Writen by: Unveiled Wife On August 3, 2012

Is There Hope For Reconciliation After Adultery?

reconciliation-after-adultery

I recently received another testimony of a wife who found encouragement through Unveiled Wife while enduring a dark season in her marriage.  Her letter was very touching as she shared the pain she experienced from the threat of divorce, as well as a prayer for her husband, hoping in faith for reconciliation after adultery.  Although anonymous, this wife had a desire to be a light for other wives going through dark times.  May her words impact you as they have me.

Dear Unveiled Wife,

By reading the blogs and comments from your followers I can see many wives are hurting in their marriages. I was one of them and found hope in wives’ entries of restoration and healing. I’m hoping my story below can be of encouragement to just one person…

I posted on your Facebook page a little while ago, asking for prayer for my husband and our marriage. We endured a very dark walk while my husband contemplated leaving me and our daughter, and also committed adultery. It was the most painful and devastating time of my life. I couldn’t understand how his vows to me were no longer UNconditional, and how the hopes and dreams of our future together meant nothing to him. Most of all, I couldn’t comprehend how another woman became involved in our marriage like she had.

In the meantime of asking for God to heal me, and restore our marriage, I knew my husband’s soul was in jeopardy of being overtaken by Satan. A nonbeliever, my husband’s recovery was going to take more than me yelling at him, more than my harmful words of revenge…it was going to take GOD…MY God. I found myself praying less for me and more for my husband.

“Heavenly Father,

I lift my husband up before You and pray for peace in his heart. Show him Your grace, Lord, and help him see his worth in Your eyes and Your plan. I pray for light in his life, joy in his spirit, and clarity in his mind. Only You can show him his truest value and the purpose in his walk with You.

I pray that I can become a beacon of Your love and forgiveness, Father, and can maintain the strength and faith he needs from me.

Thank you for my husband, God, and my life with him. Thank you for all You have given us and Your loyalty to fulfill Your promises.

In Jesus’ Holy name,
Amen”

I placed this prayer in his wallet with instructions for him to read it whenever he felt too overwhelmed with his guilt. He was heartbroken by the pain he’d caused me. Although hearing his sobs and seeing a hurting man before me was so sad, it gave me hope because it was the beginning of his repentance…

It had been three months since I last smiled, last laughed, and last looked forward to having a tomorrow. I struggled to maintain composure for our 1.5 year old daughter and provide for her needs.

I almost gave up; I almost was okay with divorce.

I cried to Heaven for a reason, just ONE, to hold on… The very next morning there was an email in my Inbox from my husband, including abundant apologies for his sins, a profession of his love for me, and an outline of his Godly and worldly goals for our future. His email changed my life, and renewed my faith, because I knew it was strategically sent from God.

My husband is back, our marriage is healing, and OUR God is being placed at the very core. It’s my husband’s desire to lead our family along the Lord’s path for us. Praise our Heavenly Father!

There is a reason for EVERYthing – every tear, every heartache, and every lonely night. Our marriage is already significantly more intimate, physically AND spiritually, than it ever was in the previous five years.

Our God can heal… Our God can renew… It is all possible with our God. Believe!

Blessings,

An Anonymous Wife

If you have a testimony about how Unveiled Wife has encouraged you in being a wife, being a Christian, or how it has helped your marriage please share in the comments below!

Unveiled Wife

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My name is Jennifer and I began this BLOG to share my journey as a wife, unveiled, uncovered and wide open, to purge my heart of the pain I have encountered AND to encourage other women in the world who are, have been, or will soon be wives... READ MY STORY HERE

Join The Discussion, Leave A Comment Below!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I am praying alongside you friend! Do not give up believing that God can reconcile your relationship! I encourage you to watch the love dare or even attend a weekend to remember!

  • anonymous

    Check out Rejoice Marriage Ministry and Affair Recovery on the internet.

  • anonymous

    Rejoice Marriage Ministry

  • anonymous

    Affairrecovery.com

  • anonymous

    You need to repent of fornication, first and foremost.

  • Isem

    Hi! I thanks God that my friend share your page with me in a moment that I need it! My story is too long to share but start with adultery and yes there is hope for reconciliation after it! God was always there when we need him in our marriage problems! Right now I’m praying him to give me courage to talk this time with my husband again about infidelity and his sexuality because I’m afraid about his reaction. I love your page is very encouraging! I will still reading it! God bless you and pray for me!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Dear Lord, I pray for this wife who is hurting. May you comfort her and transform her marriage. May you heal them and bring reconciliation. Help her not to give up in her husband. I pray both of them will recommit to their vows and that your will is done in Jesus name Amen!

