Writen by: Unveiled Wife On January 27, 2012

Love And Respect By Eggerichs – Book Review

Unveiled wife love and respect book reviewLove And Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is a phenomenal marriage tool that should be in the hands of every husband and wife.  This book has drastically changed my approach to marriage, especially helping my husband and I understand each other and our responses a bit better.  This book highlights some of the greatest communication mysteries that have perplexed husbands and wives for centuries! Eggerichs and his wife discovered a truth regarding marriages found in Ephesians 5:33,

“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Eggerichs and his wife began to focus on love and respect in their own marriage and saw instant change begin to take place.  They began speaking on this obvious truth laid out for husbands and wives in Ephesians, eventually creating the Love and Respect Marriage Conference.  Thousands and thousands of marriages were being encouraged and many saved from the threat of divorce by attending the conference, which inspired Eggerichs to expand on the love and respect principle in this book.

In Love And Respect,

Eggerichs immediately challenges that love alone is not enough for marriage.  He refers back to Ephesians 5:33 and explains why respecting your husband is so vital in a marriage relationship and how respecting your husband fulfills a huge need he, and every man was designed by God to have.  Eggerichs also acknowledges the “husband audience” explaining the need all wives have to feel unconditionally loved and how constantly affirming that love will motivate wives to respect them.  Eggerichs does a fantastic job of addressing both husbands and wives, their needs, as well as what each is responsible for in their marriage relationship.

Eggerichs presents three different cycles that help to evaluate marriage relationships.  Being aware of these cycles in your marriage will definitely challenge the way you love and respect your spouse.  The first cycle he mentions is The Crazy Cycle.  This is where wives respond to their husband with contempt or disrespect because they feel unloved and husbands get discouraged and stonewall, isolating themselves to avoid feeling disrespected, which in turn makes wives feel unloved.  These emotions drive husbands and wives to act out in many different ways, but putting it simply her negative responses are motivated by not feeling loved and his negative responses are motivated by not feeling respected. God commands us to love and respect in Ephesians because he created us with those needs.  When those needs are not met, we respond selfishly.

The second cycle mentioned is referred to as The Energizing Cycle, in which case a husband or wife initiates a positive response, energizing the other to reciprocate a positive response.  This is a great cycle in marriage, until someone drops the ball and no one desires to initiate again.  If a husband or wife fails to initiate the marriage will quickly land back into The Crazy Cycle.

 The third and final cycle is known as The Rewarded Cycle.  This is where a husband or wife responds out of love and respect regardless of how the other spouse is behaving.  This cycle requires a selfless attitude and humility, and it is a perfect example of what Christ would want husbands and wives to follow.

This book is filled with great examples, personal testimonies, and spot-on truths to many different trials husbands and wives face in a marriage relationship.  This book gives a clear depiction of what God calls us to live out in marriage and it has fantastic solutions to how we can begin improving our relationships.  I recommend that you get this book as soon as possible and read it with your spouse!  Knowledge is power and this book brings a lot to the table!  It will transform your marriage!

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Unveiled Wife

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My name is Jennifer and I began this BLOG to share my journey as a wife, unveiled, uncovered and wide open, to purge my heart of the pain I have encountered AND to encourage other women in the world who are, have been, or will soon be wives... READ MY STORY HERE

Join The Discussion, Leave A Comment Below!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Yes!!

    Jennifer Smith Loving Life

  • veronica

    Hi I want to know if this book can help me if my husband does not read it. He is very close minded about getting help for our marriage.

  • Amy Dardis

    This book changed my marriage! If it were not for reading Love and Respect, I would be a completely different wife and probably not still married today. I grew up in a home with very unhappily married parents, who later got a divorce, but my idea of a healthy relationship was so skewed. Reading this book opened my eyes to so many things, the two biggest being “The Crazy Cycle” and always respecting my husband (not nagging, snapping, controlling him, rolling my eyes, or being moody). I would recommend this book to anyone!

  • Amanda

    Love and respect in my marriage means understanding, choosing the right, and being aware. These things are a daily challenge but I do not want to be selfish or have a one way street relationship. I feel that by doing these things, we are teaching our children morals, Gods way and that it is possible to stay married and how a healthy marriage works.

  • http://www.facebook.com/lmitchell49 Laura Samaniego Mitchell

    It means doing what God intends for us in our marriage. And when we follow His command, life is great!

