What Do I Do When My Husband’s Eyes Wander?

My husband was a slave to the temptation and sin of looking at pornography for years. We both had an expectation that his struggle with it would dissipate when we got married. However, the truth is that it had a tight grip on him. Getting married didn’t fix his problem at all. In fact, the intimacy issues we had only amplified his desire for it.

Knowing that my husband had a lust problem crushed me, but somehow I was able to forgive him and move on. Even though it wrecked my heart knowing his sin, the impact of knowledge was not as damaging then had I caught him in the act. I always found out after it happened. He would tell me that he had been struggling after he had already fallen into sin.

I never saw what he was looking at. I’m grateful for this because I know it protected my heart and my mind in a lot of ways.

Even though I didn’t see him in the act of sinning, his problem was still an issue of lust, which did manifest in other ways.

Have you ever caught your husband’s eyes wandering?

Have you ever followed where he was looking only to find another woman there?

This has happened in my marriage and it is devastating.

As soon as it happened there was a flood of emotions that washed over my heart. Insecurities pounded against me like a strong wave crashing upon the shore.

Why is he looking at her?

What is he thinking about?

I don’t look like her…am I not pretty enough?

I feel so ugly.

I feel so betrayed.

Pain and confusion are companions in the heart of a wife who finds her husband’s eyes wandering.

painWhat are we supposed to do when this happens?

Firstly, I want to acknowledge those of you who deal with this, especially on a regular basis. I know your pain and I know what it is doing to your heart. I am so sorry that you are enduring through this! I just wanted you to know that although this is an article to encourage you and help you, I wanted to take a moment to say the pain is real and its deep and its raw, and I know this.

Even though we feel like bursting out of our skin, fueled by hurt and anger…there is something we can do…we can pray.

Our men are weak, they have been exposed to things that have tainted their purity and their minds, they get enticed to look and for some it becomes habitual. The enemy is pursuing the hearts of our men and our hearts every single day.

We need to pray. We need to go before God and petition for our men’s hearts and minds and eyes. We need to claim freedom in this area of their lives. We need to be prayer warriors fighting for their lives and their eyes. They need us to help them in this way.

The bonus is if we do commit to prayer, the insecurities that the enemy wants to burden us with, don’t have such a powerful impact. They may still come, but we know where to go for comfort. When we are busy praying, we don’t have time to crumble under the negative impact of our husband’s decisions.  

This is the difference of rocking back and forth in the corner crying versus being on the battlefield wielding our swords defending our faith and our marriage.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. – Ephesians 6:12

When our husband’s eyes wander it sucks. But let us fight back through the power of prayer! I know this is not something that can fix everything overnight, but I do have faith that God can use our obedience and faith in prayer to make things better. Our God has incredibly more power than the enemy. He can help us and He can transform everything.

I believe this, do you?

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