Recently, I sat down and interviewed my husband regarding sex. I figured by doing this, I would kill two birds with one stone. For one, I would learn more about what my husband prefers… sexually. And two, I would have a steamy article topic for Unveiled Wife. What I didn’t expect, was to find out that not all guys can be stigmatized with the same shallow views about sex. It’s my hope that by sharing this with you, you may see things from a man’s perspective. And that it will possibly give you a little deeper insight into your man.
The following are excerpts from that interview:
“Alright… sex.” I say as I break out my notepad with preplanned questions.
“Yes please.” My husband says as he snickers at his Austin Powers quote.
I giggle a little because I love him to pieces. But who hasn’t heard that joke at least a hundred times. “Okay, so I’m going to ask you some questions about sex, and I want you to be completely forthright… Do not hold back.”
“If you insist.” He says with a playfully ornery smile.
“When specifically, and how much do you prefer to have sex?” I asked.
“When? Always… The only exceptions would be utter exhaustion, or lying sick on my deathbed. Other than that, sex is preferred as much as humanly possible.”
“I kind of already knew that. But I had to ask.”
“Here’s a good one, do you enjoy foreplay?” I thought I knew the answer to this one, but I was interested to see what he would say.
He took a moment to think, which I couldn’t decipher whether it was because he was hesitant or he just wanted to make sure to explain himself well. “Yes… for two reasons. First, I love how foreplay excites you. And second, I enjoy getting revved up so much that I lose control.”
Moving forward, I asked him fun questions that pertain specifically to him like, ‘What positions are your favorite?’ ‘Do you like playing games?’ (strip poker, spin the foreplay wheel… etc.) ‘Which sexy outfits does he prefer me to wear?’
But then I got a little deeper into the heart of what I was really curious about, “What makes sex more than just a physical act for you?”
“You do.” He said. “When I can tell that you are enjoying yourself as much as I am, it becomes more than just pleasurable. It becomes two people taking pleasure in each other… It becomes truly INTIMATE. And to be honest, I think that’s the best part of sex. Connecting, and enjoying the other person on a deeper level that’s reserved only for each other.”
“What do you desire most from me when it comes to sex?” I asked.
He smiled, then looked down. “I feel weird saying this, but I want to be wanted by you… You know, for you to be crazy about the Drew-Love.” He laughed at himself once again, then added, “It makes me feel like you want me as bad as I want you.”
Cheesy jokes aside, this was flattering and interesting to me. I presumed he would answer with a certain sexual position, or something else I would do to please him physically. But his response was more emotionally based.
Toward the end of the interview I asked the question I was scared to ask, “Do you enjoy sex now as much as you did when we were first married?”
To my surprise, he responded quickly, “I enjoy sex much more now than I did in the beginning.”
“Really?” I said surprised.
“Yes.” He replied. “I think it’s because there’s something that connects my physical and emotional attraction to you. As you grow in the Lord, I am amazed and captivated by you more and more. It’s like your physical beauty combines with the beauty of who you are. This makes me increasingly attracted to you. And it makes the sex increasingly enjoyable… I’ve also found that the more I get to know you, the more I connect with you, and this also adds to our intimacy in bed.”
More than feeling a relief from certain marital sex fears I was finally able to let go of, I felt surprised to find out that guys (or at least some) enjoy more than just the physical act of sex. And I know my husband might be a little more open than others. But it just makes sense that if a marriage is built upon love in Christ, then the husband would enjoy more than just the physical part when it comes to sex. And could it be, that some of us enjoy sex less when we presume that our husbands only want the physical part? But what if they want more than the physical? What if it’s emotional, and even spiritual for them too? I mean, who’s to say it can’t be? – Media? Culture? Stigmas… etc.
And what’s even better is, the implications of having a deeper than physical connection with our husbands in the bedroom.
The truth of the matter is, that sex is incredibly enjoyable. Our Creator has blessed a husband and wife with sex as a miraculous blessing! As one of the deepest acts of love shared between two people, making them one. One body, one heart, one love = passionate pleasure. Just read Song of Solomon and see for yourself. God did not just make sex great for guys and crappy for the ladies. He made it so that both husbands and wives would have mind-blowing pleasure in each other. I am convinced that there is a deeper and more enjoyable side to sex that many of us suppress. But let’s kick caution to the wind and dive into the oceans of pleasure with our spouse. In order to do this, we must be willing to connect with our mate.
So for those of us who aren’t sure what our husband’s preferences are regarding sex… let’s stop being bashful. This is one way we can connect with him. I encourage you to get a baby sitter if you have kids. Order in, or check into a hotel. Then have a fun, sexy, honest conversation with him. Ask him a lot of intimate questions regarding his preferences that you know will turn him on. Then, in the midst of your question time, have some fun in the bedroom. The goal being to find out what he likes while enjoying each other at the same time. In the process, probe into his heart on the matter. If your man truly loves you, then he enjoys you, and not just your body. In that case, there is no limit to the pleasure you can have in each other. And that pleasure will inevitably carry over into the bedroom.
Now, go have fun with this experiment. And don’t forget to leave some comments later to let me know how it went.