Why Do Spouses Fight?

There is no such thing as a “perfect marriage!”  Why?  Because there is sin in the world, and marriage involves two sinners.  Although marriage may never be perfect, our goal should always be  1 Peter 1:15

“But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”

We are called to be holy as God Himself is holy.  However, as we persevere to be holy, we may run into a few residual affects of our sin, one of those being selfishness.

How many of you fight with your spouse?

I know I do!

James 4:1 asks,

“What causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?  You want something, but you don’t get it.”

Selfishness!

There is no other way to describe what James is talking about.
Our selfish desires stir within us and cause us to fight with our spouse.  There may be something tangible, or maybe a specific word spoken, or an act to be done, that WE WANT… and when our spouse does not comply… we fight.

James continues in verse 2:

“You do not have, because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with the wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your own pleasures.”

God desires that we go to Him and ask for things, however, He is also aware of our motives.  Make sure that you evaluate your motives the next time you find yourself arguing with your spouse.

James further explains how we need to keep ourselves from fighting in verses 7:

“Submit yourselves, then, to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.  Come near to God and He will come near to you.”

And verse 10,

“Humble yourself before the Lord, and He will lift you up.”

Our motives are the motivations behind our actions.  God is watching to see if our motives are pure or for selfish gain.  To be sure we do not harbor selfish motives, we must go to the Lord in prayer and evaluate ourselves.  The more we draw near to God and understand His ways, God will bring us through the process of sanctification, resulting in holiness.  We also need to make sure that we are resisting the devil.

If your desire is to not fight in marriage… stop being selfish!  If your spouse is trying to fight because of selfishness, bring your requests to the Lord in faith that He will help your spouse to understand!

February 23, 2012
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The Dangers Of Loving On Autopilot

The other day while I was driving home, it occurred to me that I was in a sort of trance.  As thoughts swirled inside my head, stirring stress about what would be for dinner and if I had enough time to do laundry, my memory led my body home without me really paying any attention.

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The phenomenon is known as “autopilot” and I am positive you know the feeling.  You end up at places like work or the grocery store with no recollection of how you really got there.

Sometimes autopilot does not serve me so well; a few weeks ago I ended up going down the wrong freeway!  I took a 10 minute detour for my lack of attention, and not just with driving!  There are other things I catch myself doing on autopilot… How else did my phone end up in the pantry or the milk end up in the cupboard? However, more so than inconvenience, autopilot can be dangerous!

“I don’t remember checking to see if that light was green… oops… oh well…”

Now, I have never been in in an accident or anything due to autopilot, but I am sure it happens quite often.

Have you suffered because of being on autopilot?

What about marriage? How can autopilot be dangerous in marriage?

We can get so use to routine that we allow autopilot to take control as we zone out, meanwhile, our spouse is suffering either from our negligence, negative responses that we are not aware of, or misleading.  Instead of handing over our hearts to autopilot, we need to be able to love our spouse intentionally!  We need to have the self-control and awareness to be a good friend, helper, and lover.

Please be aware of the dangers of autopilot and be intentional in your marriage!

This can also apply to our Christian walk of faith.  If autopilot gets you to church on time, that is great!  However, we would live so much more purposefully if we went to church intentionally, asking God “Where can I serve in ministry today?” or “Show me who I can bless at church today?”  The outcome of the church experience would be quite different!

Or even take reading the Bible, autopilot can have you scanning scriptures in no time at all… but by the third paragraph you may be wondering what you just read.  Those fine print red words become a blur that lack impact when we read on autopilot.  Intentional Bible reading will encourage your spirit, give you wisdom, and stir up faithfulness!

Let us pray against this phenomenon called autopilot and let us live intentionally!

