A few years ago I spent a ton of time daydreaming about divorce. Marriage was not meeting all my expectations, especially in the area of sexual intimacy. (You can read about my marital struggles and all that we faced as newlyweds in my book The Unveiled Wife – I bet there is a lot I went through that you can relate to as a wife!)
I grew angry and I grew bitter, quickly.
I started doubting the love that motivated my husband and me to walk down the aisle and say “I do.” I also questioned whether life would be better for both of us if we parted ways.
In my brokenness, in my insecurities, in my sin…I could not fathom our marriage being restored. My flesh didn’t want to consider what it would take to move forward with my husband. It seemed easier to escape, to run away, to separate, to divorce.
It wasn’t that I dwelled on signing a piece of paper that would severe our intimacy and love forever, although those thoughts came too. I dwelled on life without my husband. I thought of ways he would leave me so it wouldn’t be my fault. I thought of being with another man. I thought of life as a single again. I thought of everything else BUT staying in my less than perfect marriage.
What I was doing was causing more and more damage to an already fragile marriage. The daydreaming lead my heart down a road of justification and false promise that divorce would be best. It also became a motivating factor in the way that I treated my husband. I didn’t see us as one…and so I didn’t treat him with the same love and respect I would show myself. And in my pride, I viewed myself more important than him and more important than our marriage.
This continued to force us apart! No wonder reconciliation and healing seemed far fetched!
However…God helped my husband and I not only remain committed to our marriage, but He has transformed us and our relationship! We are stronger now than we ever have been before.
One of the first things I had to stop doing was daydreaming about divorce!
I had to see the value of our marriage. I had to discover the purpose of our marriage. I had to have faith that our marriage could be better than it was.
This message is not for every wife right now. This message is for the wives that daydream about being separated from their husbands, hoping and believing life would be better without them.
I want to help you see that doing this will continue to severe intimacy with your husband and bring ruin to your relationship. Don’t dwell on a life without him, rather dwell on how good life will be in the future as you grow alongside him!
Ask God to help you change your thought pattern and to increase your faith, so that you can live with hopefulness that reconciliation, redemption and healing will happen in your marriage.