Seeing Your Spouse As Jesus Does

A husband and wife from our church were brave enough to stand before hundreds of other couples and give an account of their marriage.  The husband was humble, addressing his pasts sins he committed against his wife, including pornography and prostitution.  His addictions held him captive for many years.

It was a devastating testimony to listen to, although hearing that he overcame his addictions and also hearing his wife’s side of the story, filled the entire room with hope.  We saw the Lord’s hand at work in their lives and in the end He was glorified.

What stood out to me the most was something the wife mentioned.   When asked, “How did you hang on to your marriage for so long, with the hurt and pain that was accruing?”

She responded, “I had to see my husband as Jesus saw him. My husband, a man full of sin, needed Jesus, and salvation was priority.”

With that kind of a mentality, that wife was able to carry on in her marriage, despite the pain of betrayal, hoping in faith that her husband would one day be saved.  Her life and how she responded to her husband was motivated by that hope.

By the end of the story the couple was smiling with peaceful countenances.   It was obvious that God had saved her husband and her marriage.  That does not mean this wife was did not feel hurt and it does not mean that this couple did not experience difficult days… we all do and we all will.  However, it seemed this wife found a key to striving through the hard times and receiving healing… and that is by claiming an attitude of faith and seeing your spouse as Jesus does.

April 4, 2012
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Obnoxiously Loud & Frustrated

If you are like me, you have not mastered the art of graceful communication.  In fact, your techniques are a little rough around the edges.  Don’t fret; there is still hope for you and me… it is just a process that may take a little while longer to perfect.

Communicating with my husband can often times lead to unnecessary arguments.  Let me explain.

Earlier this week, my husband and I were carpooling to work.  Eager to catch up on my sleep I tucked myself in for the car ride.  About ten minutes into the drive I got irritated by the radio fading in and out.  There seemed to be more static broadcasting than an actual station with audible content.  Anyways I must have only had the conversation with my husband in my head, where I kindly and politely asked him to tune to a different station.  After a few minutes of the static still resounding through the car, I snapped, yelling in a frustrated tone, “Are you even listening to this?”

My husband was caught off guard by my loud and irritated remark, wondering why I did not simply ask him nicer.

When I recalled the events that led up to our frustration I really thought that I did ask him nice the first time, but the truth was that I never verbalized it.  The conversation merely existed in my head.

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This is not the first time an argument has erupted because of my lack of clear communication… and I am sure it won’t be the last.  However, I am working on catching myself when it happens so that I do not lash out in frustration.

Can you relate to what I struggle with in communication?

 

 

March 28, 2012
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Differences & Similarities – Embracing Both In Marriage

Have you ever stopped to think about the differences between you and your husband?

What about similarities?

I believe it is important for a husband and wife to embrace both in marriage.  Differences make people unique, stir mystery, and define preferences.  They add color to life in a way a spouse may not have seen before.  While similarities and same interests bridge connection, inspire pleasure, and also have a part in defining relationships.

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For example, I like salt and my husband loves pepper.  I enjoy romantic comedies and my husband always wants to see action movies.  I am a woman, with lots of strong emotions, while my husband is a man, whom is very logical.  I would rather stay at home for a quiet evening in, and my husband would rather hang out with friends and do something fun.  I am a wallflower and he is a social butterfly.  I like our bedding bunched up and undone, where my husband has fought to have our bedding neatly tucked in around the edges.

As far as similarities my husband and I are both Christians and we desire to pursue a love relationship with God daily.  That is a similarity we share that defines our relationship, it gives us many things to talk about, and we encourage each others walks with God often.  We both like black licorice and find joy in trying a variety of kinds. We love to travel.  We find adventures thrilling, even if it’s just a new restaurant we want to try.  We both find certain tv shows entertaining and watch them as we unwind from a long day.   We share the same passion for marriage ministry and helping others.

The point is… we could sit around and fight about our differences, or be insecure that our differences mean we are not compatible, when we should be embracing both differences and similarities and cultivating them in our marriages.  Differences help identify the individuals in a marriage, while similarities bring two together to be one.  Evaluate you and your husband’s preferences and find joy in embracing both.  Allow your marriage to have the freedom of having both differences and similarities.  Also, when fights do come, check to see if it just a matter of preference or opinion, and if so diffuse the fight by acknowledging it as so.

March 21, 2012
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Finding The Blessings Amidst Hardships In Marriage

There are many things in life and in marriage we could collectively rant on about.  Whether disagreements, annoyances, or struggles we endure, the list is endless.  However, what about the good times, the fruitful seasons, and the blessings we experience along the way?

Are we quick to brag or boast about the good news God has given us to rejoice over?

I’ll be honest the good times and the blessings are not always first to come to mind.

