the help we can get. I know god can help us through these tough times but we also have to put in out parts. I try to talk to god to pray to him but I just dont know if im saying the right words. I often feel like giving up and just getting divorces to not have to deal with anything anymore but something is holding me back.
    Dear god, please help me restore my marriage I know I have issues and I need to ccontrol my self as well as my husband but we are willing to work it out and change we just need that little push from you to help us. Amen. Me and my husband really need to be blessed in our marriage and for that we need to dedicate ourselves to god something we havent done. We need to start gng to church and living the right way.

  • Elizabeth Lesher

    I married my best friend 5 years ago and because of him I know god today. I have triplets that are turning 16 this year. My kids are very disrespectful to my husband all the time. I feel lost. I want to be a good wife and mother. It is a constant struggle to get the triplets to even go to church. God has changed my life, I am a totally different person today.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I am so sorry to hear that! Hang in their friend and lean on God!

  • Lost

    I’m a lost preachers wife who now has empty nester going on, I don’t even know what if anything I have I common with my hub of 28yrs I feel like I want out. Will someone help me!?

  • ForeverYours

    Love Never Fails…
    I have learned so much from my marriage n my husband n I have been married 20 years., through Ups and downs God’s word stays the same .
    Yes I have cried I have sought the Lord and God has always brought me to 1 Cor.13 the love chapter ,love never fails Love never ceases it never stops God is still not done with our marriage. Love never fails but keeps on going and going and going

  • Berys

    Maybe its too late but in mathews bible it talk a lot about the woman who commited adultery and how Jesus forgave her. Learn to forgive and ask God to help you forgive. Also read hoseas 3, 2 as he had to love an adulteres woman. Anger is a feeling you also need to deal with.put it by the cross.

  • Berys

    Pour your heart to God. Develop a relationship with Him so you can see your life transform. In the mean time pray for your husband and “zip your lips”. Meaning do not challenge him even when he is wrong. Ask God to intercede for you instead. This is a beautiful blog and if it is alwolled here check rejoiceministries.org too. God bless.

  • Maritza Nydia Scott

    Lord i pray that you touch this situation and give the wife strength and encouragement in her marriage and her relationship with you. I bind the lies of satan to be casted and thrown back to the pit of hell that he put over her husband. I pray that you open her husbands heart, mind and eyes to you and see his iniquities and repent from unrighteousness. Lord it is hard with an unbelieving husband but we know they can be changed and turned around for your glory lord!!! Lord uplift his wife and help her fight against satan because it is said in your word all things are possible!!! Stand firm in his word and trust in him completely. Pray daily for your husband and you want to talk with him and take a stand on this but be gentle and have a mind of christ. I understand what your going through because i struggle in the same situation. I ask god to give me strength everyday. My husband cut down alot on drinking and he has negative influences that lead him in this direction. My husband barley goes to church with me but i also dont want him to go to church to please me because it isnt about me its about the lord. I want god to change him for the lord and do his will i see potential in my husband but i also have to set an example for him. We all have to see what kind of example we are setting in our homes and outside of it. Im saying this because i used to go out to clubs and get away from our problems i wasnt dealing with it didnt help me at all. I started going back to church and i pray daily for myself because i struggle in many areas. Stay encouraged in the word and ask god to give you the right words to say to your husband when you talk to him about the situation god bless you sister!!

  • Hope

    My husband wants to divorce me because we have many sexual problems (pain) communication and others, I don’t want to. i Knos there is nothing impossible fir god to fix. I’m praying and believing in a miracle. I have received the divorce paperwork already, but I know God had the last word. Please pray for him. Thanks aLot God bless.

  • faith4u

    Sending healing thoughts & prayers for your marriage.

  • faith4u

    My husband & I have been married for a year & half. We are like best friends, very close. The main problem in our marriage is him going out & staying out late like he’s a single man. He doesn’t know how to commit to coming home at a decent time. He will call me or text me what time he’s coming home then ends up coming home past 2 or 3 am drunk. I have told him it’s disrespectful, inconsiderate & selfish to do this to me when he knows I have to get up around 530 am to work a long stressful 12 hr shift. We have talked about this so many times & just when I think we have an agreement he dishonors it. I’ve come to the realization that he is not a man of his word. So I have a very hard time trusting him. He’s 42 yrs old yet acts like he’s in his 20s. I’m ready to give up on our marriage because he’s a taker. All he does is take from me. I give him an inch he takes a mile. I have done so much & sacrificed for my husband yet he doesn’t. The only thing he has done was go to church with me for a couple months & stopped going to strip clubs. He still hangs out at bars & clubs. He also drinks at least 6-7 beers every single day. The other night he drank 12 cans of beer yet he denies that he is an alcoholic because he only drinks for enjoyment & to relax not to get drunk. his definition of an alcoholic is a person who wants to get drunk every chance thet get. am fine with him hanging out with the guys but I am not fine with him coming home so late & drunk. I really need prayers please. Thank you and God Bless

  • http://www.facebook.com/JenAnn1018 Jennifer Stohr

    Thank you for sharing your story! I look forward to hearing more from you. On 5/6/13 I married my soulmate and best friend – after a 12 year abusive marriage for me, and a 26 year abusive marriage that my husband was in. We are Christians, and are committed to making THIS marriage work. We don’t take a moment together for granted, but know we still have lots to overcome as we continue to heal from so many years of misery. God answered all of our prayers when he brought us together. I am looking forward to learning from other wonderful women!

  • Guest

    Three weeks ago tomorrow (on 5/6/13) I married my best friend and soulmate

  • Erin

    Rene – We’ve been married 13 this Memorial Day, together 15. We too seem to have just given up. We are like strangers … or actually roommates rather than a loving and affectionate couple. I am at the point of “this is enough – I’ve had it.” “If I have to constantly ask for a tidbit of attention, then I’m through.” However, I’m not sure God feels it’s right for us to divorce either. I am going to dive into this blog and read what I can. I will NOT be the doormat, the ONLY ONE DOING ANYTHING, while he sits back and enjoys the ride. We’ll see where this goes. I need to feel important, wanted and appreciated. I hope with God’s help that I find that from my husband. Praying for all my sisters in trouble. Thanks for sharing your relationship, Rene. Erin.

  • Sheila Kwok

    Thank you for your blog looking forward to being able to share as well as receive informational tidbits that will enhance or help a marriage my marriage a wife me.

  • Jennifer

    Please pray for my husband and I. We are currently separated.

  • PursuingProverbs31

    Interesting thread about this same issue from a husband’s perspective. So glad that y’all have overcome it and can provide a testimony to so many others who are silently suffering. God bless!
    http://www.womens-health.com/boards/sex/30256-exteme-pain-during-intercourse.html

  • http://www.facebook.com/rene.lee.522 Rene Lee

    What I have learned just lately is you must allow yourself to mourn the loss of the dream you had for the future as you pictured it with God. Then give yourself permission to give grace and to move forward. All if this can be done with Gods help. Lean on him minute by minute. Day by day will come later.

  • http://www.facebook.com/rene.lee.522 Rene Lee

    I found your blog as my husband and I have been struggling to the point of separating. We have a 24 yr marriage and a 27 yr relationship. We have been through alot both good and bad. We just gave up on us and then got angry and grew apart. We are trying to put us back together, it is hard. And very few people understand why we would put ourselves through this. It would be easier to divorce. I don’t believe that God has divorce in our future. I have read recommended books and really learned and grew from them. Thank you for being such a blessing to me. Please join me in praying for Mike and I daily. Thank you. Rene.

  • Anonymous

    Thanks for sharing your story. We also experienced pain with intercourse for the first four and a half years of marriage. I would ask the doctor at my gynecological appointments, but this did not improve things much. We read that some women are sensitive to personal lubricants. I do have food sensitivities, but not to other personal care products– however, our midwife finally recommended a lubricant that is the same as what is used in the doctor’s office– Slippery Stuff– and we had pain-free intercourse.

  • Tricia Skrobarczyk

    Thank you SOOO very much for opening up your heart to others & sharing such an intimate & private struggle. You are helping more than you could ever realize & I’m truly amazed at how God is using you to reach others! May He continue to bless & inspire you, Jennifer! ❤

  • http://www.facebook.com/lesleif Leslei Fisher

    Dear Jennifer,

    Rarely do I find something on Facebook or the internet that fills me–your words do. Although I am not defined as a Christian I do my best to lead a moral, ethical life being kind and helpful. Your words cross boundaries and reach out to a space in great need of being filled.Thank you!

    leslei fisher, facebook

  • http://www.facebook.com/adalbrecht007 Amanda Albrecht

    I don’t know how your blog came across my Facebook page, but I’m so glad it did. You have opened my eyes to so many things I’ve been struggling with. I write you prayers down in a notebook and read them several times a day. My husband and I are going through great struggles right now. I was at the end of my rope until I read your prayers. My husband is away at the moment. He works out of town a great deal leaving me alone and it has caused great stress on us both, along with the dispute over finances. We are both to blame for our problems and I take full responsibility for my actions. He has not called me in 3 days, nor made any contact in any way. I love him dearly and have placed my heart in the hands of god hoping he will help guide us. I can’t imagine my life without him and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to save our marriage. I don’t know where his head is right now, but his silence is devastating. I have never hurt inside as I do now. My heart feels like its being ripped out. I don’t know what to next, as I have poured my heart out to him and have done everything in my power to let him know how much I love him and how much he means to me. All I have left is prayer and hope that god will help guide him as he has me. Please pray for us. I can’t imagine life without him…

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    My heart has compassion for you. I wish I could be more encouraging, but I don’t know how to. It sounds like you truly love this man and that you do desire to marry him still. If you chose to do so it is imperative that you forgive him or else you are throwing yourself into prison where you will trap yourself by this anger. You must have faith that although we all are sinners and mess up and hurt each other… God is big enough, powerful enough, and resourceful enough to restore us! I hope this helps! I’m praying for you right now!
    Jennifer Smith Loving Life

  • lmyengwa@gmail.com

    Hi Jennifer

    I am going through one of the most difficult times in my life right now.3 years ago i met an amazing man,he adored me and my 2 year okd daughter the way i never imagined any man ever would.We dated until beggining of last year when i asked for a break in the relationship,felt stuck we wernt moving forward and i was frustrated so i left him.We somehow still couldnt go a day without talking he dated two girls i dated a guy and some time in august i called it quits with the man i was seeing because my heart belonged to him..He then called it quits with the woman he was with and we started working towards a life together..a couple of months later he proposed and i said yes.there was soo much happiness i finally felt that this is it.We started praying together,for our future,our family our plans.worshipped and had devotion time together.About a month and a half ago he called to ask me if our relationship could stand anything.I confidently said yes…he then went on to tell me that after we got back together,the woman he was saying came by to pick up her things from his place and they had sex…she fell pregnant and he asked her for a termination to which she refused and told him she can take care of her own child..I asked him why he didnt tell me when he found out,he said he was afraid,but was still going to get around to it,asked him if he was gna abandon that child?i asked so many questions i did not understand and was broken..he begged and pleaded for my forgiveness.This woman somehow found my number and told me what he had told me but that she wanted to fight for her man.I told her she could keep him..Jennifer i love this man.He called our parents for a meeting in which he related the whole story and begged for their and my forgiveness..He made it clear he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.We are still together but i am soo angry.Sometimes i think ive forgiven him,the next day i wake up and i am ready to stab him with a knife.I want to forgive him but something in me wont budge..From the moment he told me he asked that we continue praying together and trying to find a way forward but i refused.He tells me when he prays and asks that i join him and i refuse.A big part of me is angry at God.i know it is wrong but i cant help it.I have had a very difficult life.I lost my mom and older sister in a car accident when i was 13 and my dad and i have never been able to just live happily together.we have fought,hurt each other,dissapointed each other.i met a man and had a baby with him and he abandoned us.Ive just had it rough,drugs,alcohol u name it and i thought it wass finally over i thought my prayers had been answered and i was getting a break.I try and picture life now..We have to support this baby,whos mother doesnt want me,she probably wont allow me near the child.how do i even deal with that.When i pray for my daughter i feel i should pray for this unborn child but i dont want to and i feel guilty..We had planned on having another child after our marriage ,only one because education etc is so expensive nowadays.now we cant have that child because he has gone and made one elsewhere.I ask myself if he really loves me would he do that to me..I think of how he and my daughter adore and love each other.He is the dad she knows.if i leave what then?I just do not see a way forward but i love this man..what do i do Jennifer.I want to be able to forgive and love this child as my own yet i just cant seem to do it.ive been in turmoil for six weeks.I have tried praying but im so bitter and angry at God,at my fiance,at the world..how do i move past this?your blog is very inspirational and i am trying everything to move past this..what do i do?I know i need all the prayers i can get…please help.

  • http://www.facebook.com/claudia.gee.52 Claudia Nassoiy

    great thank you !

  • Kathleen McAnear Smith

    Just want to say I love your blog. I write on recovery for the whole family after divorce-and how we can work to heal the damage. I would love for my publisher to send you a copy of Beyond Broken Families, if you would like it- as a thank you to you!

  • http://www.facebook.com/mel.given Mel Given

    Hi Jennifer, i have been married for 2 years. my sweet husband and i were virgins when we got married and were looking forward to having a sex life with each other. on our honeymoon, we were deviistated to find that intercourse was extremely painful and impossible. i felt like i was a failure. i could not give my husband the one thing he desperately needed and saved for me.

    he was very patient with me at first, but because we didnt know what was wrong, he eventually thought i was just making excuses for not wanting him. he fell into pornography for fulfillment, which we all know only made things worse. we were so mad and bitter at each other and wondered how in one year we could go from loving and spending every possible minute with each other to dispising each other.

    i did not want to tell anyone about my situation because of embarressment, but i KNEW something was wrong. intercourse was not suppossed to be this difficult and painful! we often talked of splitting up.

    by God’s grace, we found out what was holding me back. it is called VAGINISMUS. it is common among christian women. check it out yourself and please please please direct your subscribers to VAGINISMUS.COM. it has helped us tremendously!!!!! we are not through with the book but we hope to be finishing soon.
    My dear husband and i are mending our relationship and we love each other with a deeper love than we could ever imagine.

  • Jennifer J Smith

    Jennifer, I thank you for your encouraging words, Our medical issues are the cause for pain for us. Its not vaginal pain. But its still pain. You see I have Multiple Sclerosis and he too also has a Neurological disorder that the doctors have yet to diagnosis him with. They are not sure of what he has. We give everything to the lord, because we don’t know what else to do. I’m so glad that your words of encouragement came across to me at just the right time. Thank you

  • mermangel

    Our wedding is rapidly approaching and I must say you have been a part of my daily life (on Facebook) for our entire year long engagement. I believe in preparing myself now, talking with him now, communicating with him now about both of our needs, our fears, our worries, our hopes and our dreams for our future together…I feel as though I’ve created a firm foundation so that as we go into our marriage we are open, open to failure, open to disappointments, we are NOT invincible, we are susceptible to being angered, making mistakes. We know we will have to work at our relationship every single day. We have both vowed that our love is worth that fight, it is worth the extra time spent to talk about the things that never should be pushed under the rug. I don’t ever want to be afraid to bare my heart to him, I’m not afraid to cry, <– not just in sadness but in happiness, in thankfulness that I have such a strong man that I can rely on to hold me up, to lift me up in my lowest and in my greatest times..We both acknowledge that God does need to be the biggest part of our relationship, because without him we will set ourselves up for failure.. I am simply happy that we are both open to this, we want this, and we want it for our 'someday' family too..I want to be the Wife and 'someday' mommy God wants me to be…I am ready. Thank you for being here, thank you for creating this community built on your God guiding vulnerability. Unveiled wife will forever be a part of my life, our marriage, my own personal growth as a woman, and my undying effort to have a marriage built through Gods eyes. I think starting at 23 is pretty good…<3

  • nateshamarcia

    I’ve been married for 13 years to my husband who is not a christian and it is not until this year in our marriage that we began discussing the difficulty in our sex life and our overall marriage relationship. My husband is not saved and so our relationship dynamics are just wacky at times. Since relocating to Georgia, My husband decided he wants a divorce due to me not being able to financially support our family in the manner that he would like me to. Plus he regrets not completing school and wants things that he felt I was preventing him from having. I was a stay at home mother (in agreement with my husband) for my first 3 children whom were born one year apart. I was also home for my fourth son due to illness and just difficulty getting a job. I am now working part time, but not working the job my husband prefers or wants. So there are many dynamics here to unpack , but I don’t have the time or space to do that. So i will say he wanted a divorce and I wanted to fight for our marriage. Then one day I woke up and realized that I could not force him to stay with me, but I can pray for God to work on him and me to make things better for us. So this is what my last 6 months in Georgia has consisted of. me fighting for my marriage to someone whom is so used to the old me that he cannot accept the me I am today.. te me that wants to wear makeup once in a while, loves log skirts that drape to the floor, prefers comfort over high heels everyday and does not want to watch porn or engage in sex play with toys because I just don’t feel comfortable with that anymore. I have given into many of his requests but as GOd draws me closer to Him I am learning that I must live by God’s standard and trust God to work things out. I am willing to work on our sexual relationship, but after sex I am left unfulfilled and he ejaculates and he’s good. In the last few months he has had less of a desire to have sex with me and that leaves me trapped struggling with masturbation and other sexual strongholds in order to please myself and keep my eyes from roaming. In the end I want God to be pleased with me and so I need prayer for me my husband and our marriage. i dont know what is going to happen, but I want my marriage to work and for God to get the glory out of it and establish a new thing in the generations to come through my husband and my decisions to serve God and just let Him lead me. I am now in a place where God is doing emotional healing from things of my past and I am not enjoying it, but I am learning how and why i respond the way i do to my husband and furthermore I am willing to change in order to make things better for us.

  • http://www.facebook.com/shereefern.bauer Sheree Fern Bauer

    Your page with 31 days of prayer for your husband I have been doing! We have been separated for almost 2 months now due to no job & homelessness. Feeling inadequate to provide, he felt it better not be with me. He has gone back to the ways of the world and no longer wants to work on covenant. I am drawing closer to God at this time, knowing His comfort and love in a deeper way. Thanks for your page it really encourages me and gives me hope to pray that God can work a miracle, and restore what the enemy has stolen. Many Blessings~

  • Guest

    Your page with 31 days of prayer for your husband I have been doing! We have been separated for almost 2 months now due to no job & homelessness. Feeling inadequate to provide, he felt it better not be with me. He has gone back to the ways of the world and no longer wants to work on covenant. I am drawing closer to God at this time, knowing His comfort and love in a deeper way. Thanks for your page it really encourages me and gives me hope to pray that God can work a miracle, and restore what the enemy has stolen. Many Blessings~

  • Kelly Roy

    I have a friend who has the “I love my husband” t-shirt and she is single. She wears it as a message of purity…that waiting is loving that man ahead of time. I love that…I think I will get one and use it when I teach teens.

  • Michelle

    Hello! Thank you for blogs like this. Im a devestated wife who was left with three children. My husband left me for the woman he was cheating on me with. He ended up having a son with her and they still live together after 2yrs. I feel as if theres no hope. I do not want to give up, but like you said everyone around me just tells me to move on! They tell me Its obvious he doesnt love you and he’s happy with her. That I didnt do my job as a woman to keep him content and that my marriage had problems before she even came in the picture. I feel as if my 3 boys also got the short end because hes now being a good father with his new family, Please help! Thnks

  • flossie1234

    after a year and forgiveness from an affair,he still digest want to have sex,what is wrong..i am doing for his love and his passion.

  • Naomi

    wow i yes want to say thank you for your openness. me and my husband have been married three years and well at some points it does hurt for me to have sex as well but more so just struggle with having no desire and this as his wife makes me sad that i don’t feel like having that time with him.

  • http://www.facebook.com/joanne.leith.3 Joanne Leith

    Hi, your story is so similar to mine…. I can’t believe it actually. My struggle to experience intercourse lasted 7 years and sadly my marriage ended. We were committed Christians…. :(

  • http://www.facebook.com/carynstacey.quimby Cary N Stacey Quimby

    Compared to many, my story is so small & I thank God for allowing me to see others hurt too! I was molested for years from age 4-??like 9. My sibling told me that if I told, his being the favorite, they would get rid of me. The scars are terrible emotionally! After 25 years of marriage to a man God put for me (he has never talked down to me or criticized me, quite the contrary, he encourages as best he knows). I told him before the issues with being touched and the shame I carry like a load of bricks, but he can’t grasp other than I am hurt deeply. Since I really started to ask God to deliver me, I come across so many men and women that have been raped or molested and I know how desperately they need to hear, ‘it’s not your fault, it makes me mad, or any response!’ No one, even hubby ever said anything, they just looked at me which made the shame worse! I know God in His wisdom and love for us all, allowed me to endure what didn’t break me, it made me stronger to help in a world not void of terrible pain and torment. So, even the worst issues can be used to help others if we allow it..
    I was gonna tell hubby off one day in my pain and God stopped me by showing me as it were a video in my head, it was to show me that hubby can’t give me what he doesn’t know or understand. But I can give him what I know or see he needs. Then I stupidly said but what about me!!! To this, I got a response of, your friend Terri listens to you and she is a strength when he can’t be. Trust me.
    Since then, I prayed for God to change me and my heart and we are still the best of companions and getting closer as the days pass. God is awesome and will do what is needed if we trust Him and let Him weed out what He knows needs to go and grow what needs to grow.
    Thanx for your time.
    Stacey Q

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    That is so awesome!! Glad you found us!

