Sexuality is part of God’s great design in us. It is important for us to embrace our sexuality, but also be vulnerable to unveil it to our spouse. J from Hot, Holy and Humorous is sharing with us today on this topic of unveiling your sexuality in marriage.
I’m thrilled to address Unveiled Wife readers about physical intimacy in marriage. One of the toughest challenges for many wives is unveiling their sexuality.
What do I mean by “unveiling your sexuality”? Consider these areas.
Unveiling your body. To have sex, you must…get naked. Eek! No, not that! I have known wives who dress in the closet or refuse to make love until the lights go out. They are depriving their husbands of something God created. God tied male sexuality to their eyes.
Your husband likely enjoys looking at your body—even if you are not thrilled with every nook, cranny, and crinkle. Most husbands say their wives are incredibly appealing, despite extra pounds or small breasts or whatever beauty challenges we may have. Men like how we are softer, curvier, smoother, different, delightful to their eyes. “Let the king be enthralled by your beauty” (from A Wedding Song, Psalm 45:11). Become comfortable allowing your husband to view your body, to gaze and appreciate God’s masterpiece—you.
Unveiling your sensuality. One of the best things you can do for your sex life is to become a sensual person—to attune yourself to the pleasures of the five senses. Most wives are not immediately aroused when faced with sexual opportunity. Unlike your husband’s ability to salute at will, you are more likely to require “getting in the mood.”
Find out what helps you ease into the mood. Is it a bubble bath or a massage? The feel of your pretty nightie’s silk or lace against your skin? Soft music or disco in the background? A musky perfume? Eating strawberries dipped in chocolate?
If you learn to enjoy small things, you will be better able to feel sensual with your husband and enjoy the scent of his body, the touch of his hand, the taste of his kiss. God created our bodies for delight; the word “Eden” (as in Garden of Eden) means delight or pleasure. “How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume more than any spice!” (Song of Songs 4:10).
Unveiling your desires. Sometimes the world makes it sound like men are the only ones with sexual desires. (Unless you read Cosmopolitan, in which case women want 27 orgasms in a row and 52 tips to keep our man satisfied. *rolls eyes*). However, there are things we like and don’t like, things we want to do and don’t want to do, things we fantasize about and ones we wouldn’t entertain even if paid with a cleaning service for a year.
How do you unveil your desires? Perhaps you want your husband to understand that his go-to move needs to get-gone. You may want him to go slower or longer or deeper. You want to try a different position: Woman-on-top? Spooning? The Flying Dutchman? (Is that even a position?) The vast majority of husbands want to know what you desire because they get turned on when you are turned on! “May her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love” (Proverbs 5:19).
However big or small your desires, talk about them. If you expect a difficult or awkward conversation, don’t have it in the bedroom. Discuss serious issues in a positive, somewhat neutral territory; e.g., dinner table, neighborhood walk, park bench. Explain that you want to experience the best sexual intimacy possible, and then share what you desire.
You can also share your desires through verbal and nonverbal communication during lovemaking. Moan, groan, squeal, gasp, or holler: Whatever gets the point across that you like what he’s doing. Gently move his hand or mouth if you want him in a different spot. Say things like, “Could you touch me here?” or “I love it when you ____.” Unveil your desires, and then let him meet those desires. “I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me” (Song of Songs 7:10).
Unveiling yourself. As God intended, sexuality is the physical representation of becoming one. That requires vulnerability. You have to let your husband in—not merely inside your body, but into your heart and soul. You likely won’t feel it every time, but making love with your spouse can reach a spiritual level where your deepest self is laid bare and entrusted in the hands of the one you love.
Perhaps this is why Paul likened the marital relationship to Christ and the church in Ephesians 5:31-32: “‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.” Moments of deep intimacy with your spouse give us a glimpse of the relationship God desires to have with us—one in which we are completely surrendered to and delight in Him.
Being an unveiled wife includes unveiling your sexuality. God created you to be a sexual person. To be one with your husband. To be physically intimate. Unveil the sexy side of you and bask in the pleasures God has designed for marriage.