There is no such thing as a “perfect marriage!”  Why?  Because there is sin in the world, and marriage involves two sinners.  Although marriage may never be perfect, our goal should always be  1 Peter 1:15

“But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”

We are called to be holy as God Himself is holy.  However, as we persevere to be holy, we may run into a few residual affects of our sin, one of those being selfishness.

How many of you fight with your spouse?

I know I do!

James 4:1 asks,

“What causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?  You want something, but you don’t get it.”

Selfishness!

There is no other way to describe what James is talking about.
Our selfish desires stir within us and cause us to fight with our spouse.  There may be something tangible, or maybe a specific word spoken, or an act to be done, that WE WANT… and when our spouse does not comply… we fight.

James continues in verse 2:

“You do not have, because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with the wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your own pleasures.”

God desires that we go to Him and ask for things, however, He is also aware of our motives.  Make sure that you evaluate your motives the next time you find yourself arguing with your spouse.

James further explains how we need to keep ourselves from fighting in verses 7:

“Submit yourselves, then, to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.  Come near to God and He will come near to you.”

And verse 10,

“Humble yourself before the Lord, and He will lift you up.”

Our motives are the motivations behind our actions.  God is watching to see if our motives are pure or for selfish gain.  To be sure we do not harbor selfish motives, we must go to the Lord in prayer and evaluate ourselves.  The more we draw near to God and understand His ways, God will bring us through the process of sanctification, resulting in holiness.  We also need to make sure that we are resisting the devil.

If your desire is to not fight in marriage… stop being selfish!  If your spouse is trying to fight because of selfishness, bring your requests to the Lord in faith that He will help your spouse to understand!

Every month around the same time strange happenings occur.  My husband will say or do something that radically offends me.  I try to get him to understand why I was offended or frustrated by him, but we always end up arguing.  I experience a great weight of stress and anxiety, avoiding the one who I was offended by.  When things get quiet, my husband will come to me in gentleness and suggest that maybe I am just sensitive because I might be starting my period.  Once the suggestion is exposed my heart races even more with irritation because I feel like he is overlooking what he did, blaming our argument on my hormones.  This has happened more times then I can count.

Do you experience this type of tension in your marriage every month?

As much as I want to believe my husband’s offense was horrible, he is right about one irrefutable matter… I am always days away from menstruation.

So is my husband really offending me, or am I irrationally sensitive during this particular part of the month?

My husband is a good-will guy with every intention to love and adore me.  He never gives me evidence that he is playing against me, yet in those moments that we argue I convince myself that he is the enemy.  Just a few days ago we actually battled a similar scenario like the one I mentioned above.  After almost an hour of bickering, bitterness rotting my heart, confusion in my husband, and the unspeakable suggestion being exposed, my husband wrapped me in his arms and repeated three times, “I am not your enemy.”  I broke.

There are other times that we argue, but our reasoning and communication never reach the intensity that occurs days before I start my period.  So what is it and how can I bring it under control?  My husband has asked me to keep track of my cycles and be aware for myself when those particularly sensitive days draw near.  He does not want to be the bearer of bad news, especially when he knows I am sensitive and feel offended.

I am not sure why exactly I chose to rant about this today.  Maybe there are a few women out there who have experienced this kind of tension, but have not attributed it to their hormones.  Hopefully this will shed some light on our conflicts!  The truth is we are not alone.  Whether we have figured it out or not… its something we can all be aware of and attempt to keep under control.  Also, we women could all use a few prayers during this particular time of the month! AMEN?!Fighting The Cycle In Marriage   encouragements for wives    woman wednesday rant marriage fight Christian Community    Unveiled Wife

If you have any suggestions on how to keep track of your cycles and how to maintain a calm and peaceful heart during those sensitive days, please share:)

God,

Thank you for today! Even if today brings hardships, struggles, trials, temptations, or persecutions. Today is the day that YOU have made and we know and trust you who live in us! You equip us and give us everything we need to endure, fight the good fight in faith that more people will come to know you! Thank you for giving us such confidence in Romans 8:31 “What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” Lord, I pray for wives today, including myself, that we would walk in God Confidence knowing and trusting in your Holy scripture, YOU ARE FOR US! Thank you Lord! AMEN!!!

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We have to stop ignoring and avoiding it, we need to stop pretending that its not that bad, we need to stop justifying it to make us feel better, we need to SAY NO MORE! We need to stand with the authority of Christ and RESIST SIN…ALL SIN!

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How often do you picture sitting by your spouse, peacefully growing old together? Some relationships can’t see past the fight that broke out two days before. Carrying the weight of pride, stubbornness, anger, resentment and jealousy hinders the awesome power that marriage holds. If you and your spouse are struggling and your attitudes aren’t letting up… drop to your knees and PRAY! And don’t forget, NEITHER of you are perfect.

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