    Jennifer Smith \ Loving Life

  • http://www.facebook.com/kgrift Kate Magtobe

    Hi Jennifer! My name is Katie and I am a soon to be wife as of June 1, 2013. I saw a picture posted on Facebook with your attached URL and I thought I’d see what this unveiled wife site was all about. I’m excited to delve into your material and learn and discuss with other women of Christ exactly what being an awesome wife is all about!!!

    Thank you for being a blessing in the lives of so many women!

  • Heike Sanfie

    Hi my name is Heike and my husband and I have been married for 3 years and we have been separated for almost 2 it have been real painful
    But I knew God was in control the whole time I have been faithfully praying and involve in church for my marriage and others about a month ago my husband contact me and agreed to to through marriage counseling I so nerves but I know God is in control on this I’m very inspired by your blog thank you for allowing God to use you

  • cathy

    Your story is amazing. My husband is very quick to anger and say horrible things. When he snaps out of it he is always sorry and loves me. I know he does love me and is a God fearing man
    But I struggle with forgivness due to the hurt he causes in his rage. My “friends” I don’t talk to since they dint give Godly advice. Your blog gives me so much comfort and guidance. Thank you

  • Kelsey Cafferky

    Hi Melinda,
    I’m so sorry for what you have experienced. That sounds heartbreaking! I wanted to share with you a solution for the lubricant issue. I have been using coconut oil for a lubricant with my husband for a couple years ow. It’s natural, won’t cause any infections or burning, and definitely works better than KY or any others. Give it a try! I have very sensitive skin and can’t use regular lubricants either. This was a God send solution for me! God bless you!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000068320873 Wendi Watson

    hi, thank you for your blog.. i have been married to my highschool sweetheart for 3 1/2 years and have been with him for 8 yrs.

  • Emily Lucius

    I’m excited I found your blog today! Adding this to my subscriptions… NOW. :) Have a blessed day! Perhaps you could check out my blog (or whoever else is reading this)?! http://www.snapshotsofscripture.blogspot.com

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    That sounds like a lot to deal with growing up. I am so glad to hear God is giving you the courage to e Unveiled!

  • > K <

    Hi Jennifer~
    I found your blog through Pinterest.
    Reading your bio brought tears to my eyes, not only for your journey, but for mine.
    I long to live life as an Unveiled Wife, mother, friend, and more… to really, live life Unveiled, but fear rejection so I hide.
    You see, I have a disorder that makes me look different and throughout my entire life I was shamed by most everyone I encountered… even members of my own family.
    School was no better as teachers felt that my presence in their classrooms would be too much of a distraction (I was openly teased and tormented even in class), so I was placed in a special ed classroom. The teasing may have stopped while in school but after school I was still teased and it got worse because to them I was now ‘retarded’ too.
    My home was abusive and I was blamed for my parents lack of money and social standing (according to them, people didn’t like them because of my condition and my glasses were too much money and “wouldn’t help anyway, so why do I have to buy you any?”)

    As you can see, my backstory isn’t too pretty, but hiding my condition gave me a prettier current story, but having to hide the truth is really getting to me.
    And because I hid the truth, I don’t let many people get to close to me… that makes for a lonely existence. Luckily I have an amazing husband who loves me even though he knows the truth, but he found out the truth after we were married.
    It is my prayer that I can learn to trust God and accept His love and that someday I will be able to lower my veil and allow other people in and allow them to love me.
    Thank you for this blog.
    You have a new follower!

  • http://www.facebook.com/joanna.crochet Jo-anna Ribucan Crochet

    hello, my name is Jo-Anna, i found your blog through pinterest and am so thankful to have been led here. i appreciate your story and the courage you havetaken in opening up about it. i am 42 married for near 10 years n a stroke survivor for the last 5 years. the stroke has left me a hemiplegic (left side paralysis)my husband became my caregiver and through that he has seen n experienced things a husband would normally not experience until 30-50 years of marriage, from changing diapers, breath that smelled like death from being intubated and bath assistance. it has left a place where intimacy is no longer desired. His disappointment with my lack of healing and restoration has destroyed his faith and He has chosen to walk away from God, but i find encouragement here on your site and page on facebook

  • Juni Nix

    Hi,

    My name is Juney and I have been married for 16 years.  We have been separated for 6 months because he had an affair, and continues to carry on this affair.  I pray to the Lord on a daily basis, found a page on FB with good Christian men and women who stand for their marriage.  I know that God has this amazing plan for me and my family and have faith that my husband will come home.  However, it took me a long time to get here, to be free from resentment and pain and to truly forgive my husband and this OW for their selfishness. 
    I was angry for their selfishness for breaking up 2 families (she left her husband as well).  I was angry that they are so free to flaunt their relationship without any regard to who they hurt.  I was angry that I was fighting for a man who didnt think our family was worth fighting for.
    So I prayed and prayed and prayed.  I found comfort the more my relationship grew in the Lord, I found support in the men and women who are going through what I am growing through.  We all supported and prayed for our marriages to be restored.
    I stand for my marriage.  I know that it is not my battle to fight, but God is already fighting for me.  I am already victorious.  Just knowing that God will never leave me or forsake me, I can walk with my head up high and smile…  My husband will be home.  God will restore all that is broken…

  • jens2bz

    hi diane my name is jennifer. i too seperated from my husband about three months ago. i know the pain your feeling. i will be praying for you also. if you do not mind could you please contact me i have somethings i can email u. that may can help you too god bles.  jens2bz@gmail.com

  • freshie1983

     Hi… I am married for almost 5 years. We have a 3 year old daughter.  We always fight on petty things but two days ago my husband and I quarreled and this time he shouted at me and said the most spiteful words.The problem was he feel that I am always making decision and that really hurt his ego as a man. He tried to reach out to me after our fight by simply just giving me chocolates or treating me to dinner but I want to talk what’s really wrong with him but he is evading. I am staying in my mom’s house right now since he said it is better if we live separately for now. I wanted to talk to him and save our marriage. What should I do? Please help me…

  • judi1164

    My name is Judi and I was married for 17yrs with 3 beautiful children. My marriage ended 6yrs ago after seeking God and many books on marriage throughout the years! No matter how hard I tried I couldnt keep my marriage together. However, what I did learn was that a marriage cannot be one-sided. It takes 2 working together, side by side to make a marriage work. It also takes the love of GOD in your hearts! If you are unequally yoked you are in for alot of heartache. He was the love of my life, the man I wanted to grow old with. After 6yrs of being alone I have finally fallen in love again! I never thought Id love anyone again! Im am blessed, the Lord has given me a GOD fearing man this time and I have surrendered this relationship to God and will let him lead us where he will. Thank you for sharing this site with us. I find it to be a blessing in my journey!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I am so sorry to hear that Diane! I am praying that you both experience restoration in Jesus name AMEN!

  • Diane

    Hi,

    My name is Diane and I have been married for two years now. My relationship as been a painful one. We seperated three months ago, stayed in contact but stopped talking three days ago. I am in so much pain! I love him deeply and have forgiven him of all wrongs.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Fill out the contact page!

  • Kcsieck

    hi how do i email you so its not seen on the web page? could really use your help

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Just a Facebook page called husband revolution

  • faster7

    Thank you!  Is there an equivalent to this blog for men? 

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I am sorry to hear you are separated but I am blessed hearing your faith! I am praying for your marriage to experience reconciliation!

  • faster7

    Thank you for the openness expressed in this blog. It’s great to read of some of the realities and struggles that people go through. While this is a forum for women, as a man I have found that reading some of the comments has inspired me and deepened my understanding of my wife and our situation. We have been separated for a year (after being together for almost 20 years) and I keep praying, standing in the gap, seeking God for healing, restoration and perseverance. Sometimes the mountains appear too great, I just want to give up and move on and I have had friends encourage me to do so. However, for now I’m convinced it’s time to trust, pray and wait expectantly, having faith in things unseen.

  • PJunior

    I am married for 12 years and my husband has been cheating since then. We tried to improve the situation but it only change for a while. The latest “relationship” resulted in the lady blackmailing me and telling the police I call her and threaten her. Luckily technology is available to prove that I have never called her. I really don’t think I can take anymore. I actually fear for my life now. I really think I need to end the marriage now for my safety.

  • Jennifer Tarvin

    I just love this page and I love the daily prayers. My husband and I have been married for 17 years, we have two beautiful children and I am blessed way more than I deserve. I love that when I shared this page with him on the way to church on Sunday, he just smiled:):) It is so encouraging to have “back-up”. I need these prayers and stories to help me in my journey in my walk in Christ, as a wife and a mother. We all need each other.. I just wanted to say thank you! I needed help in areas of my life, and I found this page:) The Lord knows what we need, when we need it and how we need to understand it!!

  • Jewell86

    Hi my name is Jenna,
    I to have had problems with sex. I went throug so tuff stuff as a child that to this day effects my sex life with my husband. I don’t feel lime he understands me. So for the first 3 years it was few an far between. Now that I have a daughter who is 6 m old I feel a little different about it. But now it’s like he don’t want me. He turns me down all the time an says he is to sleepy. It makes me feel ugly an unwanted. What can I do??

  • http://www.facebook.com/Jesse.JoyceLiggins Liggins Joyce

    Hi June, you are in my prayers. Almost 30 years ago I began a
    transformation that ultimately changed my perspective on marriage and my
    singleness. In January 1973, I became a 24 year old single mom (due to a
    divorce) raising a 5 year old son and 2 daughters, ages 4 & 1. My siblings
    and I went to church every Sunday beginning with Sunday school and attended
    Vacation Bible School twice during the summer but I did not give my heart to
    the Lord Jesus Christ until I was 34 years of age. Unfortunately I had no one
    in my life to encourage me in marriage or life’s challenges so I proceeded to
    face my ‘Giants’ with very limited wisdom: (1) I learned a number of valuable
    lessons; (2) there were no mistakes only lessons; (3) if I failed to learn the
    lessons I faced, they got harder; (4) a lesson not learned was repeated; and
    (5) When my actions changed I knew I had learned my lesson.

    On February 19, 2003 I had to face the most
    devastating storm in my life, one that could have left me in the same state as
    New Orleans when it was hit by ‘Hurricane Katrina’ in 1994. But God! On my way
    to Atlanta from Monroe Louisiana, I learned my 34 year old daughter was
    brutally murdered leaving behind 2 sons, ages 14 & 7. The only thing I
    could say was, “Lord please give me peace, give me strength & give me
    wisdom.” God honored my request. There were moments through that ordeal that
    even now I cannot recall. It has always been my desire that God be gloried in
    every aspect of my life. You see In April of 1988 I became serious about
    remarrying. I decided that I wanted God to orchestrate things since I desired
    an opportunity to exemplify the woman I knew that God created me to be; I
    wanted the opportunity to love and receive love so I told the Lord that I
    wanted a man who loved Him as much as or more than I did. God, in His
    sovereignty, honored my request. There was a leading in my spirit to go to
    Atlanta where I would meet my husband. On that first Sunday after July 4th I
    attended a Church service where I met a gentleman who was the recipient of a
    liver and kidney transplant 2 years prior to our meeting. Jesse, an Evangelist,
    was the guest Minister on that Sunday and six months later we were married and
    have been for almost 25 years. when we live Proverbs 3:5-7, fully trusting God
    with our life decisions, God is glorified. Remember God said He will give us
    the desires of our heart if we delight ourselves in Him. My husband eulogized
    my daughter and at her celebration of life, over 40 people came to the altar
    weeping, and received the Lord Jesus Christ as their Savior. God was glorified
    even in the midst of my pain because I was determined to allow Him to be in
    complete control over my life as well as over my pain.

    I am in agreement with you June, that God will bring restoration and healing,
    and also His perfect will shall be done in your life. Continue to trust Him
    with every aspect of your life and do not allow unforgiveness to have dominion
    over your marriage nor over your destiny.

    God Bless!!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I am not the Judge only God is so this is just an opinion but I don’t think God would punish you for past actions in this way. Especially because you bravely told your husband and you both reconciled… God is a God of grace and redemption. I believe it is something in the environment. So many women struggle with this issue although doctors think we are fine. Some recently mentioned it could be from a gluten allergy maybe you can look into that. I am praying for you and your husband!

  • FLGAL

    I found your blog through a friend who follows you on Facebook. I have over the course of several months looked at your posts, although I hadn’t visited your page until this week. Tonight, I clicked opened the link to your site and read your story. I sat in awe as your story. Although not entirely the same as mine, it is indeed very similar. I was not a virgin when I married, however my husband was. In a brief, weak moment, before I met my husband, I chose to have a one night stand with a friend I’d known for years (I guess you would call it friends with benefits). It was devastating to me emotionally as he wasn’t the one I wanted to give myself too, but there was no changing what I had done. I never hid what I’d done with my husband and that made me love him even more, as he was accepting of me regardless. Two years later we said our vows with about 200 family and friends surrounding us. The fairytale ending to my wedding night was an epic disaster. I didn’t recall my first encounter two years prior being that painful, but the night of my wedding was excruciating! It didn’t get any better. Sex was something I began avoiding. I visited a couple different doctors, but I kept running into the same issues. They looked at my weight and my age and blew it off. One doctor mentioned I probably had PCOS, but with PCOS is medication, which I am not on. I do have an irregular period and yes, I am probably more over weight than I ought too, but I don’t consider myself obese by any means. Yet, that is all my husband heard and goes along with it. It hurts deeply to hear my husband say, “well you heard the doctor, you just need to loose a few pounds”. I know he truly means it for my health, but it stings each and every time. We recently celebrated our 6th anniversary this past May. Since getting married we have faced one economic disaster after another with job losses. Then in June, my husband at just 32 suffered a massive heart attack. At the time, he did not have health insurance. This devastated us financially. We’ve now been forced to file bankruptcy. The emotional toll on both of us has been at times unbearable. I never knew love could hurt so much that it hurt to breath, but that Saturday in June, not knowing whether my husband would live or die, it was all I could do to keep it together.The stress of everything that has taken place over the last several years has taken a toll on our sex life to say the least. The pain remains excruciating and the lack of it has really begun to take a toll on my husband emotionally. He keeps saying to me, “you don’t let me hug you anymore, touch you.” I do pull away. I don’t feel attractive, I feel like as a wife I have failed miserably. Yet, I don’t know how to talk to him. When I try, he gets upset and turns it back on me. So I stay quiet these days. We don’t have children, yet most of our friends are on their 2nd and third child by now. We’ve tried for kids, but that goes back to the painfulness of intercourse. As a woman, not being able to get pregnant, I feel incomplete. In truth, I feel this is punishment in some warped way for my choice so many years ago. Prayer helps in everything and I just ask for prayers. I can’t ignore the issues we have any longer, yet I truly don’t know how to address them either. Thank you in advance for the prayers and for listening to this incredibly lost post. I can’t believe how much I’ve written; my apologies!

  • mrstarmey

    Power of a Praying Wife — By Stormie Omartian. This is an amazing book. It has a sample prayer about sex. God told me to let you know because it will help you, Greatly!
    God bless you.

  • mrstarmey

    I have been reading Power Of A Praying Wife – By Stormie Omartian there is a prayer sample in the book about sex it is an amazing prayer God wanted me to let you know.

  • tryingtodogood

    Thank you Jennifer for sharing your heart. I’ve been married for 31 years and it has been pretty much a roller-coaster ride the whole time! I was a fatherless daughter, raised by a fatherless daughter and got saved in college. My husband had an alcoholic father and right after we were married, he let me know that he would be in charge (before he said he appreciated independent women). He did what he wanted, when he wanted and never explained anything. I felt lonely and rejected. Nothing changed even when I told him I cried myself to sleep at night. We always had problems in the bedroom, mostly because there was no closeness. For a period of several years Intercourse was painful for me, my doctor said it was from tension. I felt like he was a stranger to me. Anyway, along came two babies and I had quit my job when I married him because he was in the army, so my options were nil. He was a good provider and father so I accepted that this was the way it was. I almost gave up about a year ago when a man from my past contacted me. It has been a tremendous spiritual battle but I think we’re going to make it. God has worked in my husband’s heart and he realizes how much my heart ached from his neglect and rejection. He is so attentive and loving now, and our girls are grown up. We are like a young couple and I praise God for the miraculous transformation of our marriage!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Yes the attack from the enemy can be brutal! Continue to lift your heart up to God and cover your marriage in prayer! Check into parabens and I am also hearing that gluten allergies may be causing the same problems! I am praying for your marriage right now!

  • smcle366

    Jennifer your story sounds just like mine! I can literally replace my name with yours. I got married in 2008 and intimacy for me and my husband is non-existent. It is painful for me every time, however I’ve been to the doctor and I am totally fine. What puzzles me is that I was not a virgin before we got married and I didn’t have sexual issues before my husband. I know this is an attack from the enemy and it is truly affecting our marriage! My husband is so encouraging, speaking life into our marriage with the Word of God but I am so discouraged. I want children more than anything and it is my deepest cry to the Lord that he will heal me and our marriage.

  • Robyn

    i have been in a great marriage for 5 years, just recently i started chatting to an ex online who says he still loves me.. I am very tempted by this man, but dont want to sin against my husband.. is it ok to keep chatting with this man?? confused as!!

  • Rebekah Lyon

    Thank you, Jennifer, for stating your Statement of Faith on your blog. That’s huge! And I wish more women did this so that readers know where the blogger is coming from. I look forward to reading your prayers and posts. May God continue to lead, protect and direct in this ministry :)

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I am praying for you and your husband right now. I also hope that God led you here to find hope and healing! Thank you for sharing your story!

  • Maddox5

    I found your blog through Facebook.  A friend of mine posted a picture from here that said something like Marriage is not 50/50, but 100/100.  Give it everything you’ve got.  That spoke to me in such a profound way.  I have been married to my highschool sweetheart for 15 years.  3 years ago he lost his job and hit rock bottom spritually and emotionally.  I found out that he had been drinking to extremes for months.  The situation got to the point he attempted to commit suicide 2 times.  We have 4 small kids that were under the age of 8 at the time.  This experience has left me a different person.

    I know God has plans for me and my family, but I don’t feel like I have weathered the storm very well.  I am not the same person I was, and it isn’t a good thing.  I’m searching desparately for my way Home…..  I am hoping God has led me here for HIS purpose. 

  • Mainfraim

    I thought this was so good for me to read. I am a guy so i liked what it really was a good way to help people. But even still a good read.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I am so sorry for your loss! I will be praying for healing for you! I hope you continue to be encouraged through UW!

  • Kristamccumber

    My husband committed suicide over a year ago..I am a Christian and he was not. Last summer I rededicated my heart to the Lord. There are so many emotional scares that this has left behind. I was hurting and hungry spirituality. I have just found your site through Facebook. Your articles and the scriptures speak to me deeply. I appreciate your recent article on Apathy. I would love to write an article for you if time allows. Meanwhile thank you so much for your posts/site. What a blessing it truely is to me.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    That is great! My husband is in the process of setting up a site for men it is just difficult time wise. For now he can join the men’s Facebook page Husband Revolution for encouragement and interaction at http://www.facebook.com/husbandrevolution

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=708901383 Chariti Staley

    I found you through facebook. And Im looking forward to get your daily prayers. I have been married to my husband for almost 6 years and within those years we have had so many ups and downs. My husband is wanting to know if there is a site just for men like this for him to read and have communication with other men about daily life and the encouraging word from the Lord.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I’m praying for you right now!

  • Junewmcdonald

    My husband has had affairs for all of the first 19 years of our marriage.  He was also verbally abusive.  His cruelty totally destroyed any self-esteem that I had.  It is two years later and he has come to know Jesus.  I still struggle with the self-esteem issues.  I know that I love him and I know that God has called me to stay here in this marriage but some days I want to run.  I try to see myself running into God’s arms instead of running away.  Every woman wants to believe that she is cherished and loved and that is not something that I have felt.  I was not the one he turned to but many other women – one affair lasted over 6 years.I am still huting.  I forgive and understand from things that happened to him as a child how he came to give himself permission to act as he did.  And he did not know Christ as he claimed he did, and that was a huge blow to everything I believed about him.  I do not know why God has asked me to stay but I know he did.  I pray for restoration and for healing.  I can use all of the prayers I can get. 

  • understood sisterhood

    Merilee I can understand your pain…I have been married 30 years and Im in a similar situation. After working a business together for 17 years I am now “retiring”, I am so tired of the daily fighting, the arguing, the pain of knowing that deep down inside Im just not really wanted there anymore. I have been told many times over that Im just not “fun” anymore. I was told recently that I never really “wanted” to be at the business anyway so being replaced by my son’s girlfriend of 7 months shouldn’t be a problem. Im hurt, feel rejected. All those past years I said to myself and him don’t forget who was running the office, taking care of your children, your home, etc….I just get a blank stare,,,I am going through a lot of different emotions right now especially dealing with menopause that NO man can understand, Sometimes I would love to walk away from this marriage and get off this crazy carasouel…up, down, up down….the silent treatments, the constant walking on egg shells. I HEAR you believe me if no one else does, I do!!!

