Are Finances Stealing Your Joy?

The last few days have been very overwhelming for me.  The cause of my anxiety was revealed to me early this morning, and I shamefully admit that it revolves around money.

Are Finances Stealing Your Joy? popular posts encouragements for wives stress joy financial stress Finances In Marriage finances Unveiled Wife

My husband and I have been waiting eagerly for his check to come through.  Our funds were running low… very low... and the thought of not having enough money for the week was looming over my head like a dark storm cloud.

The fear I had well up inside of me was seeping out.  Randomly during the last few days people around me would ask if I was ok.  They sensed my beat was off.  I assured them that I was fine, blaming most of my flustered appearance on pregnancy.

Could they see through that?

Was my panic visible, even if I do not say exactly what I am consumed by?

This morning I woke up as my husband got ready for work.  The first thing that popped into my mind was to ask him, “Did your check come through?”

“Yes.”  He responded.

I mumbled with a quick sigh of relief, “Thank Jesus!”

As I got up for the day and drove my husband to the train station I recognized the relief I had.  I also realized joy had flooded my heart, and my attitude was more chipper.  I mentally evaluated my obvious change in mood compared to the previous few days… the only thing that has changed was the amount in our bank account.

Finances had stole my joy!

I suddenly felt ashamed that I had allowed my feelings of worry dictate my perspective, my attitude, and my responses towards others, especially my husband.

“I am sorry babe, for not trusting in God to provide for us.  I am sorry for allowing fear to control me and bring me down.”

He forgave me.

Finances in marriage can be a very challenging area to grow in.  I am still learning how to process my emotions during more difficult circumstances, while still trusting in God.  I know He designed me to have these emotions, but I also know that He does not want me to live according to them… He wants me to live by faith.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. – Hebrews 11:1

A great quote from Lysa TerKeurst’s book Unglued is one that I must remember often being so sensitive to my emotions.

“Feelings should be indicators, not dictators.” (87)

Overcoming financial stress in marriage can be so painful, hair-pulling-heart-exploding-yell-at-the-top-of-your-lungs-painful!

Finances are among the number one reasons married couples fight and some relationships sadly even end in divorce.  The only way to overcoming financial stress in marriage is if you and your spouse submit your finances to God, trusting Him in all circumstances, even down to your last few bucks!  Having faith that He will provide for your family!

So I am curious and I need your opinions…

Are Finances Stealing Your Joy?

Does your attitude get swayed by the statement  of your bank account?

How do you manage your emotions or fears when your funds get low?

Please share in the comments below, along with any wise financial tips!

 

 

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September 5, 2012
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Join The Discussion, Leave A Comment Below!

  • http://unveiledwife.com/ Unveiled Wife

    I’m not too sure about that. Continue to pray for them and offer support when they ask… Ultimately it is between the two of them what should happen if they desire change.

  • [email protected]

    I don’t know if you will get this comment… I just discovered your site and I am a little behind in this particular post.

    How do you think I should advise my daughter who is married, has two children under 6 and another on the way… and her husband doesn’t seem to be able to keep a job. He quits at the drop of a hat. They are always depending on the mercy and grace of others. Their Christian landlord gets frustrated when they get so far behind in their rent.
    She has faith and relies on God for her needs and provision.

    I guess I am the one who worries. But as her mom, I see the stress and the unhappiness in her life.

    Her husband claims to be a Christian, but seldom acts like one. He definitley does not commit his finances to the Lord.

    What can I do, other than pray for them and offer support where I can?

  • Love and Grace

    Praise God! Choosing to pray together was an excellent decision that pleased God.

  • Ashping

    I am struggling with this issue right now. In this very moment. My husband was a youth pastor and he just lost his job 2 weeks ago. We lived in the church parsonage and were told we had a month to move out. We are now living with his parents, along with our two children in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment. I could really use some prayer for my family and for me to trust in God. He has always provided for my family, so I should have no doubts. However, I do and this situation just seems so hopeless. Thankfully, there is hope for the hopeless and He is my savior. Thank you for your honesty in all of your posts. They are always so helpful.

  • Brad Stephen

    Thank you for sharing! My husband and I used to fight over finances. We struggle to make ends meet and sometimes there just isn’t enough to go around. We followed Dave Ramsey’s plan and got completely out of debt, but we still struggle having enough money to pay for basic necessities (which does not include TV or cell phones!). No matter how hard we tried, when we would sit down every week to go over our budget, we would end up in an argument. As I was reading a book the other day, the Lord showed me that He is in control of our money and that we should ask Him for His wisdom on how to spend it. So, we began praying before we began our weekly budget time. Amazingly, we have stopped fighting! Somehow, our money seems to go further, and we have had the strength and insight to make some financial adjustments that are helping us get by! God is so good! I don’t know why we never thought of this before!