  • CX

    It happen so quick for me, three week ago my husband not answer phone and even reply my text, normally he will reply ASAP. When he got home it was late and he drunk. I was like why you didn’t answer and why drive when you drunk. he just ignore and went to sleep. But i keep ask him, and he said he went with a “friend”… means girl. At the end he told me he want space, and don’t want live together anymore. It was so devastated for me. We have been together 10 years and we got maryr last year, our anniversary come next month Jan 2, however even not a year marriage he has been done so many behind me, I have so strong feeling when i felt he try to cheat, I caught him couple month ago before I left for my vacation with my friend, He told me to go and enjoy my trip, and that time i was thinking need to take break with him, He always blame, put me every single thing as my fault. The girl he know one the internet massage that he has been addicted to go. I cought him before and he was so piss when i called their number and ask, who are they? When i felt something not right and always found out from his computer or cellphone. He was getting more bad each day after he said about he into this girl and crazy about her, Even he only know her for couple days. However she make him feel he want to be him self and free again. I was so tired and even cant cry anymore. Anyway he move out last week, since he move out only the first day he called and let me see his new place and later on he never called anymore. But since we have some issue that for our daily thing need discuss, sometimes he will answer me means, and keep told me. I will never go back to live with you and even how mess my life, I will never ask you take me back, Even the girl reject or left me, i will never look you. I told him dont talk means and hurt people. I told him I will pray for you to go back your sense. and rational way. I was so blessed seround with my family (even far away) and friend that keep told me to divorce him, I dont believe on divorce and still want work, how can I work this marriage if he given up? I keep pray ask God, I am getting feen the strength and wake up my self. Why do I need this man? and why he left me so easy, for us to live together for last 3 years we have to fight the journey for long distance 5 years, But he can give up for someone else just met for 2 days. I have been pray pray and when you at down time, setan so easy come and put you more down and feel like you fail
    I am still praying for God help

  • Jessica Gale Trikosko Pitre

    Your marriage is in my prayers my fellow oilfield sister!
    You should know that you’ve been conditioned for victory in this attack of the enemy… long before the first blow was given. You have. Declare it!! Your lifestyle has been a blessing & a “Just God & I” bootcamp.. you’ve dealt with relying physically, emotionally, and Spiritually on just God then.. & you’re still alive, you survived those little lessons/ life storms with no REAL help from anyone other than God.
    Now, seek God with every ounce of energy you have.. diligently seek His fruits, His Guidance, His shelter more now than ever.
    From this weakening occurrence, you’ll find more genuine peace, patience, strength.. & humility, abundantly coming from you than you could have ever imagined.

  • Aretha Pettway

    I found out my husband slept with another woman almost a month ago. We have 3 small children together and for the sake of them I have forgiven him but I’m not so sure that he is really remorseful. My husband was a believer but all of a sudden a no believer. I am so depressed and unsure of what to do. My mind won’t rest and I’m constantly thinking about the lies and deception. It makes me feel less than and hurts severely. I’m so mad now and I can barely look at him let alone be nice. I need serious prayer because I’m ready to just give it all up. Just doesn’t seem worth it at all. How could a person share their body with someone other than the person they shared marriage vows with? How can it be so easy and cause so much pain?

  • Veronica Andrews

    I want to ask everyone out there to pray for me and my husband. I recently left my husband. I left him so he could get his self together. (Not to go out and sleep with other woman). Once, God showed him the path in which he belonged, I wanted us to unite again. (I asked God to forgive me, I should have never left). He had no type of income and I was handling all the bills. He is disable we recently discovered after several surgeries. However, during the first 3 years he has cheated with several women. Causing me deep pain. When I left, I hurt him deeply. (Rick had began to change as far as committing ADULTRY ). But I left him with nothing. I married him because I love him. I said things too him that tore his manhood down. Because I left, a month later, he has start committing ADULTRY again. (This woman is actually going to church with my husband). I’m a praying woman and have faith in our Heavenly Father. We talk often. He does not want a divorce and neither do I. I’m let go so I can let God bring us back together. Pray for me to be strong and give it to God to handle, because I know there is nothing too big or too small for God to handle inJesus Name I pray. I’m financially struggling right now. I need prayer for that as well. Thank you. Veronica Andrews

  • Kim Demore

    Please don’t feel hopeless. Satan wins if you let hopelessness in your heart. I am praying for you and all of us today.

  • Rachael Webster

    praying

  • disqus_qNVrwPedXp

    I am asking EVERYBODY out there to PLEASE pray for my unbelieving husband and our marriage. We have been happy together for 17 years and just suddenly out of the blue he left me and our 3 small children for a 21 year old. I am still baffled! They have been living together for the last 2 months. I have never been so hurt in my entire life! He has absolutely no idea what he is doing. I have found my God again and am praying everyday and have worked on myself through His grace. I so want God to heal him but today I just feel hopeless again. I wish I can just wake up and it was all just a bad dream.

  • Toni Carringer

    Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

    You are walking the path God has totally designed for you! Thank you for
    sharing God’s love through your pain and testimony. That is exactly what I
    believe God is doing for me and my husband. I know without a doubt, I will be
    able to share every detail to help other couples through this attack on my
    marriage. Your words give so much hope to those who need it and can find it.
    Please share it to the world, don’t be ashamed and hide your very venerable
    moments – – – as you know, as a woman going through this we need to hear
    exactly how God works in others to have the strength, hope, faith and trust in our loving God to carry on! Satan won’t win our marriages if we don’t let him. God Bless and thank you.