  • alicia

    I am praying for your husband to stay with the Lord and for you both to find a home church where you can worship the Lord together. I have moved recently and the Church we had fell in love with together is pretty far from our new home and we miss it dearly and we are seeking to find a new Church home that we would love and its hard I worship home with my husband and talk about Jesus in everything and it’s not like Church but we are still living for Jesus without worshiping in a Church I sing songs for Jesus all day and still feel so so close to him always so stay close to Jesus in everything and include your husband and pray for him and it will come to pass you and him will be close with Jesus as the conerstone :)

  • StephBishop

    I found you through facebook, your daily prayers always seem to fit what is going on in my marriage and they do help me understand that I am not the “only one”.
    My husband and I just recently married, we have three children one each from a previous marriage and our baby. Although we have different religious backgrounds (when he did go, he attended a more formal Baptist church, and I grew up in a Full Gospel church with a Pentacostal evengical preacher) we have tried to find a church that we both feel comfortable going to. We found one that seemed to be where God wanted us to be in, but after attending for just a couple of months, my husband is falling out of wanting to go and has come up with one reason after another not to go. So for the third week in a row I am heading off to church without him this morning. I pray everyday that God will reveal himself to my husband in a way that his heart will open more to Him, and I try to encourage him without “pressuring” him.
    Like many people out there we face a daily economical struggle, and there are obstacles everyday. I feel that my husband is looking for a quick fix to these obstacles and when going to church and going through the motions didn’t “pay off” the first Sunday, he gave up on the Lord. It is heartbreaking that he is not trusting in God and not willing to do his part for God.
    I didn’t intend to say all of this, but perhaps you might pray for my husband and myself for strength and guidance. Thank you so much for your blog.

  • Daciavou_84

    My husband and I have been married. A few years and We have 7 kids! From 10 to 1. I have found out he has been lying to me again (2nd time) that he is smoking. This time he’s been lying for months. I found out a few days ago and We have been fighting since. I am hurt and devistated that he won’t stop. I feel like I don’t deserve his respect and that I am not work the cigs and a lie. I no longer trust him and I am heartbroken that he would do this again. How do I move on from here?

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    You have definitely been through a lot! What a great testimony to have as God builds your marriage! I am so glad you found UW and I hope you continue to find hope and healing!

  • Jenn

    My husband & I have been married 10 yrs this Dec. Both had previous spouses who were unfaithful. Each have 2 kids, all except one who are adults & the “baby” is 17. We actually met n a church singles group. Through the years, things changed. There were battles w/kids (parent against parent), battles with our exes that were long & drawn out n courts, battles with pornography, battles with major depression, anxiety& breakdown,battles with finances.Keep n mind, we were faithful church-goers & truly loved the Lord. We started a marriage group n church & of course the battles grew. Over time, we grew apart; my husband shut down; I grew lonely. Thankfully there has never been infidelity on either part. I want a thriving marriage & have done & will do everything I know to do. My husband says he wants a good marriage, but he is not ready to put the work into it. Some days I want to give up but God will not let me. We have gone thru MAJOR struggles with 3 of our 4 children, the worst of which is taking place as we speak. My husband’s business is growing & doing great so that keeps him away longer hours. I keep hanging on to my faith in God & hope that one day, no matter how long it may be, that our marriage will b restored. I came across your blog when a facebook friend shared your info.I was instantly drawn to it. Thank you for your openness. That’s all I know how to be, as well. God bless your ministry and I look forward to the things God has for my marriage & children & me as an individual.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I know Karen! I was so blessed to see that myself! I love Ann! I hope you find encouragement here! Thanks for connecting!

  • Karen Field

    I just discovered this blog today. I think it was from Ann Voskamp’s A Holy Experience blog as a recommendation for the weekend to think on ways to improve your marriage. That’s a pretty terrific writer referring her readers to you for marriage! I have just subscribed so I’ll be looking forward to the things from you that will arrive in my inbox!

  • Karen Field

    I have had a similar experience with you by being molested, by my father, forgetting it for several years, seriously, I had blanked it out until I was 33 and was challenged by a great man of God to finally admit it. I remember telling my mother about it 6 years after it happened (my father had since died of suicide) because a talk show had come on and it reminded me of it and she angrily told me that I imagined it, and dismissed it out of hand, so I just went undercover with it. I had just been blamed by my mother for my abuse. I read books, went to counseling, all before I knew what was really wrong. Then I met with a good and godly Christian counselor who walked me through the pain and the coping mechanisms I’d developed that were preventing me from loving my husband and God as fully as I’d been made to be able to do. I am a strong advocate of talk therapy with a godly and well trained counselor. Our marriage is much better since I was able to come to grips with this and forgive my father and seek forgiveness for building up walls and keeping them there instead of allowing God’s love to come in and take down the walls. But it took an outside voice to get me through it. Oh, and to add to that, our sex life was a nightmare for many years until this was brought forward and for several years since it recovered. I had pain every time, too.

  • Jane

    I have Been married 7 years to a man 12 years my junior.he was my best friend and I was crazy about him.after we married,we endured years of pain as we struggled to have a child.after4 miscarriages god blessed us with a beautiful son.however the trials deeply effected my husband and our marriage has struggled terribly since.my husband is now a cold,unapproachable and verbally cruel man who I almost never turn to for comfort.he is also a non believer,so we never study gods word together.i however continue to dig into the word and as painful emotionally as it is living with someone who reduces me to tears daily,I know god will pull us out if this terrible place and make us smile again.our children are our priority and we ensure they have a wonderful,happy life.i teach the word to my children which my husband accepts and none of our anguish or turmoil is allowed to affect them.

  • Glo

    Please, if you ever come back to read this, please research something called “vaginismus”. Intercourse was very painful for me as well. I mentioned it to my doctor and became aware of vaginismus which is basically pain associated with vaginal penetration. I was referred to a pelvic support physiotherapist and through some therapy and physical exercises, I no longer have vaginismus. There is a treatment for it. Sex doesn’t have to be painful.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Welcome!! I am so glad you found UW! I hope that no matter what it is a blessing to you! I am praying right now that your marriage is fulfilled in every way!

  • Mom2TKN

    I found your blog because of a link up that you are doing with “women living well” and I am so happy that I did. I have been married for 7 years and we have 3 wonderful children. I have been having the same problem that you described in your about page for the last 2 years and my husband and I have been searching high and low to find out the problem. I’m not positive that this is the “Fix all” but it is certainly worth a shot! I’m so thankful that God lead me to read your blog! Thank you so much for sharing you story. God Bless!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Dear Lord, I pray over this marriage right now. May your Holy Spirit press upon their hearts tracy and restoration. May they experience total reconciliation. While they are on this vacation please help them to make good memories with each other. Give them an opportunity to communicate and overcome this crazy cycle in Jesus name AMEN!

  • merrilee

    Jennifer, I set here in a lovely resort on Sanibel Island; a vacation to celebrate our 21st Anniversary…however, our 21 year marriage is plagued with fighting and pain. On our second day here, I did something totally innocently that sent my husband into anger and frustration, and because of things he said, I felt again that deep inner hurt that suffocates. I never see these things coming, but after heated words and accusations and insults, he retreats into silence and leaves me totally alone…so here I am on day 3 totally alone..longing to pack up and go home, but torn in two emotionally knowing this will be another of a long line of bad memories. Of course, everything ends up being my fault…and we never visit and resolve these issues…they are eventually tucked away until the next time. I cry out to God once again…I have my faults, not the least of which is giving evil for evil…..pray for me..hold me up to God please. My prayer is that someday there will be an end to this crazy cycle not an end to our marriage.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Thank you so much for your blessing and encouragement!! I am so glad to hear how UW has blessed you!

  • mimi

    I’m really so blessed with your life especially to your prayers for your husband. The day I liked your fb account I am every much encouraged to pray for my husband all the time. Thanks for sharing your passion to bless all the wives and married couple.I pray for you and your husband that our Father in heaven will continue to bless your family more than you expect!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    The same thing?! I am glad to know I am not alone as well! I am so glad you both found fulfillment in this area of your life! God Bless!!

  • Jenn G

    Hi Jennifer! I have enjoyed following your posts on FB for quite some time, but I never had the chance to read your “story” until now. Wow! How wonderful it is that you are so transparent for us other wives! My mouth dropped as I read it. I have been married for almost 12 years and the first 3 years my husband experienced almost the Exact same issues with our sex life, right up to the many gyno appointments I wanted them to tell me something was terribly wrong with my anatomy!. Through a miracle also, the Lord redeemed that whole situation beautifully. But honestly I truly thought I was the only one who had gone through something like that because it was so unexplainable. It wasn’t until my husnabd and I sought help from other Chrisitian couples we trusted that our sex problems were healed. Thank you for your openess and God bless you in what He’s called you to do! :)

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Sadie, I am so sorry for the pain you are enduring right now in your marriage. I understand the pain that comes from the damaging effects of pornography and can only imagine that an affair is worse. The first thing that comes to my mind is grace. The fact that Christ has covered our sins enables us to then forgive and cover our spouse’s sin. I am aware the every situation has details that need to be taken into account, and because I do not know you personally I would encourage you to seek out more advice from a trusted mentor, a Christian woman who can walk with you through this process. I have faith with you that God promises to give you hope and a future, plans to prosper and not to harm! Hang in there!! Continue in steadfast prayer for you and your husband! I pray that this season in your life becomes a testament of God’s redeeming love which brings glory to Him!

  • sadie

    My husband had an emotional affair our first year of marriage and then through years of walls, jealousy (mostly on his part) and communicational issues, three children, assistant pastors of a church. (The whole bit) I discovered that my husband was having an affair for two months with a co-worker. Later to discover that he had also shared pictures between a different co-worker years earlier. I have been an instructor for five years and two days prior to finding this out had been promoted to being the director of the school. (which has been a dream for me so that I can reach many for Christ and have the ability to speak into many lives.) I am heart broken and have so many thoughts that run through my head. My husband is professing to be repentant and seeking God…but I am scared. I cannot go through this again. I thought I knew him better than this. I guess I didn’t. He got caught up in pornography and basically has stated that if our relationship was better he would have never had the affair or gotten into the pornography. I pray and I pray and I pray…I really could use some advice from someone who does not know me. I really want Gods will for my life because His opinion matters to me most. No matter what I do right now the gaping pain in my heart is unbearable . The hope that I hang on to is knowing that the Word says that ‘those who sow in tears shall reap with joy’ and that ‘God has a good plan and purpose for my life, plans to prosper me and not to harm me’. Job was restored when he “prayed” for his friends…so that is something that I am trying to do more. One beautiful thing that has come out of this so far is that at one of my students graduation I felt prompted by the Holy Spirit to ask who all wanted to accept Jesus as the personal Lord and Savior and the majority of my students raised their hands and I was able to lead them in the salvation prayer and was able to lead some of my co-workers to Christ as well through this. So, I do thank God for that. What price could you place on a soul right :) I’m looking forward to my day of the fullness of joy to be manifested through my life. I just want to be careful to not throw my pearls before swine. The Lord knows that I’m surely shaping one now. Any advice would be appreciated greatly. Many blessings to you and your ministry.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I would think it is ok and sometimes a necessary first step to find help. However, at some point I would think it would be important to be open and honest about it.

    Jennifer Smith // Loving Life
    Unveiled Wife

    http://unveiledwife.com
    http://facebook.com/unveiledwife
    http://twitter.com/unveiledwife

  • Ashley

    Is it okay to go through counseling without telling your spouse?

  • Ashley

    I need some advice about the intimacy issues in my marriage

  • Trb

    This is absolutely beautiful! What an amazing story you have. I’m so thrilled to find you and your blog. ~Bless you!~

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Wow! I am so glad God lead you to my site! Don’t give up! Sex and intimacy in marriage can be challenging and quite a lengthy process to get to where you enjoy it, but I do believe its possible! Seek God after it and pray for a fulfilled sex life with your husband. Something that also helped me greatly is No More Headaches… this book does not cover all that you mentioned, nor will it offer you the full solution, but its definitely encouraging! read the review here

    http://unveiledwife.com/prayer-of-the-day-no-more-headaches/

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Wow! I am so glad God lead you to my site! Don’t give up! Sex and intimacy in marriage can be challenging and quite a lengthy process to get to where you enjoy it, but I do believe its possible! Seek God after it and pray for a fulfilled sex life with your husband. Something that also helped me greatly is No More Headaches… this book does not cover all that you mentioned, nor will it offer you the full solution, but its definitely encouraging! read the review here

    http://unveiledwife.com/prayer-of-the-day-no-more-headaches/ (http://unveiledwife.com/prayer-of-the-day-no-more-headaches/)

  • ashbrooke23

    I believe it was no coincidence I came across your blog this morning. As I was reading your story I began to tear up because your experience is so closely related to mine. I am a newlywed and I have been experiencing the devastation of a marriage without intercourse.My husband and I have a great relationship except when it comes to sex. I have a lot of negativity, fear, and guilt that I have associated with sex due to choices and experiences from my past. The mental and emotional anxiety have led me to become completely closed off and unavailable sexually to my husband, even though I want to share it with him so badly. It’s like I am trapped and I can’t escape the chains of my anxieties. I am now dealing with the guilt and shame of not fulfilling my husband and fear of losing him and not being able to get past this. I want more than anything to have a completely healthy and satisfying relationship with my husband. However, hearing your story has given me hope and helped me to see that I am not alone in this. I will continue to pray and seek healing. Thank you. Prayers appreciated as I continue fighting this battle.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Tes, Thank you for sharing! I am so glad that you are a part of our community and that you do receive encouragements through the posts. I am no professional, but I think you and your husband would greatly benefit from a weekend marriage retreat where the goal is to spend time together and receive teachings on how to better your marriage. Something like FamilyLife’s Weekend To Remember, Real Marriage or Love & Respect. While he is deployed just keep praying and ask God to transform you and your husband! Have faith that change will come! Hang in their friend and know that God is with you!

  • Tes

    I have struggled in my relationships for years. I have a problem trusting men because of what they have done to me. I got Married March 15th 2011 and got pregnant just shortly afterwards. I had a horrible pregnancy and as a result my marriage suffered greatly. Just after my son was born my husband (who is a Marine) got sent to a month long training and three weeks after the training he deployed. I am a very angry person (and yes I have taken many anger management classes and been in therapy most of my life, not the issue here) and I am a very sensitive person. I have put up a shield so I don’t get hurt so I seem very cold and bitter at times. My husband is aware of my past and why I am the way I am and for the most part very accepting of it, however, he is not very supportive. I have been working on my issues and fixing the things that are wrong with me, such as my anger problems, and over the past year and a half I have made great progress. I have a lot of things that still need work like my marriage. I have a hard time letting things go when I get hurt and I tend to hold a bit of a grudge. Lately since my husband has been deployed I have been trying to work on our marriage so that when he gets back he can come home to a loving wife and home. I have Unveiled Wife on my Facebook and I read your posts all the time. I am very grateful for them because when I get to the point where I can’t handle my husbands negativity and just want to give up they inspire me to keep going and to keep trying. But It has gotten to the point where even these posts as inspiring as they are cant help me with my impatience toward my husband and his negativity and unwillingness to help fix our marriage. He doesn’t want to get divorced but he doesn’t want to fix our marriage. I get so frustrated with him I just can’t even talk to him and I say hurtful things at times. I would greatly appreciate advice on how to deal with this situation. I love my husband, he is a great man, but he isn’t adoring at all and his negativity far out weighs the positive. I guess I just need some encouraging words from an outside perspective. Please help. Thank you. I apologize if there are many errors I have been crying so much writing this I can barely see the screen.

  • dawn41

    i am 41 and when i was 36 I married my best friend he was absolutely wonderful to me. Six months after we were married he started complaining of leg pain. He had gotten Leukemia, and 9 months later he took his own life. I can honestly say my marriage to Eric was amazing. Then two years later I met Noureddine, He filled that void. He was funny,smart,good looking,religious, everything seemed perfect. He proposed and we were married April 30,2011.

    The first year was wonderful. And shortly after our 1 year anniversary he completely changed. Suddenly he became distant,disregards everything I say, I can literally tell him and entire story and he will have not heard one word. He has taken the love we built and is causing me to feel disgust toward him. I have been recently diagnosed with Cancer and he doesn’t ever ask me how I feel,and truly acts like I am lieing.I am scheduled for surgery July 30,2012 and feel that I should file for divorce after I recover. I have tried everything to make this work. And I have prayed everyday for him to be there for me. I think divorce is my only other option now, Does anyone have any advice for me…Please Help!!!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Carla,

    Is there someone you trust like a mentor or a Pastor who you can share this with? I feel like someone who can talk to you in person on a regular basis can help guide you in your situation.

  • Carla

    Hi me and my husband is separated because he is on drugs we have a daughter who is 1 I’m heart broke an confused I don’t know what god wants me to do we been married for 3 years an I have delt with this off and in the whole time I pray daily and go to church an try my best to live right an I just knew god would fix him and now I have just lost faith and hope I don’t know if I am supposed to divorce him or wait

  • Ashley

    Hi Kathy…I know it was two months ago that you left this comment but I too had pain during sex at one point in our marriage…It was for a about 2 years…I’ve been married 12 years. During that 2 year time I had a “tilted uterus”. During that time I got pregnant and once I delivered my uterus went back into place and it never hurt again!! {We discovered the problem during one of my ultrasound appointments}. You might see if maybe that is what you have, IF you are still in pain!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/Mj2162007 Mj Coban

    This is so encouraging Jennifer. I met my husband while I was in my last year of the military. I had met him through one of my army girlfriend’s. She said so many good things about him. She made him sound like he was a winner and I was interested. I had been in a string of bad relationships in my past and this guy won me over. I fell in love. Here comes the hard part. I had to deploy to Iraq which came to a surprise. My Sargeant told me that I was being deployed with the rest of the company for a whole year or more and I would not be able to finish my contract with the army unless I finished a deployment in Iraq. I was devastated and depressed. I didn’t want to leave my boyfriend behind. I felt like I was going to lose him and my life that I really wanted to start with him so we got married before the deployment and then soon after I was deployed.
    Life was tough in Iraq. It became ten times more stressful. It was hot, there was a lot of work, pressure and people being killed daily out there. I was praying that I wouldn’t have to drive out on convoys knowing that there were so many soldiers being killed on the road. For a whole year we kept in contact. It was hard to call him at a decent time because of the 8 hour time difference and by the time I got to the telephones there were at least 5 for ten soldiers in front of me waiting to talk to their loved ones back home.
    A year was finally over and all of soldiers were getting packed up and ready to leave for the United States. Coming home to my husband was so different. We had to get to know each other all over again. For the first 2 years I contemplated divorce but I could never go through with it. After every argument we made up. We really needed counseling but I was too prideful to think we even needed it. The second year since I had come back from Iraq I gave birth to our beautiful Angel. She was a Gift from God. She brought so much joy into our lives. Wtih my sister who I call my guardian angel. She was there for me daily praying for me, giving me godly advice and always there to lift my spirits and keep me going in the right dircetion. She never let me quit. I have been praying for my marriage and trusting God to do a good work in it. I’ve learned that love is not a feeling, love is not an emotion but love is action. We need to make an effort everyday to keep our marriages strong. I hope this was encouraging.

  • kellie goldader

    my husband just re enlisted… he hasnt been sent anywhere yet, but im not sure if he will be.. my issue is he could be sitting right next to me, but at the same time be millions of miles away from me…any words of encouragement

  • Lynn

    I was inspired by the title of the blog. Keep it up and thanks for reaffirming the relationship’s similarity to Jesus and the church. Thanks once more and may God continue to heal and bless you.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    That is amazing!! Congratulations! It may be hard now, the enemy is losing and he doesn’t like that… read the Bible everyday to combat the enemy’s threats! God is with you my friend!

  • cynthis cope

    Jesus saved my soul on July 2 2012.I feel like a brand new person inside.And yes i am going threw a lot of things with my husband now.More then i did when i was not saved.But i wont give up God is on my side and i feel that way

  • amymorgan1970

    I have recently found your forum. My hubby and I are getting ready to celebrate 15 years of marriage. It has had it’s ups and downs. But it has been a beautiful road. Please love your husbands no matter what and pray daily for help from God. Sometimes the road changes a bit as we age. But love never ends. Thank you so much for sharing.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I am blessed by your encouraging words as well Jen! I am so excited for you guys and I pray that God gives you a marriage that is fulfilling and more than you have ever experienced before!!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I’m so glad you find encouragement here Angela! I will be praying for God’s will for your life! May He bless your marriage richly.

  • Jennifer

    Today after 12 years of marriage, my husband committed himself fully to our marriage and to me again. What a long road and I am so thankful that God has been next to me the whole way. I know that today is just the start of the journey. Thank you Jennifer for the encouraging words these last few months when I wanted to walk away and throw in the towel or worse. I felt encouraged to take just a few more steps in the right direction.. Much love and blessings to you!

