Sitting in the car today I stared out the window stirring with frustrations. A particular part of parenting was not meeting my expectations. I stuffed and then exploded…towards my husband and in front of my kid. I yelled and screamed as words flew out of my mouth unbridled. When we pulled into our driveway, I got to the end of my dramatic rant then excused myself into the house. I went straight to my room to the throw the covers over my head hoping I would wake from a bad dream.
I had no peace.
Half of me justified staying there until my husband came to the rescue, while the other half felt the conviction of The Holy Spirit to go apologize. After a few minutes passed along with some deep breaths, my heart gathered the courage to ask God for help.
I was utterly embarrassed for my outburst…wanting so desperately to have my feelings validated…but I knew my approach had been wrong, my outburst was wrong. I never name-called, or cursed, it wasn’t what I said, it was the manner I said it. It was unnecessary.
I lifted the covers and walked out to the car where my husband sat holding my son. I opened the door and humbly said “I’m so sorry.” I kissed them both and they accepted me, flaws and all! Later on, after letting our hearts settle and getting in a good nap, my husband and I re-approached the root cause in a worthy manner, a conversation where we let respect lead us. With open ears and hearts full of grace we reconciled and addressed all that was needed.
I am sharing this with you because I am sure you can relate. Have you been in a situation with your husband where you just want to explode or maybe, like me, you do? That moment when your flesh tries to tell you that you are right and bursting at the seams and then retreating to hold out, bunkered down, alone, and stubborn is the best way to get your point across?
I learned today that no matter how outlandish or crazy my responses are in certain situations, when I allow The Holy Spirit room in my life to guide me, He always does. Yes I may not have yielded to Him in the car, but afterwards, His conviction led me down a humble road, a road to reconciliation. When I push my flesh aside, my feelings and desires to be validated, letting go of my pride that wants to be right, and instead pursue peace and unity in marriage, my relationship with my husband improves. It is never easy, and I do not think I could ever choose to apologize without God’s help.
So if you have experienced something similar or are amidst it now…pray and ask God to help you. I am confident He will.