I usually try and find something quirky or frustrating about marriage to rant about on Wednesdays.  Perhaps even a principle that needs enforcing, or anything else I may be experiencing that leads to a revelation worthy to publish.  However, this week I could not think of much.  I tried making a list of those not-so-pleasant-experiences to see if I have been learning something new lately, but nothing came to mind.

As frustration set in, I shared with my husband that I was suffering from writer’s block, begging him to help come up with a nugget of wisdom to share with all of you!  He simply said in a very sweet tone, “Life has been really good lately.  I have enjoyed our relationship a lot.”  Looking towards him I smiled in admiration, agreeing that our relationship has been in a plentiful season.  He glanced back at me and encouraged, “Why don’t you write about that?”

My heart melted as I asked God, “How am I so blessed to have such a loving and wise husband?”

Things are not 100% perfect between my husband and I, and they may never be.  Yet, we experience moments and seasons of goodness that are worthy to boast about.  We have not fought much about anything in the lately and even our bickering has been to a minimum.  We have been trying to pursue each other, based on our love languages.  We have encountered some of the most intimate conversations, and at very random times, which fosters growth in our communication.  We have been helping each other out without complaint.  We have worked together seamlessly.  We have shared desires and dreams for the future, including the idea of having children one day.  We have been reading the same scriptures in the Bible and sharing thoughts on them.  We have continued to pray together, especially over prayer requests we are fasting together for.  We have affirmed one another, loved one another, and apologized to one another when we have hurt one another.  We have experienced new things, such as going to a farmers market and trying out new restaurants.   We have also laughed together quite a bit, a very important quality to both of us.

We have been thoroughly enjoying this season of our marriage.  Hardships still come, and we still have to communicate through our differences, but we have been experiencing such a blessing being each other’s companion.

I feel like it is crucial to take note (and maybe even brag a little) of the blessings you encounter in marriage.  Some of you may have small moments of goodness that occur randomly and others have whole seasons of time, but what ever be the case, Praise God!  Thank him for those precious blessings and good times that give you hope to press on.  Pray for more of those moments to be evident in your life and marriage!  Pray that God would help you see when those moments come, and to not get weighed down by hardships, that leave you to tired to rejoice.  Persevere my friend, alongside your spouse!

And take a picture of you and your spouse together, if you can, so that you will have a tangible memory of the good-times Finding The Blessings Amidst Hardships In Marriage encouragements for wives wednesday rant marriage blessings Unveiled Wife

Finding The Blessings Amidst Hardships In Marriage encouragements for wives wednesday rant marriage blessings Unveiled Wife

If you have encountered a blessing or a season of good in your marriage please boast about it in the comments below!  And please leave an encouragement to all of the others who find it challenging to see the blessings amidst hardships.

February 29, 2012
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The Last Day Of Marriage Is Important Too!

When I think of marriage, I get a mental image of a Bride & Groom figure sitting nestled on top of a wedding cake.  I realize there is a lot more to marriage then just the wedding day, but think about how much of marriage is wrapped up in that one special day.

The Last Day Of Marriage Is Important Too! encouragements for wives wednesday rant marriage Unveiled Wife

Whether you planned for years or months for an extravagant event detailing your covenant of love or decided to elope in an intimate setting, marriage is a bride and a groom coming together to commit vows of trust and love, so it is difficult for me to not be reminded of wedding bliss in connection with marriage.

However, as much as that first day of marriage is a monumental experience to which emotions are overwhelming and hopefulness abounds, the last day of marriage is just as important!  Take some time to think about that.  Although imagining the last day of your marriage may seem unfathomable because the thought of losing your best friend and lover would be incredibly sad, think about the progress and growth you will have achieved when that moment does come.

Do you think you will have done everything you could to grow in your marriage, to achieve oneness, to live in an understanding way with your spouse?

Or do you think you may be filled with regret that you both did not try hard enough, or invest enough into your gift of marriage, taking advantage of the everyday opportunities given to make things better?

I believe that one goal for marriage is to continually search out ways to better one’s marital relationship with their spouse.  This can be done by attending marriage conferences, reading books, joining a bible study together, and seeking out to know your spouse.

We should never reach a plateau of perfection, where the climax of growth is reached… to me that place does not exist.  For both spouses, change is constant, therefore, there will always be room to grow and discoveries to unearth.  Marriage is about a process of transformation, not a one day event.

So my challenge is this:  Take time to invest into the marriage God has given you!  Make the last day of your marriage, just as important to prepare for as the first.  The entire experience of marriage is a beautiful thing, whether in times of goodness or hardships.  Reflect on your vows often, and be eager to carry them out, daily!

February 22, 2012
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The Dangers Of Loving On Autopilot

The other day while I was driving home, it occurred to me that I was in a sort of trance.  As thoughts swirled inside my head, stirring stress about what would be for dinner and if I had enough time to do laundry, my memory led my body home without me really paying any attention.

