I am lazy.
I know this about myself. Being lazy is not a quality I like to talk about or confront…it makes me feel awful. I would rather live in denial and continue to live as I am, than face my struggle and overcome it…because, well, I’m lazy. The work it will take to change seems daunting!
I do not like this part of who I am, yet it is a trait I continue to feed with every choice I make to remain lazy…and it is ruining my marriage!
The craving of a sluggard will be the death of him,
because his hands refuse to work. – Proverbs 21:25
My relationship with my husband is beautiful! We are by no means beyond repair, but we are also far from perfect. There are things that both of us struggle with on a daily basis, things that are powerful enough to impact our relationship negatively, such as laziness. If these things compounded over time, without us ever noting them or being intentional to reconcile our issues, the erosion would eat away at our marriage, ultimately destroying it. It would be too much to bear and the pressure would be enough to break both of us.
Laziness ruins marriage because it seeks selfishness, it takes advantage of the strength of others, it disregards people’s circumstances or emotions, it motivates a rude response towards others, and it justifies self-preservation. Laziness is not love focused. Laziness is not honorable.
Here are some ways I realize I am a lazy wife and how it affects my marriage negatively:
– If I feel tired or overwhelmed I won’t pick up the messes in the house. I just won’t. At least not in the moment I am feeling lazy. Instead, I wait it out to see if anyone else (my husband) will do the work! Due to my lack of motivation to help out, our messes grow exponentially and it becomes too much for just one person. This frustrates my husband and he starts to believe we are slobs, disliking the fact our house can at times be dysfunctional, overrun with messes.
– I ask my husband to do EVERYTHING – whether it is getting me water, shutting off the lights, making me a snack, doing a choir, helping with the baby, or grabbing me one more thing – I always consider him to do it before I ever think to do these things myself. There is nothing wrong with inquiring help from my husband, but I do it way too often and unnecessarily. If he is up, or closer, or willing, I take advantage. My husband is so willing and loves to do things for me, but when I ask an abundance of things from him that I am capable of doing it overwhelms him.
– I slack on doing things properly, such as buckling my son into his highchair. This is really dangerous. It happened recently and my husband didn’t know our son was not buckled and he almost fell out of his chair. That could have caused a lot of pain to my son. All because I was not intentional about securing him in his chair properly. This one really gets my husband angry because it deals with the safety of all of our well beings.
– I will get into bed without showering to avoid sexual intimacy, convinced showering and sex will take too much time and energy. Laziness is an intimacy killer! This affects my marriage negatively because without sexual intimacy we cannot thrive! My husband starts to feel neglected and unwanted.
– I use all kinds of excuses! I tell my husband I won’t take out the trash because that is a “man’s” job! Yes I have a few convictions about gender role responsibilities, but I have an even larger conviction to get out of doing anything I can. I just don’t want to do it. I am lazy. We often encounter arguments in our relationship of this type where I defend my excuses without acknowledging the root of laziness in my heart.
A sluggard’s appetite is never filled,
but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied. – Proverbs 13:4
It is apparent to me that laziness is no good thing. It is ruining my marriage and it might be doing the same to yours.
I am pointing out my laziness today. I am calling it out by name and repenting. I do not want to be a lazy wife and I do not want to contribute to the break down of our marriage.
I choose to turn away from being lazy. I will not be able to do this alone, so I am praying God will prune this part of me and remove it.