Every marriage will face circumstances that are not very enjoyable. Did you just get a churning in your stomach? Or did a memory pop up of a situation with your spouse that left residue of anger or frustration? There are times in marriage where spouses do not see “eye-to-eye” and the result is usually an argument. Many different emotions may arise depending on the issue, but we are all familiar with feelings of anger, annoyance, irritation, stubbornness, and bitterness, just to name a few.
Our disagreements with our spouses are not a bad thing, and it does not make the value of our marriage any less. In fact, God not only made men and women very different, but the family dynamic influences everyone through maturation, and every family dynamic is, well, dynamic! We have differences in genders, differences in background, differences in perspective, attitude, opinion and preferences… what makes us think there will never be differences in our marriage, which can lead to disagreements?
The more important issue at hand is not whether our marriages will face disagreements, but rather being aware of our responses to those disagreements. Often times our goal is get our point across, well, not just across, but to WIN. Wives and husbands alike have this innate desire to have to win in these moments, but we forget that our spouse is on our team. We often find ourselves on opposing sides, instead of on the same side.
If you think you are winning in an argument, you are not winning at all in your marriage.
Husbands and wives need to call a “time-out” when a disagreement evolves into an opportunity to win. Marriage is not a competitive sport between husband and wife, so we all need to stop seeing it as so. Lets challenge ourselves to not go for a “win” when our spouse does not see eye-to-eye, rather lets be aware of our responses and approach the disagreement in love, with God’s guidance.