After some prayer and talking with my husband, we both agree that it may be beneficial to share our story. We are Robert and Meggan, we were married at 18 and 19 years old in 2003. This is our 10th year of marriage and we’re expecting baby number five!
5 1/5 years ago Robert started getting sick at the age of 22. 1 1/2 years later he was finally diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. His whole body was shutting down by the time they caught it. It was a 3 year recovery, but the one thing that never returned was his sex drive. There were times where we went 6 weeks without being intimate. This broke my heart and many nights I cried myself to sleep.
How do I handle marriage when my husband has a low sex drive? How have we gotten through this?
We had lots of fights over our struggle with intimacy, until I realized the change needed to be made in me. Lately, I’ve caught myself praying:
Lord take away this selfishness and give me understanding.
The realization that Robert can’t change helped me change my attitude. Do I still get upset? Yes, but not often and that prayer helps.
There is hope.
When he got sick I felt like I was slowly watching my husband die and wondered all through that year and a half if he would leave me a widow with 3 young children. There were times during the worse part of his illness that we would go six weeks without being sexually intimate and even then I felt like I had to beg for it. After his diagnoses he faced his worse nightmare (a life of needles) and depression hit. He may have started getting better physically, but he started questioning his faith in God, which in return affected our intimacy. So I was even more heart broken because now it wasn’t just physical, it was mental and spiritual as well. The Antidepressants made his libido even worse.
So when did it change you ask?
When somehow I ended up pregnant with number baby number four. Everything blew up! I told him that I never feel love from him at all anymore and I was questioning if he even did. I told him that I would never divorce him, there was too much of my love invested for me to just give up. He decided he wanted to fight too.
We took a little break and he went to visit his family. At this point intimacy wasn’t even a part of our marriage. I had no idea where his standing was with our Heavenly Father, who had been the center of our marriage and this to me was the most important. But anyone who has to ask for a kiss would have a broken heart like mine.
I knew that if I prayed for his spiritual life to be restored, than when it was, everything else would fall into place.
It has been 3 long years and its only been the last year that it has gotten easier. The weekend he returned from being away we were intimate at least 3 times. That was crazy but also short lived. A year later he went off his antidepressants and we went from every 6 weeks to once every 3. I continued to pray for his faith and the Lord answered! I prayed for me to be patient, but I was angry because I still felt unloved. Most women want flowers and their man to take out the trash. I just wanted sex. I felt like a woman with him and I wanted more of that.
I was frustrated with him and me. I wondered why I couldn’t be more compassionate and that’s when I started praying for myself. It’s been about a year and slowly I began to realize that it wasn’t him because he can’t change in that area of our marriage. It was me. I didn’t know how to change on my own, so I continued to pray and slowly as my attitude changed the intimacy changed as well. It was more passionate and it become more frequent.
In the past 6 months experiencing intimacy every 2 weeks has been the normal. However we do go through waves of passion where 3 times in a couple days makes me say, “Ok enough for a week or so!” Yeah, you can laugh its ok I just did. I honestly never felt like I could talk to anyone about it. I felt like no one would understand. I felt ashamed for just not being content with what I had. Through many nights and days of prayer, finding encouragement in God’s Word and nights of crying myself to sleep, it was finally my God that gave me contentment.
When you find contentment it carries over into other parts of your life like in being a better mother. Is it still hard? Yes! Do I still cry at night? Sometimes, but rarely. I still lean on my prayer,”Lord please give me understanding” when my husband tells me he’s not in the mood. You may think its silly to pray about your sex life, but it works.
It’s my heart that other women know they aren’t alone in this. Thank you for letting me share our story!
– Meggan Moore