It’s Not You…It’s Him | Where To Place The Blame

Casting the blame toward someone else almost comes naturally to me. I don’t even have to really think about it. Reasons, excuses, justifications, whatever you want to call them…I can find them, and I find them quick.

By nature, I don’t want to be at fault. I don’t want to be imperfect. So instead of evaluating my contribution to an undesirable situation, I place blame, convinced that it was not my fault at all. I figure out how someone else – usually my husband – contributed to the mess…then I express my emotions and thoughts about it accordingly.

not-you-himIn marriage, placing the blame on my husband is something I have had to work on, or rather work off. I have had to retrain my heart to not judge so quickly, and to evaluate my role and my responsibility in every matter.

Blaming my husband, especially for things that are not his fault or outside of his control, becomes a source of contention and marital erosion. It hurts him and it in turn ends up hurting me too.

Today, I was thinking of how there are situations where I want to blame my husband, but it wasn’t his fault. And I have taken the time to evaluate my contribution to the matter. At the end of the day, there is still a little blame to pass on…and I realized who deserves the rebuke!

The enemy.

The enemy works relentlessly to try to tear down our marriage. Every day he sends flaming arrows our direction in hopes of us turning our backs on each other and on God.

Sometimes I forget that we have a real enemy.

Sometimes I get caught up in feeling like my husband is the enemy, when the reality is that he is my companion and friend. Even when my husband does make a mistake or a mess, it is usually not out of ill-will or even intentional. But I neglect to think about those things.

I am determined not to be a wife who quickly passes judgement on her husband. I am determined not to be a wife who is quick to blame him without ever evaluating my life. I am determined to take responsibility for my actions and I am also determined to be spiritually aware of how the enemy is trying to attack our love and our friendship.

I know I am not the only wife who feels the pressure build up quickly to blame her husband. I also know I am not the only wife who is attacked by the enemy.

So today, I wanted to leave you with this thought…of course, after you have responsibly considered your contribution to a matter and reconcile what you can…that:

It’s not you, it’s him.

And when I say “him” I am referring to the enemy, not your husband.

Hopefully by acknowledging who the real enemy is and his motives/intentions…we can be intentional to fight back the righteous way. To suit up with God’s armor, defend our marriage and faith, and to pray, always.

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.” – Ephesians 6:11-13

If you feel the pressure build up to point the finger and send rebuke, be sure that it is at the real enemy of your marriage! 

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