  • disqus_qNVrwPedXp

    My 37 year old husband has been depressed since July, he wants no help and wants nothing to do with me. He moved out of the house a month ago and into a place with his new 21 year old girlfriend. Their affair started in July. We have been together for 17 years and relatively happy with the usual ups and downs. We have 3 small children. I am shattered. I cry with my children over their daddy. He has no idea what he is doing to us. Maybe he does but feels too guilty, I dont know.They dont understand whats going on and neither do I. I have no answers for my children. He means the world to me and I’ve never loved anybody so much.

    With our usual vows on our wedding day we also added a promise that we were going to be the ones to break the cycle of divorce. (Both our parents are divorced.) We both hate infidelity and divorce. And yet here we are. Although he has not mentioned divorce yet. (Maybe theres hope?) I have been praying, fighting, crying, begging, pleading , everything you can think of. This depression thing has made him blind and deaf to everybody, especially me. He is living in a fantasy world. He is so adamant he sees this girl with him in the future.

    We’re not very religious, I lost my way for a while. But since this has happened I have not stopped praying. I know God hears my plights, He knows it even before I think it. I AM NOT GIVING UP ON MY MARRIAGE, with God on my side, we WILL defeat Satan. He came into my husbands life through depression and he wants to destroy him and our family. Through God I believe this can be beaten.
    God has told me to be calm and patient and I’m leaving it in HIS hands now. He will carry my husband and heal him. I read Love Perseveres on your site today and broke down and cried, I havent seen those verses in a long time. It just gave me so much more hope. I BELIEVE, I BELIEVE AND I WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON MY HUSBAND!!!!!

  • mrsduran2158

    I found this at the right time, I found emails between my husband and a female ” friend” two months ago, and he is not wanting to work on our marriage and he wants a divorce. He tells me he has been unhappy for YEARS! I dont believe him when he says that. This women is also married with 3 children. I hate how they just talk and see each other like it is no big deal. I read a text the other night on his phone from her, seeing her tell him ” i love you caveman” I was filled with rage, pain and so much hate. I went to the car parked in the garage and screamed, yelled, cried and prayed. I have been with my husband since I was 17 and I am not going to give up on my husband. I started the love dare and it has really helped me stay calm and to show him the love that he apparently had been missing. There is just days where I feel so hopeless because she is still around. He is in the oil field so he gone 8 days at a time, and she is in the town where he stays. I pray that he will see what he is giving up and that God will soften his heart towards me, I pray that this women feels convection in her heart and see what she is doing. She thinks she is innocent in all of this and that I was a horrible wife to him. I know my sins, I know where I could have done better at and I was working on them and myself but I guess he was to busy looking at her instead of me. I so blessed to find this today I need some encouragement and to see that there is hope for us.

  • An Anonymous Wife

    I think more than hurting for me, more than hurting for my husband, my heart ached for our daughter. What was I going to explain to her, and how could I possibly protect her from the hurt I felt?! I was fully relying on God’s promise to protect His children. Our daughter was His already and in that I found peace.
    Are there any updates to your story?

  • An Anonymous Wife

    Thank you! We are very blessed that the Lord worked in us both what was necessary to restore our marriage. We are now expecting our second child this coming spring!

  • An Anonymous Wife

    I feel your hurt. Divorce does not have to be your legacy, but your undying faith in the Lord can be! Our journeys most definitely define us, but not because of the scars that develop. Your faith in and obedience to our Father will teach your children lessons far more important.

  • An Anonymous Wife

    Thank you. I was speaking with a friend today about this blog post and how having it published was an integral part of my healing. It never feels like anyone could possibly know what you are enduring, but there are many people who can relate. I still like reading my post because it reminds me of my journey. God is so good – no matter His plan!
    Blessings!

  • An Anonymous Wife

    Hang in there… Sometimes God’s work doesn’t make sense to us, but it is in those moments of confusion and pain that we must trust Him the most.
    I’ll tell you this – I had to be okay with my husband leaving. It was devastating, BUT I couldn’t wholeheartedly focus on the Lord without letting go of my marital turmoil.

  • An Anonymous Wife

    It is hard to find the hope and faith amidst your heartache and pain, but God can most definitely provide both. I will pray for and your marriage. God will restore peace and order to your life!

  • An Anonymous Wife

    I can certainly attest to God’s work in my life through my heartache. Like you, I also reflected on myself – not to determine if I was the reason for my husband’s actions – but only to search for the changes God desired within me.
    It sounds as though you have grown closer to our Father. What a blessing!

  • Cat

    I resonate with many of the life events posted here and experience many feelings as I read.

    My “spouse” left about 7 years ago due to an affair. He’s still with this person. We have a daughter together who lives with me and for that I am grateful although it’s been hard at times.