  • Endurance

    I love reading your blog and fb posts, they always help!
    My husband and I are about to celebrate our 1yr anniversary and welcome a little boy into the world. We moved to SC after feeling led by the Lord and it’s been a challenge from day one. First my husband could not find work, then we had to move in with his parents, and now he is employed but this job has left us just above sinking with little hope of our own home or providing for our son. Many nights either my husband is angry/depressed or I am. We have thought of every possible angle, but have no idea what to do next. I try to pray and be encouraging, but it’s hard when you’re waking up with nightmares about where you’ll be in 3-4 months. Many of you have been so encouraging- its so good to know I’m not alone… It brings hope back into these hard times.

  • dessie

    Finances does steal my joy and my attitude gets worst as I see everything get turned off and my kids see this going on. I get so stress out and depressed.

  • dessie

    Finances does steal my joy and my attitude gets worst as I see everything get turned off and my kids see this going on. I know sometimes I try to lean on my own understanding instead of God’s understanding. I get so stress out and depressed.

  • dessie

    Yes, low on finances does steal my joy. Yes, my attitude gets worst as I see everything get turned off and my kids see this going on. I know sometimes I try to lean on my own understanding instead of God’s understanding. I get so stress out and depressed.

  • sherry

    Thank you for your timely message. I am currently the wife a someone who recently got laid off from his job. This afternoon, he received a job offer from a new company, but the offer came with a 23% loss of income from what he was making at his last job. argh. Don’t know for sure what we are going to do, if we can survive on that loss.

    I was blessed by my husband asking that we kneel in prayer together this morning. This rarely happens. It was a nice moment.

    One thing that my husband and I always do is pay our tithing FIRST. Sometimes that is the hugest step of faith ever. Sometimes I have to close my eyes as I turn it in – sometimes I even cry. God has continued to provide.

    On the trying days, I shall try to keep my attitude towards my husband in check. I am sure God is not pleased when, even as he is looking to bless us, we are being witchy with our husbands and children.

  • http://www.facebook.com/joeletta.ivey Joeletta Myers Ivey

    I thank God for finding this site. I recently completed the 8 week course the Respect to Dare. And I was truly Blessed and it truly revealed a lot of my problems that I experience we’re thing from my past, childhood and my expectations from my husband. We have been together since we were19 yrs old and have been together for 25 yrs.

  • Debbie

    I just saw this and wow, can I relate. This is right where I am – today even – and I need to reread and reread it again. Struggling so with this. Thank you for sharing your struggle and your victory.

  • scollaso

    I have found myself in the same exact situation. I remember one particular instance where the first words I spoke to my husband were questions regarding our finances. I had been up early and had had time to look over the bank account already but my poor unsuspecting husband felt bombarded by my financial concerns the second he awoke. I have recently been having to Really trust God because our bank account has been pretty empty. God has been stretching
    me so much!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1827567501 Janet Culpepper Hodnett

    Thank you so much for this glimpse into your private life. We so often feel as if we are the only ones, when in fact there are so many of us…just look at the comments for confirmation :( I find that I do allow finances or rather the lack of to steal my joy. God has most definitely been dealing with me lately to be content where I am. Thank you for being open and honest and allowing us to comment as well. God bless you and your marriage!

  • Marilyn Mejia

    Amazing this could not have come at a better time. Its like he put it here for a reason. Thank you for shareing and being so open and honest, i have to say sadly i have been the same way and time and time again we have pulled threw.

  • http://www.joleneengle.org/ Jolene @ The Alabaster Jar

    Umm, yeah, been there! We lost our home, then couldn’t afford to live in our rental home then had to move in with friends. What I have learned in all of our financial trials is that the Lord is my Provider. My marriage nor my level of commitment to my man does not change based on what is in our bank account. No sense in taking my stress out on him when he’s doing the best he can. It’s better to be united in one flesh rather than tearing each other apart over money. I wasn’t interested in being like Job’s wife. Bottom line: your stability should come from knowing that your the King’s Daughter….and He owns the cattle on a thousand hills! By the way, I spent A LOT of time in the book of Job during this time of my life!

  • Christen

    Amazing how God will provide wisdom through His people. I have felt the same way, with the shoe on the other foot. My husband is in school, not working and I have been responsible for working this year. When it’s pay week, I am happy. When it’s not, I’m not happy. I need to check these feelings often! Thanks for the post!

  • Miss Nina

    thank you soooo much for this post. God is so timely and faithful in giving us what we need, Though a check wasnt provided, these words are hope! i will continue to look up and not focus on the here and now……God will make a way!