The Dangers Of Loving On Autopilot encouragements for wives wednesday rant spouse relationships marriage Christian Wife Unveiled Wife

The phenomenon is known as “autopilot” and I am positive you know the feeling.  You end up at places like work or the grocery store with no recollection of how you really got there.

Sometimes autopilot does not serve me so well; a few weeks ago I ended up going down the wrong freeway!  I took a 10 minute detour for my lack of attention, and not just with driving!  There are other things I catch myself doing on autopilot… How else did my phone end up in the pantry or the milk end up in the cupboard? However, more so than inconvenience, autopilot can be dangerous!

“I don’t remember checking to see if that light was green… oops… oh well…”

Now, I have never been in in an accident or anything due to autopilot, but I am sure it happens quite often.

Have you suffered because of being on autopilot?

What about marriage? How can autopilot be dangerous in marriage?

We can get so use to routine that we allow autopilot to take control as we zone out, meanwhile, our spouse is suffering either from our negligence, negative responses that we are not aware of, or misleading.  Instead of handing over our hearts to autopilot, we need to be able to love our spouse intentionally!  We need to have the self-control and awareness to be a good friend, helper, and lover.

Please be aware of the dangers of autopilot and be intentional in your marriage!

This can also apply to our Christian walk of faith.  If autopilot gets you to church on time, that is great!  However, we would live so much more purposefully if we went to church intentionally, asking God “Where can I serve in ministry today?” or “Show me who I can bless at church today?”  The outcome of the church experience would be quite different!

Or even take reading the Bible, autopilot can have you scanning scriptures in no time at all… but by the third paragraph you may be wondering what you just read.  Those fine print red words become a blur that lack impact when we read on autopilot.  Intentional Bible reading will encourage your spirit, give you wisdom, and stir up faithfulness!

Let us pray against this phenomenon called autopilot and let us live intentionally!

The Dangers Of Loving On Autopilot encouragements for wives wednesday rant spouse relationships marriage Christian Wife Unveiled Wife

This was taken in Dec of 2010 when my husband surprised me for my birthday by taking me in a small little plane out to Catalina!  I was a real pilot for a day The Dangers Of Loving On Autopilot encouragements for wives wednesday rant spouse relationships marriage Christian Wife Unveiled Wife

February 15, 2012
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Why Is It So Hard To Say I’m Sorry In Marriage

Why Is It So Hard To Say Im Sorry In Marriage encouragements for wives wednesday rant marriage Communication Unveiled Wife

Why Is It So Hard To Say I’m Sorry?

Such a small phrase, seemingly easy enough to say, yet in marriage these words have a huge impact, whether said or especially, not said.  Every couple has their marital battles, but I am willing to bet that if we all had the time to talk about these specific words there would be too much to say about them.

I admitted the other night during our marriage ministry, that I wish my husband said, “I’m sorry” more often.

In response my friend Thomas inquired, “How do you let him know that he hurt you or that you want him to apologize?” Read Full Article

January 25, 2012
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Marriage Resolution 2012

New Year’s Eve has always been a joyous celebration in my family.   As kids we tried desperately to stay awake long enough to see the famous ball drop, and if indeed we made it to midnight, my mom encouraged us to bang on pots and pans in a chaotic manner.  More than just the excitement of entering into a New Year, it happens to also be mine, my twin brother, and my 11-year younger brother’s birthday!   I never minded to share my birthday with my siblings, in fact, I have always been proud to know that people all around the world celebrate on my birthday, whether they are all aware or not!

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This year I will be turning 26.  Although physically aging is not as fun as I hoped it would be as a child, gaining more years of knowledge and experience increases my maturity, which I am enjoying.  Usually when I ring in the New Year, I dedicate myself to change, along with thousands of others.  I establish a resolution, which I am convinced will make my life better.  Most of my resolutions revolve around self-focused goals, including changing things I consume, exercising for weight loss, having a tight reign on the budget, etc.  However, my perseverance to remain committed to my resolution typically drops drastically between the 3rd -4th week of trying.  Pathetic, I know.

I have decided to challenge myself this New Year, 2012, to a Marriage Resolution.  I love my husband beyond what words could describe, but I also know that there will always be room for more.  I believe there is no full-to-capacity when it comes to love, rather it is an ebb and flow we experience as we give and receive.  I want to dedicate this New Year resolution to bettering my marriage, along with a few other’s-oriented goals.  However, these are not just over zealous declarations that will only last a few weeks… these are life-changing characteristics that I am hoping to attain.  I pray that God would transform me and help me to live these out for the rest of my life and I hope that you will join me!