  • http://www.facebook.com/vera.latkiewicz Vera Latkiewicz

    I am in my 1st Godly relationship and need this material; if the Lord see fit I will get it and will use it and share it as well….Our husband is our head…. as Christ is the head of the Church…Lord Bless…

  • Gin

    Love and respect mean more than just acting a certain way. It is a heart attitude of honor.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sandra-L-Houtz/1038792517 Sandra L Houtz

    Being there when he needs me and listening even when I have heard the story before, which does happen sometimes :)

  • bHarper

    It means being selfless thoughtful and humble.

  • maria

    Love and respect is to honor, value and cherish your husband/wife.

  • http://www.facebook.com/apolonia.sanchez.7 Apolonia Sanchez

    I try to remember that GOD made the man the head of the house not me. I would love to read this book. I get so busy ,taking care of our 4 daughters and getting read to have our 1st son. I feel like I don’t give my husband the respect he needs,and it hurts. That im not being the Titus woman that GOD wants me to be. God Bless

  • SheriKay

    Love and Respect defines the 2 major roots of a successful marriage. Your marriage will not prosper because these actions that both husband and wife desire from each other, are commandments from GOD. If he’s placed in the midst of a union…The marriage will follow his Will…”Till death parts you.” He asks us to do the ultimate command,”Love one another.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/britney.fredrickson Britney Fredrickson

    Love and respect mean laying down your own needs and desires so that you can serve the Lord, and your spouse, fully. Honestly. Openly.

  • Rebekah

    My husband & I just finished a 12 week class with our church based on this awesome book.

  • http://www.facebook.com/desireecalanda.topasna Desiree Calanda Topasna

    Love and Respect mean being able to put someone else before yourself.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sandra-L-Houtz/1038792517 Sandra L Houtz

    I’d love a free copy … I have Facebooked … Twittered and Posted here :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/jennifer.l.hansley Jennifer Leigh Hansley

    wow, this is so brilliant. It is so true!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lakisha-Rivera/743472544 Lakisha Rivera

    Love and Respect is so important, because it helps you protect and keep boundaries! You have to hve the fear of GOD in order to keep Love and Respect in your marriage.

  • Amanda

    Love and respect mean communicating and sticking by one another no matter what!

  • desiree

    Love and respect means being there:it’s cuddling up at night, sitting through a boring documentary that he enjoys, and most importantly joyfully, consciously and wholeheartedly (even when you don’t feel like it) putting our best interest = the family above our own individual wants

  • Liz

    Love is not a feeling, it’s action. Love regardless of insensitivity from either spouse by responding with a respectful attitude and show love by performing an action of love.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mary.anne.barry1982 Mary-Anne Barry

    Love and respect means treating my husband the way I want to be treated.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=830353895 Ashley G Welborn

    Love and respect means listening and doing what God’s will is

  • http://twitter.com/PinkStar412 Claire Harrison

    Love and Respect means literally everything in a marriage.

  • Jessica M

    Love and respect means not putting them down but lifting them up.

  • http://www.facebook.com/campbellclan2004 Melanie Campbell

    Love and Respect are verbs ( action words!!!)and require us to have honest interactions no matter what the circumstance is. Living the vows we made to each other.

  • http://www.facebook.com/annettewanyana Annette Wanyana

    it means loving your spouse unconditionally

  • http://www.facebook.com/linda.delatorre.779 Linda De La Torre

    With love and respect, divorce is NEVER an option

  • Carla

    I believe that respect is a part of love.You can’t have true love without respect. My love for my husband is shown by respecting him. When I show him love in this way (by respecting him) he feels loved (or, respected, in his mind). When either of us feels like the other is not loving us the right way, the ultimate feeling that is felt is either “unloved” (for a woman) or “disrespected” (for a man). If a husband tries to show his love for his wife by respecting her, but not by “loving” her, she is likely to feel unloved. If the wife tries to show her love for her husband by treating him with love (the way that makes HER feel loved), but yet doesnt respect him, then he will feel unloved.

  • Ashley

    My husband and I are reading the five love languages book right now and we are discovering how much we are wired differently when it comes to how we receive love and respect. He feels respected when I affirm him and do things around the house for him. I feel loved when he gives me sweet little gifts and spends time with me.

  • Mrshendrick

    To me, I show my husband love and respect by taking care of him. When I fold his laundry or make him dinner I do these things because I love and respect him.

  • K.

    Love and respect are the basis of any marriage. You can’t have love without respect.

