Being unveiled is something that takes time to learn and grasp. Here is another awesome guest post from Kate Aldrich from One Flesh Marriage and she shares on the significance of being unveiled!
I spent the first 5 years of our marriage in a pretty sad place. A cloud of darkness hovered over us and it was oppressive. We deeply loved each other and completely misunderstood one another where sex was concerned. Those two things together, deep love and deep misunderstanding allowed for discontent and disillusion to grow and fester.
The next 5 years where a wake-up call for us as our sins lay exposed before this one flesh union we were seeking to journey on. We knew the issues and yet we were not ready to let go of our own selfishness go long enough to love, respect and serve the other first.
After 10 long, tear filled years we were open to God. We wanted a change from the heart out. We were willing to die to ourselves, finally. As we journeyed from broken to having a great one flesh connection, God showed us a few things that all great marriages need to have.
1. Realizing the Choice
Your marriage was a choice. You chose your husband and he chose you. God is for your marriage and wants to do amazing things in and through your union, but you must remember it is a choice. It means choosing to love, honor, respect and being your spouse’s biggest fan each day, when the world is encouraging you to do otherwise.
It also means choosing to leave your selfishness with Jesus. Marriage and selfishness do not mix; in fact they destroy marriages daily. Realizing that your marriage is as much a choice today as it was on your wedding day is essential.
2. See Sex as the Special Gift
Marriage and sex were not intended to be separate. God has very special plans for sex within your marriage. We struggled for the first 10 years of our marriage to understand God’s design for sex. We were like ships passing each other every time we tried to reach out and understand the other.
Understanding sex and experiencing God’s design for sex is not always easy, but understand that the NEED to understand and experience God’s plan for sex is crucial. Vow to not give up or give in, no matter how hard the struggles or hurdles may be. Know that God has not abandoned us and He will be with us as we seek Him and His design for sex.
3. A Willingness to Seek Help
When we reach out, when we are vulnerable, when we share our hearts and our story; the enemy is put in his place. When we bring our marriage struggles to the light and say no to the darkness, we fight for marriage.
It is really hard to reach out to others; even those who we know love Jesus and love His plan for marriage. Yet, you were not designed to figure this all out on your own.
When struggles come, and they will, couples with great marriages recognize the need to be transparent and ask other couples to help. You can reach out to people that you trust, that will pray for you, read God’s Word with you and love you. Find people who will not condemn you, but instead see how God can redeem any situation and then use it for His good purposes.
It’s so simple and yet so hard to take this step, but if you are struggling in marriage, seek another couple to talk to!
I remember in the beginning of our marriage being a little afraid of being naked in front of my hubby. I wanted it and yet, I feared it. Laying myself bare before him, every imperfection, and every blemish exposed. It is scary and that fear often keeps us from knowing true intimacy in our marriage.
It is not just the physical nakedness that I speak of though. In order for one to be known completely – to have intimacy – you have to be willing to be naked before your husband. Naked emotionally, physically and spiritually. Great marriages are naked, exposed, open, transparent and honest. Unveiled!
Naked with the big things in life, but also about everyday life. I used to keep parts of myself from my husband, thinking that if he knew that part of me, he wouldn’t want to love me. That very mentality kept me from being completely loved by my husband.
I now value that the one person on earth I can be completely “naked” with is my husband. We talk about everything; we share our deepest fears and biggest dreams, our disappointments and joys. It goes against our human nature, but seeking to be “naked” with our husbands allows us to be loved and cultivates intimacy.
Which of these do you struggle with?
Which would you add as essential to a great, growing and intimate marriage?
– Kate Aldrich
Bio: Kate with her amazing hubby, Brad write and speak on all things marriage. In 2009 they followed God’s prompting and founded One Flesh Marriage Ministries, a blog based on their marriage journey and God’s word in Ephesians 5. Brad is the Director of Small Groups and re|engage (marriage ministy) at their home church, the Worship Center. Kate is a homeschooling mom and a natural light portrait photographer. God has given Brad and Kate three amazing blessings, two biological and one adopted who have enriched their life and marriage. They live in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania where the Amish buggies roam. You can find their blog at www.onefleshmarriage.com