In the first few years of marriage, I was not okay with the pain of marriage. There was physical pain when we tried to have sex and there was emotional pain from the insecurities that rose up in my heart because of the physical pain. For almost 4 years my husband and I faced hardship in our relationship.
We were overwhelmed and ready to quit each other.
Now, four years after being renewed in my marriage, eight years total being married, I’m okay with the pain I experienced in marriage. Looking back, I can see how the pain stirred up chaos in my heart, testing my faith in God and challenging my love for my husband, but that it refined my character. Looking back, I can see how those first few years of pain in my marriage gave me an incredible purpose to reach out to other wives who may be experiencing pain in their marriage.
Without having gone through what I did, I may never have been motivated to start my blog, I may never have opened my eyes to the need women have to be encouraged in their role as a wife, I may never have wrote the books that I did or speak in the presence of others. Thousands upon thousands of women may still feel alone in their struggle, isolated in their problem, stuck in fear, and lacking resources that are just what they need to find true healing.
Had I never experienced the pain in marriage that I did, I may never have found a correlation between parabens and the endocrine system, and I may never have become an advocate for healthy living.
My life has been transformed in so many different ways, most importantly, my relationship with God has grown deeper and more intimate.
Although I disliked going through the pain in my marriage relationship, it has contributed to my perspective and understanding of life, matrimony, faith and so much more. Although I abhorred it at the time and I questioned God, wondering why life isn’t fair, He used my pain to make something beautiful, to spur the creation of Unveiled Wife.
You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever! – Psalm 30:11-12
If you have or are currently experiencing pain in your marriage I want to encourage you to pray. Ask God to reveal to you the purpose of it. He can use all things for good!
And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. – Romans 8:28
Had I not experienced the pain in my marriage then, I most likely would not appreciate all that I have now.
Will you allow God to turn your mourning into rejoicing?
It will look different for everyone, but I am confident that God will use our circumstances for good, for purpose. And please know that there is time needed to mourn. The pain you feel is so deep that it becomes a catalyst for good. But keep in mind that it can also become a catalyst for wrong, such as hurting others as you have been hurt. Having your eyes set on Christ and abiding in The Lord will cultivate a holy response from deep within. Take the time to consider what you have been through and when God guides you…shine, shine for Him!
To everyone: allow God to use your story to bring Him glory!
***If you are in trouble or are being abused I urge you to find safety. Contact your local professional/authority and get the help that you need! I am in no way suggesting that someone experiencing pain because of domestic abuse should be accepting of it. And yet, those who have experienced this kind of pain are not alone and can make a huge impact in this world by advocating against violence.
