Writing a Christian sex blog, I’ve become very familiar with the standard passages about marital intimacy, such as Genesis 2:24, Proverbs 5, Song of Solomon, and 1 Corinthians 7. As practical-minded wives, we often want to know What must I do? and then to flip over to the well-worn spots in our Bible that give us the direct answer.
“Okay, I’m supposed to have sex with my husband. I’ll add that in here right between grocery shopping and soccer practice. Check.”
Yet I’ve come to believe that every scripture that applies to how we treat one another applies to how we treat one another in the marital bedroom. God wants to bless our marriages with deep, bonding physical intimacy, and His Word gives us plenty of advice on how to approach your husband when it comes to sex.
Consider some other scriptures about marital sex that we can apply to marriage:
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.Philippians 2:3-4
It’s fine to pay attention to our sexual interests, but we should also look to the sexual interests of our husband. We must let go of our selfishness and pursue what’s best for both spouses. That may mean adjusting your frequency or your activities as you look for a win-win scenario for your marital intimacy.
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13
Does your husband have a checkered past in the sexual arena? Has he struggled with porn? Did he approach you selfishly in your early sex life together? Don’t allow past sins to mar the sexual intimacy God designed for you to have. Forgive.
You may need to talk out the grievances, discuss different ways of approaching physical intimacy, or even seek professional help—depending on the issue—but don’t carry the baggage of yesterday’s pain into your future. Create a different future that starts with forgiveness.
Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Colossians 3:9-10
The marital bedroom is no place for deceit. It should be a place of security and trust. Don’t lie to your husband. If you’re not having an orgasm, don’t fake it. If you’re struggling with libido or figuring out what feels good, let him in on the deal. Don’t pretend everything’s fine if it’s not. God desires the very best for you and your husband. Be gentle, but be honest. Then seek authentic ways to experience pleasure and nurture intimacy together.
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Too often I hear of Christian wives tearing their husbands down in the bedroom—rejecting them, complaining about their God-given sex drive, critiquing their lovemaking, etc. Your husband wants to feel like a good lover. He wants to know that you desire him and enjoy being with him physically. Look for ways to encourage your husband. If you need some inspiration, turn your Bible to the Song of Solomon and read how the wife builds her husband up with loving words.
Take a tumble through your Bible and look for other scriptures that can inform the attitude you should bring to the marital bedroom. You might be surprised how many verses apply.