    The experience of having my marriage fall apart was a shock because my “spouse” was always so against cheating and affairs. It was the last thing I ever would have expected. However, this event is what brought me to my knees and I believe opened a door for me to gain a new understanding of my spirituality and a healthier connection with God.

    What I have come to understand is that I am on a path, a spiritual journey and the affair that my spouse engaged in and his leaving our home and daughter was part of that for me. I have gratitude for that now.

    Honestly, I had lessons to learn, things to look at within myself so that I could grow as a person and I’m still working on that. What I realized was that this wasn’t so much about him (my spouse) as it was about me finally taking a look inside myself. He has his own journey. This was one of the first points of detachment for me.

    In addition to recognizing that I did not cause him to cheat and leave, I’ve also come to accept that I was half the marriage and carried my own issues into it. I was in a lot of denial. The truth for me is, yes he left but I left in other ways. Both of us came with unresolved issues into the marriage and although his leaving brought a lot of chaos, turmoil and pain it’s also helped me see that no relationship ends because of one person, both have a part in the breakdown.

    I also have come to understand that an affair is a symptom of deeper issues and if they aren’t dealt with the behaviors can’t change. Same goes for me….if I am not willing to look at what’s going on inside me and my baggage my behaviors can’t change. Will power isn’t enough and odds are the relationships I would choose to be in going forward would end up looking a lot like those of my past and be riddled with many of the same core dynamics.

    My part in this is and will always be to keep the focus on myself, understand my part and work on the core issues and healing that needs to take place in me so that I can continue on and develop into the person I was created to be. It is a life long journey and an adventure.

    I’m still separated but much closer to divorce. I turn that over to God everyday praying only for His will in this. I am happier now, more content and peaceful. I have forgiveness toward my “spouse” and we have respectful contact but minimal contact which is best. I have a healthy relationship with my daughter that I feel is getting better everyday. She’s in college now and thriving.

    I think for the first time I really see and accept myself as a combination of strengths and weakness, void of perfection. As a result, I see my “spouse” in a similar light. He is imperfect with strengths and weaknesses, like me. In that place lies the love, connection and relationship. Divorce can’t change that. It can be a loving boundary where there is acceptance of one another. In that light I can see it as an experience that leads me forward on a path of love, kindness and compassion. That is in everyone’s best interest.

    Ultimately this is all in God’s hands and He has a plan I will never fully understand as I am only one small part. Necessary, but small.

  • AMANDA JOHNSON

    Thank all of you for the responses and for the encouraging word, My husband of 12 years after 3 seperations finally divorced this past May. I attend church and love my God and believe He can heal and restore but my covenant husband has been in the relationship with the other woman for the past two years.. things look and feel pretty hopeless and today I debated on giving up on the restoration and was looking and praying for some encouragment today and you ladies.. all of you gave me that.. the hope that you have renewed mine and the faith you have in God renewed mine. So thank you.. much needed encouraging word.

  • hurtingsomuch

    This story has stirred me so much. I am going through a really hard time with my husband. we have been married for 6 years only. 3 years ago he had an affair. i found out about it, bacame severly depressed and suicidal but we survived. but 2 months ago i caught him again with this same woman. Destroyed and heart broken do not even come close to how i am feeling. I havnt been to church in a while as i always tried to find something else my husband and kids could do. he is a non believer and i find myself struggling too. He always went to the pub when we were at church and i didnt like this. At present he will not talk to me, will not discuss his feelings. One day he is moving out, the next he wants to be intimate with me. I do not know which way to turn. I know i must turn back to God and put this situation in his hands. I am so sad.

  • Seeking His Glory

    I just stumbled upon your blog in my last hour of my workday today. What a blessing your blog has been to me in this hour. It’s given me the words I need to hear so that I can heal myself and our marriage. Thank you from the bottom of my heart

  • Anonymous

    My heart goes out to every women in this very difficult situation! I too am in a similar situation my husband and I have separated twice already and now are separated for the third time. Please pray for our marriage for healing and restoration! There have been hurts and betrayal as well. But I believe there is always hope and I don’t want to leave a legacy of divorce for my children and family!

  • Hurting….

    My husband and I have been married 15 years. On and off he has had sex with other women, go on websites and meet up with other women, and look at pornographic websites. Throughout our marriage he has been caught. He always lie then reveal he Is guilty. He says he won’t do it again then turns around and do it again. How do you let go of the past when it keeps getting repeated, how do you trust, how do you even go on. I have prayed, stayed and I don’t know what else to do. I’am so broken and hurt. When is enough is enough? I’am a Godly woman and my husband is suppose to be an Godly man. I want to please God and I know He would that we don’t divorce. This has caused me to build walls, and I find it difficult to let people in and to trust others. I’m holding on to God and praying for healing. It’s difficult when you keep getting your heart ripped out of your chest.

  • Anonymous

    My husband left a year ago for a woman he met on the internet and our divorce was final 6 months ago. There had been other women before and he is now on his 3rd girlfriend (I think) since. Whether or not we can ever reconcile please pray for his heart and soul to be reconciled to God. I know he regrets his decisions & I think he wishes we were still married but he cannot seem to stop making these destructive decisions and it breaks my heart.