  • http://www.facebook.com/vanessa.medina.161 Vanessa Medina

    LOVE and RESPECT in a Marriage is just the coating of what Marriage means but without LOVE how can your marriage GROW without Respect how can you gain LOVE. In the short time my husband and I have been married we’ve had to learn from eachother’s differences we’ve had many SEASONS in 2 1/2 years of marriage from Financial, the loss of a child, to the gain of a child, to anger, confrontaions, disagreements but through the POWER of PRAYER the LORD has showed us all we can do is fight even HARDER for our marriage when it’s being attacked cause that’s all it was; simply an attack on a our marriage and I’ve learned to LOVE and RESPECT my husband even more after every season that has come our way cause he faught with me and not against me.

  • Amy Snyder

    I have been married for over 11 years and it wasn’t until the past six months that we started to truly have a Godly marriage; not that God hasn’t been in our marriage but it wasn’t until lately that I truly found out how to be the wife that God has wanted me to be. True sacrifice and thinking of your spouse before yourself has truly changed our marriage. Our marriage has been unbelievable lately and it is all do to putting God first in our marriage. We have even started putting wall words on our walls and our favorite is “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I love your site and I follow you daily on Facebook. Thank you for all that you do!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jessica.balderas.77 Jessica Balderas

    It is vital!! I’ve done the video series and had many light bulb moments!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/rfoulk7707 Rachel Foulk

    I have a pretty great marriage but I love learning more. You never know when you’re going to need it.

  • Marsha Neu

    I have these books and like them!

  • RAP

    Wow, I just started reading this book over the weekend. My Father in Law initially suggested it but I was not immediately willing to read it  but then I saw it as one of your suggested books and thought a little more about it. This is just further confirmation that I need to continue reading this book and fast! Thanks for taking the time review and post on books. 

  • Carrie Human

    I am still learning the definition of Love & Respect within my marriage- But I have learned that is selfless, giving, touching, praising and so much more.  I can’t wait to learn more thru the Word and this book!

  • Yvette Cristina Farris

    Love and respect in a marriage has so many facets, but I will attempt to scribe a few that are of the utmost importance in my marriage. Praying for one another instead of blaming one another. Loving my husband motivates me to be selfless in my role as a wife and mother. Praising my husband in front of our children. So many more! So little time! Housework beckons my attention!

  • Cynder60

    To love unconditionally & value our husband’s thoughts & opinions, especially when they differ vastly from ours.

  • Hollywood2225

    I have been with my husband for over 23 years, he is my best friend, my soul mate, my everything. God Has truly blessed us in our relationship. I treat him the way i like to be treated and have the up most respect for him, his opinions and everything he does. 

  • Jennie

    Treating my spouse as I would want to be treated, being unselfish and loving, being an example of Christs love.

  • Jmarks001

    I believe “Love and Respect” is a choice we make to honor one another in marriage. We have to be intentional in loving our spouse and intentional in respecting them. It is so easy to love them when everything is going well and they are treating us the way we want to be treated. We are called to show “love and respect” even when times are tuff and they are not being very nice. I also believe by choosing to love and respect Christ first in our marriage it gives power and healing to those areas that He can only change. Like your husband’s hardened heart towards you or even your own hardened heart towards your spouse. For me God is the only one that can show me where I am wrong even when I think I am right.

  • Naomi

    Love and respect means listening and hearing. Not jumping to conclusions

  • Janell Garwood

    Love and respect means to honor and cherish your spouse :)

  • Stephanie

    Love and respect in our marriage means I speak and behave in a way that makes my husband feel worthy (which in his case means respected), and he speaks and behaves in a way that makes me feel worthy(which in my case means loved).

  • Jessica Whitelaw88

    Love and respect is very important in marriage – right now it feels as though my husband and I are in the “crazy cycle” mentioned above. we have a lot of different things going on right now in our lives that are not so good and some that are good that it gets overwhelming and when i need that love i dont find it there because i lose my respect for him – sounds like this is a powerful book!

    -Jess

  • Kadyjrogers

    Love and respect means to have Christ in the center of our marriage. We thank God for keeping us together.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Amen!

  • Rachel

    “Love and Respect” in our marriage mean closeness and fulfillment.

  • Chris

    After 10 years of marriage, I am happier than I have ever been in my marriage.  I respected my husband enough not to nag him about attending church, but I loved him enough to pray that God would touch his heart and bring him back to church.  Now, we have been attending church as a family for 2 years and are very active in our congregation.  I allowed God to do the work, and supported my husband without nagging until God brought him to the path he needed to travel.  I thank God every day for leading us to the place we are now.

