In my book, The Unveiled Wife, specifically in Chapter 25 “The Getaway” I mention a story from my marriage where my husband and I had the opportunity to photograph a wedding in Maui. We were looking forward to the joyous celebration we would document, but we also hoped that getting away to Maui would be a time of healing and encountering intimacy in our relationship.
During that time in our life, I never would have considered how to help another wife going through the ups and downs encountered in marriage. I was too self-focused and too concerned with discovering healing for myself to give any ounce of encouragement to another.
Little did I know or even consider what the couple whom we photographed in Maui would face as husband and wife. However, after reading a brief portion of their story years later, I am in awe of how God truly cares to save marriages! To Him be the glory! Please take a moment to hear Amanda unveil her marriage story…
I started my marriage off in the views of the world. It was built around partying, drinking, anger and disrespect for each other.
I wanted that intimate affection kind of love and he wanted sex.
I didn’t want to give him sex though because I wasn’t being fulfilled in other areas. After a year of being married, it started to come crumbling down. I grew up in church and I knew where my beliefs stood although I had stepped away. I began to feel alone, insecure, and really hurt. I didn’t know where my marriage was headed. I truly thought it was headed for divorce.
I resented my husband, I felt like he was an awful husband. Although, I didn’t self examine myself and how I was being as wife. As the hurt kept building up and up I felt it was time to finally tell my husband how I felt. It was hard because in the past any conversations were me “being a baby” as he would say. But I knew I needed to do it before it got too late.
We talked a lot and cried a lot. It wasn’t the conversation I was thinking. I expected him to say sorry and move forward. Although he was feeling the same way. He told me how he didn’t view me as his wife… but just as a friend. He didn’t know what to say or do. I was shocked! I felt extremely scared in the moment. I knew from growing up in the church that divorce was NOT an option. In this moment I got scared that we would separate. Although I wasn’t happy in my marriage I knew that I couldn’t live with out him.
I asked him if we could try some counseling with our pastor and to work on our marriage. In my heart I knew that God could heal. Although I truly believe my husband didn’t know that. He looked at me straight in the eyes and told me, “I’ll try”. I wanted him to tell me “yes babe it will be fixed” and to help me feel secure…but those were his honest words.
With all my insecurities one of my biggest ones was that I have always wanted a Godly man that would be the man of the house and pray with me. I doubted God though, I thought that was impossible with my husband.
As we started to do counseling with our pastor all of my hurt and my husband’s hurt was lifted.
We began to realize that living in the world and doing worldly things had no place in our heart or in our marriage.
It was damaging our relationship from the inside out. We had a ton of work to do to build that chemistry again like we had when we first started dating but IT WAS POSSIBLE. I began to learn that instead of myself trying to change my husband, I needed to LET GOD change him. I also needed to surrender my insecurities to Him. It was hard, but it was worth it.
We both now attend church on a regular basis, we pray with each other and pray for each other. We have a new understanding that God is first and should ALWAYS be in the middle of our marriage that ties us together. It has been a tough road, but so worth it. My husband is truly my soul mate. He loves God, he is caring, he listens, he provides and he is the best husband I could ever hope for. We know have a 1 year old and will be having a 5 year anniversary in October.
God is faithful! He has overcome my hurt and insecurities. Never doubt The One who has created you! He loves you so much and cherishes you.
My marriage was saved for one reason and one reason only and that is because God saved it.
– Amanda Grothe