  • Offhispedestal

    Beverly,
    I just happened to stumble on this site. I feel it deep within my heart to tell you to NOT GIVE UP. My husband had an affair a few years ago after 20 yrs of marriage. I totally know the pain, the numbness and thinking this must be a nightmare. My husband completely changed. And he bounced back and forth but kept returning to her. He said it was no use to try, he had done too much damage etc… He just gave up on himself but most of all he gave up on God. He blamed God for the situation he was in. Our oldest child was tired of him returning only to hurt us again and break his promises.
    There was talk of divorce, there was even talk about him marrying her.
    I fell into a deep depression, lost a ton of weight in 3 months, hair falling out in chunks, could not sleep…just cried for months.
    I grew up in a Christian home but I had not been to a church or prayed I. YEARS…. I was ashamed to pray at this point. But I knew I was a child of God and he would never leave me. I fell to my knees and cried out like a wounded animal for hours until I lost my voice. I asked God to help me, I asked God to watch over my husband, to open his eyes, to send him angels to let him know that God loved him and was there. I had my family praying, my sister in laws. After about 14 months of back and forth. He walked through the front door after living with her for 4 months. Things were hard and stressful, he said he didn’t love me the same anymore. He was miserable and he missed her. That killed me inside. He let me he was back for himself and not for me. But little did he know that God had a plan that would change his life. The other woman had already divorced her husband to be with mine. It was that serious. Strangers were placed in my husband’s path and the web of deceit and lies was removed by God. Today he adores me, I know this because actions don’t lie. He tells me and shows me.
    It’s a long and tough road but we now have God in our hearts. I have not cried in over a year and today all the emotions flooded back and I feel your pain. I cried so hard over my broken heart, I cried to God to continue to heal and renew my heart completely. Pray….pray…pray. The enemy will show him illusions and lies. God has saved my marriage and healed my husband of serious health issues. God CAN DO ANYTHING!! Amen

  • Nicole Marie Bokemeyer

    My husband of 4+ years all the sudden has been consumed with the belief in polygyny, using the Bible’s king Solomon and David etc for examples to have multiple wives. This has devastated my family. He hasn’t physically committed adultery but pursues girls online. This all started a year ago when I was 13 weeks pregnant with our now 5mo old. We had the “perfect” young start to us as a family… Brand new home, same exact beliefs and interests in all areas. My husband is extremely intellectual, reading and studying theology. He truly believes and has good argument for this patriarchal way of living. Please pray god will unify us and bring only His mighty power redeeming our marriage and relation with one another & every soul who knows us! Truly has been darkest time of my life… I never knew so many women have been hurt by adultery but feel alone in my particular situation.

  • Es

    Praying for you and your family!

  • Es

    This is amazing! So blessed by this testimony! I’m so happy for this wife and her husband and their daughter. Thank You Lord!!!

  • Mourrine Dorah

    hello bev, God will surely answer your prayers, i am in the same situation my marriage after 17years, it hurts coz the kids involved. do not tire pray alweys and joy will come bak.

  • Leslie Jespersen silva

    I’m in this exact situation – right down to the 1.5 yr old daughter. Here I am searching the Internet searching for something to give me hope and hold onto. Thank you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/fourholleys Beverly Lowe Holley

    My story sounds a lot like yours. I will pray for you and I ask you to pray for me.

  • http://www.facebook.com/fourholleys Beverly Lowe Holley

    I too am facing divorce. After 16 years of marriage my husband is having an emotional affair and sexual affair with a girl 23 years younger. He has come back home 2 or 3 times and said that he tries to do the right thing but can’t stop thinking about her. He doesn’t want to work on our marriage. He told me he had a nervous breakdown and doesn’t want to lay beside me at night and be thinking about her. However, when he’s with her he thinks about me. I know God put us together he used to be such a great husband and father, we have to kids, one is 15 and the other is 10. My oldest is really tired of the back and forth. I prayed Lord this can’t be right but I can’t seem to let him go. I want to forgive him but he doesn’t want to work on anything with me he says its no use. We were happy for most of our marriage, I can’t believe he’s ready to walk away from our hopes and dreams for a girl 23 years younger. Please pray for him and me. His voice has even changed he is not the man I married, but I know he’s still in there and I miss that guy!

  • Renee H

    Thank you for this! My husband has been unfaithful multiple times. We have been together for almost 20 years and we have 3 children. As a child of multiple divorces, that was not an option for me. I stuck by him and have finally forgiven him. We have decided that 2013 is our year. We are working very hard at the Love and Respect that God commands us. One time during the worst of it all, my husband asked me “Why do you stick around” my response, “Because I made a promise to God” God is good! Always!

