Sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed exclusively between a husband and his wife. I believe it is an experience of intimacy that should only be fulfilled in marriage.
Unfortunately, our culture today sells sex, as if it is a product devoid of true value. All the more unfortunate is that husbands and wives are not protected from these tempting packaged products that falsely claim to be a good source of sexual fulfillment. If husbands and wives are not careful, intentionally armored so to speak, their marriage may be infiltrated and their intimacy compromised.
One of the most destructive sexual products I am referring to is pornography. This easily accessible monster has ruined the relationships of many marriages, and I will be honest in sharing with you that it has taken its toll on mine. My husband and I were first introduced to pornography during childhood, one of the deceitful tactics of the industry and the enemy I’m sure.
The effects pornography has had on our marriage include arousing emotions of guilt, shame, insecurity, lack of desire for one another, and something that I read today that still affects our intimacy called “dissociating during sex.” Sheila Wray Gregoire, author of To Love, Honor and Vacuum, writes about dissociating during sex, explaining that women who struggle with pornography are not stimulated by the images (although some are) they are actually fantasizing about what might happen to the woman in the image. Sheila says in her blog about dissociating during sex that, “They’re experiencing their sexuality vicariously, through the woman in the picture/video, rather than through themselves.” As a consequence of exposing oneself to pornography, Sheila explains, “Women’s problem frequently is that they can only become aroused by retreating into their heads and fantasizing about what is happening to someone else (or to a generic woman). And this really short circuits your sexuality.”
I admit that the previous encounters I have had with pornography have hindered my enjoyment of sexual intimacy with my husband on many occasions because I dissociate. Images or stories that surface in my mind distract me from the present experience I may be having with my husband, stealing a precious moment of connection from my marriage. Sheila continues in her blog on ways to help combat dissociating during sex. If you struggle with any of this please check out her post:
Now the reason I was inspired to write this blog post came from reading Sheila Wray Gregoire’s recent article she wrote on how the trending book series 50 Shades Of Grey is harmful to marriage. I have heard quite a bit about this series and I have received questions from other wives asking if it is ok or not to indulge.
I agree with Sheila as she makes clear that just because it is a book of text does not mean its not porn. This series is considered erotica and we should all be careful not to expose ourselves to it. She even asks the question, “If you’ve ever been worried that your husband is fantasizing about someone else (or something else) when you’re making love, then why would you turn around and do the same thing?”
Please continue reading her article to for more information on the harmfulness of reading such material:
Keeping the sanctity of sexual intimacy is a challenge in this day and age, but well worth the effort! We need to protect our marriages by resisting the temptations that may try to lure us. Our culture may sell sex, but we have the choice not to buy it. Armor up and fight to keep the awesome gift of sex between you and your husband!
“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” – Philippians 4:8