  • Angela

    I love your blog and FB page. They are so encouraging and inspiring. My hubby and I have many struggles right now. We have been trying to have another baby since sept. 2011 when I had a procedure to repair my tubes. The monthly struggle of infertility is devastating and trying to keep sex from becoming a chore is at times difficult. My husband is currently unhappy with his job and has been looking for several months for a new job but has not been offered anything that pays well enough. And I have been trying for many months to get my hubby and me a daily prayer/devotion time set aside but we can’t seem to make it happen. But through all this, your blog offers me encouragement daily. I thank you so much for your dedication and insight! May God Bless you through this!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    My heart breaks for you! I feel like I have no words to encourage you through this situation… it is heavy… but I can tell you that we serve a BIG God who loves us very much! I believe He has an awesome plan for your life! Continue to lean on Him and seek wise counsel. Perhaps a trusted mentor/church pastor… a girlfriend who you respect? I am praying that God reveals to you on how to handle this situation. May He empower you and equip as you need!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Thank you so much for sharing! You are not alone and I have faith that God can transform marriage intimacy! Hang in there friend!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Sorry you are going through a difficult time. I hope you find encouragement here!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I am praying with you for complete restoration!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Thank you Nellie! Please do so! Women need to be encouraged daily!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    So sorry to hear all that you are enduring in marriage. It is awesome to hear that you guys are going to counseling and trying to work through it by God’s grace. May God restore all that was broken or violated!

  • http://twitter.com/schofieldphoto Kate Schofield

    Heart ache and violation of trust.
    Looking back at life now, I would say over a 4 year period, slowing things have come to the heart ache and violation of trust that I am experiencing now. My husband and I will be celebrating our 19th Anniversary next month, and in those 19 years have been periods of selfishness, carelessness, poor choices and lifestyle, infidelity (twice on my part) and lack of the Lord in our lives. Tragicly I almost lost my husband to an over dose of pills and cough medicine because of the pain from my ugly behavior. (this took place 2002) This was my wake up call, my slap in the face that I needed to pull my crap together and make drastic emotional and spiritual changes. I convenanted with God and my Savior I would never be that person again. And from then on I have been faithful in every aspect. Also at that same time I was expecting our first child. We have four now. My daughter who is 9, a son 7, another son who is almost 4 and my daughter who is the apple of her fathers eye is 14 months. When I had our second son who is almost 4 I decided to move into a different bedroom to sleep, because my husband loves to watch tv in bed and be up late hours. I can’t function with a new born and lack of sleep, no way. But what was suppose to be a month or two till I could get him (baby) on schedule turned into a year of not sleeping in the same bed as my husband. We still had sex, then I would go to MY room to sleep, but it was not often (sex that is, maybe 3 times a month) After moving back into OUR room it was great, a sense of where have you been all my life came flooding back. But in between that time and now our lives have very slowing drifted. My husband has a great job (money wise) But a horrible schedule. He works Mon-Thursday and leaves from 7 am and does not get home until 8 or 9 at night because of the commute. And sometimes he has to pick up a weekend or two a month, leaving zero time for us and the nurturing of our relationship. I felt that I was a single mom with a paycheck. I am incharge of the budget. If he was we would be in debt up to our eyebrows, and never have a savings. So I do it because I am a saver and he is cool with that. I am a handy women (raised this way, my parents are awesome people) I can fix most anything from basic plumbing, electical plugs, drywall and paint, tile and grout, change oil on all the cars and any maintanance, I have my own photography studio (16 years now) and own and operate a coupon magazine (I do 90% of the design for my clients) So I am a busy mom, maid (my own house) and business owner. I have realized I over flow my plate to often and with that comes exhaustion and stress, and who else to take that out on…My husband. It seem to start about 6 months before I got pregnant with our last baby. I have a short fuse and was not a nice person to my husband, verbally abusive, telling him he does nothing to help me, always on the internet window shopping and not even taking out the trash, He also gained quit a bit of weight and I was not happy with that, always telling him he should work out and stop drinking so much soda. I felt that if he couldn’t help me and couldn’t make me happy I was on my own. Note: I didn’t feel this way everyday but a good portion of 21 months. In that time he would spend spend spend on CD’s and movie purchases. always eating out at work. Going to concerts (regularly) with some new found buddies. I trying to be a COOL wife a tolerant wife didn’t hold him back. I would yell at him about screwing up the budget, raising the credit card debt on stupid things, We never had date nights or go out at all for that matter. Our relationship suffered so much. He would tell me he hated coming home afraid I would yell at him. He didn’t feel comfortable at home. I would react to this saying, “You don’t try to help” or “Why can’t you comfort me when I am feeling stress” but nothing would happen. About two months before I delivered I was feeling fat and ugly I stumbled upon a message on Facebook to a woman. It wasn’t much but it got me concerned that Facebook could be a NEW trouble in our relationship. Telling him I saw the message and that I was concerned, I quickly changed my attitude to more sex, sexy pregnancy lingerie, praising him, loving him, worried that if I didn’t step it up a notch bad things could happen. Nothing did, and 6 months breezed by. Oct 2011 I was going to go with my whole family to visit my brother in Idaho, My husband did not want to go, even though I encouraged him that I needed his company. He did not go. I started to see the D word. Fights came into play and one really bad fight where both of us shouted the D word. That was the first night ever was had make up sex in our entire marriage. I cried even. Nov and Dec where a little better. After Christmas just before New Years, my husband and I were talking alone and I shared my concerns that we never share with each other. Our wants, likes, desires, happy things, current events, things we read or do when he is a work or what ever. That I missed him so much. He expressed the same feelings and then confessed that he had been messaging a woman from high school. He told me he was talking very inappropriate with her and he felt guilty and stopped. I felt horrible and untrusting. Trying to fix my attitude and make our relationship better and tried to hold my tougue, think before I speak, and PRAY a lot for guidance. I wanted to do something special for Valentines so I put together a photo album of me in several lingerie shots. I also got him a car sticker of one of his favorite bands and a concert DVD of the same band. I was so excited to give it to him. It was life Christmas eve. Valentines went over well, he however didn’t put any thought into my gift as usuall. (may I add he has not gotten me a birthday gift for years, he has said I got you something, and then said I changed my mind and takes it back. Personally I think he just kept the money so he could buy him something, because I never saw that money again) He got me brownish red mums and a pink fuzzy blanket. I do love the blanket, but brown mums, come on. Those are for dead people. I told him I was disappointed and the next two days he gave me red roses. Right after that I found another message to that same woman he was talking inappropriate with. And it was not the best message. I was furious. Another fight, he left for a few hours and then we made up, for the next 6 weeks they were wonderful. WE LIVED FOR EACHOTHER, every day, every minute. We both shared that we had not felt this way in such a long time and never wanted it to end. The end of April we took our first mini vacation together ever. We went to Las Vegas and in that time all we did is shop for more music cds. Boring! Since Jan 2012, he had spent almost $6,000 on music cds and movies and who know what, He has turned to listening and attending black metal music including satanic metal. He started to question his faith in our church and god, he would cry and tell me he doesn’t feel love and appreciated and no one cares, I in the mean while was calling on Jesus and Heavenly Father for blessings, help, gaurdian angels to watch over and protect, sharing my testimony of my belief that the Lord is the only way to happiness. He invited me to another concert but the spirit of the Lord told me not to go. I declined and he went, after that day everything went to hell. I was inspired to look in his work bag, which I never have and found several bottles of cough medicine. Confronting him, he admitted to trying not to feel what he was feeling. Then week after week he would complain of struggling with life, He is 42 now. Feeling like he didn’t get to do what he wanted in life. I would say, “your still young, you can do what ever you want. I support you and will help you. Tell me what you want to do.” And his reply would be “I don’t know.” I would catch him in lies each week and he would blow me off, never explaining himself and become defensive if I questioned anything. I through him a surprise birthday party which I had planned well before this all started happening, I planned date nights and found babysitters, I would touch and have sex often some times 3-4 times a week. I would read scriptures out loud in bed, we would try and have family pray almost every night. I pleaded with the lord to help him find his way, help him get rid of this satanic music that I feel is clouding his mind. Then weird inspiration, anxiety and paronoia set in only to discover that he had been calling, texting and live messaging this married woman at work. I told him to talk a week off work so he could recoup, rest and apply for some new jobs and we could spend time together. I even took him to the spa, which he said he was surprised how much he enjoyed it. That week he was talking to this mystery woman. I woke up on Thursday that week and told him I was unhappy and felt he was pushing me away, he got mad and left for 4 hours, ignoring my phone calls. He went and met up with this mystery woman. I was doing dishes and was inspired again my the spirit to check his phone. He had called this woman to meet with her. He said it was a guy (scott) from work. I called the number the person answered and in a sweet voice I said “Hello” pause and then they hung up. I went and confessed my suspicion and he got upset and told me it was Scott. I told him I was worried he was off getting drunk as a cover to what I was really feeling. We don’t drink. That Saturday he surprised me with flowers a card and dinner to PF changs. We went and it was kind of stale. Not much conversation going on. At the end of dinner he got up to go to the bathroom, and a voice told me he was going to talk a woman. THat night in his sleep I got up and checked his phone. Sure enough he had texted her in the bathroom, and said I was thinking of you babe. She replied me too. I was livid. That was it. I had been stuggling trying to save our marriage for 6 long weeks now, and he was having fun with someone else. IT WAS OVER. I ripped off the blanks and was yelling who the hell is she, tell me know, are you sleeping with her, and you kissing her, holding hands, hugging, buying her things what. He told me she was just a friend at work, that nothing was going on, she as a sympathetic ear, someone he could confid in. Bull shit. I am here, I ask if you want to talk, I ask you whats bugging you when you are quite. I give you back rubs and foot massages weekly to help you be calm in hopes you can confid in me your fears and worries. Sunday we made love like no other. We talked and shared, I felt that we could work this out. He had to tell this woman that outside communication from work was inappropriate and they could not do it any more. He told me Monday that he did and that she was sad, but understood. That week I had anxiety attacks and a rock in my stomach almost everyday, asking him if there was anything else he needed to tell me. He would get defensive and say “no, we are good, why are you being this way?” I would say I don’t feel right, I have hurt feelings that you have been sneaking this relationship. (I know about the women he talks to at work, he shares that, except for this one girl) That he lied to my face when I asked him if he was seeing or talking to a women. Saturday I decided to set up a date. We were going to a park with mini golf, go carts etc. It got rained out. That night he was on the internet again. I sat down by him to talk and ask about if he had found anything cool on line he would like to share. I also asked him point blank if he was chatting with anyother women. He said NO. That night I got up to check is I phone. As soon as I turned it on a live chat came up and it said I was thinking of you. This was at one in the moring when he wrote it, he was talking with me in bed at 1 am and got up to go to the bathroom. I got up and said why do you need your phone with you? He said he was looking up music he thought about. It happened again. I woke him up and he instintly went for the phone. I had a death grip on it as he tried to pry it from my hands. I started hitting his back and shoulder yelling at him. Tell me who is she, why are you trying to ruin this marriage. He wouldn’t tell me her name and acted weird. I slapped him in the face. I had had it. That night was pure hell, I was not crying, I was so mad I could of killed him. Luckily our kids were gone to sleep over at grandmas. I made him tell me her name. I also made him tell her on the live chat in front of me that what he was doing was inappropraite and that married people should not be having these kind of conversations and that they can no longer be friends. We went to church that day, tired. And talked along time. I wanted to throw up, my body was just shaking. I told him, no more internet on the weekends, the I phone is now both of ours. (I don’t have one)and that his devil music has to go. The spirit of the Lord can not dwell in our home with this crap. This week has been horrible as well. Lots of crying. Feeling that I failed as a wife and friend, but full of gratitude to my Savior for helping me be noisy and finding things out before infidilety happened. I even called the woman and talked to her. She told me she did not know I didn’t know of their converstations. That she was not romanicly involved, and that HE did not express any romantic anything with her. They mostly talked about people at work. And when she met up with him a week or so ago it was only for a few minutes. He said he was struggling with life. She told her husband and they both felt horrible I was experiencing this and understood. I feel so much better having closure on that. However there is still the challenge of getting rid of the devil music. I also found 6 more bottles of cough medicine and a current receipt. I confided in my husband and we are working things out. I love him so much and want both of us to be happy. We have our first counseling session tomorrow, and two dates planned for this weekend. He violated my trust, he broke my heart twice, but I am truely grateful for my Heavenly Father lifting me up when I needed it, My Savior Jesus Christ carrying me when I could walk any more. Answering my prayers. Even though I didn’t want to go through this I feel he needed a wake up, a slap in the face to see he was leading him self and our marriage to distruction. That Satan has deceived him to believe or not believe. It is my prayer that each day I can feel peace, that I can regain my trust in him, that I will do and serve my husband and he will do and serve me, that our friendship and be mended, that our love will be stronger than ever, and that the Lord is the center of our marriage.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Thank you for your encouraging words! The biggest obstacle is doing all that God asks without being fearful!

  • Nellie

    What your doing is simply amazing. One day I would love to work with a blog of encouragement for women who go through many things and how to go about the healing process. You are proof that God can truly do anything.

  • Charissa

    Wow…beautiful…thank you for being so open about your struggle with intimacy. I have never had pain with sex…until recently….in the last 7 months or so…docs really don’t know what to do…I am believing God for complete healing. Thank you for this encouragement today!!

  • Natasha Higgins

    I am facing some difficult time in my marriage, and your words have inspire me to bookmarks this website to learn more from other women all over. Thanks to you.

  • Lia

    Jennifer,
    I just found this blog through a link party by Cornerstone Confessions. How do I begin to put into words what your transparency and humility has meant to me this evening? Thank you for being willing to be honest and to reach out to the multitudes of women that are “scared” to talk about sex (especially believers such as myself!).
    After reading all of the comments, I was stunned to find more than one that related to my own marriage. I have been married for 9 years this August. My husband and I dated for 5 years before we were married. We did not have sex but we were not totally pure during our relationship. I was led to believe that if I kept pleasing him physically, without actually having sex, that he would marry me. I was deceived and I deceived myself. I was ashamed, I was heart-broken but I continued to provide sexual stimulation and allow it for myself even though I knew it was wrong. As one commenter experienced, I also experienced a strong sin association in my life sexually for most of my life. I struggle(d) with masturbation, keeping control of my thought life, eventually leading to viewing “innocent” pornography and therefore struggled with a boat load of guilt, regret and a sin issue that has been very difficult to let go of even though I have sought forgiveness.
    I have a very strong sex-drive. Our honeymoon was the best week of my life…lots of sex, all of the time, it was awesome. Then we came home and began married life and the sex slooooowed way down. After the first year of our marriage, my Mom was diagnosed with cancer. One year later my husbands mom was diagnosed with cancer. The next year my mom died. The year after that my husbands mom died. The year after that we were surprised to learn we were pregnant. We had a c-section with a long recovery for me. Our lives were completely turned upside down in a matter of 6 years and now we have a newborn baby and two new roles as mom and dad, along with becoming a stay at home mom!
    All that to say, there have been lots of obstacles and as time has gone on, our sex life has suffered. I LOVE having sex with my husband. My husband loves oral sex. We are on two completely different planets when it comes to sex.
    I had the misconception that when I married my husband, I would get to have sex whenever I wanted and as much as I wanted and what guy would not be happy with a wife that wanted sex all of the time??? I have talked, I have confessed, I have begged, I have cried, I have alienated, I have prayed, and I have struggled because every time I am turned down I immediately think of finding a way to kill the desire either through self-stimulation or emotional withdrawal from my husband…
    God is good and He is SO faithful and I continue to pray that somehow this will change and that my husband will grow to enjoy sex with me without holding anything back or flat out rejecting me. I long to feel sexually desired and a mutual desire for sex by my husband. I know that God is faithful and I trust that it will change. I adore my husband and I know that he loves me… we just need to have more sex! :)
    Thank you again for posting! :) I hope no one I know ever reads this ;)

  • Lia

    This is so me! I cannot believe there is another woman out there with the same issue as me! I’m SO glad you posted this! I also am “plagued” with a very high sex drive and I also get rejected a lot. It is embarrassing and when all of your friends talk about how they can’t get their husbands off of them, I feel like I must be doing something wrong.

    I was 22 and he was 24 when we married, as virgins, and our honeymoon was awesome! 7 days of awesomeness and then boom… it was over! What a shock to find out that I would not be having very much sex. I assumed my husband would be like every other guy and constantly want sex … very wrong about that.

    Somehow by the grace of God we conceived and have a 2-year old daughter and it became an even bigger problem after that. My problem is that my husband prefers other stimulation over sex … I would have sex every single day if I could…. isn’t that why we got married??? :)

    Anyway, Thank you for posting this and letting me know that I’m not the only one in this situation. Will be praying for a baby for you and hope things get better for us both! :)

  • peachpeculiar

    Hi Jennifer, I have been married for 6 years (Oct. 21) but we have been together for 8 years. When we met through a friend, I had been out of a relationship for about three years and we were still talking back and forth. However, I decided it was important to cut all ties to my past to give me current relationship a fighting chance. He was open enough to tell me that he had just ended his past relationship with his baby mother. His daughter was 10 months at this time. However, because I grew so much feelings for him, I took on a task that I promised I would not do (date/marry someone with a child(ren)). We had so many problems although we had good times. I grew up as a person who cooks, cleans, takes care of my siblings, iron, etc. So I figured that this was a plus for our marriage. We did not have no one but my mum to help us financially as we tried so hard to adjust to our marriage. My husband loves his daughter and this is one thing that turned me on about him. I always wanted children, I just wanted to have them when I got married to the man I loved. I have had so much drama with his daughter’s mother. So much stress. I was cursed out and called barren and the list goes on. I always felt that my husband always put the daughter before me and always felt he had to protect her against any hurt because he grew up without his father. Until now, we have yet to have any children and this he said is affecting him. It is affecting me also. I have gone to doctors, done scans including internal ultra-sounds that read that everything was fine with me, no fibroids, ovaries are normally, everything normal, but yet no children. This year (2012), I found out that the neighbour in my complex was having an affair with my husband and they have carrying on for about 6months to a year. She came there to live with her brother and his wife. So this was soooo discrete. Even though I address my husband on the fact that I could see that she is attracted to him, he assured me that nothing was happening. However, my good GOD showed me some dreams and had him leave his facebook page open by mistake only to find that they were having an affair. Then he came clean and told me she is pregnant for him. JENNIFER, as I write this story for you and the readers, my heart is aching and I am in tears. I have to keep myself even more occupied to keep my mind off the situation, but we still came to the overall conclusion that we wanted to fight for our marriage. However, I cant trust him as far as I can throw a stick. I am seeking GOD counsel on this one through much prayer. But, I would like to hear spiritual advice from you on my situation. Trust me this situation had me to the point of wanting to hurt both of them because she has this attitude of Hagar (in the Bible). She is glad to pregnant for him and proud to say that I can not have any children. This is trying send me out of my mind, BUT GOD! He is trying to fix things, I wont say he is doing his best, but he tries to check on me often and assure me that he loves me because I guess he does not want me to mess up him.

  • Brena

    It was so amazing reading your story and knowing I’m not going through all this alone. My husband and I met in college and from the start we both said we would wait to have sex… well as I had given in before due to low self esteem, as soon as he started hinting I gave in feeling like there was nothing I could do to stop it. I felt horrible and depressed and used. I prayed for strength to say no and it just wasn’t happening. Finally one day we were caught because of a note I had written him. The school we attend has a no sex outside of marriage policy so we were both put on contract. I had been praying before that God would destroy our relationship or build it up, because of what happened we were forced to take relationship counseling. A few months later he proposed and I said yes. Over the summer we slipped up and I felt horrible. He kept trying to tell me it was ok because we were engaged but I was able to say no more until the wedding. He agreed for my sake. Months later when our wedding night came I figured I would be excited and happy to share this moment as a restored couple doing what is right in God’s eyes…. I wasn’t. The whole night I felt just out of it. Like I couldn’t enjoy sex. I prayed about it but nothing seemed to change. A few times here and there I liked it but it just always felt off. 5 months later I became pregnant. My first 3 months I was miserably dizzy and fighting off the feeling of throwing up. I wasn’t feeling sexy and therefore no sex happened. My husband has been going insane. He gets depressed and feels that I don’t find him attractive. I write him letters to express myself but it only makes him happy for a little while. Lately I have been feeling up to it again but haven’t had the time to try because now he never comes home. As soon as he is off work he goes to his friends because he feels like spending time with me is pointless as he won’t get sex. I know he loves me more than the sex but it’s hard when that is all he brings up. Tonight is the first time I convinced him to stay home, no friends at all. We have a date night planned and I’m praying it can help reunite us. I’d really appreciate the prayers.