  • KAY

    Maybe I shouldn’t be the one writting here…but in my case it was I that cheated on my husband…Ya I know horrible…. I cant beleive I have done such a thing…not in a milion years would I thought I was capable of doing that. But I did… and I had plenty of excuses and reasons why I did ….none which are some what understandable but still just a excuse. I fell in love with the man I had the affiar with and he loved me too… and there were many time that we both tried to break it off but the magnatism was just too strong for us both… then one weekend he flirted with a girl right in front of me and things happened and I accused him of all kinds of things but he still till this day swears nothing happened….I said some pretty harsh things to him because it all appeared that he was guilty.. It ended up he was telling the truth…so I felt really bad but I kept nagging at him because the only way we were going to ever break up and thats if we were angry at each other… and I left it at that after apologizing I was wrong but told him it still was the end. so now I have the guilt of cheating on my husband (which now has turned into a wonderful man) and hurting a man a letting him think that I was a horrible person. I want to go on with my life and forgetting this man ….I want to be happy with my husband but this man just will not stay out of my head… I want him to go away in my head….there was never any future with him. There are some hurts that my husband made me feel and it has been hard forgeting them and a real struggle to get that love back for him that I use to have…and I did love him so so much. I just dont know how to get it back…I’m trying everything I can think of… reading books.(REAL LOVE Books) paraliminals to help change me for the better and of course asking forgiveness from God and pray for his help. It slowly is getting better and I pray that will continue.
    I just want to warn anyone who thinks going outside your marriage for attention is the wors thing you can do. I know its hard but talk with your spouse with the things that your needing from them … and keep trying… it is so much easier that going thru the pain of cheating… falling in love with someone else then having to end it and feel that hurt as well… hurting that person… and then the damaged you have done to you own spouse.
    I dont want sympathy but you do not understand the pain of it all. I know some will say well I deserved it and they might be partially right but in the back of my mind God brought this man into my life to change me and it did.

  • http://twitter.com/ShaSheppard Shannon Sheppard

    Thank you for this blog. I have spent the last year in the darkest, deepest valley of my life. After an emotional affair of my own, from Nov to Jan, my husband began his own physical affair in Dec. The woman (his girlfriend from 23 years ago) that he had his affair with was someone that my sister-in-law kept bringing her to our family and church functions continuously. She also helped them meet and encouraged the relationship. My husband and I have been married 17 years. I began my affair because I felt unloved, and unvaluable. We have 3 kids. I feel betrayed, devestated and just plain sick. I continue to feel guilty over what I did and then my husband has been back and forth with whether he wants to stay or go. We have been in ministry our whole married lives and he is struggling with doing the right thing and says that “he just can’t trust me anymore” I can’t take much more. My hair is falling out, I have lost 50lbs since March, can’t eat, can’t sleep without meds and cry all the time. I have reconciled with God and He has led me on an incredible journey of my own, but I am still devestated. I spent 13 weeks in marriage counseling all alone. And now, my brother-in-law has gotten this woman a job in the same office building as my husband. I do not know what to do next. I know what the bible says about marriage and divorce. I do not want a divorce and am willing to forgive and work on the marriage, but my husband is back and forth. I can’t continue to live in this chaos. Please pray that God will give me clear direction of what to do.

  • hopeful

    I am so sad. I dont know if God wants me to divorce. My husband hates me because I only want righteousness in our home. He is unbeliever and we are both young. He completely abandoned me and our two babies a month ago. Won’t have nothing to do with us. No contact or support financially or visiting with kids. I want everything to go back to normal and him to turn to God. He is so rebellious and such in a bad place living in horrible sins, committing crimes and has no repentance or sorrow for his actions. I feel no hope but I want only goodness so bad. Even if he came to his senses he is is sleeping with prostitutes and and covering his body with tattoos and ruining both our reputations. I would look like a fool to be with such a horrible man, what if he gave me aids, and tattoos are permanent… He is not mentally stable or spiritually. His mind is serverly warped and I feel like he is severe lost soul. But I have hope in him and God, I can still remember that good in my husband behind this unknown new evil man he randomly and quickly changed into. I dont know what to do… Help!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Thank you for sharing! I am sure that wasn’t easy for you at all. I hope and pray others are just as encouraged by your testimony and the strength God gave you to forgive!