  • Dana

    I completely understand what you are talking about here. My husband and I have a running joke about our finances and actually do this thing every payday where we look at each other and go “poof” and laugh – knowing that’s what will happen to it. But through the years of struggling with our finances, it has taught us to completely trust that God is our ultimate provider. When we get to the end of our account and become unsure where the next meal will come from we remind each other of all the other times God has provided for us and trust that He will again – and He ALWAYS does. I’ve learned to thank God for walking with us through those dark, rough times because it has, in a weird way, bonded us and helps us as a team stay focused on HIM as our PROVIDER!

  • mgarvich

    Thanks for being so open and honest. It’s a relief to know you are not alone. I have been struggling with worrying about finances and my worry is coming through to my family. Thank you again for your honesty.

  • lacey lee

    Plz pray for me n my husband were battling addiction… God will get us passes this!!

  • Vanes

    I am struggling in this area as we speak. Inside, I want to cry because of our very low finances, but I instead have been choosing to pray. I have surrendered all our finances to the Lord, which wasn’t easy for me. By doing this, I’m not stressing my husband out. Thanks for showing me that I’m not alone.

  • http://twitter.com/AshleyMJackson AshleyMJackson

    Thanks I just wrote about this for the first time a few days ago and my struggle to trust the Lord in it. We are still waiting on our hope but it seems imminent!
    PS I think your button is broken?? I will leave it in my post that way but just wanted to let you know in case its not just me?

  • Tee

    My husband and I leave have a newly-started photography business and finances are tight MOST of the time. We completely put our faith in God for our Money to pull through when we need it but my faith waivers sometimes. My husband is a rock and has complete faith 100% of the time which causes some happiness issues on my end when the money doesn’t come in at the right time. I usually go to him, tell him that I’m not happy, we discuss and I usually end the conversation feeling much better with full faith in tow. This was a great blog post and I had to sigh with relief after reading, realizing that we aren’t the only ones out there that this happens to! Thanks!

  • Melinda

    It is so nice to run across your blog today. I looked up Timothy Keller’s book about marriage and found your review. I like the honesty that I see in browsing the content. And (not surprisingly) God led me to read today’s post. I just had some girlfriends over for a prayer/playdate, and my prayer request was about the stress I’ve been feeling about finances. It’s awkward for me to even bring it up to them because it seems they had a better financial plan than we did when it came to starting families. Ever since I can remember, my big non-negotiable in life was that I was going to stay home with my babies until someone dragged them out of my clutch to kindergarten. It’s the only job I’ve ever really wanted, and the sacrifices were worth it for me. Until now. Christmas is coming and with it a long-awaited trip to visit family. As I browse airline tickets and pray, pray, pray they’ve gone down in price, I also check craigslist for jobs. And I mull the situation to shreds. I worry what the family will think if we don’t bring nice gifts. I’ve sent homemade gifts the last two years and I worry my little creations are getting old. I worry about everything from the grocery list to what it would be like to live in debt again. We’ve worked hard to get out of debt, but it is so easy to fall back to it. The love of money runs deep. And so does the fear of not having enough. But in this moment (and probably many more moments today), I’m choosing to trust in One who is stronger and smarter and more loving than I could ever be. The One who wants to protect me and provide for me. I want to be honest with Him about my feelings and my fears, and I pray that He will exchange those natural feelings for supernatural ones that don’t make sense on my calculator. Thanks for reminding me that I’m not alone in worrying about money. And for pointing me in the direction of a God who can handle all of my financial woes and much more.

  • Gayle

    Please include me in your Wednesday Link Up Party. Thanks! Gayle

  • millie

    Just had this challenge today…I pray that God will help me focus on Him during hard times. Thanks for being honest.

  • Amara Filan

    I love your blog- most of your posts hit home with me the minute I read them- I know God is speaking to me through you :) Thank you for your boldness & openness & willingness to talk about the tough stuff.

  • http://www.facebook.com/martha.bonnett Martha Bonnett

    This came at just the right time for me. We live in southern Louisiana and due to the hurricane last week we were squeezing every last drop out of our account. My husband missed 4 1/2 days of work without pay and we were struggling. Our financial situation very much affects my attitude. I feel relieved when we have some cushion and stressed to the max when we’re scraping by. I’m trying to not depend on our finances because they are so unpredictable. The Lord is the only One who can keep us steady no matter what our circumstances are. Thank you for sharing your heart; the Lord has used this to be an encouragement to me.

Unveiled Wife

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My name is Jennifer and I began this BLOG to share my journey as a wife, unveiled, uncovered and wide open, to purge my heart of the pain I have encountered AND to encourage other women in the world who are, have been, or will soon be wives... READ MY STORY HERE
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