A Perspective On Submission: How To Set Your Marriage Up For A Win

This is a guest article by Katie, a wife who blogs at IChooseBrave.com. Today she bravely tackles the topic of submission in marriage and how we as wives have an important role to help our marriages win big!

Katie writes:

It has been nearly 20 years now and his records still stand.winbigmarriage

Each year it’s printed on the back of the high school basketball programs. The record for assists in one game, assists in one season, and career assists, all with my husband’s name neatly printed behind them.

High school records aren’t exactly something you add to your resume or spend much time thinking about in the years after you graduate, but recently someone who didn’t know my husband in high school happened to notice his name as the record holder and asked him about it.

We took that little trip down memory lane, smiling, and it got me thinking about marriage, actually. Particularly, my role in it.

Submission in marriage. No one’s favorite topic. But there is a blessing in being a submissive wife and it doesn’t always look like we think it might. Submission might actually look more like setting your team – him and you – up for the win.

Let me back track a little. You see, my husband is naturally athletic. He’s coordinated and quick, and physical things just tend to come easy for him. He can strap on a pair of ice skates and skate well. He can grab a pair of golf clubs and golf well. It doesn’t really matter which sport it is, he is naturally inclined to do it quite well. Or at least not risk embarrassment in his attempts, as I might.

Add to that the fact that he is competitive and not afraid of hard work and you have a dead ringer for a kid who will excel in sports.

However, one thing he was not born with is excessive height. Never seeing the likes of 6 feet, my husband wasn’t a candidate for a post position on the basketball team, so instead he took on his role at point guard with full force. He controlled the ball well, dribbled and passed skillfully and set his teammates up to score.

And somewhere in there, I see my role as a wife.

So much has been said in the area of submission in marriage that at times it feels as though the entire point has been belabored and exhausted. Nevertheless, that doesn’t change the fact that the Bible is fairly clear about it. As wives we are called to submit. The details of that get muddy, but I think if we pull back a little, if we zoom out, it looks something like my husband’s role on his high school basketball team.

You see, he played a specific position. Not necessarily a limiting role, just a specific role that would set the entire team up for success. His role was not exactly restricted. He could score when the time was right, he could inbound the ball if he needed to, he could defend and help out other players from time to time, but his primary job was to call out the plays and set his teammates up to score.

His name is in the record books so many years later because he did his job well.

Marriage matters. Submission can feel difficult at times. But remember, you’re on the same team. Play your role well and set your team up for a win.

As a wife, I’m called to submit to my husband as unto God. I’m called to be subject to him in everything. (Ephesians 5:22-24) Some days, for an independent girl who has big dreams and big ideas, that kind of submission takes a lot of bravery. But God designed it this way, because this is how our marriage team works best.

Just as my husband had freedom in his role on the basketball team, there is freedom for wives as well. That Proverbs 31 woman, she did stuff. She was buying and selling and getting stuff done, but it all fell under her primary role – the role that best fit how she was designed. The role that best fit God’s design. And because of that, she was blessed.

I’m not sure if my husband received many accolades after a game with plenty of assists. Leading scorers get the glory, but assists might go unnoticed. Even so, 20 years later, his name is in the high school record books. Clearly he did something right.

And I think that is exactly what I want my marriage to look like. In the waning years of my marriage, when our hair has grayed and the laugh lines are carved deep into our skin, when I look back on all the things I did or didn’t do with my life, I’m praying that on this team of him and me, I will have a record number of career assists.

By Katie

Westenberg-2015If you were encouraged by this article and want to read more, join me over at my blog IChooseBrave.com. Also, if you are looking for a bit more of my personal story, I posted about that over here.  Warning: It’s not an easy read.  Life doesn’t always turn out like the fairytales.  But God is always good.

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