  • Oilfieldwife

    This story is very encouraging. My husband and I had been married for alittle over three years and I found out he had been cheating on me on and off for the first three years of our marriage. One day my husband decided it needed to end and he told me everything. The last woman he had been cheating on me with was a girl from our bible study homegroup that he worked with. I was crushed. The following days were really super hard. I didn’t want my marriage to end and I loved my husband with all my heart. Why? I didn’t understand. The day after finding out I went to church and just cried out to God. He was my strength and comfort through the really dark times. I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone because my husband threatened to leave me and I couldn’t fathom him leaving. I kept everything to myself. That firday after church we were suppose to “talk” when he got home from work, but he never showed up. I was angry. I got in my car and drove around…I was determined to find him. I gave up because I knew it wasn’t a good idea so I returned home and sat on my couch. As I sat there I felt a tugging on my heart….God was asking “How much do you want to save your marriage? You can either sit here and sulk or you can go to him and fight. Let him know that you are not backing down and that you will fight for your marriage.” So I once again got into my car and pulled up alongside his truck in an empty parking lot. I sat there while he was on the phone talking to our best friends for the Marine Corps. He rolled down his window and asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was here to fight for my marriage and I wasn’t leaving. He sat there and told me that he didn’t know if he loved me anymore. That he didn’t know what he wanted. He wasn’t sure he wanted to fight for us. Hearing those words tore me apart but I knew that God could work miracles and he was on my side. We spent the rest of the weekend focused on us and what we both needed to change. I have never talked and cried so much in my life. Saturday evening the girl from our homegroup called my husband and ask him what his decision was and ask how I was handling things. He told her it was over. She understood. Well, being a christian woman I really felt the call and need to sit down and express my feelings to this girl. I told her I wanted to take her to coffee and I wanted her to know the affect she had on my marriage and on me and I wanted to forgive her to her face. Sunday afternoon came and we met and I just poured out my heart to her. I told her that I forgave her and that I just really wanted her to know how her actions affected me. This wasn’t her first affair she had had with a married man. I told her I wanted to love her like Jesus because that is what I am called to do as a Christian. Let me tell you it wasn’t easy by any means, but with God’s strength and love he made it possible. I got to show her what it truly means to be a Christian and what forgiveness really looks like. My husband and I are still married and it will be 5 years in February. I still struggle day to day and have a really hard time with my self-esteem and confidence as a woman and a wife, but I know that God is working through me and he is the only one who can heal my marriage completely. It was and has been really hard to journey through this dark time by myself, but I know that I am not alone because God is right there by my side and he has a plan. Since all of this happened I shortly after had a miscarriage and I have gained weight. It has been hard, but I have started searching for the woman God desires me to be. I hope that any wife out there that is going thru this kind of experience will run to God and let him wrap his arms around you. He is the almighty comforter and he has your best in mind. Like the anonymous wife I pray for my husband everytime he comes to mind. He needs my prayers. I know that God is at work and he has a plan for our marriage and our story. God bless you all!!!!!

  • Redheadedmom

    I have gone through the same things, just my husband went from porn to talking to girls to having sex with other people. He is in the military and took every opportunity while TDY to cheat on me. We are now separated and he is living life partying and doing what he wants while I am taking care of the kids and trying to find a job etc. 16 years of marriage and he can just drop it and move on. I feel your pain and I will be praying for all of us to heal and be able to forgive.

  • http://www.facebook.com/wendi.mullins.37 Wendi Mullins

    My husband and I have been married for 13 years. a little over 2 years ago I found out that my husband had been having an affair & the woman was pregnant with his child. I was beyond devastated because we have no children together. I have 2 from previous relationships. We had gotten away from God in our lives and in our marriage. I too had an affair, so once the truth was completely revealed my husband and I decided that divorce was just NOT an option for us. We loved one another, and we had BOTH made mistakes.

    His daughter was born November 2010 and what a BLESSING!! She has such a special place in my heart!! I believe that she was sent by God as a wake up call… Though it hasnt been easy, we are determined to make this marriage work. Everyday is better and better, our love is stronger than it has ever been. I believe with all my heart that YES there IS hope after infidelity and that marriage can truly be restored and made BETTER!!! There is now 3 people in our marriage, each other.. but MOST importantly God is the leader in our lives and in our home…. What JOY that is!!!

    God bless you ladies that are in great trials now, I pray for you!! Remember DO NOT give up!!! God promises hope and God will NEVER fail you!!!

  • Meghan

    Thank you ladies for praying for me. My husband has yet again let me know about more unfortunate things that he has done just today. It’s like it never ends and I just am wondering isn’t there some sort of point where it isn’t worth it to stay?. This marriage is so broken and unhealthy it is sucking the life out of me. I can’t help but feel that maybe not all marriage are ment to be reconciled. I just can’t take this from him any longer and I am so hurt, so why does he keep hurting me?. :(

  • Merlin

    God’s purpose of letting you go through this situation has helped you post this testimony because of which many have been reached out about the love and high grace and plan of Heavenly father. I some times used to ask God as to why a particular person hurt me deliberately, cheated me and played with my feelings and emotions. But I have testimony and yes you are too to say that God heals our inner wounds.

  • Merlin

    May I suggest you to read a book named Power in Praise by Merlin Carrothers? Please? I am single yet i have been through many situations in this age that have made my pillows go wet with my tears for almost 3 to 4 years. I understand your pain and I will pray for you from today. Hold on. God has a purpose it letting us through through worst situation. He will win over your heart and restore all that you have lost.

