Opening my heart is never easy. Yet, here I am. I want others to learn from my testimony. I struggle to name this sin, yet millions of people all over the world struggle with it too. I pray you not pass judgment upon me. I plead for you to take this issue seriously. I pray for those who struggle like I did, to never give up because when the flesh of a sinful man or woman calls out, it calls loud and long. The flesh cries out to have its desires fulfilled, even if its wrong.
The personal example I want to share with you in that of my own addiction to pornography.
It’s not just a man’s issue.
Yes, even women struggle with these sensitive issues. Satan uses pornography to grab our sexual desires and drag us into the pits of despair without thinking we are doing anything wrong. In the book of Genesis, chapter 3, you can find that the forbidden fruit was “good for food, pleasing to the eye, and desirable for gaining wisdom.” These are the three aspects of sin. Satan, the master deceiver, has ways to make forbidden things look good, pleasing and desirable to us. He tricks us into thinking that we need these good and pleasant things that in all actuality will harm us or hurt us. He doesn’t care about our well-being. He doesn’t care about our souls. He wants us to sin in hopes of tainting our love for God. When I began sinning, it felt strange. But as time went on, I pushed the tugging of the Holy Spirit out of my life. Porn became a habit that I thought I needed to survive. Satan is mean and disgusting. He has managed to corrupt the minds of millions with simple images. Viewing images gives way to touching, which gives way to too many other scary acts and can even lead to death.
The renewing of my mind came into play when I, the addict, became mortified at my own actions. The feelings of guilt, shame and disgust clouded my head until I couldn’t take it anymore. That’s how it ended for me. I was staring at the computer monitor in disgust wondering what in the world happened to me. I vowed from that moment on to never look at porn again, in any form. I struggled every day for a long time with urges, to just take a quick peek, but I changed my thinking. Thoughts would pop into my head and I had to make a choice.
Was I going to act on that thought/urge or push it aside with all my might so that I could be more like Christ?
It was more than a mental game for me. When an urge would hit me, I would shut off my computer and walk away. I would scrub the kitchen floor, wash the dishes, or see how fast I could do 50 jumping jacks. I was doing anything and everything except looking at porn. As I was distracting myself, I prayed to God to take away the urges and feelings I was having and to replace them with pure and holy thoughts. I often read the Psalms. I focused on how amazing our God is. I focused on rebuilding a healthy view of sex in marriage. I confessed my sins to God and cried for his grace once again in my life. God never fails us; He saved me from my secret addiction.
Sexual addiction has just as strong a hold as drug or alcohol abuse. The scariest part of a sexual addiction is that it is a secret sin. No one needs to or has to know what is happening when the door is closed. It is a sin that can go on for as long as the sinner is blinded to it. Satan is very good at his job, confusing us and distracting us from God and the church. I love the verse found it Romans 13:14 “Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh.” We need to change our thinking when it comes to sexual sins. Praise the Lord that I have been freed from my addiction. I praise God for His grace. I thank the Lord, my Savior and King for taking me and molding me into the person I am today. I give glory to God for my freedom from sexual addiction.