  • Dhaima99

    Love and Respect in my marriage means Making God the center in our Marriage. I have only been married for a year now and  I just really want both me and my husband to grow together in the Lord.

  • Seth

    Love and Respect has opened our eyes to an simple yet profound truth from God’s word.  This is a wonderful book rooted firmly in the Word of God and has transformed how my wife and I relate.  Beautiful and refreshing . . . these truths have truly energized our marriage.

  • Aishet_chayil

    Love is the foundation and respect is the structure that builds a marriage.  Without these two, and God who surpasses all things, a marriage cannot thrive and grow.  I love and respect my husband very much. Thank God for him.

  • Nicole Enns

    Love and respect in our marriage means being beside each other no matter what and praying for one another when we need it most… right now we’re going through some trying times and are learning how much we really do love and respect each other. Even though we are newly weds we have shown each other an incredible amount of love and respect and what really helps is when we pray every night for gods help in our marriage and to show us the way.

  • Marlo

    Love and respect to me are the two most essential parts of any relationship, but particularly a marriage.  To love him is to hold him, and only him, in my heart forever.  To see flaws, but look beyond them.  To see glory in him, but not place that glory above glory for God.  To respect him means to surrender to him, giving him my body, mind, and soul because I have no fear that he’ll harm any of the three.  Quite the contrary, his respect for me means he lifts me up and makes me better than I could be without him. :-)

  • Aneliz Soto de Bruno

    Love and Respect in our marriage mean that we are honoring the Lord and obeying him as we love each other like he loves us and respect each other as he commands us to. We are truly reflecting the relationship that Jesus has with us as His Bride. 

  • krhodes157

    Love and respect are very important ingredients to a marriage. Many do not have that because they do not love and respect themselves. I will be celebrating 25 years with my husband this September. We may not always agree with each other, but we always love and respect one another and that is so important!

  • Faulk628

    Love and respect are not just scriptural, they are also common sense!  Yet maybe not so “common”, as we sometimes have to remind ourselves how to properly treat our spouse.

  • Laura

    I have read love and respect a couple of times and LOVE this book.  It is based on the Bible and can transform a marriage!

  • Blessedtess6

    Respecting my husband is my response to God’s love for me. I am called as a wife and lover of God to show him respect and wasted many years of our marriage sinning against him in this way.

  • RebeccaK

    Love and respect, to me, go hand in hand. Without love, how can there be respect. With no respect, there is very likely to be no love. No love, no respect, no REAL marriage.

  • Kim

    I would love to win this giveaway so I could read and then pass on to others who need it.  With great love comes respect.  I always respect my husband.  I never disrespect him infront of our children or others.  If you are not accustomed to respecting each other because of difficulties in your marriage you have to start working on it so it will become a natural habit.  God bless everyone struggling and wanting their marriages to work the way God intended.

  • http://www.facebook.com/MPflugradt Melissa Pflugradt

    Respect is to have high regards for someone of importance. You should be proud to marry the man you did! To not be contentious! 

  • Lisa

    Love & respect in my marriage means that I am him mom and don’t treat him like a child, and he listens to me and all my crazy ideas :-).

  • Motherof6

    The Bible teaches us that we should love as Christ loved us, this wasn’t based on a “feeling”! Too often we allow our feeling to rule our actions. we are to love & respect one another even when we don’t feel like it. Afterall, what if Christ didn’t feel like dying on the cross for me?

  • Beducharm

    I don’t think we have enough respect or love for each other at times!  We take each other for granted and  tend to dismiss the little things the other does for them…I would like to get better at these things and bring them to the top of our marriage…instead of somewhere in the middle.

  • mama

    If you don’t have love and respect for one another a marriage will never work.

  • Roze Edi

    I think we both as husband and wife need to love and respect each other

  • Marcielbrennan

    love and respect are the foundation of our marriage! It is a strong foundation! Nothing can topple us!

  • Nicole

    My church offered a class following this book and a video series by the author for current married couples and for couples who were about to be married. Last year, my husband and I took the class and read the book prior to getting married. It was wonderful! I really enjoyed reading the book and so did my husband. The author writes in a practical, fun way. We still talk about things in the book… It was so eye opening to learn about the Crazy Cycle and how we each see things. I would highly recommend this book!