  • The Anonymous Wife

    Meghan, try not to be discouraged by my story and the others you read. Although I received strength from the blogs and articles on Unveiled Wife, there were times that I felt hopeless and helpless and questioned God’s reasoning for our struggles and the pending divorce. Most of all, I couldn’t understand why my husband walked the path he chose. Bits of knowledge have been revealed to me through our reconciliation, but I may never, fully understand God’s purpose in what I endured. You just have to know, in your heart of hearts, that our Heavenly Father will guide you and provide you comfort in whatever it is you encounter. I could sit here and tally up the sins my husband committed and how much each one hurt, but that task would not provide me any peace. I decided that ONE sin is just as bad as MANY sins. ONE woman was just as devastating as two or three. The crucifixion of Christ forgave ALL of our sins, not just one. In the eyes of our Lord a small, white lie is comparable to that of murder and adultery. No person is less of a sinner. Keep that in mind as you venture toward your healing and recovery. Forgiveness sets US free, too.

    I will pray for you, Meghan, and that the Lord will guide you and your husband through this season, and that He will bless your marriage.

    Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Lord, we lift up Meghan to you right now. As she leans on you and cries out to you, please hear her and respond! May your power consume this marriage and heal both of them. Guide them in what to do. We pray that you would reveal yourself in great and personal ways to Meghan and her husband. May their marriage be a testament of your goodness and faithfulness! Let mercy reign! In Jesus name we pray AMEN!

  • Meghan

    My husband and I are on the verge of separation and divorce as I type this. He admitted to cheating on me with multiple other woman for a whole year and a half. I am torn because I pray but I feel like I am not getting answers, I’m so hurt and confused, I just want peace. I have been reading so many of the stories and posts on this site and still I feel as if no one can really relate. How much my husband has done to hurt me, even purposefully, which he admitted, I just feel like no one else has it as bad as I do right now. I have decided to fast for a couple of days, maybe one week and focus all of my attention on God and just pray until my lips fall off. How can I forgive all that he has done?. I need comfort and prayer, I want answers and peace, most of all I need guidance and healing from God.

  • mhelai

    dear Father thank you for blessing this woman and saving their marriage…Indeed you have revealed your promise to them…Thank you too Lord for saving my almost broken marriage and family…I have given up at some and you know every details of my weakness during the time my husband abandon me and our children for another woman and his many affairs, lies and very ungodly lifestyle, but Your interventions was too awesome and powerful and overflowing of great Love that you made me and my husband realize what we need to…my pride and hurt hardened heart was miraculously was soften and humbly submitted to your will…with your good plans for us and allowed restoration and healing save everything…Thank you lord saving us all…Amen

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I would talk to him now, if you get the opportunity! Pray before, during and after!

  • T Evans

    Thank you thank you so much… I needed this too, I just found out that my husband was having an affair for the past 2 yrs and I asked God upteen times to show me or give me a reason to stay and each and every time He does cause my husband is amazing even after all this he is still so great and reassuring he loves me and is staying by me…. :) love God

  • jane

    oh my dear Lord! HELP! this is happening to me right now today! my husband who drinks too much is right now in alaska with another woman! divorce papers filed but I don’t want Divorce i just want my husband back! i am praying and believing GOD is going to intervene and stop what the enemy is trying to do to our marriage and our family. married over 22 years i am still holding on to the covenant of marriage and the vows we spoke. i never thought i could experience such hurt and agony in my heart. i am devastated ! some people say there is no hope but i am believing in the HOPE of our LORD and HIS power in and over this situation. if you read this please speak a prayer for us. GOD BLESS

  • unknown

    Ok,I will. But when I do i feel like he shuts me down and don’t wanna hear what I have to say. But being pregnant right now it hurts worst. Should I wait till baby born in december or talk to him again before?

  • http://www.facebook.com/loveyababe0909 Kelley Howard

    What a touching message but I choose divorce

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    Keep praying and seek God for healing and restoration! I also encourage you to read books and encourage your husband to read books about combating pornography addiction such as Real Marriage or Wired for Intimacy. Also, have open communication with your husband about how you feel… Let him know he is forgiven but that there is a process of healing and building trust back up and you need his help to do so!

  • Sarah

    I needed to read this! I just found out that my husband has been having an emotional affair with a woman the last two months with having the desire of it going further. And I am pregnant with our daughter and due in 3 weeks. This is the darkest season in my life. Hope seems so far away and the pain is almost unbearable. This testimony has really helped me. Thank you!

  • Nancy

    Amen to this story,i recently have gone through the same thing

  • Unknown

    My husband did the same thing but it was porn,and talking nasty to other women. It’s like I forgave him,but I’m always thing about it. He did it for about 4 years,and i caught him,sometimes I question myself if i still love him. We have 4 daughters,and our 1st son on the way December 5th. There’s days when i feel like im not gonna make it,and i just wanna leave. More like fed up,he ask for forgiveness,and promise never to do it again. But my hearts been crush,and torn apart. We been marry 6,and a half years. It’s like why? I’m so insecure now,and its bad,im always wondering when he at work who he with or talking to. I feel deep down in my heart he had sex with other women,but won’t confess it,because he ask God,and me to forgive him. I feel let I just cant take it anymore even after i told him I forgive him. I’m praying and praying.

  • Angie Grigaliunas

    So amazing and encouraging to read. Thank you.

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