How I Love My Unbelieving Husband

This is a guest post by Allie Bourque who shares her story of having an unbelieving husband. Allie shows how you too can love your unbelieving husband in a manner that pleases Christ. 

Allie writes: 

My husband and I will be celebrating our fourth wedding anniversary this month, and I find myself dwelling on the past few years. ‘My husband is an unbeliever, but I thank God that I have him to spend my life with.’howIlovemy

He was a believer when we were married, but during our second year of marriage he confided in me that he had been doubtful of his faith for the past six months. I was shocked.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe or think or move. I didn’t know who this person was. I imagine feeling the same way if he had told me he was having an affair.

Feelings of betrayal, deceit, and hopelessness flooded in.

Those were the worst moments of my life. I went into our bathroom and cried and prayed.

I kept asking God what I was supposed to do. When I finally calmed down and came out of the room, my husband told me he had been afraid to tell me because he thought I would divorce him.

I didn’t know it at the time, but God gave me the wisdom in that moment, and even though I was still hurt and panicked, I reassured him that his unbelief would never be a reason for divorce.

We cried together, and I realized this moment was the worst for him too. He wasn’t some evil monster who tricked me into marrying him and was going to raise our future children to be Christian hating atheists.

He was still my husband, the man I love, and he needed my love.

And to do that, I needed God’s.

In the weeks following, I began praying more and reading my Bible, looking for answers to his questions. We talked about what he did still believe and what he didn’t and what he was unsure about.

I realized I was out of my league.

He grew up in the church like I did, but he had been paying better attention. I knew Biblical truths, but didn’t know how to back them up.

I couldn’t challenge him, and he didn’t want to challenge me and risk uprooting my faith.

When I realized this wasn’t just a phase, I convinced him we needed to tell our families. It took him a month to work up the courage to tell his family. When I could finally confide in people, I received many different pieces of advice, most of which sadly was unhelpful.

I was warned that God might use a tragedy in our lives to wake him up to his need for God, so of course I thought God was going to kill me and my unborn child.

The best piece of advice I got was from a complete stranger at a women’s Bible study. Years later I realize God had a hand in this too.

I was sitting in a room surrounded by strangers listening to a woman telling us how we are all princesses in God’s Kingdom. I grew up in the church, the first thing we learn is that God loves us.

I don’t like that mushy stuff. I am not a princesses, I am a sinner saved by grace. That is enough for me.

I just sat there waiting for it to be over. But when it came time to share about ourselves, I became totally overwhelmed with my grief over my marriage. Our group leader pulled me aside and told me her husband had been unbelieving for years.

She told me it was not for me to save him. God would take care of us both.

I realized my place as his wife was to love him and pray for him, and for the sake of our marriage I was to trust my life and his to God. If God wanted him, He would get him back, and he was still His child.

I pray for God to soften his heart and to bring someone into his life who will be able to challenge him in ways that I cannot. While I am waiting for a change in him, which I know may never come, I look to God for hope and healing.

I hope this will help someone out there who is still in that place of hopelessness to know that God is still in control, He will use this for the good of His purpose, and they are not alone.

By Allie Bourque 

Author Bio: Hi I am Allie Bourque, I’m 23 years old and I love spending time with my family and being a homemaker. I am so blessed to be able to spend all day with my 15 month old son, and to have an understanding husband when the house isn’t quite spotless.

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