The Dangers Of Loving On Autopilot encouragements for wives wednesday rant spouse relationships marriage Christian Wife Unveiled Wife

This was taken in Dec of 2010 when my husband surprised me for my birthday by taking me in a small little plane out to Catalina!  I was a real pilot for a day The Dangers Of Loving On Autopilot encouragements for wives wednesday rant spouse relationships marriage Christian Wife Unveiled Wife

February 15, 2012
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Free Gift Ideas For V-Day Or Any Day

Valentines Day is just around the corner!  Do not be stressed out mentally or financially when thinking of a gift for your husband.  Most often when we think of gifts, we think of tangible objects with a price tag.  But if you are like me… you are interested in FREE gifts:)  Below is a list of free gifts you could give to your husband.  They only requirement they take is your time and energy!

- Put on some music and turn the lights down and give your man a relaxing back massage.

- Offer your husband a foot massage using lotion or coconut oil.

- Initiate intimacy, maybe even spicing things up by wearing something flattering or trying something new.

- Write a love letter straight from your heart or gift a love journal where you share your most favorite memories with your husband.

- Ditch the general Hallmark cards and make one hand-made!

- Wake up early and serve breakfast in bed, including his favorite breakfast foods.

- Do things around the house your husband is usually expected to do.

- Light a few candles and put on his favorite song and slow dance to it.

- Take a bubble bath together and share desires you have for the future.

- Decoratively list 100 things you love about him.

- Give your husband a free pass – Don’t ask him for help for week, give him space, he will surely enjoy it!

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Here are just a few ideas, but I know there are many more!  Please share any you may have in the comments for others to see Free Gift Ideas For V Day Or Any Day sex intimacy in marriage gift ideas for my husband spouse sex love Inspiration Encouragement Christian Wife Christian Husband Christian Community Unveiled Wife

Also, here is a link to a few more romantic gift ideas and date night ideas ~> Lovingyou.com

February 12, 2012
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Marriage Resolution 2012

New Year’s Eve has always been a joyous celebration in my family.   As kids we tried desperately to stay awake long enough to see the famous ball drop, and if indeed we made it to midnight, my mom encouraged us to bang on pots and pans in a chaotic manner.  More than just the excitement of entering into a New Year, it happens to also be mine, my twin brother, and my 11-year younger brother’s birthday!   I never minded to share my birthday with my siblings, in fact, I have always been proud to know that people all around the world celebrate on my birthday, whether they are all aware or not!

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This year I will be turning 26.  Although physically aging is not as fun as I hoped it would be as a child, gaining more years of knowledge and experience increases my maturity, which I am enjoying.  Usually when I ring in the New Year, I dedicate myself to change, along with thousands of others.  I establish a resolution, which I am convinced will make my life better.  Most of my resolutions revolve around self-focused goals, including changing things I consume, exercising for weight loss, having a tight reign on the budget, etc.  However, my perseverance to remain committed to my resolution typically drops drastically between the 3rd -4th week of trying.  Pathetic, I know.

I have decided to challenge myself this New Year, 2012, to a Marriage Resolution.  I love my husband beyond what words could describe, but I also know that there will always be room for more.  I believe there is no full-to-capacity when it comes to love, rather it is an ebb and flow we experience as we give and receive.  I want to dedicate this New Year resolution to bettering my marriage, along with a few other’s-oriented goals.  However, these are not just over zealous declarations that will only last a few weeks… these are life-changing characteristics that I am hoping to attain.  I pray that God would transform me and help me to live these out for the rest of my life and I hope that you will join me!

I resolute to:

-       Love my husband more extravagantly
-       Find creative ways to cherish my husband on a daily basis
-       Initiate intimacy in my marriage more often
-       Look appealing to my husband, even if we don’t have plans or if it’s just  us
-       Learn more how to have a God-centered marriage and apply my findings
-       Spend more quality time with family
-       Keep my phone put away while in the presence of others
-       Find ways to bless my friends
-       Laugh with others more
-       Place more value on my relationships
-       Indulge in random acts of kindness, especially for strangers
-       Smile more

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December 28, 2011
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Love And Imperfection

I love this quote by Sam Keen. The greatest demonstration of love is God loving us while we are still sinners (Romans 5:8). How great a gift we have to then demonstrate love to our husbands. They may be imperfect, but so are we! GRACE. GRACE. GRACE!

