Writen by: Unveiled Wife On October 18, 2012

Are You More Like His Mother than His Lover?


Jolene Engle is one of the first bloggers I have met face to face.  She is sweet, compassionate and a strong woman of God.  Today I have the honor of featuring her as a guest!  She has brought a great topic to discuss, challenging us wives whether we treat our husbands like his mother or his lover.  If this is something you struggle with please share in the comments below!

Jolene writes:

The need to control. That’s what we do as wives.

It’s our flesh seeping out and if we can’t get it under control, then our marital oneness will start to erode.

“And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” Genesis 3:16 (NLT)

Here’s what mothering our men looks like:

We tell him he doesn’t know how to parent, how to handle finances, how to lead the family, or even how to buy groceries! Don’t believe me on this? Take a look around at our society and you’ll see how we’re being conditioned by the world as they tell us that men are a bunch of idiots, completely incompetent to handle even the smallest tasks.

Can you just let things go and enjoy the man you married?

I mean, really enjoy him like you once did when you were dating and engaged? And let’s not forget the honeymoon period. The time when you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other and you had sex all the time. After all, that was one of the MAIN reasons why you married him. (Biblically speaking, unless you’re married, sex is only designed for husband and wife.)

So, my encouragement to you would be to learn to act more like his lover rather than his mother. Come on now, does it really matter that he doesn’t fold the laundry the way you do? Or he doesn’t make the eggs the way you do?

The more you point out to him how he’s not doing things right and how you have to show him the way to do everything, then you need to face reality…. You’re treating your husband as if he’s a child and he doesn’t know how to get through life without you parenting him.

You’ve become more like his mother, rather than his lover.

When you continually take this approach with your man, a few things are going to happen in your marriage:

  1. He’s going to resist you and not put up with your nonsense. That’s code for: expect arguments to ensue in your marriage.
  2. He’s going to keep his mouth shut and pull away from you emotionally AND he’ll probably stop helping you in your endeavors. Why would he? You’re always telling him he’s doing it wrong.
  3. Your relationship becomes platonic. If you wanted a platonic relationship to begin with it, wouldn’t it have been easier to get a dog than to get married?

Release your control and rest in Christ, my sweet friend.

“Be still, and know that I am God.” – Psalm 46:10

So friend, do you struggle in this area?

Live a poured out life for Christ,
Jolene Engle


Jolene’s bio pic.

Jolene Engle was once a feminist who denied the existence of God, until the Lord transformed her life in 1996. For the 16 years that she has walked with her King, 10 of those years she battled chronic and debilitating illnesses, as well as sexual problems. For the past 5 years of her life, Jolene and her husband have faced financial ruin and they have lost their home, not just once, but twice. Even though her tiara is broken and her gown is tattered, she still lives as a daughter of the King, where she strives to be a godly wife to her ‘Beloved Solomon,’ (husband-Eric) and mother to her two boys, Seth and Noah as she raises them to live out their lives for the King of Kings. As a broken vessel herself, she serves her Savior through her on-line writing ministry of The Alabaster Jar where she loves to encourage, equip, and inspire other women to learn how to pour out their lives at the feet of Jesus like the perfume from an Alabaster Jar.

Unveiled Wife

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My name is Jennifer and I began this BLOG to share my journey as a wife, unveiled, uncovered and wide open, to purge my heart of the pain I have encountered AND to encourage other women in the world who are, have been, or will soon be wives... READ MY STORY HERE

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  • Jean

    My husbands Previous wife passed away & I’m a step grandmother now & struggle with not knowing How to talk to my husbands daughters & not knowing if I should correct step grandchildren when they are in our house,,,, help,,,, feeling like I’m a jerk for not wanting our nine year old grandson to throw big balls in the house,,,,,,I found something that had gotten broken that meant a lot to me after kids went home & I told my husband & he was very defensive , just feeling stuck between a rock & a hard place,,,,,,

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