How To Avoid Bickering In Marriage

Bickering: To argue about petty or trivial matter.

How often does this happen in your marriage?

A word gets spoken or an action is done that ignites a spark of tension between you and your husband.  Quickly it escalates where you and him throw in comments that add fuel to the fire.

It seems as though marriage is a platform that provides an easy opportunity to bicker.  My husband and I will be doing great, enjoying each other’s company and then…BAM!  We are blindsided!

I have written about bickering in marriage before; I guess we are still learning how to avoid it.  Just recently we endured a season of bickering that reoccurred over a few days, always about something… meaningless.

It never seems meaningless in the moment; we become too stubborn to stop ourselves from the downward spiral that bickering leads to, leaving our heads spinning and our spirits agitated.

Although we may still find ourselves bickering at times, we strive to make our marriage better.  We are getting faster at apologizing and taking the initiative to patch up the damage bickering can cause.  I read a short article recently about how bickering isn’t healthy for your marriage.  The article mentioned how stress that is aroused from bickering is harmful and can cause people to be more susceptible to other illnesses such as depression.

I desire a healthy marriage and I am learning that a healthy marriage requires intentionality!

Here are a few ways we can intentionally avoid bickering:

  • When tensions start to rise, stop and pray

            Ask God to help you understand your husband’s view.  Ask God to soften your heart towards your husband in that moment and for self-control over your emotions.  Pray for God to fill your heart and your husband’s heart with His peace!

  • Identify the issue at hand

            So often bickering stirs up emotions about other points of tension; avoid adding to an already sensitive situation.  Evaluate what the specific issue is immediately with your husband, talking through it calmly.  Also, pick your battles wisely; if it is of no great value, let it go.

  • Remember the goal is reconciliation

            So often we bicker with the intentions of proving ourselves right or to eagerly get our spouse to think as we think.  Don’t do this!  We need to remember the goal should always be to reconcile, meaning we need to find common ground where the issue can be settled in a peaceful way for the sake of our relationship.

Will you join me in choosing to experience a healthy marriage by avoiding bickering in marriage as much as possible?

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