Two years ago around this same time there was a mysterious hype about Twilight’s second film hitting theaters. Many of my co-workers would talk about the movie, the actors, and the Twilight novels. For months I saw the large black books being passed around as one woman after the other read through the series. I was confused by their dedicated fan-ship, curious to know what captivated them so much. When Twilight: New Moon was released I decided to check it out. I can’t remember what exactly captured my attention, but the movie did draw me into its fantasy world. The next week at work I tracked down the carrier of book 1 of Twilight asking if I could barrow it next.
Within the first few chapters I was sucked in. I spent all of Thanksgiving reading and within a few days I had finished book 1. In the weeks to follow I spent all my free time to read each consecutive book, unwrapping the climax of the final few chapters late Christmas night. I dived head first into the odd relationship between Edward and Bella, eager to see how life turned out for them. To my family and especially to my husband, I checked out. I did not mind hiding myself within the pages of Twilight; in fact I became obsessed with it. I joined in the conversations at work regarding anything Twilight, and I followed any trending topics related to the Saga, including movie productions and the upcoming stars being thrown into a crazy world of die-hard Twilight fans.
To be honest with you, the same time I fell victim to this Twilight Phenomenon, my marriage was not exactly perfect. My husband and I were about to reach our three-year anniversary and we struggled with intimacy. For some reason I experienced severe pain when we tried to initiate intimacy. Both of us were virgins when we married and thought it would just take a few weeks to get use to sex. Weeks turned into months, which turned into years. We were both unsatisfied and felt unfulfilled in our marriage. Sadness turned into hopelessness, which turned into bitterness. I was very depressed because of the circumstances in our relationship, I weighed the heaviest I had ever been, I avoided my relationship with God and I found temporary escape from emotional pain the more I believed in Twilight. I became fixated on the twisted love between the characters, and I became infatuated with the idea of Edward. Although I knew that he was a fictional character, Edward somehow became an idol in my life. I wanted to know him, I wanted to experience the love he had for Bella, meanwhile my husband sat next to me as I turned the page. My perspective became skewed; my expectations for my husband rose higher, and when I stepped out of the false reality of Twilight my marital issues seemed to amplify.
I did not see it right away, but there came a point when I realized that my obsession with Twilight became a sin. I was not investing into my marriage like I should have been, my husband was being neglected, I was ungrateful for the relationship we had, and I was idolizing the books, the characters, and even the movie stars playing out the drama. I needed to pull the reigns on my infatuations, my expectations, and my fear of facing the reality of my marriage.
I wanted to share all of this with you, because the Twilight Phenomena continues with the release of Breaking Dawn later tonight. With the never-ending hype broadcasted over television and social media, people are talking about it. There have been a few conversations I have heard about a large percent of fans being older women, and it reminded me of the struggle I faced when I fell in love with Twilight and checked out of my marriage. I really hope to encourage any Twilight fans out there that are married to be careful of prioritizing things you like, above your husband. Also, everyone should evaluate their interests and make sure they are not placing them above God.
There is nothing wrong with being a fan of something; I am still a fan of Twilight… Balance is the key! Also, don’t let your interests rob you of the reality of your relationships, whether with God or your husband. Keep your priorities in order.