  • Hannah M

    Hi Jennifer! I am so happy I found this…I read through your biography, and almost started tearing up, because it is very close to my situation now. When I was a teenager, I did have sex with my boyfriend at the time, and also again with another boyfriend in college. I hurt at first, like a lot of women do, but something wasn’t right during the few times we did do something. I didn’t feel ANY stimulation, whatsoever. Probably TMI, but it’s just like touching your arm or something. I felt NOTHING at all. I forced myself to forget about it (or at least keep it on the back burner) until I met my husband. I joined the Navy in 2007. After boot camp, went to A-school for my rate in Illinois, and met this amazing man in my duty section. We swapped glances at muster time every now and then, until one day he came up to me and said “Wow, you’re tall!” (I’m 6’0″) I blushed and was wondering why the heck someone would say that! lol Of course he ended up being the joking type-very lovable, fun, and outgoing. We started dating and after I graduated from my school, he proposed to me! We were married by a judge just a few short weeks later, before I was sent to Virginia and he had to go to San Diego. When we had sex for the first time after that, all the old self-hate feelings came back and I remembered just how hard it was for me to feel anything at all. I’m not talking about just not being able to have an O, I mean, it’s painful afterward, not during so much, and I just don’t feel anything. I cried after that, because I was so hoping things would change with my husband. It didn’t. I didn’t have the heart to tell him, thinking he would leave for me not being able to equally join him in our sex life. Mind you, I can get turned on (rarely), but nothing can come of it. Very frustrating and hurtful. I have been so scared to tell him, and hurt him for me “faking it” every time. Let me add something-my husband has been through A LOT. When I met him, he already had something that docs refered to as ‘schlorosis pancreatitis’. Most older people get pancreatitis, so when he got it at 14, docs were shocked and didn’t know what to do with him. He has had 2 surgeries since I met him to get rid of life-threatening cysts on his pancreas. Because of his condition, doctors gave him the heads up that around age 40, he should expect to develop pancreatic cancer. To make matters worse, after my son was born, my husband started drinking almost every day. He never ever became drunk ,which was a total mystery to him, so he just kept drinking for fun when he played video games. He went on deployment with his ship in 2009 for 7 months, and when he returned, continued to drink. On the side, Navy doctors decided that his pancreatic condition was bad enough that he should be medically separated, which he was in February 2010, after 3 years of service. However, in January 2010, he suffered what we know was a mini-stroke-although doctors had no idea what was going on. They knew something was wrong, just didn’t know what, so they just let it go. That moment, he stopped drinking and smoking-completely. The last month of him drinking, it was mostly the Four Loko energy alcohol drinks, which have been found to cause black-outs and can develop brain injuries if drank too often. I was so relieved that he had stopped, but at a terrible hit to the head. Soon after he got out of the military, we were very much broke, not expecting his separation, and he was suffering DAILY from brain fog, physical pain, and sickness. We had no idea what was going on. Jan 2010-Dec 2011 were the hardest times either of us ever had in our lives. A lot of fighting, hate, pain, no sex whatsoever, and no hope. He was sick and I felt guilty for hating him. I felt he hated me, because of his situation, and he knew that I was having a hard time caring for him, our 2 year old, and being pregnant (which we found out when he was in the hospital in January 2010). We had our daughter in September 2010. He started getting just a little better in 2011, and did more things, got off the couch more often. However, he continued playing video games, all day every day. He talked about wanting to start school and get a job, which never went through. I got out of the military in April 2011, and since then have struggled mentally, financially, and every thing else you can think of. Sex was hard, hated, and loveless for a very long time. In December 2011, I asked him for a separation, because I couldn’t handle the hate, and non-communication in our lives. I told him how I felt and he, for the first time in almost 4 years, started crying in front of me. I told him I loved him-which is completely true- but I couldn’t being talked to like a child, being in a marriage like this, one that he obviously didn’t want to be a part of. The day after that, we talked more and more, and we started feeling all of our great feelings again. We had an amazing time reconnecting and being happier. The first time we had sex after our rekindling (it had been months since the last time) I felt the feeling again-nothing. Since then, he has been happy, helping, medically getting better, little by little (although we found out earlier this year that he is intolerant to garlic, onion, and ginger-any sulfites, and a few months ago, we found out that he may have Celiac disease, so we have been trying hard to eat gluten-free. Right after, we discovered he can’t have ANY grains, or even have them cooked in the house, or it’ll cause him migraines and brain fog). So much to deal with, but still holding on. Sex, however, is hard. For him, decent, because he knows deep down that I am holding back part of me. We will be married 5 years in September 2012, and he still doesn’t know that I can’t be intimate, or feel anything during sex. I try, and I want him to enjoy every last bit, but I sometimes cry after we do, and think, “why can’t I be like everyone else?!” I get so mad, so hurt, that I can’t apply myself to him sexually. It’s a major road block in my marriage and he doesn’t even know. I want to tell him so badly, but fear that he will hate me for keeping this from him for so long, and will want to leave. I am worn down, stressed, upset, and worried. I started praying more often, but still get discouraged very often.

    I know this was a very long comment, but I needed to clear my frustrated mind. Thanks to anyone who reads it, and please leave replies. What do I do?…..

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I will definitely be praying for you both!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/tracyleabliss TracyLea Bliss

    Dear Jennifer,
    Thank you for your testimony! It sounds similar to mine about the intimacy part. Except, with my husband and I, we used to have sex pain free, until we had our first child. Since I gave birth the first time, its always hurted, and I never knew why….I thought it was just a downfall to going through labor. I just gave birth to my third child 2 months ago. After my 6 week check up, my dr called me , saying I might have cervical cancer, that my pap tests came back abnormal….I’m praying that if its cancer, or just a cyst or whatever it is, that it will solve the hurting problem. It makes me feel like an inadequate wife as well, and many times I try to act like it doesn’t hurt so he can feel happy too. It’s always awkward after….cuz we both know something isnt right. Please pray for us. I’m going to look into the facewash I’m using as well! Thank u for that tip!

  • MJL

    Jesus did not need an apology from those who killed Him before He said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” They knew they killed Him, and one even realized Who He was… they didn’t realize the full impact of it, however, and certainly most never apologized to Him. Jesus extended forgiveness to them anyway.

    “Giving it to God” is always an option…and asking Him to “see” the email you sent to your husband through *your husband’s* eyes might also help.

    With-holding yourself emotionally or physically in August will only serve to nurture your own anger/hurt and will not serve to fulfill any of the “one another” commands in the NT. Remember, we walk by faith, not by feelings.

    I Peter 2:19 “For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.
    20For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.
    21For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:
    22Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:
    23Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:”

    Don’t complicate the issues by nursing your wounds. Let them go, give them to God, and at the proper time, with the proper spirit (Galatians 6:1 may apply to you, but only if you are more spiritual, yet the attitude of meekness, restoration, and love apply to all)

  • http://www.facebook.com/jbarbosajhb Joan Hangad Barbosa

    my husband dont want to have a communication everyday,eventhough i want it especially now im far from him.so i follow what he wants.even i miss him so much ..he felt boring that we send message everyday..what will i do

  • Jo

    I too have a husband with a very low to no sex drive. He is 12 yrs older than me and when we were dating he was interested 4-5 times a week sometimes multiple times in one day. Once we got married it took a huge dip. I have a huge sex drive and am constantly coming on to him only to be rejected daily. I never stop trying. I pray often for my husbands desire for me to return. He loves me very much but he is just not interested. We have sex 2-3 times a year if I am lucky. :-) I will continue to pray for him. There is nothing wrong with him because he can get excited he just never feels like it. It is discouraging but because I love him so much I never give up hope. This has been going on for 13 years now. He says it’s not me, it’s him. It is because of God in my life that I have not given up on him. I still believe God will answer my prayer some day.

  • jojobee

    your story really resonated with me… when my husband and i married (both virgins), we thought that sex would be awesome, frequent, and glorious. it turned out to be very painful. i thought it was because it was my first time. but it didn’t get better. i wanted to keep trying, thinking that the more we did it, the easier it would get- but my husband was discouraged and ashamed that he kept hurting me, so he wanted to have sex less. this resulted in my feeling rejected, simply because he didn’t want to hurt me, but neither of us put it into words. i felt cheated, because every other newlywed couple seemed to be having lots of sex, and everyone would give us knowing looks, but we weren’t having that experience.

    eventually, i discovered my husband had done things online, on video chat with strangers, that were not okay, before our marriage. then i found the social sites he had been on, telling other women how beautiful they are, during our marriage. that made me feel worthless, completely and utterly worthless. i broke down one night, while he was sleeping, and eventually woke him up to tell him. i couldn’t look at him, i couldn’t let him touch me. i felt betrayed, so betrayed, so terribly alone. we both agreed long before the wedding that divorce was not an option, so i was so scared that my life was doomed to be shadowed by this hurt, like all the joy and hope were STOLEN from me.

    but it got better. it has now been two years since everything came out. i still get nervous about what he’s doing (he is overseas), but the healing is almost complete. somehow, trust is growing again. now my fears and suspicions are no more than worrying about whether he works with girls prettier than me, silly girly fears. the sex got better about a year ago. i think it just took finding a way to ease into our sexual identity as a couple. after years of denying ourselves (and each other!), to be thrown into that situation with such unrealistic expectations was just hard. we had to come to understand each other better, to know when to take it slow and when not to, as well as how to COMMUNICATE about sex. (and other things, obviously)

    anyways, i never thought to find support online from women who understand these things- i wish i had found this blog (and so many others i have come across in the last couple weeks) two years ago, when things felt so hopeless and i had no one to talk to.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I think there are many wives who struggle with this… I do at times. I think it’s important to try and find things that you love about him, focus on those and not dwell on the negative. Also pray that God reignites your passion for each other! Hopefully if anyone else who struggles with this or has overcome in this area can add!!

  • Lee

    Hello, I am writing from Canada; where I live with my husband and son. What I am about to write I have only shared these thoughts with God. I married late in life. Forty to be exact; I was frightened of marriage and never thinking I would have a child discovered at 41 that I was going too. I had an excellent pregancy and our son was born who is now 20. I know that God loves me because of our son. I also know that many parents would give their right arm to have a son that we have been blest with. My problem is I do not feel sexually attracted to my husband anymore and this frightens me. Although I am 62 I am a young 62 having a mother who is still alive at 98. Any thoughts on this. I can’t be the only woman in this condition.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I am so glad you are here! I hope UW continues to encourage you in your marriage! And please do not be discouraged about having a miscarriage… Trust God that He has a perfect plan for you both and embrace the journey!

  • cbo

    I am excited to have just found this blog. My husband and I are coming up on our second weddingt anniversary this fall. I feel like we did so much preparation for the transition to being married (books, premarriage class/counseling, conversations) that year one went a lot smoother than I had anticipated. Though sexual itimacy has not come naturally. Then in year two we decided to start trying for children.I was pregnant within a month which felt like a miracle. I have since had a miscarriage and have been suffering on many levels for 5 months now. I am still dealing with physical effects as well. My husband has been struggling because I just dont approach him the same. I haven’t been loving, I havent been respectful, I have only looked out for myself. I feel like this week specifically God has been doing some work in my heart and I’m trying to change this hard heartedness I have. Anyway I am so encouraged by this blog.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ruth.blyther Ruth Ann Blyther

    My name is Ruth I have neen marriwd for 8 years and we have 4 children ranging from 8 to 1. God has blessed my marriage more than i could ever explain!!!! Yes we went through some hard times in the begining but we never gave up even though sometimes we wanted to!!! Lol. Thank God for his grace and mercy. And thanks for your blog.

  • SNR

    He may have low testosterone levels. It is easy to check and treat, ask your doctor.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1406321202 Jennifer C Robbins-Thomas

    Thank you so much for your posts on FB. They encourage me daily when so many times I want to give up. 

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Thanks for your encouraging words Kelly! I hope that UW continues to bless you!!

  • http://www.exceptionalistic.com/ Kelly

    Wow! I love the transparency that you show. Opening up. So many times we as wives/mothers feel we are the only ones and it takes a real warrior to show us that we aren’t alone. You. Are. Awesome.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    That is so awesome Sharon! God’s power is great and how He is able to move in our hearts is extraordinary! Thank you for sharing :)
    Jennifer Smith \ Loving Life

  • Foxylady Sharon

    My husband and I have been married for 30years this year, for most of those years I only tollerated him because I could not afford to devorce him and our sons were both still very young. When I gave my life to Jesus about 8 years ago I started  to look at him in a different light. I am now praying for Jesus to touch his life and it is happening slowly but surely. We never had problems with our sexual problems but we had problems in our general relationship. With Gods help I can honestly say I am happily married. All glory to you Father God.

  • Celw

    My husband does not initiate Sex. He is passive aggressive and rather timid. We have been married 30 years and are not intimate. Oftentimes he sleeps upstairs on the floor. I am my wits end and feel hopeless! Looking for answers!

  • Peacefulwife

    Thank you for sharing your story and giving wives and husbands hope in Christ! I pray your marriage and ministry will continue to shine brightly for Christ and bring much glory to Him!

  • Melanie

    Thank you for your courage. This could not have been easy to share. I was flipping around yesterday and happened on your blog. I’ve enjoyed the links and really appreciate your honesty.

  • As Moore42

    As a single lady, I want to thank you…I have passed your page to my married friends….and I believe a lot of what I read is training in the realities of marriage. God bless you

  • Kassie Rew

    Whew. This is making me tear up. Thank you.

  • Jamiealexis77

    Your story hit home for me….as did the replies. Thank u.

  • Kathy

    My husband and I too struggle with sex. On our wedding night, I thought it must be because it was the first time. But then it was like that the second, third… I felt like a terrible wife that our honeymoon wasn’t filled with passion. And then as newlyweds, people at work or other places would make comments being a newlywed and in the honeymoon phase and all that it implies in the bedroom. By the grace of God, I became pregnant after just 5 months of marriage. After I had my son, sex wasn’t as painful.

    I can totally identify with what you’re saying about moving on, even after it’s not painful. We just celebrated our 7th anniversary yesterday, and I still struggle. Occasionally, it does still hurt, but it’s getting beyond that in my head and realizing that it’s not going to hurt every time. Thank God, I have a very understand, loving, and faithful husband. We don’t have sex very often and I’m trying to get beyond all of the hangups in my head, so that part of our relationship can be more fulfilling for us both.

    Thank you so much for opening up about this struggle in your marriage. There is such a distorted view of sex in our culture that I think makes it even harder when you have a less than perfect sex life with your husband.

  • Dorothy Davis

    Jennifer, I love your blog and the one you shared on Deuteronomy 8 touched me so much my husband and I are going through some struggles ( not in our marriage) with our adult children, finances,etc. and that spoke to my heart and was such an encouragement to me. I thank you so much. A friend told me about unveiled wife and it such a blessing to me.
    GOD BLESS, Dorothy Davis

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=503564065 Jenny Ford

    Jennifer, I would like to email you also.  If you could give some advice??

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

     Thank you Lisa! I am so glad you found me!  I love Time Warp Wife! :)

  • Lisa Maria

    Dear Jennifer

    I just discovered your blog through Time Warp Wife. This is an amazing testimony…thank you for being so transparent. I am certain that many people will be blessed through this blog. The internet is full of places to give ‘support’ or ‘advice’ for hurting people. Thankfully there are also many sites that are rooted in God for those seeking answers too and I will forever be grateful that I found one in my own time of need. Judging by the comments I have read, you are already making a difference and I pray that God continues to bless and guide you. Looking forward to reading much more. 

    May God be with you and yours!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

     Yes, please e-mail me! Or submit under the contact page!

  • Fairnancy95

    Thank you Jennifer!
    I am on a journey as to which I call the second half of my life. The first half I spent running away from God and now I am walking with Him!

  • Nito7172

    Wow! I am a surviving spouse of 3 deployments. Your post brought back some unhappy memories. BUT I totally get you and your situation. My heart is hurting for you. I will send u a comment as soon as I am able…..Oh and yes we are making it, 19 years and still learning about each other every day..ttys, Much love to you…

  • miracle

    I found your blog when I google “A Wife’s Prayer”, I love your blog and what you share here are inspiring. I’m married with my bf of 5 years last Oct. This year things started to change and I’ve discovered more and more shocking stuff that my husband did behind me and I’m devastated. I would like to share my story with you in private if you don’t mind, can I email you? Thanks.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled WIfe

     Hang in there!  I can’t imagine what you are going through but God is there for you, He says He will never forsake you!  Share with Him how you feel and what you desire!  I am praying for your marriage right now!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled WIfe

     It is so awesome to see others jumping in to encourage you Jessica! Thank you ladies!  I had a women guest post about PCOS and her healing by going organic! Please read it here ~> http://unveiledwife.com/going-organic-produces-results/

    As far as the different sex drives, I would encourage you both to be open enough to talk about it without judgement, in an effort to understand both sides.  And then ask God to help you both meet in the middle! 

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled WIfe

     I am thrilled you are here! I hope you enjoy :)

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled WIfe

     I would love for you to share your story with me!  submit[at]unveiledwife[dot]com

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled WIfe

     I am so glad you are a part of the Unveiled Wife Community!  Thank you for sharing it with friends too :)  God Bless!

  • Jlhmay25

    Have ur doctor check for a blood clotting issue. I have pcos and have had 3 miscarriages in a row. It was found out I had an issue where my body attacked the baby thinking it should not be there and then caused a miscarriage. If ur interested in more info I’d be happy to help. ( we have 2 girls now even though I was told we’d never have any b4 I ever met my husband.)

  • Michelle

    Jessica-
    My husband and I are in an almost identical situation.  We have been together for 13 years and married for 5.  I still struggle daily with feeling I can’t talk to anyone about this issue.  Both because it can be embarrassing and I don’t want to embarrass my husband.  So far, I’ve found that God is working to meet us in the middle.  I’m on one end.. my husband on the other… and God is waiting patiently for us to get it together and run towards Him in the middle between us.  Through prayers and answered prayers… I have slowly decreased some of my sex drive as my husband has made it a point not to increase his but make a conscious effort to fulfill mine.  Complete honesty with no codes, games, or subtle messages has also helped.  That is something we had to work through with a Christian counselor. It has been a constant work in progress for us.  Good Luck…

  • Keybrown

    God bless you for starting this blog unvieled wife,it has been a tremendous blessing to me.
    I have share the info with a co worker of mine who’s more like my sister but we both say to each other hey girl did you read the unveiled wife today ? It was on point …. Thank you thank you thank you for your courage and your storm for this seasoning in your life . God bless you and your husband with a long happy and satisfying marriage in every area in Jesus name. Amen

  • Kimberly Sanchez

    I’m grateful to have found this post.  A friend forwarded me a link to it as she knew it would resonate with me.  Your story is so similar to mine in MANY ways.  I’d like to share a bit of my story with you, but wanted to send you a private message.  I tried sending you a message on the contact me section, but it wouldn’t go through for the past several days.  Could you send me your email?  

    Thanks!

  • Lmiller37813

    You are such a refreshing blessing. I am glad I found your blog.

  • saam0613

     If you have not already found this site I recommend it highly…God is All over it!  I to am separated going on 28 months this site has brought me closer to the Lord and has helped me in the Stand for my marriage!

                      http://rejoiceministries.org

    I would suggest that you sign up for “Charlyne Cares” Daily Devotionals….God is good…you will make it through this!

  • Jessica

    Thank you so much for your blog! My husband and I are at a very difficult point in our marriage right now! We have been married for 3 years, and are young, I just turned 24 and he is turning 28. We have had a very hard time financially, and keeping jobs, that makes a marriage stressful! We are getting back on our feet, and trying to start a family. I have PCOS and have had 2 miscarriages. We are at the point right now that the ONLY time we have sex is when we are trying for a baby, and it feels like a chore, usually leaves me feeling dissatisfied. I have a MUCH higher sex drive then my husband, being a woman with a high sex drive is embarrassing for both me and my husband, I feel like I can’t discuss things like that with my friends because I don’t want them to think less of my husband because he doesn’t want sex all the time as thier husbands do…they often complain to me about thier husband’s high sex drives, that makes me feel even worse, like I am doing somthing wrong and that I can’t please my husband, leading him to just not want to have sex with me. He tells me this isn’t the case, but I can’t explain the hurt I feel being rejected ALL the time! If I didn’t want a baby so bad, I don’t think we would EVER have sex! When I got married I never imagined I would be having this problem so early on, I really thought EVERY man had a high sex drive! I am very fusterated, I appreciate a safe place where I can “vent” without being judge! Thank you!

  • Jessigirl8806

    I have the opposite problem, my husband as like 0 sex drive, do to things that happened to him in the past, as the one with the higher sex drive I can tell you that it is very hard to feel as if I am the one ALWAYS initiating sex, and many times being rejected! I will pray for you and your husband!

  • http://www.facebook.com/gothic.tigger Eleanor Rachel Parry

    hello P, I am in the UK navy and can relate in some way to your situation and the environment in which your husband is serving.  My husband is not military and has a bit of a temper which shows mainly when unexpected change arrives and knocks his emotional balance.  It can be very easy for us when away from home to assume all is well at home because we see none of the usual warning flags simply because we are not there to see them.  

    http://www.hooah4health.com/deployment/familymatters/emotionalcycle2.htm

  • heavy heart

    My husband & I are recently seperated & I am distraught. Being that we both are christians…I don’t understand how or why this has happened. I miss him terribly. My spiritual being is telling me this is not the end but my human self is saying give up its over! I’m so confused & don’t know what to. I pray & talk to god but often times I feel like too much has happened & my praying is for restoration is in vain then under times I feel like I must fight for our marriage & verbalize that our marriage does not belong to satan but to god….SPIRITUAL WARFARE…..

