I have said in the past that one of the ways I am helping my husband is by praying for him. I love being his prayer warrior. However, I missed an important step in being his prayer warrior.
I can pray for his needs: temptations, work, stress, etc. However, that isn’t enough. What I can’t do is pray for God to change him. I NEED TO PRAY FOR ME.
I am woefully and embarrassingly inadequate in this area. I pray for healing for me, pray to get me through the day, but to change me? Nope. I don’t do well. When I thought about it, I don’t do it often. I can’t even remember a time when I have done it.
I can so easily point out where my husband needs to improve (or so I think), but I get defensive if he ever approaches me about areas that I am weak. The Bible passage that God convicted me with is in Matthew 7:1-5:
“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. 2 For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.3 “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” NLT
So how do I need to pray?
I don’t need to pray for God to change him, but where does God need to do a work in me? Where do I need to change?
I am having a really hard time with this. It is so hard for me to pray for me. Why?
- Anger~~I am too caught up in how I feel my husband has wronged me that I can’t see if I played a part in it.
- Hurt~~My feelings are hurt and I want to wallow in self-pity rather than learn from this.
- Humility issues~~To admit I am wrong? To admit to arrogance? I cringe just thinking about it. I.hate.to.admit.negligence. It makes me feel embarrassed. I would rather sweep an issue where I am at fault under the rug, rather than deal with it.
I need to remember this: We are a team, but we each bring things to our marriage to reach our common goal–a better marriage. I can pray for my husband all I want, but I need to pray for me. Having gone through hard times, going through them now, and will go through them again, I need to shift focus. Focus on where I need to improve. Learn from the situations. How to handle the hard times. I need to pray for me. Not only how to help my husband, but what do I need to let God do to me.
- Jennifer Schwickerath