For the first few years of marriage, I never considered that my husband had become an idol in my life. I didn’t recognize just how much I was relying on him to fulfill my needs.
Instead of going to God through prayer and trusting in Him to guide me through life, I placed more responsibility on my husband to play the role of God in my life. I would seek my husband for wisdom, encouragement, love, comfort, entertainment, and even prayer. I don’t believe it is a bad thing to seek to gain those things from my husband as long as I still continue seeking and pursuing my relationship with God. But, I slowly stopped trusting in God and put more weight in the abilities of my husband.
Also, my husband’s approval of me and response toward me became more important than anything.
In my book, The Unveiled Wife, I mention the expectations I had going into marriage and how I looked to my husband to be my everything. I desired him to be my everything, replacing the significance God had in my life, thus my husband had become my idol.
“Jennifer has written a relevant, honest, sympathetic, and enlightening book that will deeply touch those secret places inside that seek understanding and truth in the mysterious relationship of marriage. Even more, her vulnerability will give you hope as you journey toward intimacy in your relationship with your husband. I highly recommend this book to young marrieds and to anyone who longs for a stronger marriage.”-Sally Clarkson, Author Of Own Your LifeBuy Book $12.99
As we struggled in our marriage with issues that seemed would never be resolved, I grew angry toward God. I held a belief that I deserved a perfect, pain-free life and when God did not step in to provide a miracle to make that happen, I turned cold toward Him.
My attitude toward God contributed to the growth of bitterness in my heart, making it even easier for me to rely more on my husband than on Him.
An idol is a person or object that is admired and worshipped as a god.
My husband had become an idol in my life. I worshiped him and looked to him to replace my need for God. And I did this unintentionally. I didn’t wake up as a wife and think to myself, my husband is better than God. No. It happened over time as I gradually traded my love and devotion for God and threw it upon my husband. Instead of spending time in prayer, I asked my husband to pray for me. Instead of spending time reading God’s Word, I pursued more time with my husband. I began to forsake the intimacy in my relationship with God.
The problem was that because my husband is not God, he would fail me often, contributing to contention and fights in our marriage. And with my lack of pursuing God, I felt isolated and defeated by our struggles.
I believe many wives are tested in this area of creating an idol out of their husbands because marriage is such an intimate relationship. When we become a wife, there is a necessary balance that needs to be learned where we protect our intimacy with God and our husband.
I had to learn that my husband was not God and that no matter what I would always need God.
God is clear, listing as number one in the ten commandments:
You shall have no other gods before me.” – Exodus 20:3
I was putting my husband on a pedestal. Our marriage become more important than God. And I noticed that when the very way God designed something is out of order, it doesn’t work…our marriage was not working.
Here is an excerpt from The Unveiled Wife where I share what I learned about desiring my husband to be my everything…
Entering marriage with such high expectations set my husband and me up for ruin. For example, trusting in my husband to be my everything was one of the most detrimental ways I hurt our marriage. I set my husband up for failure when I expected him to fulfill me completely. When I wanted to feel worthy, I sought my worthiness in my husband. When I wanted to feel loved unconditionally, I sought love from my husband. When I wanted to feel comforted, cherished, validated, or encouraged, I sought those things in my husband and only in my husband. However, because my husband is human and prone to sin, inevitably he let me down and could not fulfill my needs completely. And in those times, I felt unworthy and unloved.
While some expectations are good—for example, I expect my husband to be faithful to me—when they move into unrealistic and unattainable places, they become destructive. My expectations were so lofty they hurt him. Aaron could never be my everything—he was never designed to be! And whenever I tried to make him fit that role, I unintentionally placed him as an idol above God, believing that he had the capacity to do more for me than God Himself.”” – The Unveiled Wife Book
Here are three questions to ask yourself to evaluate and see if your husband is an idol in your life:
- Do you rely more on your husband to fulfill your needs than you rely on and trust God?
- Do you place unrealistic expectations on your husband to be your everything in life, only to be extremely hurt when he fails you?
- Do you spend more time devoted to your relationship with your husband then you spend time devoted to pursuing a relationship with God?If you answered yes to any of these questions I would encourage you to pray and ask God to help you prioritize how you view your husband. Ask God to help you keep the commandment in Exodus.
“Jennifer is one of those rare authors who will take you on a journey to wholeness in your life by writing with authenticity and transparency about her own. She is not afraid to reveal her flaws and faults so that the life of every person lucky enough to read her words can be transformed.”– New York Times Bestselling Author, Fawn WeaverBuy Book $12.99
God has commanded us that we should not have any other god before Him. Nothing can replace God in our lives. Nothing can satisfy, protect, provide, and be present like God does for us. Everything else we tend to idolize will fail us.
Is your husband an idol in your life?