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October 21, 2011
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Notes Of Affirmation

When you are finished writing out the notes place them in different places for him to find. For example, taped to a mirror, in his underwear drawer, in his lunch bag, taped to the steering wheel, or hidden in his pocket. Don’t hide them too hard, remember you want him to find them. He may be caught off guard with the first one and definitely be surprised with each one he receives. Men love to be affirmed and it is a way to show your respect for him. This will surely put a smile on his face and warm feeling in his heart! Good Luck! Let us know how it goes by sharing in the comments section below:)

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October 4, 2011
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Winning Isn’t Winning In Marriage

Every marriage will face circumstances that are not very enjoyable.  Did you just get a churning in your stomach?  Or did a memory pop up of a situation with your spouse that left residue of anger or frustration?  There are times in marriage where spouses do not see “eye-to-eye” and the result is usually an argument.  Many different emotions may arise depending on the issue, but we are all familiar with feelings of anger, annoyance, irritation, stubbornness, and bitterness, just to name a few.

Our disagreements with our spouses are not a bad thing, and it does not make the value of our marriage any less.  In fact, God not only made men and women very different, but the family dynamic influences everyone through maturation, and every family dynamic is, well, dynamic!  We have differences in genders, differences in background, differences in perspective, attitude, opinion and preferences… what makes us think there will never be differences in our marriage, which can lead to disagreements?

The more important issue at hand is not whether our marriages will face disagreements, but rather being aware of our responses to those disagreements.  Often times our goal is get our point across, well, not just across, but to WIN.   Wives and husbands alike have this innate desire to have to win in these moments, but we forget that our spouse is on our team.  We often find ourselves on opposing sides, instead of on the same side.

If you think you are winning in an argument, you are not winning at all in your marriage.Winning Isnt Winning In Marriage encouragements for wives wednesday rant spouse love Encouragement Communication Christian Community Unveiled Wife

Husbands and wives need to call a “time-out” when a disagreement evolves into an opportunity to win.  Marriage is not a competitive sport between husband and wife, so we all need to stop seeing it as so.  Lets challenge ourselves to not go for a “win” when our spouse does not see eye-to-eye, rather lets be aware of our responses and approach the disagreement in love, with God’s guidance.

September 28, 2011
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Wives Must Resist The Enemy!

Let me begin by reminding you that your husband is NOT your enemy!  You and your husband are a team and you should view each other as so.  The enemy and the opposition can be found on the front lines of the Spiritual War.  In my quiet time today I read a few verses I wanted to share with you that encouraged me to resist the enemy and sin.

“…sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.” – Genesis 4:7b

“Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world.  After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.” – 1 Peter 5:8-10

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The unity that marriage creates does not always feel like unity.  Tension, bitterness, anger, contempt, and frustration can cause a chasm between you and your spouse, disrupting the feeling of unity that God intended to be in marriage.  However, just because a couple may not feel close does not mean they are on opposing sides.  We need to remember that the enemy is not our spouse, but he is the one who seeks to destroy what you and your spouse have, your relationship.  When you are tempted, when sin is crouching at your door, stand firm in your faith!  Wives, don’t let the enemy master your life!  Also know that you are not alone in your suffering, the above verse reminds us that others all around the world are enduring life just as you or I. Here is one more encouraging verse that I absolutely love:

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:6-7

Ask God if there is any sin in your life? Evaluate your life and repent if there is any sin in your life.

Do you treat your husband like he is the enemy?  If so, what can you change to view him as a team mate?

Do you believe that God cares for you? What anxieties do you need to cast on him?

September 13, 2011
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Bearing With One Another In Love

Ephesians 4:1-3 “As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

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August 30, 2011
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Inspiration – Creating Art With Your Spouse

I came up with this quote recently. I have always been a fan of mosaic artwork. I had the opportunity to photograph a mosaic wall in a New York Subway station, which provided the background image for this inspiration.

When I look at it, I think of how we build our love stories! Different kinds of memories that create a beautiful, colorful work of art, that others can look upon in admiration and appreciation for the time it took to piece together:)

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July 8, 2011
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