  • Lauren

    I completely relate! My husband is also in the army. He is stationed overseas right now and he is miserable for the most part. My husband actually sounds very similar to yours. Sometimes his misery is taken out on me even though I know he doesn’t mean to do it. It’s hard to remember and understand that they are under so much stress and the pressure of being away from you is so much more difficult that I can imagine. (Not that it’s easy for us to be away from them, but I do think they have a harder time coping, considering the environment they are in). I think the easiest thing for my husband and I is to be very honest. We do struggle with communication and most of the time we are emailing or instant messaging so things definitely get taken the wrong way. You could send him a letter letting him know that you are trying to be supportive, but it hurt you. Ask him what he needs from you and tell him what you need from him during this time. It sounds crazy, but it could be that the letter just made him miss you that much more and putting up defenses was his only way to cope with that. I also think time will help. No matter what, when you see him again after a long time, all this stuff will be forgotten, at least just for a moment. Hopefully you can both understand where the other person was coming from and learn from each other. Best of Luck. 

  • MrsPDiaz

    I need your advice on what I should do or how I should approach this situation. I sent my husband, who is in the Army and in training right now away from me until August,  a very encouraging email (or so I thought) and I was excited to get his response the next day, but when I woke up to read it, there was nothing but negativity and defenses built up and anger in his words. I cried a good portion of the day because I couldn’t believe the reaction he had. My email I felt was very vulnerable and I felt I had let him see my heart (in a good way I thought) and I felt I gave him my heart so intimately in that letter and when he gave it back, it felt as though he stomped on it and bruised it very badly and now…I feel so hurt and brokenhearted that my heart, though I love him very much still, has put a wall up and is in a sense, scared to let him close. I feel I’ve been numbed to his loving words because my heart is afraid of being hurt more and no matter how many endearing names he calls me like, dear, honey, babe, my love, my heart has a hard time accepting them because of how hurt I am from his words. What I need help with is, how do I approach this with him? I feel like it is something that needs to be talked about face to face, but that can’t happen until August and I don’t want to wait that long because he needs me and I don’t feel I can fully be there for him with how hurt I am and I fear that when I go to meet him in August, it won’t be as exciting for me as it will be for him because of the pain that will have only grown by then if not taken care of before and I don’t want his homecoming to be so full of hurt and anger and disappointment and negativity. How would you approach this? Any advice will help. And “giving it to God” is not an option really. This is something that needs to be talked about one way or another with my husband and I need an apology if he is willing to give one or else I don’t feel I can heal from this and it will only get worse. I want to clarify something, my husband is not in any way shape or form a bad man. He is just under a lot of stress being in training right now and having to be away from me for so long and the mindset he has right now is very on edge. He is not an angry person and is usually very calm and reasonable and so very loving and understanding. I didn’t want you to think he was a hard man. Because he is far from that. I am always amazed at how open he is with me and how understanding and willing he is to grow together and be one in every way. He is a very strong man and one of the hardest working soldiers I’ve ever met. Your advice is much appreciated, as I am at a loss as to where to go from here. Thank you so much in advance.  

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled WIfe

     Thanks for sharing a bit of your story!  I know there are many wives who can relate to you on this issue!  I hope we can get a few blogs published that will be encouraging specifically for what you are going through.  I pray that God transforms your marriage and that you two have a beautifully balanced intimate marriage!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled WIfe

     Glad you are here! Congrats on your new marriage :) Join the Unveiled Wife Community at http://www.facebook.com/unveiledwife for daily encouragements!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled WIfe

     Yes parabens are an ingredient that come in different forms.  Check this site out for more details ~> http://www.livestrong.com/article/150690-what-are-the-dangers-of-parabens-in-skin-care/

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled WIfe

    Glad you stopped by!  Sorry to hear that you are struggling with intimacy. I hope and pray that you both find a balance that encourages a beautiful union of love! Join the Unveiled Wife Community at http://www.facebook.com/unveiledwife for daily encouragements!

  • Carmenbrown26

    I totally relate to what you are saying. I too have faced intimacy issues with my husband simply because his sex drive is much more frequent than mine. This often makes sex feel more like a chore than something enjoyable as it should be. It continues to be a struggle and we continue to work on it. Thanks so much for sharing your story!!

  • Riaviljoen

    Hi there. What is parabens? Is it a ingredient? Please

  • http://MaximizingMarriage.com/ Sebs | MaximizingMarriage.com

    Thanks for sharing your testimony. God is amazing!

  • HJ

    So encouraging, I just got married and am so thankful I found this blog :)
    Thank you

  • Kaboyle519

    My hubby and are having issues with sex as well, but our issues revolve around an absolutely boring sex life. I don’t like giving oral sex and he loves it… i feel so dirty afterwards. Also, I feel bad saying this, but he just doesn’t satisfy me. *a lityle background – before I met my husband, I used to be promiscuous and some of the men that I had sex with were much better than my hubby. I will never tell him this… it would hurt him way too much. Also, he doesn’t “last” long at all. We’ll seriously start and finish in under 1 hour! HELP!
    One more thing… my husband is diabetic and as a result his testosterone levels are next to nothing. His is seeing his doc about it, but the remedy isnt working that great… which causes him to rarely be in the mood!
    Does anyone have any suggestions on what we can do about this or books we can read… anything?
    Please keep us in ur prayers as we try to work in this.

  • Kanethahepburn

     This is very bold and encouraging to display your personal life with so many. However my situation is much different from the ladies here. Im married and recently reunited back with my husband after being separated for 2 yrs. One of my our major issues was  sex and still is sex. Its not because of pain. Simply my husband drive is at a low peak. I dont like the idea of not feeling wanted, there’s no affection between us. Im not a sex addict but I would like to enjoy intimacy. Im in a head space concerning many issues and Im not sure if I want to be married to him.

  • http://unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

     Leslie, my heart is heavy for what you have endured… but I am so excited to hear that God is using Unveiled Wife to encourage you! May God bless you and give you peace!

  • http://unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

     Thats so awesome you now have the courage to deal with those things!  May God grant you peace friend!

  • Leishlaabreu

    I’ve been through a similar situation with my husband. But unfortunately not with the same outcome. My husband did not act as lovingly as yours did. No matter how much i begged him to be patient with me and to pray for me, he just got more angry and retaliated. He made decisions that hurt out marriage and the friendship that we shared as a couple.things have gotten better, but it taking a lot for our relationship to be in a place where i am truly happy to be his wife. I have no idea how your page came across mine, but I’m so glad that im not the only one to have dealt with this kind of situation. I honestly felt like i was their only person in the world that had problems when it came to sex.

  • Tangiabyrd

    I enjoy ur words of encouragement as a wife. Being able to see that I’m not the only one struggling with my marriage. As a child of God, a wife, and a mother each one has its ups and downs but with the word of God and the power of prayer I manage to overcome things that I struggled with. I have had to overcome some things that was interfering with my marriage, past events that has came back to haunt me. With God’s guidance and with a supportive husband I am able to recognize and face the things I never was able to deal with.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mmickler Michelle Mickler

    in my opinion marriage is the hardest challenge we face in life and can also be very rewarding and painful at times. Commitment to God and each other is hard for so many to understand since it is considered so easily broken now days.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=557410345 Carly Ann Tebbs

    I look forward to your posts everyday.  God first made me His bride, then He gracefully gave me a husband.  Your blog touches the heart of my life journey.  It encourages me to see my role as wife as an opportunity to glorify God through the pursuit of true love. Thank you for the insightful advise and candid discussions.  

  • Stevieballard

    My goodness…what a testimony, Jennifer. You’re a beautiful young woman, & God has truly blessed you with a great deal of strength and courage; I thank you for being so transparent. It helped me a great deal to read of your commitment to not abandon your covenant with God & your husband. The two of you have been through a great deal, but the love you have for one another & for God, has been your glue. I’m currently separated after 6 years; my husband has decided to return to his ex-girlfriend. He’s cheated, lied, done reprehensible things, & somehow love is still there. I’m in the process of forgiving, & will ALWAYS pray for him. I’ve been brokenhearted, but God will see me through this as he has everything else I’ve been through in my life. I admire both you & your husbands’ determination to honor your love, & God’s choice of a life mate. Congratulations on your expanding family, & I pray nothing but joy come your way in your new life together as a Mom & Dad.

  • Breezegl

    Thank you :0) May God Bless you both.

  • TracyH

    I am excited to be part of this community and thank you for your strength to share.
     

  • Tiffany Fulbright

    Your story was a blessing to me today. Thanks for sharing.

  • Dove1777

     Church is not a building but rather a gathering of like minded believers……..this is something we SHOULD NOT forsake.  God encourages us to gather with like minded believers, we are in the world 24/7, we are surrounded by the worlds thoughts and views and attitudes….we need the support, prayer and friendship of other believers.Hebrews 10:25.Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, Acts
    2:42 and they continued steadfastly in the apostles doctrine and
    fellowship and in breaking of bread, and in prayers. These are a few
    passages that speak of gathering together,praising and worshiping, and
    fellowshipping,which is what church is. It does not have to be a big
    congregation with added activities and entertainment. It can consist of 3
    people praying together.
    Read more: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_does_the_Bible_say_about_going_to_church#ixzz1rC5QZ3Bz

  • Vew1972

    Such a blessing  to  read your story :) God Bless!

  • Marjoriecanty

    what a blessing it is to read your story…thank you

  • Tkw68

    I want to thank you Jennifer, for the inspiring daily prayers that you post. There has been so many days that I have felt at a loss in my marriage, then I come across your posts & they speak right into my life & marriage.  It’s like God is speaking right to my mind and heart at that moment.  You have a true, God-given gift & purpose to reach women, I thank you for being willing to be God’s vessel to me & others, & I will continually keep you & your marriage in my prayers. 
    May God continue to Bless you always :)
    Terri

  • Leslie

    Hello Jennifer, my name is Leslie. I am on Facebook and a friend of mine had subscribed to your newletter…when I saw it I was amazed. It came through at just the right time for me. After 26 years of marriage my husband decided he didn’t want to be married to me anymore…he said it was our differences and then he told me he had been in touch with an old high school sweetheart. I was devastated, heart-broken and felt like I was in the deepest, darkest hole and would never climb out. I went through the complete grieving process…all the time reading your posts…they have helped to bring me out of my darkness. I am divorced now…but I have been able to look back on the past 26 years and acknowledge my part in our breakup…and best of all I have been able to forgive him…which has allowed me to move forward…I have subscribed to your newsletter because I do want to find love again … and as I read your blogs it reminds me of what is important in a relationship. I don’t want to forget and go through another breakup…I am taking my time…I am meeting new people and enjoying who I am again. I want to thank you…I believe you were sent to me at the perfect time for me to be able to appreciate your words. Thank you !!!!

  • Kttidwell97

    Thank you for sharing you life lessons with us. Very encouraging. I have been married for 15 years, and am still learning.

  • Fatimacochran

    Marriage is a wonderful institute and I feel my husbands deployment caused me to love God in a way that so I could fully love my husband.. I enjoy your blogs

  • Leach_michelle

    Thank you Jennifer for sharing with us! I look forward to the encourage and challenging words that you put on Unveiled wife Daily! 

  • annon28

    hi yah thank you for sharing. I’ve been married 13 yrs and haven’t had relations with my darling husband for nearly 4 yrs . due to illness and stress my hubby cannot manage it. but I’m thankful everyday for our relationship because despite no sex in our marriage there is more love than i could ever dream of. we tell each other everyday that we love each other and we are never short of hugs and kisses. It can work if you love one another xxxx

  • Amina

    Thank you for posting prayers.  I love my husband so very much, but we are struggling horribly right now, and I am not sure how things will end.  I do, however, want to continue to pray for him, its just that my heart is broken and I can’t always find the words…thank you for the words.

  • Alicia

    Thank you so much for sharing I was not a virgin when I got married but I wish I was but I want to learn how to be intimate with my husband I feel like I push him away alot and treat him unfairly Lord Jesus help me be intimate with my husband and love him as you do.

  • FaceBrea

    Jennifer I applauded you.  You did it right. You got married first.  Me, I fell into sin and got pregnant. I was raised in the church and always planned to do it the right way, however I found myself slowly fading into a lifestyle of sin.  I was soon caught as I gave up my virginity at the age of twenty to my  boyfriend. Just so happened I got pregnant.  To prove we could handle our decision we got married to hide from sin and convinced ourselves that made it right.  All of a sudden the relation got rough. I started seeing anger in my spouses eyes.  I started to defend the anger. Not sure why? But I would see as if I didn’t see and hear as though I could not hear.  Eventually, I found myself holding on to God by the skin of my teeth.  I was so lost and now had my first child and had separated myself from my family and friends.  I got so far away from who I was in Christ, yet God never took his hand off me.  We soon got pregnant again and the anger got worst.  I stayed at home and my husband worked. I had no confidence anymore but something inside of me kept fighting.  I ended up walking my children and myself to church and I found God again.  It was some of the scariest times of life.  I would want to go and call out to my mother and father. I ended up doing that a few times but I kept holding on.  Then last year we reach a breaking point.  I got pregnant, with our third child.  I knew I was pregnant but I just kept saying I might be pregnant.  Then I was four months and I took the test and let him know I was pregnant officially.  He thought I cheated and I didn’t. I am not sure what he wanted.  I just wanted to get out.  He ended up excepting I was pregnant and stopped questioning me.  I ended up going to the doctor and he was healthy.  I ended up separating from him emotionally and was almost ready to leave.  I kept feeling a strong sense that I needed to separate from my husband.  
     I was connected to three ministries. one told me to protect my child, not directly but through the gift of prophecy, the other told me to leave, and the last said we would separate.  We went to a huge church that had about 5000 members and the pastor called me out from behind a column on the balcony and told me to protect the seed of my wound.  The other church we attend the pastor called out of 3000 to break soul ties from unsaved loved ones and then kept saying I needed to leave.  I never was consulted by nobody, but God was watching out for us.

    The separation took place shortly after and God pick it up from there.  I found myself and my two children back at my parents house and I was going to be in labor in three months. 
    The very next few months we went back and forth until I made a decision to get protection and really separate, how embarrassing that was.  The next day I gave birth to my third child.  For some reason I was at peace. 

    Six months latter disaster struck and I sought out for my husband.  He made a change. We met again  and I went and we tried again, we started going to church together and we found ourselves trying again.
    Since we’ve been back together it has been hard to forget the past and really try and have a fresh started.

    I recently felt myself going backwards and started questioning my choice yet I start to remember psalms 91 and what God promised me.It was recently I realized that I don’t have to go to have peace all I have to do is put it in God’s hands.  I feel like I am walking among dead bones, but I know thatJesus cac breath new life into  what seems to be just dried bones. 
    Through it all, I am so grateful that no matter how far we fall God does not take his hand off of us.  If we hold on to Jesus we can do all things through Christ Jesus. That is all the encouragement I need through out my day.  I just need to know Jesus loves me and that I am in his hands.

  • Britt

    Hello, I am not sure if this will help you, but sometimes the anger and the bitterness come from the past.  He might be catching something for what someone else did or said to you. 

  • Nelda Carroll

    Thanks for sharing, Jennifer.  More of us should be this open instead of feeling we shouldn’t talk about it.

  • Jemma64

    I am just onto this site so my response to you will have to be read before it goes through apparently. God Bless you with discernment, wisdom and understanding AND someone with the ability to bring you through the healing process!

  • Jemma64

    You are a very brave young woman for sharing this; thank you. And how interesting a reason for pain during intercourse (well, maybe as you said the main reason). My pain came and went over long periods, staying and increasing up to a point where a healing of God was required. It seemed to go when an incident of sexual abuse was revealed (a hidden memory) and after a rather lengthy prayer session, I was healed; in all the ways one needs to be. There is much much more I could say on this subject but sffice to say I DO understand PAST experiences most definately affect not only one’s mental, emotional and physical state, but our wounded spirit needs healing too ( believe me, our own individual personal spirit has the ability to remember, even from the womb!).

  • Linda Copeland

    Your story is very interesting.You’re very insightful to recognize that God uses our pain to help others. I’ve known this for many years, & have used my struggles to help others one on one. I’ve desired to help on a larger scale, but just haven’t known how. However I have shared your post on FB with numerous friends on a daily basis for a few months. Thank you for giving women new tools to work with. Pray that I can do the same. I have a great life, but not without struggles. I want so much to help others. You’d think that by the age of 55 I would’ve figured out a good way of doing that! Sincerely, Linda copeland

  • Saved by grace

    I feel for you, Rechel, as I am in a similar situation. God told me in my heart that I don’t need to go to church to be a “good” Christian and after I started trusting God, my husband has agreed to enroll our kids in a Christian school – so the values I teach at home is re-enforced at school. I thank God every day that we are one day closer to a breakthrough.  I realise your circumstances may be different and your answer may even be different than mine was, I just wanted to share with you that you are not alone. Does he let you go to church with the kids? Maybe you can work out a compromise so you are able to attend church once a month, or even once a term? And invite him to join you, but if he doesn’t want to, don’t make a big deal out of it, just go and enjoy it! And you don’t have to tell people at church anything if they ask, just say “it is complicated, please pray and trust with me for a solution.” May God give you His peace in your situation.

  • Saved by grace

    I agree that the FB posts carries me during a non-perfect marriage together with prayer. I couldn’t help, when reading your post, to wonder if you know about the love languages? Maybe your husband is not speaking YOUR specific love language and that is where your anger comes from? The enemy is always working – so keep trying and know that your marriage is destined by God. Blessings to you.

  • Maboah62

    This is very interesting, thank you very much for sharing. God bless you.

  • Maboah62

    This is very interesting, thanks for sharing.

  • Jessie_gilreath74

    Hello Jennifer, I am a wife of almost 20 yrs.- I read your blog and God is working in me- I know! After so many years, your marriage can become more of a chore rather than something you really look forward! We have two children- one almost 17 and the other 3! Yes I said 3 yrs. old- big difference!
    I am just thankful that your blog came my way- I pray daily to restore so much that has been on the back burner- our vows were taken seriously- not just to each other but a promise to God- so I have no doubt HE will do HIS works in us, for us!
    Thank you for being such a brave woman of God!

  • Alero4mac

    I am Mrs Erica I read your story. it is touching because I know what it feels like for a. husband to know God. is more peaceful. o would say you should sow a seed. and water your seed with prayers.. it is. only God that can change a man. drop your seed,I mean something valuable to you, that when you give it, you will feel it. if your seed does not move you it can’t. move God. then allow God fight. the battle, you will be amazed.

  • Alero4mac

    Wow this is great! I want to say a big thank you for this ineciative. to assist. women in copping. with marriage. and finding joy in the mist of challenges from Erica ..

  • Carol G.

    Hello Jennifer.  Wow.  Unveiled, uncovered and wide open.  Definitely not me.  I still deal with the anxiety and emotions that come from being molested for years by my brother.  When I finally told my mom, she said that’s the way it is sometimes.  I was shocked by her flip answer.  My brother had already left home so I didn’t have to deal with that anymore.  I think that was the point at which my relationship with my mom began to crumble to the point where we no longer talk.  I am bitter about it and resent her lack of action or reaction to what was and is a devastating time in my life.  I am married with a wonderful husband but still have the mental issues from that time in my life.  I want to get past it.  I know God will help me but even after all these years I still struggle with it. 

  • Rechel

    Hello Jennifer I’m new to your site but seeking some advice and prayer. My husband I have been married for almost 2 years in march. We have been together for over 4 years. He is my second husband, I was previously married and have two little boys by my ex husband. My husband now has raised my boys since they were 1 month old and 1 year old, they are now 4 & 5. We recently welcomed our third little boy into the world on November 6th. I have no complaints about my marriage. We are happy, we are trusting we have a great sex life, he’s a great provider and I can honestly say we have a truly healthy amazing marriage except for one thing. A very important thing to me. I can not get him to go to church, he says he believes in God but doesn’t feel the need to go to church or the want to. I’ve been praying very hard about this.What cab I do to let him know how important this is for ourselves as a married couple and how important it is for out children.

  • Sonflour_98

    Jennifer, I don’t have any of the physical issues revolving around sex, but I do want to tell you how encouraging your FB posts are. I have an unrelenting anger towards my husband at times. I am not really sure why. I have been trying to put my finger on where this anger an bitterness stems from. Your posts have made me open my eyes and see very practical (not always easy) ways of supporting and encouraging my hubby. I also love seeing your heart to reach out to other wives. Even though the details in our stories are not similar, we are all wives and have the same responsibilities to love, support and encourage our husbands, even when our flesh doesn’t want to. Thank you for dedicating yourself to your marriage and being such an example and encouragement to others!!! Blessings to you as you bless others!!!!

  • http://unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

     You should read a book called No More Headaches by Juli Slattery its a great book about intimacy and it helped me understand the importance of sex in marriage.