  • sct

    Love and respect in my marriage cannot be merely described in words. It is a soft and loving reaction to a heated situation, a comforting hug after a LONG day, a sholder to cry on or joy-filled tears of accomplishing the impossible. My love for my husband has surpassed many (in what seemed immovable) obstacles in our young lives together. From sticking by eachother through an unexpected pregnancy in our teens to celebrating 10 years of our love for one another and two beautiful children this year, God has delivered us through all of our ups and downs. Our wise pastor once told us that love isn’t a feeling, its choice. The butterflies may not always flutter, but I know they’re always there. :)  Keeping God at the center of our relationship has made us what we are today. I respect my husband for being a spiritual warrior of Christ, a loving father & husband, my best friend I can count on and for accepting me for who I am.

  • TerriM

    I’m learning daily how to respect my husband more and more (and I fail daily too!) – definitely a learning and forgiving process.  

  • Patti

    We just got back from Weekend to Remember, my Husband bought the audio. Can’t wait for him to listen

  • Mnr2433@yahoo.com

    In my marriage love and respect means to not only love eachother unconditionally, but to respect unconditionally in good times and in bad.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1032885039 Kirstin McCoon

    My husband and I have actually gone through these steps, but noone could tell me what to do!  Fortunately someone did help my husband, and he reached out to me!  I believe we have reached the point where we both try hard to show love and respect even if the other is undeserving. (To love as Christ loved His church).  I KNOW being selfless can lead to God’s amazing gift in marriage!  I have seen it work!

  • bekahlekah

    Love & Respect are two of the biggest factors in a marriage – a marriage can’t function without either of them. And even though I’m not married, I am so thankful that I am learning these now so that I am prepared when, God willing, I do actually settle down and marry. 

  • Dclnroyer

    Love and respect are very important in a marriage

  • KatePlusSome

    Love and respect mean looking up to someone and knowing that they have your best interest at heart and following them in a Godly way

  • Melissawardwell

    Love and respect go hand in hand. If you love someone you should respect them no matter what they do.

  • Ayers Kendra

    Love and respect, those two words, are like a mirror being held up to how my husband and I live. We agreed from the first day of our marriage that we must show these two things so that we can live a happy and joyous life together. Our 4yr anniversary is June 27th and we are more in love today that ever before. 

  • Mamabeeof9

    It is what we both long for & need to learn to do for each other. Can’t wait to read this book! I tried to attend their conference but we have 9 children & one was ill so I couldn’t travel the 4 hours away to attend .

  • DeAnna D

    I know my marriage doesn’t work unless I respect my husband and I won’t feel good unless he makes me feel loves. We all wish to be valued by those we care about.

  • http://psalm23five.blogspot.com/ Nicole Anderson

    In our marriage we define love and respect as – I respect his leadership and choose to follow his choices for the family. Love is that I am able to share my opinion and it is taken into consideration…his choices are based on what would be best for me and our children.

  • Angela050908

    Love and Respect go both ways in our marriage, without it we wouldn’t be where we are today. It has gotten us through the toughest of times. Above all God’s love has brought us through it all. :)
     

  • Stormhold6771

    Awesome book whether you are married yet or not. For some of us who are yet married it is even more important that we learn as much as we can from people like Dr. Eggerichs as well as from your Blog of Unveiled Wife(which has been a big inspiration by the way!) Learning to set our standards higher than the average and wishing for that “fairytale”(given to us by Disney and Hollywood) God has something much better in mind for us :)
    God Bless

  • Kady

    Love and respect in my marriage means for both of us to show respect by communicating, listening, and solving issues. In addition, we should love each unconditionally and if we hurt each other then we must ask for forgiveness.

  • Southpaw250

    Love and respect is keeping communication open. The narriage shoukd be 100%-100%, not 50/50. See a need, do it!

  • Leslie_lu03

    Love and respect in our home means knowing we both make mistakes but we won’t hold that against each other. Loving each other through bad moods, respecting my husband when I don’t fully agree with his decisions, and not putting each other down, but building each other up. 

  • Debihis

    love and respect are essential when you are working together as a team :).

  • Dawn

    Havent read this yet, but I keep hearing about it. Sounds good!

  • http://tourthehosue.net The Williams

    My husband & I are in the middle of this book. It’s great, so great, HE wants to read it!! Such important information, it’s already improving our marriage to apply what is in this book.

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