Pride. Many of us have felt the pangs of pride and know how it can cripple. Jamie gives an account in this article of her marriage and the pride that she was made aware of. Please let Jamie know if her words encourage you by leaving comments below.
My husband, John and I started dating in high school when we were just 15. Opposites attract. We ran in different circles and participated in different extracurricular activities. I was always quite grounded and never much of a risk taker. My husband was a rebel – just one of the reasons I fell in love with him.
Fast forward a decade – we married.
Seemingly blessed from the beginning, my rebellious better half settled substantially down, we bought a home, got new and well-paying jobs, and began to really plan out future. Life was perfect.
Until one day I came home from work to find my husband in tears. He believed he was depressed and in need of Christ. I believed he needed a doctor and some medication. He started seeing a therapist, who agreed. In fact, his therapist told him that going to church would not solve his problem, but an anti-depressant would.
A serious question loomed over my head: where was God in our lives?
Church was something we did occasionally. We believed in the theory, but had no relationship with the Father. Two months of therapy and a prescription of anti-depressants later, John was doing better, but his social drinking routine was changing. Soon he was drinking heavily at home, by himself. Even worse, he began a difficult journey alongside prescription pain pills. Life was really starting to throw some curve-balls our direction. This was not the future I had in mind for myself. I didn’t know what to do. What I did know was that I cared and loved this man madly. Never did the thought of leaving cross my mind. What I knew was that I was going to fix him, sew up his broken childhood heart, and mend him.
I was going to save him.
We found a church we liked and John played drums on the worship team. He quit drinking, but the pills continued. Our church friends were aware and supportive. Never did we feel judged by them – never a Sunday went by that we weren’t raised up by them. Loved by them. Continuously they explained how much the Father loved us, and how much we would be offered by living a life for Jesus. John gave his heart to Christ and was baptized. He was happy.
I wasn’t. Me, the grounded one. The stable one. The perfect one. The strong one. I was unhappy. I was resentful of this new life – new happiness that John had. I had tried to save John for 15 years. And I was very aware that I had no control of the situation. I learned quickly that the only person who can save anyone is Jesus. I felt left behind.
One evening, I found myself reading one of John’s books on overcoming addiction. There were several other chapters. One for unforgiveness, one for unbelief, one for overcoming depression. One for pride. There, in those pages, I read about myself. I read how pride is one of the most dangerous emotions to have. Pride is the reason the devil was cast out of heaven. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt like the Lord was speaking to me through those pages.
The following Sunday during a worship song, “No Sweeter Name,” I completely fell apart. Tears flowing, my strong exterior had completely cracked and the painful healing began. In my tears I prayed to Him. I said sorry. Through my quiet sobs, I felt His love. My husband smiled at me from the stage, behind his drum set.
In my car, a few days later, I gave my heart to God. And my life changed. My marriage changed. And my parenting style changed. I changed. I experienced heaven on earth.
There is nothing greater than worshiping the Lord with your husband. Feeling God’s grace, hand in hand. Being exposed to His love and forgiveness alongside your biggest supporter. Our marriage certainly has had its trials and tribulations. Unbelief, depression, addiction, pride, unforgiveness. All those things were lost when we found God. Never could I have imagined how wonderful life could be with God at the center. Love is nothing without the Father. He makes all things new…and better. Be your husband’s biggest supporter. Don’t judge him for things the Father has already forgiven him for. You never know when you might need the Father’s grace yourself.
“No Sweeter Name” – Kari Jobe (With Lyrics)
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