  • http://unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

    Thank you for letting me know that Unveiled Wife has given you hope!  That is so encouraging to hear.  I am so sorry that you have endured so much with your husband, but I will pray in faith with you that God will renew him!

    Dear Lord,
    I life up this family to you right now.  Please continue to give her hope, as she serves you daily.  May her husband come to understand you and your ways, may he embrace the gift of family you have given to him, and may he honor his wife and children by being a righteous man.  Lord, please pull him out of the chains he is in, bring him into the light.  Send other men to encourage him and teach him how to be a man of God.  May this marriage be a holy representation of your love, may your peace abound, and may this husband and wife be reconciled in Jesus Name AMEN!

  • Rambako02

    Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. You have really made my day. I had a quarel with my husband just last night for coming back home from work around 12am.
    In the 4 years of our marriage i have tried different ways to make him stop drinking, keeping late nights and even sleeping in a seperate room but all to no avail. I’m getting so worried because i don’t want our two girls grow up to meet their father like this.

  • Mae

    Ms. Jennifer, you are God’s messenger. i thank God that i found this pager “unveiled wife”. for years, this “sex” has been the hard part of my marriage life. i felt like i didn’t play one of my roles as a wife. i don’t understand why is it necessary. but I love my husband..

  • http://unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

     Glad you are a part of the Unveiled Wife Community!  And congratulations on reaching 25 years… I cant wait to be there some day :D

  • http://unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

     THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!  Your transparency has touched my heart!  I am very familiar with the struggles you have faced including masturbation, pornography, guilt, shame, and fear and you are absolutely right in that sexual sin DESTROYS marriage!  I was blessed to read such a similar testimony to my own and I trust that God will use this to help other couples in Jesus Name AMEN!!!

  • http://unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

    Your welcome!  I am praying that your marriage is fulfilled in every way!

  • http://unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

     :D

  • http://unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

     Thank you for sharing!  Wives can relate on so many different aspects and I am excited to see how God moves through this site to encourage us all!  Congratulations on your first year of marriage!  I hope you experience a joyful anniversary! :)

  • http://unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

     Awesome Brittni!  I am so excited that you are following Unveiled Wife :))  God Bless YOU!

  • http://unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

     Thanks for sharing Erin!  The topic of men struggling with interest in sex is not talked about enough, but it is something that occurs often and I have heard of how it devastates the wife.  Thank you for your transparency!  I believe this is going to really encourage wives and hopefully be an answer to their prayers!

  • http://unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

     Wow!  Thank you so much Joanna for letting me know how much Unveiled Wife has been an encouragement to you!  Thank you even more for your prayers!  :)

  • http://unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

     Thanks for sharing your story Jaimie!  I agree that there are so many reasons that hinder a satisfying sex life… and that our minds play a vital role in intimacy.  I am positive that your testimony will encourage someone else as well!  Thank God you and your husband are being fulfilled, many blessings to you both!

  • http://unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

     Awesome! Thanks for sharing the resource!

  • http://unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

     Congratulations on getting engaged!  Glad you are a part of the Unveiled Wife Community! :)

  • Resarichardson

    Thank you Jennifer for this discussion. I really appreciate you sharing your life with us and I find you daily post very helpful. My husband and I will be together 25 years this year and we are still a work in progress. Thanks again and I pray GOD continue to guide and keep you and your family. Love your sister in Christ Theresa Richardson

  • http://wolfishwritten.wordpress.com/ Space_wolf

    Jennifer,

    I saw the picture “I love my husband” and found myself here. Your story is not the same as mine, but I feel a connection somehow. Perhaps its because you married your first love and I am preparing to do the same.
    I feel that I am already married to my husband (my partner of nearly 5 years), a man who is my best friend and who has been through the highs and lows of what has been the hardest years so far – studying at university and moving on out into the big wide world.

    And although it seems bizzare, I know that when it gets to us getting married (later this year), it’s just for the paperwork and the legal side. In my heart, I’ve been married to my husband for the last two years, maybe even the last three. So I’m not nervous or worried or scared about getting married, even when people think I probably should.

    Thanks for sharing your story and helping others think and change and grow to become better people and a better team,

    ~ Space_wolf

  • sistierra303

    I want to share my story in the hope that it will encourage someone. I’m a similar age to you and I’ve been married for nearly 4 years. I also have had to go through the journey of painful sex with my husband, right from the first days of our honeymoon. We were both virgins when we got married and had great boundaries leading up to marriage. He was my first love <3

    I had a yearning to be loved from a young age, a stream of rejection from friends as a teenager, and a strong desire for intimacy with anyone. My parent's marriage was together but broken. My father loved me but had an anger problem. I lived in an environment of tension. I fell into a childhood addictive habit of masturbation. As a teenager this became an expression of desire for intimacy, a world of fantasy, and a stress relieving habit. When I thought of sin, I thought of masturbation, and I couldn't stop doing it. I fell upon pornography but not severely. I imagined what sex would be like in marriage and eagerly awaited it.

    On our honeymoon we realised that sex was painful and could only occur after I had emptied my bowls. Even then, I was always in some degree of pain. This went on for years. There were only a few occasions when we had painless sex. We had sex anyway, every few days, we were desperate for it. It wasn't severe enough that I saw a doctor. I assumed sex would fix if my health fixed. As the months went on, my heart was broken for what we were missing out on. I was jealous of our married friends. The fantasy I had imagined for years leading up to marriage wasn't coming true.

    The rest of life was difficulty and chaotic as well. Our relationship was strong and special. We were best friends. We loved each other so deeply, yet we couldn't go home at night and have sex like other married couples. We had to schedule it for mid-morning. Sometimes we would start fighting and yelling halfway through because it wasn't working out. I had so much anger, bitterness, hurt. I had many many reasons to be angry at God but I was only angry at him for one reason. That I couldn't have good sex.

    I slowly moved more into pornographic viewing – from sex scenes of movies and naked images to occasionally seeing real people having sex very graphically. I was trying to fill a hole that my marriage wasn't filling.

    My health improved, my bowls allowed sex, but now the pain was coming from a psychological muscle tightening. I had learnt to fear sex. Fear makes sex hurt. I was driven to the climax, probably because of my history of masturbation. I couldn't relax and enjoy the moment. More stress, more tightening, more pain, more tightening. I was stuck in a cycle.

    Over the last couple of months God has healed my marriage dramatically. Where the physical blockages to sex are mostly gone, the emotional blocks are harder to get rid of. I have been working through fear of pain during sex. I also feel a great difference when I 'live in the moment' during sex. When I was freed of drivenness in my life recently, I saw a dramatic improvement in our sex. We have learnt recently to have slow gentle sex and only do what is not painful. Well we try! As we have more enjoyable sex I have learnt to relax my muscles and it hurts much less. Often now it doesn't hurt at all. We are still learning.

    The biggest breakthrough however has been in pornography. I have just done 100 days without looking at a naked image. You start counting the days and when you get to 100 you reward yourself with something you really want. If you slip up, you start counting all over again. This is the most effective thing I have ever done. About halfway through the 100 days I came to total repentance and brokenness before God over what I had been doing. I began to hate the sin as much as God and I lost the desire for it. The biggest shock has been the difference it has made to my marriage. When I stopped looking at anything that made me feel guilty, or compromised our intimacy, suddenly sex worked better. I WISH i had known this earlier. I was looking at pornography because our physical sex was broken. But the pornography was breaking our physical sex.

    For the first time in my marriage, I feel like we have a normal sex life, and I am no longer broken and bitter about it. I have very little desire to sin sexually. I am so thankful and blessed to have a wonderful marriage.

    I have been graphic and detailed because I hope that someone will read this and learn something that helps them with their own marriage.
    We prayed earnestly throughout our marriage for our sex life to be healed. God is faithful and he does heal, but he needs us to turn away from our sin. Sexual sin is SO destructive to a marriage. I know that so well now.

    ps. my husband never struggled with sexual sin or pornography. It is hard being the one who struggles – it is so often a male problem and wife's are thought of as victims. I admire any women out there who will share their own stories of struggling.

  • Nakiasofia

    wow that’s awesome

  • http://cynthiamezablogs.wordpress.com/ Mezacc608

    Jennifer,

    Thank you for sharing this! I have been married for a year and your experience sounds a lot like mine

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1018736143 JaynKerry Rivait

    Thank-you for sharing your story… i really enjoy reading your posts on my facebook :)

  • Av

    Jennifer, your story touched my heart. I will be celebrating my 1st year of marriage on Valentine’s Day. Your statement, “Marriage is an interesting and complicated relationship and no
    one should feel like they are going through it thinking they are the
    only ones with their problems.” resonated with me. Marriage is by far the hardest thing I have ever done thus far in my life. Harder than any job, college, grad school, etc. We’re learning on a daily basis. I thank you for this blog because it gives me so much insight. I look forward to reading more. God bless!

  • Brittni

    Im so excited to be receiving this through my email and my Facebook….i look forward to your post everyday.  I also apply the advice to my relationship and with in myself,  Thank you!

  • Erin

    I am happy to see you addressing sexuality as the important part of marriage that it is! I find it sad when Christian couples treat the topic as if it’s shameful. Sex is one of the benefits of marriage, not something dirty. I hope your openness helps women who are having problems with their husband’s and their sexual bond!

    I would like to share something: After nearly 20 years of marriage, my husband’s sexual desire all but disappeared. I felt rejected, humiliated, and incredibly lonely. We were there for each other in every other way, but THAT way had always been very important to us. And it was gone. When I realized his lack of interest wasn’t going away, I told him how sad and lonely I was feeling.

    He immediately made a doctor’s appointment, and guess what? His testosterone had become low. Medication has corrected the problem. So please, if any of you are feeling the way I felt, because your husband has lost interest – consider asking your husband to speak to his doctor. I had been feeling like it was my fault, like maybe I was no longer attractive to my husband; what a horrible way to feel! And turns out, it was just a common medical condition.

    God bless you all!

  • Erin

    I am very late in reading this, so I don’t know if the wife who posted will even see my reply. My reaction to reading your post was sadness for you. This will probably be a clumsy way to word this – I am no missionary, just an ordinary person: God is our parent, and doesn’t make bad things happen to us or even allow bad things to happen, per se. It’s horrible to know that something bad has happened to one of our children, and we simply have to be there for the child and help the child pick up the pieces and continue on his or her journey. God has so many children that seeing bad things happen to all of them must be excruciating! But God is there to help us pick up the pieces and continue on our journeys. That is probably the inspiration all of us human parents follow with our own children. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I just wish you wouldn’t think you are being punished by God when your life is difficult. Difficulties are there, whether we “deserve” them or not. I’m glad you felt able to share your story here, and I for one am praying for you! Just please remember that you are a child of God; not a prisoner of God, a CHILD of God. And God is there wanting to comfort you and help you gain strength for your life’s purpose.

  • Joanna

    Thank you for opening your life, story and heart to us wifes. I appreciate your encouragments, prayers and insights. I’ve been married 21.5 years and though my story is much different, having a sister in faith is very helpful. Many times I look at my facebook wall and your words and the Word speaks to me. Thank you once again. I am praying for you.

  • Jaimie Ramsey

    An acquaintance of mine recommended your site on facebook.  I’m so encouraged by your story and the others I’ve read here.  I’ve been married for about seven months, but it’s been just in the last three months or so that my husband and I have been able to have satisfying sex.  I had a very tight hymen when we were married (we were both virgins when we got married) so a month and a half into our marriage I had a surgery to remove the hymen.  That helped, but because I associated pain with intercourse I still had mental and emotional blocks when it came to sex.  My husband was very understanding, and we had other ways of enjoying and satisfying one another.  But one day he sat me down and explained that it wasn’t anything physical that was impeding me from being able to have intercourse; it was mostly a psychological thing.  My mental state changed after that, and after much prayer and some research, and God helped me relax and gave me positive thoughts, and we were able to start having intercourse.  It still hurts a little sometimes but we’re able to enjoy each other thoroughly now.

    From what I’ve learned, there are so many possible reasons for sexual problems, but in every case there are medical, mental and spiritual remedies.  Our God is a God of miracles!

  • Zfisherees

    God Bless You Jennifer for sharing so much. I love your prayers and postings.  It is a good thing not only to learn more about PARABENS but also other chemicals we expose our bodies to daily.  I have been using doTERRA Essential Oils for 3 years now.  Since learning about these Certified Pure Thereaputic Grade oils, I have become more and more aware of the bad things we unknowingly put on our skin, ingest, inhale, and take into our bodies.  doTERRA has a program to help detoxify your body as well as providing natural products to replace the harmful ones.  http://www.doterra.com,  http://www.builddoterra.com/, http://viewer.zmags.com/publication/0cbb4ae6#/0cbb4ae6/1 

  • Delz

    Thank you so much for sharing, I recently got engaged and everything here is so beneficial and lovely to read. God bless you!

  • http://unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

    Thanks Kimberlee!  I have checked out EWG.org/skindeep it is a GREAT website/database! 

  • kimberlee

    Hi, Jennifer, I’m blown away by your transparency and heart to help others that struggle with what you have overcome by God’s grace. I’m so happy that you have written a book and I pray that it will change thousands of women and their marriages.

    I am very interested by what cosmetics and every-day products I use contain and I check them out on ewg.org/skindeep You should check it out. Products are number-based on toxicity. I really had no idea how perfume is toxic until I discovered this website.  I now know that just because a product is sold at a health store, doesn’t mean it’s 100% safe.

  • LeRae McBroom

    Jennifer,

    I have 5000 people on my Facebook and another 5000 total in other groups thank you for being REAL.
    REAL love,
    LeRae

  • LeRae McBroom

    This is incredible!!! Thank you sooooo much for being honest and sharing the emotional and mental side of health as well. I have been in natural health for 20 years, it was 6 years ago I opened up and admitted the part that they play is crucial and critical. I have been able to help so many heal, flourish,grow,….because of it. Dr. Jim Richards has several cd’s, video, mp3, books, on emotions, mental and overall health  http://www.impactministries.com/store/scripts/default.asp?idAff=87. My facebook is just for this and sharing, loving, and getting the info out.

    LeRae McBroom

  • Lololovesthelord

    Thank you so much for sharing!

  • Mary Ruth Johnson

    That is an interesting story Jennifer. I dont know where to begin,  so I willl wait for guidance from God my Father.

  • http://unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

    Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for this woman and the courage she had to share her story.  I pray that you would reveal yourself to her in very personal ways.  Remind her everyday why she matters to you and what your purpose is for her.  Send people into her life that will minister to her and encourage her.  Thank you for giving her the strength to stay with her husband.  I pray for her husband, that he would draw close to you to learn how to be the leader of his family.  I pray for reconciliation and healing to take place in their marriage.  I pray that you would restore their intimacy.  I pray that you are glorified in their marriage Lord, that they would reach a joy and peace in their marriage, knowing they could only get there because of you.  I pray that you wrap them in your love and protect them from the attacks of the enemy in Jesus Name Amen!

  • http://unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

    Congrats on getting engaged Mallory!  Double congrats on going into a life of missions!  Serving the Lord in that way blessed our marriage beyond what I could describe to you!  I was also nervous the night of our wedding.  I think talking about your anxiety with your husband will help ease that as he understands all that you are facing.  And if its not perfect the first time dont fret! Just go take a bath together and reflect on memories you two have made thus far:)  Also, keep prayer at the center of your relationship!  I am so sorry to hear all that you have gone through, it seems as though you are a very strong woman!  I admire that!  I will be praying for you and your future husband!

    God, I thank you for Mallory and her fiance! I pray that you prepare them now for marriage and continue to teach them even after the vows.  Help them to be teachable all the years they are married.  Help them to understand each other and comfort one another.  I pray for healing and restoration in Mallory and that you would remove any fear that she may have about sex.  I pray that they enjoy intimacy in their marriage and that you bless this couple in Jesus Name Amen!

  • Mallory Yancy

    Hi Jennifer! Thank you so much for your honesty. I am in the process of becoming a wife in the next six months. We have both saved ourselves for marriage and are also pursuing a life of missions when we graduate. My biggest fear about the whole thing is sex. I was sexually abused in my life by two different men and I was sexually assaulted my sophomore year of college. God has done a miraculous work in my heart in forgiving and not being defined as a sexual abuse victim. I am still scared about the night that we get married and have to go through this whole intimacy part together. I am glad to know that any problems I may face through this, other women may struggle with as well. Thank you for your story and I will be praying blessings for you and your husband!!!

  • Sventhdayslumbr75

    Thank you so much for sharing this! I also have extreme pain when having sex with my husband and it has made for a difficult intimate relationship because I have rejected him several times because yes it hurts, but it also is not satisfying at all. Also what hinders this relationship is the fact that he had an affair a couple years ago and a child resulted out of this affair. I have a very difficult time being with him because I am constantly wondering who he is thinking about because I can count on one hand how many times we have had sex since the affair 2 1/2 yrs ago. I am having a hard time letting this go and to be quite honest I am severly broken. I am a believer in Christ but I am really having a hard time wondering what my purpose is that He has for me and why I even matter to Him. Life has just been one blow after another for the last couple of years and all I can wonder is what I keep doing wrong for God to allow these things to keep happening to me. Please pray for me and my husband. I forgave him for the affair and took him back but I want us to have a Godly marriage and for him to take his place as the head of our home! I want a Godly Marriage!

  • Kelvin_tracey

    Thanx for sharing your story, Jennifer. My husband and I were also married in January of 2007. Which means we both celebrate 5 years of excruciating pain and overwhelming joy, two months from now! YES!!

    For me, marrying a widower with previously undiagnosed heart disease was the ultimate baptism of fire! And, because he is 21 years my senior, all of our neighbours who’d known him for years (all single, older women) thought I was a black widow. (Mind you, Kelvin isn’t wealthy, by anyone’s standards!) Also, because of his illness (and my clean slate, prior to marriage), sexual initiation; coupled with his health problems, made settling in to marriage so much harder! Many times, I sat in my living room and cried my heart out. Marriage was meant to be about becoming one — no one had told me about that awful ‘period of adjustment’; or even about how to handle serious illness, so early into our union. I felt betrayed..

    Fortunately, my wonderful husband recognised my need for support, during this shocking time in our lives. He and I spoke to our primary care doctors; in order to arrange the much-needed support. As a result, I received both counselling and respite; while he was placed on a waiting list for much-needed life-saving surgery. And, much to my reassurance, my therapist, as well as our support team, understood this weary 30-something bride’s situation. I was also given tips on surviving the mental strain of having a seriously ill husband in my care.

    Months later, my wonderful hero/husband underwent a triple bypass, which enabled us to have a marriage at last! Sadly, twelve months (almost to the day) later, Kelvin had another heart attack, while having a medical test performed. This time, he had two stents implanted in a steadily-blocking valve. All this within the first two years of marriage!!

    Because we’d had such a rough patch, Kelvin and I reaffirmed our vows on our third anniversary — at the very hour our original wedding had been scheduled, back in 2007! Our empathetic celebrant went through this very special rite with us, enabling me to change the traditional white rose in the rose ceremony to be red — symbolic of our love! We also had butterfly decorations surrounding us, as we reaffirmed our commitment to each other. It was so great, to have this sweet, sensitive man still by my side!! And, yes, I wore my wedding clothes (a white cotton skirt and blouse) to celebrate this very special occasion, in our lives. I wore it proudly, too.  

    To summarise, Kelvin and I will always have to deal with his medical situation (he may never be 100% healthy); but, thanx be to God, we will continue to become ever stronger, as a couple. I am so glad I married him!!

    And, now; I am counting down the days till we celebrate five years of life together — five years, since we recited those two precious words.. I do.

    Again, thanx so much for sharing your story. {hugs} God bless you!!   

  • Dave

    Kaarak,
    More Christian women really, really need to talk about sex, desire and intimacy. There are women who firmly believe the “importance” of sex is simply because the Bible was written by men (the quotation marks are just for emphasis and not to show derision on my part as I believe the Bible too). This is where the Christian woman can go to war with Satan and prove that Godly women can desire their husbands, sexually please them and most importantly, allow themselves to be pleased by their husbands and be no less Godly and pure. Because it has been so long for me I have no clue whatsoever how to please my wife, such a useless husband I am. It’s not my wife’s fault she has no desire. It’s mine.

  • Dave

    Hi Kaarak,
    I am really quite worried by the prospect of asking my wife to come and see a Christian sex therapist as she is really quite happy in her life without sex, I am the only one who has the problem. If she can be perfectly happy without then why can’t I be?
    Going to a therapist is something to do when both parties feel there is a problem. If my wife believes she does not have a problem then she does not have a problem. The point being that she is absolutely happy living without this form of intimacy.
    If I try to take her to one of these therapists then I would really be acting against her will. If she does not want sex at all, and believe me she really is happy without, then I don’t know if it would be the right thing to do. I feel it would be like the therapist talking her into wanting something she does not want.
    I believe there are chemical means to eradicate a man’s desire and arousal capabilities and am wondering if that is the way I should go. After all, if I can treat myself somehow to not desire, then I will be matching my wife. That way it would be a win/win.
    I suppose I just don’t know how to bring the subject up without incurring her wrath as she can become quite annoyed when I talk about it.
    All I know is that I despise this alleged “gift” from God as in our relationship my desire remains unrequited and all one way. It’s like giving a lovely framed photograph to a blind person who cannot see it. I sometimes wish He would just remove it from me as it serves no purpose but to torment me and cause me to sin in my mind and heart. It will send me to hell, I’m sure.

