My husband is a very even-tempered kind of man. He is patient, logical, strong, and full of faith. He leans on God and He has been a very stable person in my life. Knowing who he is and what he has shown me about his character, should help me quickly realize moments when he is not okay. When he is impatient, not thinking clearly, or acting down, these should all be blaring red alarms to me that he is not okay.
Instead, I tend to get frustrated.
When he expresses anything different than what I am familiar with, I get aggravated, as if what he is experiencing is a bother to me, an inconvenience, something I don’t want to deal with.
There is a part of me that wonders why he is being so sensitive or responding so out of character, but the confrontation to anything that is not familiar seems hard to me. It bumps into me and I don’t really know what to do.
Instead of stopping the pursuit of my own agenda and what I am trying to do, I snap at him. I make comments that I want to be encouraging to him in hopes of helping him refocus or brush off what he is going through so that he can keep being my constant…but by not specifically addressing what I see, my words become a thorn in his flesh, a fresh cut to his heart.
I admit there have been moments I have been so frustrated by him not being okay that I want to scream and yell. I want to shake him and wake him up. I want to remind him of the man I know he is.
I don’t even realize that I am being so insensitive. After a few of my comments, he usually shoots one back…
If you know I am having a hard day, why aren’t you trying to help me?”
I should ask him if he is okay, I should ask him if he wants to talk, I should ask him if there is anything I can do. I should affirm him.
I don’t know why it seems hard for me when he is the one having a hard day. I think I let my flesh rule during those moments, that is until his words resound loudly enough for me to hear through my agenda and all that I am trying to accomplish.
I can be a very selfish person. I can also be very sensitive and emotional. I am the one who is unstable and has hard days.
So why can’t I let my husband have days like that? I know what it feels like and I know extra love is needed on those days. So why can’t I be a wife who sees when her husband is not okay and step in to love more. I want to be, I truly do. My husabnd is allowed to have hard days, and I want to be a wife who can help him through it!
My husband is allowed to have hard days, and I want to be a wife who can help him through it!
I commit my heart to being a wife who knows her husband so well that my heart is sensitive to when he is sensitive. I commit to being a wife who is willing to let her husband’s needs be above her own. I commit to being a wife who is not easily frustrated. I commit to being a wife who intentionally uses her words to build up her husband. I commit to be caring and loving and giving more on the days that require more.
If you have struggled with this, if somewhere in your heart you believe your husband is your constant and that anything outside of that is unacceptable, if your husband is having a hard day and you are not being a helper to step in and love him through it…I want to challenge you to commit to being a wife that has a heart of understanding. I want to challenge you to change.
Our men are allowed to be sensitive. They were designed like we were, with emotions and responses to life. Our men will have experiences that lead to pain, suffering, unclarity, distraction, frustration, sadness, anger, and even depression. As much as they are strong, there are days where their weakness will show. Let us not be insensitive to their hearts. May we step in and love more than we ever have, and let those things on our agenda that we feel so strongly to accomplish, let’s let those things go to pursue intimacy in marriage.