I resolute to:

-       Love my husband more extravagantly
-       Find creative ways to cherish my husband on a daily basis
-       Initiate intimacy in my marriage more often
-       Look appealing to my husband, even if we don’t have plans or if it’s just  us
-       Learn more how to have a God-centered marriage and apply my findings
-       Spend more quality time with family
-       Keep my phone put away while in the presence of others
-       Find ways to bless my friends
-       Laugh with others more
-       Place more value on my relationships
-       Indulge in random acts of kindness, especially for strangers
-       Smile more

Marriage Resolution 2012 encouragements for wives woman wednesday rant spouse marriage Encouragement Christian Wife Christian Husband Christian Community Unveiled Wife

December 28, 2011
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Neon Lies – Don’t Call The Number, Call On God!

My husband and I were driving home the other night, and as we passed by billboards that stood high above ground, there was one that made me nauseous.  The advertisement simply read: “Fast divorce and bankruptcy… call this number!”  My heart dropped from my chest from the weight of a burden I felt for the people who see that billboard on a daily basis.  I am aware that there are circumstances that lead people to one or both of these routes, but I find it disgusting how our society flaunts these two options as a quick way to make your life better.  The mentality adopted in this generation is clearly a self-centered one.  We need to be satisfied fast and easy, whatever it takes.  This is a conceited approach to life that deceives us with its temporary gratifying consumptions.  The truth is that there is nothing fast about a divorce or bankruptcy, even after the processes complete,  affects of such a tragedy linger.  I found myself immediately praying against divorce and bankruptcy.  I prayed that people would not be tempted by the sign to choose either option before exhausting their efforts to reconcile their marriage or their finances.  I prayed that people would not be deceived into thinking these temporary fixes would be fast, or easy.

We have a responsibility to be good stewards of what God has given us, whether it is our spouse, our finances, our home, our children, our knowledge, or our possessions.  We are accountable.  Let us be a light in a dark world by finding joy in our relationships, despite their hardships, and finding freedom in finances by not accumulating debt.  Let us be content in God and satisfied with the good things He has given us.  Let us fight for our marriages, in faith that better days are ahead.  Let us live below our means so we can give more to others in need.   Let us live according to a Heavenly calling, so that when people see the difference in us compared to the world they will ask us WHY?  Then, let us share the light of the gospel with them.

We have advertisements thrown at us all day, everyday; billboards line the roads, commercials steal the screen, and all kinds of ads fill up our mailboxes.  Let us be reminded every time we see one of these to thank God for what we have and pray for marriages & finances!Neon Lies Dont Call The Number, Call On God! encouragements for wives Wife Devotionals wednesday rant marriage Finances In Marriage finances faith Encouragement divorce Christian Wife Christian Husband Unveiled Wife

December 7, 2011
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Fighting The Cycle In Marriage

Every month around the same time strange happenings occur.  My husband will say or do something that radically offends me.  I try to get him to understand why I was offended or frustrated by him, but we always end up arguing.  I experience a great weight of stress and anxiety, avoiding the one who I was offended by.  When things get quiet, my husband will come to me in gentleness and suggest that maybe I am just sensitive because I might be starting my period.  Once the suggestion is exposed my heart races even more with irritation because I feel like he is overlooking what he did, blaming our argument on my hormones.  This has happened more times then I can count.

Do you experience this type of tension in your marriage every month?

As much as I want to believe my husband’s offense was horrible, he is right about one irrefutable matter… I am always days away from menstruation.

So is my husband really offending me, or am I irrationally sensitive during this particular part of the month?

My husband is a good-will guy with every intention to love and adore me.  He never gives me evidence that he is playing against me, yet in those moments that we argue I convince myself that he is the enemy.  Just a few days ago we actually battled a similar scenario like the one I mentioned above.  After almost an hour of bickering, bitterness rotting my heart, confusion in my husband, and the unspeakable suggestion being exposed, my husband wrapped me in his arms and repeated three times, “I am not your enemy.”  I broke.

There are other times that we argue, but our reasoning and communication never reach the intensity that occurs days before I start my period.  So what is it and how can I bring it under control?  My husband has asked me to keep track of my cycles and be aware for myself when those particularly sensitive days draw near.  He does not want to be the bearer of bad news, especially when he knows I am sensitive and feel offended.

I am not sure why exactly I chose to rant about this today.  Maybe there are a few women out there who have experienced this kind of tension, but have not attributed it to their hormones.  Hopefully this will shed some light on our conflicts!  The truth is we are not alone.  Whether we have figured it out or not… its something we can all be aware of and attempt to keep under control.  Also, we women could all use a few prayers during this particular time of the month! AMEN?!Fighting The Cycle In Marriage encouragements for wives woman wednesday rant marriage fight Christian Community Unveiled Wife

If you have any suggestions on how to keep track of your cycles and how to maintain a calm and peaceful heart during those sensitive days, please share:)

November 23, 2011
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