  • Whisper Scully

    Hi Jennifer, my name is Whisper and I just finished reading your story and I must say that I admire your courage to share such intimate details of your life. I’ve never been a believer of “saving one’s self for marriage” but I respect people and their decisions as I respect yours but I have to admit that your situation is intriguing to me (but NOT AT ALL in a bad way).

    I have been married for nearly 9yrs now and I would be lying if I said it’s all been a breeze but I’d also be lying if I said that each day isn’t infinitely better than the last. My husband is 17 yrs my senior and I absolutely adore the man. He is undoubtedly my best friend and even after 8 yrs, we’re still mistaken everywhere we go as newlyweds.

    I appreciate your thoughts and opinions and hope that we can both benefit from the differences AND similarities of our experiences wives.

    Always,
    Whisper

  • http://www.unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

    Thanks for sharing!

  • Beth Morey

    Wow.  Thank you for sharing about such a vulnerable subject.  It’s so good to know that those of us who don’t experience healthy sex right out of the marriage gate are not alone.  Like  you, my husband and I saved sex for marriage.  When we tried to have sex on our wedding night, however, we found that it was impossible.  It felt incredibly painful for me, and it felt to my husband that something was blocking penetration.  Well, it turned out that my hymen was not just a meshy substance but instead a thick piece of skin with a few holes that allowed my period fluids to come through.  I had surgery to fix this problem, but we did not experience satisfying sex until 2-3 years later, when sex finally began to feel good instead of painful or uncomfortable.  It’s been a long, frustrating road.  All that to say…I’m so glad that you’re sharing your story to encourage other couples who are experiencing similar difficulties.  Also, you’ve inspired me to consider sharing my story more!  Thank you!

  • Christie Gunter

    i look foward to seeing what u have to say everyday. my husband and i are looking for ways to improve our marriage, definitely in the spiritual direction. thank you for sharing your inspirational thoughts with us. 

    christie
    canton, ga

  • Christie Gunter

    i look foward to seeing what u have to say everyday. my husband and i are looking for ways to improve our marriage, definitely in the spiritual direction. thank you for sharing your inspirational thoughts with us. 

    christie
    canton, ga

  • Kaarak

    Dave, I think that you guys should see a Christian sex therapist. IT is not healthy to have a sexless marriage. The Bible commands us not to deprive each other, and to consider our bodies not our own but our partner’s. With that we must mutually try to serve each other with gift God has blessed us with. I am so sorry to hear about your situation…And commend you for hanging in there so long. PLEASE seek professional help. It can work wonders!

  • Detounlove

    am not married but i love this it .thank you

  • Detounlove

    am not married but i love this it .thank you

  • Detounlove

    am not married but i love this it .thank you

  • Elizabeth

    Jennifer,

    Wow, I just read your story and I am touched by your heart.  Being open and sharing helps us all, sometimes the opening up is the hardest part. 

    Wives that love God, their husbands, families and are willing to fight through the tough times.

    Blessings!
    Elizabeth

  • Anonymous

    I have posted a few notes and I hope they will come through to you and others. I have had the same experience and it is a sad thing to know you don’t have answers. I really want to thank you for your website. And to thank you for helping me understand I wasn’t wrong to ask my Christian husband to wait for Marriage before we had sex. Also I sent an email about the medical condition of the cervix and what can happen if you are not receiving the right kind of Pap Smear. Please be advised that issues with your cervix can cause pain during sex and can lead to other serious medical concerns. God is our healer………..and I also believe He can direct you in finding answers with your OBGYN.  I had to have surgery on my cervix and it helped my sex life. However, you will deal with the issues of mental issues of “will it hurt again” and your husband not wanting to hurt you.  Men remember not to use abusive and immature banner during these times it will only add to your problems in marriage. Also remember that your man has to be emotionally able to meet your needs and make you feel “Safe and Secure” in order to feel sexual. If you have financial issues, or a lot of mental issues in the family life, it can take away from a woman wanting to be a woman instead of being the only Adult in the home. A woman needs to ‘be’ held not doing all the holding. A woman needs to know she is the one and only (no ghost in the closet)……….she is cherished and beautiful!  Please stop any and all Mental and Immature Banner toward each other, it only builds up in a marriage and some words are hard to forget even if forgiveness has been given……..especially if the immaturity continues and no real change in behavior. I have been married to a Christian man for over 19 years, and unfortunately he is a therapist and can not learn what is needed, even after many hours of explaining, and begging to read or listen to tapes. Individual therapy is always needed in a trouble time………he should know he is a therapist.I pray that this website helps others who are willing to be open and know that we all need to grow as Men and Women in Christ. God wants the Men of His Kingdom to love their wives, by understanding they want and need to feel safe and secure……..

  • Darlene from Tennessee

    I had the same problems and soon found out that my husband semen had caused the pain. I soon found out that I had problems with my cervix which was the beginning of cancer. They had to rush me into surgery. You see if a guy has had sex with other women it can cause you to have a reaction and create medical conditions. Not to blame the guy but there are medical things to discuss with your OBGYN. We did and if I had the issue again then my husband would of had to be treated. I had one other scare from the biopsy but I was able to be cleared. I had to have my cervix removed by surgery. A very sad day and lots of heartache, but we got to the root of it all. Sex was different after awhile, of course you do go through the mental issues of “will it hurt” and him thinking will I hurt her.  Please make sure your doctor is completing a more intense Pap Smear, it will cost more but they can diagnose you quicker with an up to date and detailed Pap Smear. Oh it does hurt more for all of you to be aware, for they scrape more off your cervix.  

  • Darlene from Tennessee

    I want to thank you for your web page. It is a refreshing experience to know that what I needed so much from my husband during our courting years wasn’t hard to ask for…….respect and requesting to wait until we were married. He made me feel stupid and continued to force the issue even though we were Christians. After marriage I could not be relaxed with him and totally blamed myself. Years later and a pending divorce………it is so wonderful to know that other Christian men understand and stand by there wives in making a marriage work (especially sex) and not be abusive during it all. God Bless your marriage……….a true inspiration! Darlene from Tennessee

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002541476069 Kim Chi Yan

    Nice story! God Bless you all!

  • http://www.unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

    God, I lift up Dave and his wife to you.  I pray that they have a solid foundation in you and center their marriage around you.  I ask that you would give this couple a divine opportunity to talk about the issue of sex.  I pray that Dave’s wife would understand how important sex is for a man and that you would give her a desire for it.  Lord, I ask that you would guide Dave’s decisions and that you would speak very directly to him about his body, how to control it and what he can do for his marriage.  Please let this couple enjoy intimacy and use them to find the root cause of the lack of intimacy.  Fulfill this marriage in Jesus Name! AMEN!

  • http://www.unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

    God, I lift up Dave and his wife to you.  I pray that they have a solid foundation in you and center their marriage around you.  I ask that you would give this couple a divine opportunity to talk about the issue of sex.  I pray that Dave’s wife would understand how important sex is for a man and that you would give her a desire for it.  Lord, I ask that you would guide Dave’s decisions and that you would speak very directly to him about his body, how to control it and what he can do for his marriage.  Please let this couple enjoy intimacy and use them to find the root cause of the lack of intimacy.  Fulfill this marriage in Jesus Name! AMEN!

  • http://www.unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

    God we lift up Grace to you and we pray for her marriage.  We ask that you would transform her husband and help them to center their marriage around you!  Please show them how to run to you and allow you to change them for the better.  We pray that they would experience love in their marriage, an unconditional, gracious, merciful love.  Send people into their lives that will encourage them.  Lift the weight of Grace’s burden and free her from strain in Jesus Name AMEN!

  • Dave

    Hi Jennifer,

    Firstly, let me say how much of a blessing it is to hear things from the
    female perspective. It is eye-opening and refreshing to hear how Christian
    women feel about the subject of sex and that they too desire to fulfill their
    husbands.

    Secondly, I really hope I am not out of line being male and writing in this
    blog but I have a problem and I feel I really need a female view on it so I can
    come up with some answers because I am coming fast to the end of my tether. It
    is causing me to believe fully that I am given to sin or that I am not a man at
    all.

    I read your article “About Unveiled Wife” regarding your 4 year
    drought and the comment from Melinda and her 16 1/2 year struggle with interest
    as they both struck a chord with me.

    My wife and I were married in 1992 and we made a pact that though we had
    never had intercourse during our courting time we would not even make a start
    until we were properly married. We, like you, said “I do” in front of
    our families and a group of our closest friends and after all the formalities
    shot off on our honeymoon. Whilst honeymooning we could not keep our hands off
    each other, it was sheer bliss. Upon coming home things started drying up until
    later that same year nothing, sexually speaking, was happening at all between
    us. I felt maybe something was not right with my wife, or even me, and spoke to
    her about it and she told me there was not so I thought “just be
    patient” and things may start again.

    Well, it has now been close to 20 years and still nothing. I have approached
    her several times over the years only to be given the standard responses such
    as “maybe” or “not tonight” etc. Sometimes she just gets
    mad at me.

    I’ve started wondering what’s going on. I will admit that I am not at all “good
    at it” and don’t even know how to get “good at it”. I started to question
    whether I was “enough” (down there) for her like the popular magazines and
    other publications suggest is of utmost importance. Ashamedly I have, over the
    years, gone down the “do it yourself” road which brings both relief in tiny amounts but vast oceans of shame and
    guilt resulting in me sobbing because I have, yet again, given into sin and
    there can be no fulfilment from it. It’s all I can do seeing I am obviously not good enough to fulfil my wife.

    In our discussions my wife has indicated to me that she is perfectly happy
    living a totally sexless life and I am starting to think of some of the
    readings you have on your blog. Maybe I should learn to carry my cross and
    follow Him without it. I still feel strong desires but because I have been so
    long without making love to my wife she is becoming removed from my desires. I’m
    finding it difficult to see her as the source of fulfilment for me as, despite
    us sharing the same bed, nothing happens there and I feel we’re becoming
    roommates rather than husband and wife. This is what hurts me the most as I
    still very much love her and still want her to be the one for me.

    One thing has become evident is that I hate this “gift” of sexuality with a
    passion because it brings nothing but trouble and am considering obeying what
    it says in Matthew 5:29-31 and having some procedure done to remove it from me
    so I too can happily live a life without sex. After all, if my wife is happy
    without then I should do what I can to become the same way. If I keep on asking
    her or approaching her about it then it is no more than harassment.

    Sorry for the long letter but this is so depressing and I have no idea any more.

  • cloeybee

    Praying for you, Grace.

  • Grace

    Jen, thanks for your introduction, right now I live in a loveless marriage of 7 years because my husband takes our problems to other rather than taking it to the Lord and am a woman who will rather keep quiet abot in problem in my marriage than talk to an outsider about it and these people came laying blames without taking time to find out the root cause of it all and I rather remain silent and take it to the Lord in prayer than complain but am beginning to feel the strain, it got up to the extent of him shelving his responsibility of providing shelter and providing for the family,I need prayers right now because am at my wits end.

  • http://www.unveiledwife.com Unveiled WIfe

    Thanks for sharing!  I wanted to suggest a book to you, if you haven’t read it already, “No more headaches” by Dr. Juli Slattery.  It is a great book about sex and intimacy, and how it effects men and women. 

  • cloeybee

    Wow. I’m in tears after reading your introduction and some of the comments. Marriage can become so painfully difficult when the intimacy with our spouse gets disrupted…it’s heartbreaking, figuratively and literally. 
    My husband and I were high school sweethearts and we’ve been together for 20 years this year. We were virgins the first time we had sex but not on our wedding night.  I’ve often regretted that but the choice was made long ago and I can’t go back and fix it now. 

    We have had both wonderful and horrible sexual experiences over those 20 years.  In the beginning of our marriage, it was wonderful.  But of course it was just the two of us and all caution was thrown to the wind. =)

    Now we have three children and the thought of being intimate seems almost like another chore I have at the end of the day. I know that sounds horrible and it is. I just don’t have the same interest or drive that I used to….however, once we get started, part of the old me returns and it is a wonderful reconnection to my sweet husband. 

    I’ve rejected my husband more times than I could possibly count. I’m ashamed of that and I know it has made him feel worthless and unloved during the very worst times of our marriage.  Despite my issues, I know my  husband loves me and I love him.  But I also know our sex life is far from what we both dreamt it would be.  I want to be the wife that I should be. I want to think of my husband before myself.  I’m excited to be able to reach out to other women who face some of these issues and yet yearn to be transformed into the wife that God made us to be.
     

  • Julie

    Wow, just found your blog through a comment you left on mine :).  I immediately read your story, and have to say thank you for being so courageous as to open up in this area.  It is so needed, especially in the Christian community!  This will undoubtedly minister to so many people!  Thank you for stepping into a great unknown…I can see how God’s had has been all over this and will continue to do so! 

  • tina

    Hi linda… with God all things are possible.. my husband and I prayed for a child for almost 12 years and God is so faithful to us…I got pregnant January of 2009, i gave birth last October 21, 2009 ,  baby boy…i named him ELIJAH… Keep the faith…

  • Anonymous
  • Courtney Christenson

    I’m not even going to bother to correct any of your many biblical errors. If you’re offended by this blog, you are welcome to leave it. Please take your angry and hurtful comments elsewhere.  

  • Courtney Christenson

    Jenn! Thank you for being so open and honest! It’s so refreshing to hear a Christian talking about sex within marriage honestly instead of treating it like it’s sinful or bad. I know that you are NOT the only one that has experienced difficulties in this area and I’m excited to see how God uses your story to help others. Praying for you and your ministry! 

  • http://www.facebook.com/dwayne.vance Dwayne Vance

    I know I will probably not say anything that will change your mind on your strong feeling against this blog. I have to say I serve next to Jen and her husband and they are truly Godly people and they seek the Lord all the time in what they do. Like Carolyn said she is telling her testimony and she is not offering any advice. She is talking about how God has worked in there life and I can see it because I know them personally. You might say I am corrupted as well by Jen and her husband but I have a BS degree and I have been married for 16yrs (If credentials really mean anything) with 4 kids, I have served in church for over 19 yrs and I have witnessed God’s grace and miracles throughout my walk with the Lord. I know when I see stuff from the Devil and they are far from it. Jesus hung out with prostitutes, drunkards, he even broke Sabbath (which was a big deal back then). Things the Pharisees hated with a passion and they said Jesus should never do those things. He preached a message of Love and a relationship with the Father. People told their testimonies on how God changed their lives which made the power of God even more awesome to people. So Jen is truly telling her testimony and how God has taken them through their hard times. So I really encourage Jen to keep doing what she is doing. Our Lord is using this testimony to touch lives not to hurt them. So I would really love to encourage you to pray and ask the Lord if this is from Him. Approach this whole thing with a loving heart and humble yourself before the Lord and talk with Him about it. Like I said before nothing I say will change your mind and this is more meant to encourage Jen. In His Love

  • Carolynelizabethserban

    The internet is a tool of the Father. satin has turned it in to his tool but i DEClARE it is a tool of the father of spreading his word and his faithful tove to ALL

  • Carolynelizabethserban

     i fear you are the one who needs prayer. for thoes who judge shall be judged… i pray god blesses you and keeps you and you have all that you want and need i pray only blessings on you and your family
    Amen

  • Hugabugs00

    Let us grow in the Lord and be used by the Holy Spirit together and not debate the tetstomy given to us by the Holy spirit.
    “He was led as a sheep to slaughter;
    And as a lamb before a shearer is slient, so he does not open his mouth.
    “In humiliation His judgement was taken away;
    Who shall relate his generation?
    For His life is removed from the earth.”
    Acts 8:32-33

  • Carolynelizabethserban

    im sorry but who are you to judge how god uses one person i Jenns only calling was to touch one wife she did so … me. i can promise you she has done nothing wrong i have an intamate daily realtionship with God and he speaks through me as i am called to prophecy i am sure i would have seen the work of the devil if there was any and i can tell you the devil has no authorty in Jenn and her husbands ministry. 1 cor. 12:11 But ine and the same spirt is active in all distributing to each one as he wills…… Jenn’s spiritual gift is to encourage other wifes and to build a blace where we can come when we need advice. you who are older wifes should be here to help us younger ones not knock us down2 cor.10:4 since the wepons of our warfare are not fleshly but are powerful through god for the demolition of strong holds, we demolish arguements 5 and every high minded thing that is raised up aginst the knowladge of god taking every thought captive to the obedience of christ 
    God made sex god made marriage god also puts people in our lives to instruct us to build us up to inspire us Jenn is doing HER fathers work. we chase after no myth but the power and burning fire of the EVERLASTING OPEN REAL KING OF KINGS 
    if you wish to continue with this worthless battle that satin is using to hurt jenn you may do so at my e mail. in privet but i warn you… i donot take a religious arguement or and attack on someone doing the lords will sitting down Jenn is as paul 2 cor. 11 6 though untrained in public speaking i am certianly not untrained in knowladge.
    Jenn fight the good fight

  • Carolynelizabethserban

    the inveiledwife isnt only about jennifer giving advice its a comunity for all wifes to come to gether to poast there prayer requsets and there praise reports. to have someone else praying for you is an amazing thing. I live in romania i dont have friends here and when i need prayer i have no one to turn to. it is a relief to know i can poast my request here and have many other wifes praying for me and my husband.
    i think it is an amazing thing that jennifer and her husband can be open with there sex life. god is useing them as a teaching tool for others. as i am a young wife (21) i look to people who are also married to help me and i find things i need here
    jennifer her husband and i serve a God of freedom. not a God that has us bound to the law but a God that will bring all hidden things to light if we don not uncover them ourselves. Jennifer and her husband are uncovering themselfs in the face of god and others just as the bible says to do. my sugestion is if you find no use for the information on this page you have grown past it and should just stop looking. but dont hinder the work god is useing Jenn and her husband for
    also if there was somthing on this page that offended you, you who are a christian why didnt you turn the other cheek theres a little red button at the top right of your internet browser page to close it
    elizabethSerban
    ps. Jenn No wepon formed aginst you shall prosper all thoes who rise up aginst you shall fall….. you are a mighty daughter of God… God bless you and your husband

  • Linda

    Hi thank you for sharing your story, this realy opened my eyes and showed me that there are other women out there that are struggeling aswell. We have been married for almost two years now and we love each other like the very first day we met. We desperatly whant children and we’ve been trying since we got married but nothing seem’s to be happening. Every month we try and hope that this time we wil be lucky and then my period hit us like a big dissapointment in the face. My husband told me that it does’nt bother him that much but I can see how eager he is and how disappointed he is every time the result is negative. There is such a desperation between the two of us that it is getting hard to talk about it without getting sad or even crying. I know God will give us children in the right time it just is not always that easy to wait for something you so badly whant and you dont know how long it will be until it is your turn. I need to go and see a doctor again and this time I am afraid of the news he is going to give me, but I will put my trust in God for HE is the only one that can help us! 
    Thank You again.
    Blessing
    Linda

  • Anonymous

    Hi Melinda!  Thank you for posting some of your story.  It was difficult for me to share my story, but I felt God tugging on my heart to be transparent and your reply really confirmed it for me. I am so sorry to hear that you have struggled for over 16 1/2 years, the weight of our 4 year drought was close to unbearable, so I can only imagine how much more you have endured.  My husband and I are praying for your marriage and for complete restoration of your body!  Parabens are found in so many products including mascara and like you said, shampoo, moisturizers and lubricants.  I also struggled with lubricants burning, you may want to try finding an organic one.  God created marriage and there is no doubt that he wants you and your husband to be fulfilled.  So yes please write back and share what happens.  I also wanted to let you know that as my body has been healed, we have had to work through a lot of emotional baggage that came from 4 years of sex not working.  So be praying that God restores your mind as well.  Thanks again for being honest:)

  • Melinda

    Today I could not believe what I just read!!!  I have been married for almost 16 1/2 years and I have/am experiencing the same problem.  Having intercourse with my husband has been so painful.  I can probably count on two hands how many times we have tried. Like you I have been to many doctors and tried everything under the sun.  I pray over this situation since my honeymoon night.  As a wife I felt like a failure, because I could not meet my husband need.  We are like room mates, because we both fear by being intimate it might lead into something else.  We separated for six and half months, and during that time I said I would do it no matter what.  We tried once since we reconcile, which is almost 18 months.  Just putting a lubricant on burn.  I was so frustrated!!  Like your husband he never blamed me and did not want to pursue in the intimate area because of the pain he saw on my face.  He has been very kind and also very frustrated.

    When I was reading your article I felt like I was reading about us.  Immediately we went through my products and found that Paraben was probably in two-thirds of my products.  Shampoo, moisturizer and lubricants.

    I am believing that this is a revelation from God. I cannot thank you enough.  I am believing that this will be the the long and answered pray.  Thank you for your honestly, vulnerability and the truth.  Most of all thanks for sharing what helped you and your husband. I am looking forward to writing back and saying the same thing happen for me and my husband.

    Melinda